A Heart of Service

Husband: I would say my wife is pretty much a servant. I'm indebted to her for her loyalty.

Husband: You help balance me out. You help me see things that I wouldn't notice on my own.

Husband: In fact, when we were engaged, I thought, This is the kind of woman I want to marry.

Husband: She has gone above and beyond to build into our relationship.

Husband: I love to hear her sing songs with our kids.

Husband: If our daughters turn out like their mom and if my son can find a wife like her, I'll be thrilled.

Dannah Gresh: This is the Revive Our Hearts podcast with Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth, author of Choosing Forgiveness, for August 26, 2024. I’m Dannah Gresh.

Well, for over three weeks we have taken an in-depth look at Proverbs 31. We have seen how wise women work hard. They make a priority of their homes. They serve others. Nancy says that if you’ve listened with us over these three weeks, maybe you’ve asked yourself a question. 

Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth: Do I get anything out of this? What’s the reward? What’s the benefit?

You know if you go and take a job outside of your home, you get a paycheck. Every week or two weeks or month or whatever you work, and then you see the reward for your work. You see it pretty quickly.

And you may even see it before your paycheck because your boss is going to say, "Thanks, you've done a good job," or "I appreciate that." But then you go home to your work and it may be a long time before you feel like you're seeing the paycheck, the reward, the benefit.

Now, in an ideal world, if we were really virtuous women, we wouldn't care about the paycheck, right? We'd just be serving because we love to serve, we love God, we love people, and that's the kind of heart we want to have.

But I'm so glad that the Scripture lets us know that there is a paycheck coming. There is a reward. There is a benefit. There is a blessing to be had by committing ourselves to live life God's way. We ought to want to serve the Lord and we ought to be committed to serve Him if we never saw the benefit.

If we're serving just for the benefit, then what we really are is paid lovers of God, and that's not what I want to be. I want to love God just because He's God, but I'm thankful that God does allow us to reap benefits and blessings when we surrender to His way of thinking.

And at long last, in Proverbs 31, we're coming to the last paragraph, which is the section which tells us about the rewards of being a woman of virtue.

Now, these rewards don't all come at the same time, and none of them come quickly. You have to be patient, you have to endure, you have to go through a lot of tears and heartache and pain and hard labor to get the rewards. In much the same way, magnified, there's no way that those of you who are mothers could have brought a child into this world without going through labor. It was hard work. There were tears.

A woman just the other day was telling me about her experience with this and coming to just the very end and thinking, I just can't do this! But the reward now of having that child makes it worth having gone through that labor and that pain.

I want to say that in God's time, the reward of choosing to live life God's way as a woman will make all the pain, all the effort, all the hardship, all the heartache worth it.

 

But you can't get to the reward without having gone through the process of becoming that kind of woman any more than you can have a baby without going through the process of labor and delivery.

There are no shortcuts. And the problem is that today people bail out on their marriages, they bail out on their families because there's no reward in it. They didn't wait long enough. They wanted the reward now. They wanted it instantly. They wanted to have, after three years of marriage, what you can't have until you've been married thirty, forty, fifty years.

I'm watching some of my elderly friends who now, after having been married sixty or more years, are reaping in their marriage sweet and precious things in their relationship that are richer than what they ever experienced in their younger years.

The problem with so many in our younger generation is that they're never going to get there because they weren't willing to wait and so they trade that three or thirteen or twenty-three-year-old marriage for a new one.

Then you have got to start all over again putting investments into the bank of that marriage and some women are never going to get to the place where they experience the reward because they wouldn't wait for it.

So I want to challenge you that no matter how hard it is right now, no matter how laborious, don't throw in the towel. Hang in there. The reward is coming.

