Teen Track—Lies About the Future

Erin Davis: Welcome back to LiesYoungWomenBelieve.com live! (Applause)

 

Find your seats. We have a very special guest in the house—Nancy Leigh DeMoss!

 

She’s going to come and welcome you and talk to you.

 

Nancy Leigh DeMoss: Wow! This is a lot more fun than what we’re doing downstairs!

 

Have you had a great day?

 

Audience: Yeah!

 

Nancy: Is Erin the coolest, or what? And Dannah, how is she? (Applause)

 

Don’t you love those girls? And they said you girls are the greatest. In fact, they told me, “These girls really love the Word of God.” That is so cool, because that is being counter-cultural.

 

That is not true of many in our generation, in your generation at all, and I am so thrilled that you are here.

 

How many of you—be honest—wouldn’t have been here if your mom or somebody else hadn’t made you come? Oh, look at all those hands.

 

Now, I hope you keep your hands up. Are you glad you came?

 

Audience: Yeah!

 

Nancy: Okay. We’re very glad you came. What have you been talking about today?

 

Audience: Guys, beauty, modesty, your worth.

 

Nancy: A couple of you just pop up and tell me what’s one thing you heard today that you just really needed to hear—it blessed you, it helped you, it challenged you, it made you think. Something you heard—just stand up where you are, especially if you’re where I can hear you. Say it really loudly, so they can hear you, too.

 

Audience Member: Just being here with everyone sort of makes you realize you’re not the only one.

 

Nancy: That does help, because sometimes you feel like, “Am I the only one on the planet who’s thinking this way?” Or, “Are my parents the only ones on the planet who are thinking this way?”

 

But you realize there are others who have that same heart. Great, what else did you hear? What encouraged you, challenged you?

 

Audience Member: That we need someone to confide in, and we need someone to be accountable to. That we can’t just pretend that we know everything, and we can’t be lonely in our sin. We have to tell people.

 

Nancy: Did Dannah tell you her story, and how she did not do that for a while, and then how God set her free when she began to open up about it? Of course, who’s the first one you’ve got to tell?

 

The Lord. Of course, He already knows, so why would we try to hide from Him? He does, and the incredible thing is that His grace is so great that even though He knows the worst about us, He can handle it. He can give us grace to be made new and clean and whole in spite of all that.

 

Someone else. Something you heard.

 

Audience Member: That people might give you labels, but God looks at you and sees something that’s worth a lot.

 

Nancy: God does look at you, and if you’re a child of God, as His cherished, precious treasure, no matter what other people say or think, He values you.

 

That’s worth coming to this whole weekend just to learn that, right? (Applause)

 

Audience Member: That everyone is beautiful.

 

Nancy: Everyone is beautiful. Does the world believe that?

 

Audience: No.

 

Nancy: The world has this image of what is beautiful, and how many have bought into that lie or what the world says is beautiful? You just gave us a whole new definition. If God made you, you’re beautiful, right?

 

And have you been learning the difference between inner and outer beauty? You know what I see in so many of you girls? Well, I see a lot of outer beauty, but I also see an inner beauty, and I know it’s Christ in you.

 

I see smiles; I see countenances of girls who are seeking the Lord and loving Him. I want to say, don’t ever lose that. Don’t let anyone steal it from you.

 

God loves you, and He wants to love others through you. Okay, I saw one other hand over here.

 

Audience Member: That a girl has to get so lost in God that a guy has to seek Him to find her.

 

Nancy: Oh, oh, oh. Don’t sit down. You’ve got to say that again. That is really good.

 

Audience Member: That a girl has to get so lost in God that a guy has to seek Him to find her.

 

Nancy: That is good. Did you say that, Dannah? Wow. That is profound, and that alone will have a huge impact on your life if you’ll live that way.

 

You know, I usually don’t talk to teenagers. Well, that didn’t sound right. I’m usually speaking to old folks is what I mean, when I’m speaking in conferences.

