Six months have passed since we first posted “3 Lies and the Truth about Christian Women and Porn Use.” Since then, texts from women in my local church have come in weekly, and even daily, as dear friends have asked for accountability, asked for prayer, and sought someone to celebrate every bit of success alongside them. Over the last few months, they’ve monitored their progress in abstaining from pornography usage one text at a time:
“One day free.”
“Two weeks free.”
“One month free . . . but last night I really struggled.”
“Two months free . . . and this is harder than I ever expected.”
“I don’t want to tell you this, but I slipped up this morning . . .”
“I’m so embarrassed.”
“Here we go again. One day free.”
I’ve watched these friends wrestle with shame, carry their sin to the foot of the cross, and experience Christ’s victory for the first time. As they’ve taken steps forward toward freedom, the temptation to give in to old cravings hasn’t disappeared. In some cases, it’s grown stronger, and their questions have grown louder:
- Now that I haven’t looked at pornography for a while, shouldn’t this get easier?
- If Jesus was perfect, can He really understand how hard it is for me to fight sin?
- If I tell the Lord I’ve relapsed, won’t Jesus be ashamed of my failure?
If you’re in the middle of a similar cycle, if you’re facing doubts and setbacks, don’t let your questions go unanswered. Truth matters. Pressing into the reality of who Jesus is will help you persevere in the fight against the temptations of sexual sin.
Does Jesus Really Understand the Weight of Temptation?
You’ve probably seen the social media videos of parents conducting the marshmallow experiment with their children. Picture two little boys sitting side-by-side, each with a single marshmallow in front of them. The parent tells the kids they have a choice: they can eat the marshmallow immediately, or they can wait a few minutes and get two marshmallows as a reward for their patience. The parent walks out of the room, and the kids begin to squirm.
The first kid lasts about thirty seconds before he pops the marshmallow into his mouth and walks away. The second child sits in agony, staring at the marshmallow and fighting every urge to swallow it and never look back. But he doesn’t give in. He waits until his parent returns, and then he receives his reward.
Which kid felt the stronger tug of temptation? The first didn’t experience it for long before giving in. The second sat with the sweet smell of sugar overloading his senses and the pressure to take just a little bite constantly before him. But he resisted.
When you picture Jesus’ time on earth, you probably don’t think of Him experiencing marshmallow moments. You may imagine Him in terms of two extremes: on one side, you may think of Him in pristine robes, untouched by life’s ordinary problems; on the other, suffering on the cross. It’s true that Jesus was (and is) the perfect Son of God. Jesus never sinned, but that doesn’t mean He lived life in a bubble, protected from the pressures that come with human existence.
If you’re familiar with the story of Jesus in the wilderness in Matthew 4:1–11, Mark 1:12–13, and Luke 4:1–13, you may frame it only in terms of the outcome. Of course Jesus resisted Satan’s offers. Of course Jesus overcame temptation. But He was in the wilderness for forty days. That’s more than five weeks. 960 hours. 57,600 minutes. And the temptation He faced came at the end of this period (Matt. 4:2). After his encounter with Satan, “The devil left him, and angels came and began to serve him” (Matt. 4:11). Can you imagine the state they found Him in?
You may think that Jesus couldn’t possibly understand how hard it is for you to fight temptation. But Jesus, who never gave in to temptation, understands its pull and consequence more deeply than you ever could. C.S. Lewis explained it this way in his book Mere Christianity:
Only those who try to resist temptation know how strong it is. After all, you find out the strength of the German army by fighting against it, not by giving in. You find out the strength of a wind by trying to walk against it, not by lying down. A man who gives in to temptation after five minutes simply does not know what it would have been like an hour later. That is why bad people, in one sense, know very little about badness—they have lived a sheltered life by always giving in. We never find out the strength of the evil impulse inside us until we try to fight it: and Christ, because He was the only man who never yielded to temptation, is also the only man who knows to the full what temptation means.1
In your own fight against temptation, you don’t need a two-dimensional Savior. You need one who is strong enough to help you when your impulses threaten to pull you under, and you need one who understands. Take the familiar words of Hebrews 4:15 to heart. Personalize them, and consider why it matters so much that Jesus is sinless and sympathetic to the battles you face:
For [I] do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with [my] weaknesses, but one who has been tempted in every way as [I am], yet without sin.