We've seen how this woman works and how she serves and how she gives and how she doesn't go to bed at night. She gets up early in the morning and all these things that we think of as the Proverbs 31 woman. But verse 28 tells us:

Her children rise up and call her blessed;
Her husband also, and he praises her:
"Many daughters have done well,
But you excel them all."
Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing,
But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.
Give her of the fruit of her hands
And let her own works praise her in the gates. (vv. 28–31)

Now let's us focus first on this matter of her children, and then we'll look at the husband's praise. But "her children rise up and call her blessed."

And let me say, before jumping into that, that I realize there are some women who would desperately love to be able to have children—some women who have not been able to have children, or they're not married and God has not brought a husband into their lives. Can I say to you as a single woman that God can bring you the rewards and the joys of motherhood if you have been making choices that are according to God's will for your life.

It's one think if you say, "I'm not going to be a mother. I don't want to have children. I'm not willing to accept those blessings from the Lord." But if your desire has been to be a mother, to have children, to be a nurturer of life, God will provide for you, as He has for me, opportunities and means of being a nurturer, a giver. You will be able to reap, I believe, the rewards of having a mother's heart.

It may be that you take other people's children under your wing, and you encourage and pray for them and be a cheerleader for other moms. You'll share in the reward that those moms have. It may be that God gives you other younger women that you can nurture and disciple in their faith. You'll share in the rewards of a mom.

But here we're talking about mothers and children. "Her children rise up and call her blessed." Here's a woman who's rewarded, she's loved, she's praised. If you keep in mind the Middle Eastern culture in which this passage was originally written, this is really surprising because there was very little said in this culture in praise of women.

But the Scripture and the Lord and Christ have always elevated the value and the worth of women in a culture. That's what this passage does for us.

Now think about her children rising up and calling her blessed. What does that mean? Well, let me tell you what it doesn't necessarily mean. It doesn't necessarily mean that your children will wake up every morning and say, "Mother dear, thank you for all that you do for me. What a wonderful mother you are." Because if you had that reward, we wouldn't need to have this whole series—everybody would just love being a mother all the time.

"They rise up and call her blessed." It doesn't necessarily mean that when you walk in the room your children all stand up to show you how much they respect and honor you, though I would say that's not a bad idea.

More likely, it means that your children grow up to live in a way that brings blessing and credit and honor to their mother—that the way they live when they become adults will reflect positively on the investment that you made in their lives and the way that you brought them up.

It means that your children have a better chance than anyone else's children of growing up to live godly lives and to fulfill God's role for them in their homes.

The fruit of your children's lives as they grow to walk with God is your blessing. "Her children rise up and their lives call her blessed."

I love that passage in 1 Thessalonians 2 where Paul says, thinking of his spiritual children:

For what is our hope, or joy, or crown of rejoicing? Is it not even you, [the ones we've discipled, the ones we've nurtured] in the presence of our Lord Jesus Christ at His coming? For you are our glory and joy. (v. 19–20)

And those of you who have children who have grown up to walk with God, aren't they your joy and your blessing?

Now this is not a promise that every child that grows up in a Christian or a godly home will grow up to fear and honor the Lord because they will have the responsibility of making their own choices to follow Christ even as you have had to choose to follow Christ.

But I think it does say that this is the way that it ought to be. This is the way, by God's grace, you pray that it will be—that your children will grow up to reflect in a godly way on what you have invested in their lives.

It's really a joy for me now to see how many of my friends' children have grown up and become a reward and a blessing to their parents.

I think, for example, of a mom who sent me recently an email, a poem, that her college-aged daughter wrote. This mom and her daughter were discussing things about women and women's roles and why God made women. After that discussion, this college daughter went to her room and wrote this poem for her mother. It's called "A Calling." The daughter said:

I know a woman who lived a truth
she found in Proverbs 31.
And as she lived, she proclaimed it
with all her being.

Arise, women, you can be beautiful
As God created you to be.
Surrender your lives to the task,
Oh, women, we are here to serve Him,
So give your body to bear His glory.

[That's what this daughter had heard from her mom.]

Give your hands to comfort and prepare,
Your mouth to teach and your arms to bear
The weights of your children's woes.