 

So, I talk to a lot of moms, and in recent days, I’ve been with at least three, maybe more moms who were so burdened and heavy-hearted. These are Christian homes. They’ve raised their kids in the church, in Christian homes, and in some cases I know these parents.

 

They’re godly people; they love their kids; they’re good parents. No parent is perfect. But these are good parents, and in each case, they have a son or a daughter who grew up in the faith, claimed to know Christ, and they thought they did know Christ. But now their kids, who aren’t teens anymore, but in their twenties, or a little older—they’ve walked away from the Lord.

 

It was interesting to me as I listened to these stories. I realized in each of these situations it was true that the girl had gotten involved with a guy who didn’t have a heart for the Lord, and the guy had pulled her away from the Lord and into some really serious and destructive relationships and patterns and practices.

 

And now these moms are so burdened, not just because their relationship has been affected with their girls, but because their girls aren’t experiencing what God intends for them to have in Christ.

 

When I think about the few hundred of you girls who are here, and I see you at this stage of your life wanting to know Christ, wanting to seek Him, wanting to please Him, I just long to think that ten years from now or 20 years from now or 30 years from now, you will be walking with the Lord.

 

Some of you will not be. Many of you will be, and I pray that all of you will be. What’s going to make the difference?

 

You know, life is a series of choices, and you’ve made a choice. Well, maybe some of you didn’t make a choice to be here this weekend, but you’re making a choice to sit through this workshop with Dannah.

 

It’s a choice day after day to guard your heart with all diligence, for the way your heart goes is the way your life is going to go.

 

You can’t tell what’s going on in anybody’s heart by looking on the outside. You all look great, but God knows that in some of your hearts, there is resistance against the Lord. You just don’t know about all of this stuff.

 

And you want your way. Let me just say to you now that I just turned 50, so that’s really old when you’re a teenager, right? It’s not old at all, I’ll just tell you that.

 

But now I’m looking back on my life, and I’m so, so thankful that God has put people and circumstances and books and people like Dannah in my life who’ve helped me to choose Him over all these years.

 

And now that I’m this old lady, gray hair and all, I’m finding such incredible joy in following Christ. There have been times when it’s been really hard. There are still times when it’s really hard.

 

There are times when God wants me to do things that my flesh really does not want to do, or I really want to do something I know God doesn’t want me to.

 

So, you have to make choices, but every time I say “yes” to the Lord, He blesses. Then you get to later in your life, and you find God is blessing you as a result of a whole sequence of choices you’ve made to say “yes” to the Lord.

 

I know it’s hard at times. I know it requires going against the flow. There’s peer pressure.

 

I cannot imagine being a teenage girl today. God’s called you for such a time as this, to be exceptional young women.

 

It has got to be harder in this generation, with all the messages coming at you through the media, through the music, through your friends, through peers, and some of you have parents who have made wrong choices.

 

Some of you are from divorced homes, and you’ve seen a lot of hypocrisy. You’ve experienced hurt or pain. Some of you have not been treated in ways that young women should be treated.

 

I’m telling you, God is still good, and He loves you, and He has a plan for your life. He has put you in His kingdom for such a time as this.

 

God wants to use you. The woman I’m going to talk about tomorrow morning, Esther, she was a young woman. Mary of Nazareth who had Jesus—His mother—she was young, probably a 13- or 14-year-old girl.

 

And boy, you know, God uses these speakers. God uses people like Dannah and Erin, and they’re old ladies, right? No, they’re not.

 

But God wants to use you now, in your home. Your parents may not be what they should be spiritually. God wants to use you as an instrument to bless them and to bring them to faith and to influence their lives.

 

He wants to use you in your school. He wants to use you in your church. You say, “Everybody’s going the other direction.” You swim upstream.

 

If you’re going to follow Christ, you’re going to be swimming upstream. I want to tell you, it is worth it. It’s hard, but it’s worth it.

 

I want to just cheer for you and bless you and pray that the Lord will keep you, that He will make you a whole core of truth speakers in your generation.

 

If just this number of young women were to go back to your homes and let God use you—and some of you are sitting there thinking, “Yeah, she’s not talking about me,”—I’m talking about you. Let God use you.