Why Aren’t the Feelings of Temptation Going Away?
As friends have reached milestones in fighting temptation one day and week and month at a time, they’ve noticed changes. Some have felt it get easier and easier to say no. Others have felt the pull grow even stronger. One friend reached out to me and asked about this, feeling like she was doing something wrong because the temptation seemed more intense than when she first started fighting it.
Did you notice that when Jesus was in the wilderness the temptation escalated as He resisted? Satan didn’t go easier on Jesus as He fought; he tried harder to get Jesus to sin. You have the same enemy who will do whatever it takes to keep you from following Christ’s example and walking in God-glorifying freedom. Be proactive in fighting back.
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Rewind and review your last wilderness setting.
Think back to previous moments when you’ve succumbed to temptation. What were the circumstances? Write down as many details as you can remember: where you were, what time it was, what had happened earlier that day, your emotional and physical state, the status of your relationship with the Lord, and anything else that comes to mind.
As you pinpoint your triggers, put a plan into action to keep them from happening again. For example, if you have easy access to technology in your bedroom and that’s where you always relapse, find a new spot for your phone. Your next step—which the Lord may be bringing to mind even now—may seem simple, but it could be what keeps you from stumbling again.
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Get honest about how you respond to marshmallow moments.
No matter how much self-control you think you have (or do not have), the truth is that you’re weaker than you think. When you’re left alone and you believe no one is watching, it is harder than you think to resist temptation. Wisdom acknowledges her limitations and recognizes where true strength lies. God has given you His people as one of your greatest resources. If you read the first post on this topic and haven’t yet reached out to someone, here’s another chance to do so.
If and when temptation continues, don’t be discouraged. Jesus Himself not only faced it, He overcame it through His death and resurrection and provided a way for you to endure it (1 Cor. 10:13; Rom. 8:33–34). You may feel as though you’re constantly pouring water on flames that won’t go out, but God is faithful. He will sustain you as long as the heat remains, and He’ll use it to make you more like His Son (2 Cor. 5:21).
Will Jesus Still Love Me Now That I’ve Relapsed?
The night after a friend confessed to using pornography after a long streak without it, she texted me a question. “Do you think God gets mad or disappointed at slip-ups?” Or asked another way, Will He still love me in light of my most recent sin?
I typed out an answer and then erased what I’d written, responding instead: “What do you think? Better yet . . . what have you seen in the Bible about His heart? I feel like you know the answer already—you just have to believe it.”
You likely know the answer as well. One of the first verses you learned when you began following Jesus was probably this one: “For God loved the world in this way: He gave his one and only Son . . . For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him” (John 3:16–17). Do you believe that’s just as true now as it was on the day you first trusted Christ?
Your most recent sin is not too big for the Savior of the world to forgive. You can be sure that even when your resolve fades and failures occur, the grace of Jesus will not falter. You already know this factually. Will you now live in light of this truth?
One Day Free
The night after a relapse, a friend started her count over again: “One day free.” She included a smiley face emoji, and I was relieved to see her hope.
One day free is a guarantee for the follower of Christ. Because He remained faithful, you can be sure that one day you will be completely free: free of temptation, free of sin, free of every weight and snare that entangles you now. Hold fast to Jesus until then. He knows how hard the battle is; He’s fought it too. His victory is yours. Believe it.
1 C. S. Lewis, Mere Christianity, Internet Archive, accessed August 21, 2024, https://archive.org/details/MereChristianityCSL.
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