Be the fuel to your husband's flame
And help him cast its light.
And be the one on bended knees.
You are God's precious bride.

So go to the Father to find out who you are
And not to this world of deception,
For He has a beauty to make out of you,
So surrender, surrender.

While our world is quickly extinguishing
All that we women long to be,
I see one [this daughter says]
Who stands unyielding in God's truth
And grace and plan.
Truth with no excuses.

What is a woman of God?
What is the call to motherhood?
What does it mean to be a godly wife who serves?
I don't really know, but have you met my mother?

This mom told me that when her daughter brought this to her, she just lost it. She just lost it. And this daughter signed, "PS: You are my inspiration to someday be selfless and humble, a mother who knows why she is a mother and does it with joy. Thank you. I love you."

"The children rise up and call her blessed" and that is a mother's great reward.

Dannah: That’s Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth, helping us understand Proverbs 31:28 which says the children of a virtuous woman will rise up and call her blessed.

That verse goes on to say, “Her husband also, and he praises her.” We wanted to give some husbands an opportunity to encourage wives who have a heart to be growing in virtue with the Lord’s help.

So Nancy is going to help us review some of the verses we’ve been studying in Proverbs 31. And as she does, we’ll hear from these men who see their wives living these verses out.

Nancy:

Who can find a virtuous wife?
For her worth is far above rubies.
The heart of her husband safely trusts her,
So he will have no lack of gain. (vv. 10–11)

Husband: Linda, I thank God for you every day. I thank Him because you are His gift to me. He made you just for me.

Husband: This is to my wife, Jeannette. She is constantly dying to herself and her own needs and desires to serve me and our children. There is a graciousness that is always wrapped up in the way that she treats us.

Husband: To Theresa, my wife. The Scripture asks the question, "Can anyone find the excellent wife?" Through God's grace, I can say that I have found her, a treasure beyond any jewell. She is priceless!

Husband: My wife, Jennifer, is great. I mean, she gives me a lot of grace. She loves on me when I don't deserve to be loved on. She is very forgiving. I praise the Lord for that, because I'm definitely a little rough on the edges.

Nancy:  

She does him good and not evil
All the days of her life. (v. 12)

Husband: As I look back on over twenty-three years of marriage, I realize that I was not always the easiest guy to live with. I was struggling with the curse of passivity for most of my life adult life. Spiritually leading my family was not even on my radar screen. My wife, Terri, has prayed for me, encouraged me, and loved me unconditionally over these past two-plus decades. Even though I still struggle with passiveness, I feel like I'm making some headway because of my bride's love and prayers, as well as her desire to be the lover/helper God intended her to be.

Nancy:

She seeks wool and flax
And willingly works with her hands. (v. 13)

Husband: Some things I appreciate about my wife are that she is a hard worker. She hustles all day long. She is mindful that her hard labor is an asset to what I do, and so she works even harder.

Nancy:

She is like the merchant ships.
She brings her food from afar. (v. 14)

Husband: This is for Diane. You've always been up for challenges, like when we moved to Sweden when we had just been married for a month. You had to learn the language just to be able to go grocery shopping.

Husband: One thing she likes to do is have people over. We had a party for the Sunday school class. She cooked for two days straight to prepare for that.

Husband: My wife has the gift of hospitality. I think why it's so amazing to me is that it wasn't taught to her. Yet that gift has been brought out from within her.

Nancy:

She also rises while it is yet night
And provides food for her household
And a portion for her maidservants. (v. 15)

Husband: Cindy just always gives of herself. She gets up before me. She'll get up and fix the lunches of our kids and for myself.

Nancy:

She considers a field and buys it.
From her profits, she plants a vineyard. (v. 16)

Husband: In the summer of 2002, my wife and I decided we were going to build—buy some property and build a house out in the woods. My wife, Christie really helped me consider the field, find the piece of property. Now we have this property that needed planting in her mind, and so she was already making plans about what she was going to plant. Even if we didn't have a house up there yet, she was going to go ahead and plant a garden.

