Where God Withholds, He Gives Himself

Daddy-daughter dances sit at the top of the list of things guaranteed to make me cry. Specifically, the ones at weddings when the new bride twirls across the floor in a pretty white dress into the arms of her father, who is barely keeping it together. The sea of wedding guests collectively tears up, and I’m among them. But I’m crying for a different reason than most.

Before the song is over, I’m usually staring hard at the ground, as feelings of mourning and a burning jealousy work their way up my throat. Watching is too hard.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve desperately wanted that kind of relationship with my father—to be carried high on his shoulders, twirl into his arms, and have the sense of security that comes from knowing that he loves me and wants to protect me. Yet the Lord did not see fit to give me those things. 

Can’t We Trust Him?

For most of my life I’ve mourned the father I didn’t have, and sometimes I still do. But the Lord has been faithful to slowly teach me that He gives to us what is best for us, and for a reason infinitely beyond my understanding, this gift was not one I was blessed to receive.

On a recent episode of Revive Our Hearts, Melissa Kreuger said, “If God gave us His Son, can’t we trust Him with whatever He withholds?”

Her words stopped me in my tracks. Typically when I think of the things that God has withheld from me, I can’t help but wonder if He is being vindictive. Sometimes I even try to figure out what I could do to earn just a little more favor with Him so that He will give me the things I so desperately long for. Trusting Him is not usually on my mind. But when I stopped to consider the picture of God that Scripture paints, I realized that it should be.

Our Generous and Unchanging God

James 1:17 tells us that “every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.” This verse reveals two things about our God. First, every good thing in our lives comes from Him. Every sunrise, every sweet word of encouragement, every delicious meal, every promotion at work, it all comes from His gracious hand. If it were not for the Lord, we would not have fewer good things, we would have no good things at all.

The second thing that this verse tells us is that our God does not change. He is and always has been the giver of good gifts. He was the giver of good gifts . . .

• When He created the world and when it fell into sin. 
• When He spoke freely to His people and when He was silent for 400 years. 
• When He freely gave us the gift of His Son and when He withheld something we deeply desired.

Whatever the circumstance, His character remains the same. 

God, Our Good Father

Not only does Scripture show us that God is generous and unchanging, but it also reveals Him as our good Father. In Matthew 7:9–11, Jesus asks His disciples and the gathered crowd,

Who among you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good things to those who ask him.

Stop and think of the “best” father you know—whether that is your own father, your husband, or someone else. Now take a moment to consider whether they would give their hungry child a rock to gnaw on rather than a piece of bread. It sounds ridiculous, right? A rock would likely hurt the child and on top of that, it wouldn’t meet their needs. No good human parent would willingly do this to their child. 

Yet somehow we believe that God, the perfect Father, would do this very thing to us. We have been so scarred by our experiences that our view of God has been warped. Instead of viewing Him as our good and loving Father who desires to give us good things, we wonder, deep down, if He is cruel and manipulative, withholding things from us just because He can.

God Does Not Withhold Good

A wise friend of mine once told me that God blesses us as much as He can without ruining us. Psalm 84:11 (ESV) carries a similar sentiment.

For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor. No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly.

Did you catch the end of the verse? The Lord doesn’t withhold any good thing from those who walk uprightly, from His children. 

If there is something good that your heart longs for but you have not received from the Lord, it may be that in His infinite wisdom, the Lord has determined that this thing, at this time, is not for you. In our human understanding, this is hard to grasp. Especially if the thing that our heart so desperately wants isn’t inherently bad or sinful. In these cases, it’s easy to feel like our lack is the scourge of affliction rather than something good.

In Psalm 119:71, the Psalmist makes a bold claim saying, “It was good for me to be afflicted so that I could learn your statutes.” My lack, my affliction, is good?

Friend, in the hands of our Lord, even lack and affliction can be instruments for good. I don’t say this to diminish the pain that sin causes or to tell you that everything is going to turn out “alright” by our human standards—Scripture never says this. But I do say this to point you to the fact that, as Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth often says, “Anything that makes me need God is a blessing.” 

Romans 8:28 tells us that “all things work together for the good of those who love God, who are called according to his purpose.” This doesn’t mean that you are guaranteed every deep longing of your soul this side of heaven, and it doesn’t mean that you won’t struggle when you feel as though God is withholding a good thing from you. What it does mean is that God is capable of taking every longing, every pain, every circumstance and using it to shape you into the image of His Son. It’s a blessing to look more like Jesus, even if the process is difficult and painful. 

Where God Withholds, He Gives Himself

Whenever that familiar longing pulls at my heart—when I see a dad carrying his little girl through the park on his shoulders, or when the DJ announces that it’s time for the bride and her father to come to the dance floor, my husband always encourages me with these words, “Ash, where God withholds, He gives Himself.”

God has given Himself to you. What a sweet gift! Though at times you may still feel the ache of the absence of many “good” things in your life, the presence of God is a far greater treasure than any earthly blessing you could long for. He is enough.

If you feel like the Lord is withholding something good from you today, counsel your heart in knowing that He has given you Himself. 

Glory. What a gift.