I remember the very moment. It was one I never expected to face—a moment I had actually prayed wouldn’t become my future. At twenty-four, I found myself in one of the most daunting seasons of my entire life. Heartbroken, lonely, and facing a future of singleness. Being a single woman in my mid-twenties was difficult for me. (I can’t pretend it wasn’t.) That season was painful and often extremely lonely. I cried my fair share of tears asking God to change my circumstances and bring a husband into my life. Someone who would be my partner in ministry. I struggled to understand why God would deprive me of such a good thing. Maybe He was a good God to other people, but what about me? I even wondered if maybe God had forgotten me. Thankfully, instead of staying in that lonely state of fearful singleness, I decided to get serious about my future. I didn’t want to be the “old single” who sat around doing nothing because she was waiting for her Prince Charming to come along. I wanted to trust God so fully that He would help me to thrive in this season. I wanted to learn to enjoy and fully embrace whatever God had in store for my future! Do you find yourself in a season of feeling alone? Do you wonder if God has forgotten you? Maybe you’ve given up, thinking you’ll always be single.
Trust Makes All the Difference
I don’t claim to have all the answers, but here’s what I do know. Truly trusting God will transform our single years. Singleness doesn’t have to feel like the worst thing on earth. And if we get serious about trusting God, we can have hope for the future, marriage or not. During that difficult time in my mid-twenties, I realized I needed to make some radical decisions. I couldn’t stay lonely and discontent. I couldn’t continue to doubt God’s goodness toward me. I had to get to know God on a deeper level and surrender my future to His plan. I don’t know where I’d be today if trust hadn’t become a foundation for my life. Here are four important truths we need to understand about God’s character and singleness.
1. We aren’t guaranteed a husband.
God never promises that we will get married. Yes, He designed marriage and calls it a good thing (Gen. 2:18–25), but He doesn’t promise it to us as if it’s something we deserve. Instead of expecting God to meet our unfulfilled longings, let’s ask Him to forgive us for placing our hope and joy upon merely a good thing—when all our hope and joy should be placed in Him. Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth explains how we should trust God with our unfulfilled longings in Lies Women Believe:
We can be honest with God about what we desire. But until He provides the legitimate context to fulfill those desires, we have to learn to be content with unfulfilled longings. In addition, we need to realize that the deepest longings of our hearts cannot be filled by any created person or thing (emphasis added).
2. God is a good God—no matter how we may feel.
It doesn’t matter if we think God is good to us or not; He is good because His nature is good. Not just good but perfect (2 Sam. 22:31). He wants us as His children, and He is preparing a place for His children in heaven right now (John 14:2). He sent Jesus so that each one of us could have a personal relationship with Him (John 3:16–17). He truly is like no other god in that way.
Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good, for his steadfast love endures forever. Give thanks to the God of gods, for his steadfast love endures forever. Give thanks to the Lord of lords, for his steadfast love endures forever; to him who alone does great wonders, for his steadfast love endures forever (Ps. 136:1–4).
3. He is trustworthy, and He is always the same.
Stop and think about who God has been in the past and who He promises to be in the future (Heb. 13:8). He created us (Ps. 139:13–14), saved us (Titus 3:3–7), wants a relationship with us (Rev. 3:20; Heb. 11:6; James 4:8), has a future for us (1 Peter 1:3–4), and desires to be with us forever (Rev. 22:3–5). Think of His faithfulness to heroes of the faith, like David, Daniel, Esther, Ruth, and so many others. He truly is for us. Just because your life doesn’t look like you expected, it doesn’t change who God is.
4. Truly trusting God can transform our single years.
A woman who learns to trust in God will be strengthened by Him to thrive in her single season. If we can make Proverbs 3:5–6 the cry of our hearts and the compass for our lives, it will transform us into contented and joy-filled women.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.
Acknowledging Him in All Our Ways
What do you want the next year, two years, or five years of your life to look like? If God continues to have singleness as part of your future, what do you want those single years to be filled with? It doesn’t matter if you’re fourteen, eighteen, twenty-seven, or forty-nine, you can make a change today! We can choose to truly trust in God. Let’s open our Bibles to Proverbs 3. Read the passage, and specifically focus on verses 5–6. We can cry out to God and ask Him to help us. Memorize those verses, write them down, and place them in your room or car as reminders. Those verses have been a guiding focus for me during my single years. They’ve given me hope and have truly helped me to become the content and thriving woman I am today. What about you?
- Is your singleness dreadful or enjoyable?
- What needs to change in order for you to thrive during this season?