Nancy:

She girds herself with strength,
And strengthens her arms. (v. 17)

Husband: She chose a college based on her desire to grow in her ability to share her faith. She decided to go to the state school because she felt it would be a bigger challenge to her as far as stepping out and witnessing. Her reason for going to college was more one of living out her faith than it was to get a degree. She always says, "Well, I just chose electrical engineering because that seemed easy."

Nancy:

She perceives that her merchandise is good,
And her lamp does not go out by night.
She stretches out her hands to the distaff
And her hands hold the spindle. (v. 18–19)

Husband: My wife, Renae, loves things that are done well and done with excellence, done with creativity. She loves to find examples in nature of things God has done with excellence. She loves to do things with excellence herself. You won't ever have to go back and fix anything that she has done. She'll make sure that whatever it takes, she'll do it right.

Nancy:

She extends her hand to the poor.
Yes, she reaches out her hands to the needy. (v. 20)

Husband: She has Fridays off. If I had Fridays off, I would spend them completely on myself. I would go fishing. I would sit around and read. What she does is she goes and serves in a woman's home that has eight children. She irons for her for about three hours straight. She just sits and irons for her. That just displays her servant's heart.

Husband: I was amazed when we had been married for a few years. She'd be wanting to fix meals or wanting to give money to people who were in need. I suppose it was my own pride and my own selfishness that made this stand out so much. I wasn't used to this. She has such a generous spirit.

Nancy:

She is not afraid of snow for her household. (v. 21)

Husband: One of the great experiences that we've had is the recovery process from our car accident, where Jennifer took on everything in the marriage, in the family for eight months. Then the most difficult part of our recovery was then repositioning husband, wife, father, mother in the marriage relationship. Jennifer just did a great job at just repositioning who dad was, who I was as a man, and who we were as a couple and then regaining the respect of our children through that process.

Nancy:

For all her household is clothed with scarlet.
She makes tapestry for herself.
Her clothing is fine linen and purple. (vv. 21–22)

Husband: I appreciate about my wife that she is willing to at times make clothes for the family. Either there is nothing that she can find in the stores that is modest enough for the girls or feminine enough or that type of thing. Even though it doesn't bring her a whole bunch of joy in sewing, she knows that it is a skill that is valuable and helps save the family some money. She clothes our children well and herself.

Nancy:

Her husband is known in the gates
When he sits among the elders of the land. (v. 23)

Husband: Her character and her personality enhances my life as a minister.

Husband: Her character enhances my reputation. People respond so favorably to me when they know I'm her husband.

Nancy:

She makes linen garments and sells them
And supplies sashes for the merchants.
Strength and honor are her clothing.
She shall rejoice in time to come. (vv. 24–25)

Husband: Susan has trusted me in some very big decisions. Most recently, we made a move for the sake of a new job. It meant leaving the city, church, family. Yet she never wavered in her trust in me in listening to God and my trust in God. That has really meant a lot to me.

Nancy:

She opens her mouth with wisdom,
And on her tongue is the law of kindness. (v. 26)

Husband: Actually, a year and a half after our first child was born, she got the vision for educating our children at a home, which she continues to have today.

Husband: As far as homeschooling, it's not all about academics. It's about their foundation, their relationship with the Lord. She spends a lot of the first of her day teaching them the Bible. They've gone through the Old Testament.

Husband: We have three teenage boys at home. She is always thinking of ways to have devotions with them, just to have Bible study with them. She is now even thinking of what they're going to do for the summer.

Nancy:

She watches over the ways of her household
And does not eat the bread of idleness. (v. 27)

Husband: Despite Mary's chronic pain and fatigue, she is diligent and dependable. I seldom have to be home and miss work, even though she is not feeling well.

Husband: She is just such a wise person with finances, with resources. She manages our home so well. So it makes my job as the breadwinner in our family a lot easier.

Husband: To better help her organize, she went to a yearlong calendar. It's a full page. She just makes sure that everything is organized so that each of our girls gets to the right place at the right time, and that Dad does, too.

Nancy:

Her children rise up and call her blessed;
Her husband also, and he praises her.
"Many daughters have done well,
But you exceed them all." (vv. 28–29)

Husband: God gave me a wonderful wife. I love her because she leaves the Bible open on the breakfast table. She uses a highlighter to mark the good parts in the books she reads. I love her because she cries when she prays sometimes. I love my wife because when she says we should do such and such, she actually does them. I love my wife because she won't take Communion carelessly, and because she sleeps on her side so we can snuggle like spoons when it's cold.

Nancy:

Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing,
But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised. (v. 30)

Husband: When I think of my wife, Tracy, she truly is the wife of my youth, as we met when she was fifteen and I was sixteen. I think back to those days and what attracted me to her at first, obviously, was her physical beauty. She just took my breath away. But over the years as we have grown together, it's been her inward beauty that I have fallen deeply in love with. I know that comes from her relationship with Christ.

Nancy:

Give her of the fruit of her hands,
And let her own works praise her in the gates. (v. 31)

Husband: Although we know we are saved by grace, I truly pray that people would take notice of your works and be drawn to Christ through them.

Husband: You are an excellent lover. Your beauty will always turn my head. Your smile and the glow of your face will always attract me. You are becoming more and more beautiful on the outside as well as within. I am falling deeper and deeper in love with you. Sue, you are my wife, my gift from God, my soul mate, my lover, my partner in life. I thank God for you. I love you.

Nancy: I don't know about you, but I've been really moved as I've listened to these men honor their wives. I found myself having a greater desire to be more of the woman that God created me to be so that my life can bring glory to Him.

Now I know that some of you have a husband who would be quick to say these kinds of things about you and to verbalize his appreciation and his admiration for you as his wife. I know that you're thankful, if you have a husband like that.

Yet I know there are others who may be really seeking to live a virtuous life and you may be thinking, My husband doesn't talk that way about me. Maybe your husband isn't even a believer. Maybe you feel as if he really doesn't notice or appreciate the things that you do to serve and to bless him. What can you do?

Well, let me just give you two words of encouragement. One, be faithful. Regardless of whether you ever get praise from men, you want to be a woman of God, a woman of virtue, a woman who illustrates these qualities in your life.

Then second, let me remind you that ultimately our greatest praise comes from God. If you're looking to your husband, no matter how godly he may or may not be, to be your source of identity and security and praise, chances are you're going to end up disappointed from time to time.

But if you're looking to please the Lord and to be His servant and His daughter, then you will receive your praise from Him. Ultimately, I know the greatest praise you or I could ever receive is to hear the Lord saying to us, "Well done, good and faithful servant." So live for His praise even above the praise of men.

Dannah: Thanks, Nancy. I hope today’s episode has encouraged you to keep serving the Lord and living as a godly woman. 

If you want to go deeper in this topic of celebrating your womanhood and living out God’s design, you can get a copy of Nancy’s booklet Biblical Portrait of Womanhood. In it, she goes into more detail about discovering God’s plan for your life and learning to live it out. 

Right now, this booklet is available for your gift of any amount. It’s one way we’d like to thank you for supporting the work God is doing through Revive Our Hearts. 

Visit ReviveOurHearts.com, or call us at 1-800-569-5959, and ask for your copy of Biblical Portrait of Womanhood.

Tomorrow, Nancy will be back to wrap up this series over Proverbs 31. She’ll show us how the only way we can be like the woman in this passage is by relying on Christ. I hope you’ll join us again for Revive Our Hearts.

This program is a listener-supported production of Revive Our Hearts in Niles, Michigan, calling women to freedom, fullness, and fruitfulness in Christ.

All Scripture is taken from the NKJV unless otherwise noted.

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