 

Your strengths, weaknesses, gifts, challenges, age, whatever—let God use you. I’m not talking about when you’re old. I’m talking about right now.

 

Let Him use you to accomplish His purposes in your generation. You don’t know how long God will give you to serve Him, to please Him.

 

I’m the oldest of seven children. I have a brother named David, and he was number six in our seven. David went through some real rough teenage years, but God won his heart, captured his heart, and he went to college having a real heart for the Lord.

 

When he was 22 years of age, at the end of the school year he came home from college and was out with a friend who was a girl that he knew. He was in a car accident and was on life support for a week, then went home to be with the Lord.

 

Twenty-two years of age. He was probably going to be a pastor or a missionary. He really loved the Lord. He wanted to serve Him, but God didn’t give him 23 or 24 years or 54 years.

 

God gave him 22 years. You don’t know how many years God will give you. Seek Him while you’re young—give Him your youth. You have more energy now than you will for sure have when you’re my age.

 

Use that energy to serve the Lord. Seek Him while you’re young, and be an example to the rest of the Church of Jesus Christ. Don’t let anybody put you down because you’re young, but be an example of love and faith and humility and purity.

 

Listen. The adult generation today—even in the church—doesn’t get purity. Women my age are lousy examples of modesty, by and large. But you can be a good example of what it means to let Christ radiate through you so you’re drawing attention to Him and not to your body.

 

That’s what will make you truly beautiful—loving Christ and pleasing Him. I love you guys. I am so grateful for you. I thank the Lord that you’re here.

 

I just really believe that you are the next generation of women, true women of God, and my prayer is that 20 or 30 years from now when you have a conference like this, you’re going to be the moms and the grandmoms. You’re going to be older true women of God, passing on the baton of faith.

 

Did you watch the Olympics? Did you see some of those relay races where they pass the baton? Did you see the one where the baton got dropped? They got put out of the race. Don’t drop the baton.

 

You’re getting the baton given to you today, and now it’s your turn to pass it on to the next generation. Are you going to do it? (Applause)

 

Let me pray for you.

 

Lord, how I thank You for these precious, precious young women. Thank You that You brought them here. You know every name, every home represented, every story, every girl who has been involved in things that are not pleasing to You, and we all have been in different ways.

 

You know the struggles. You know those who are morally tempted, those who are playing with fire, those who are involved in immoral relationships. You know those who are struggling with their parents.

 

You know those who are hurt; they’ve been wronged; they’ve not seen real Christianity lived out. Oh God, I pray that You’d forgive my generation for not showing these kids a better example of what You’re like.

 

Lord, You’ve still given them Your Word, and pray that You would make Yourself known to them that they would know how real You are and that You would pursue their hearts and would say, “Yes, Lord,” that they would respond to You.

 

And Lord, use them, choose them, fill them with Your Word, fill them with Your Spirit. Help them to go against the flow. Give them courage to stand alone when that is required, and let them see beyond the here and now to down the road when the choices they make now will have such long-term consequences and results, and let those be good results.

 

Let them flow out of wise and godly choices. Lord, protect them. Protect their hearts. Put a hedge of protection around them, and give them a vision for how You want to use their lives.

 

Make them truth-seekers and truth-speakers to their generation. May they know how much You love them.

 

Thank You, Lord, for these beautiful girls. Bless them. Use them, and help them to go back and multiply this message.

 

I pray that out of this group, there would be hundreds of small groups that will be started in churches and in schools and in homeschool groups and that they’d multiply, that they’d be ambassadors for this message.

 

I know my heart gets strengthened when I have to teach others what You’ve been teaching me. Thanks, Lord, for Dannah. Thanks for Erin. I love them. They are precious sisters and friends.

 

Bless this last afternoon session, and may it just be a really great time in Your presence. I thank You, Lord Jesus. Thank You. Amen.

 

I love you guys. Bless you. (Applause)

 

Dannah: Well, ladies, we have one more opportunity to open up the Bible for a few minutes and study God’s Word about what He says about being a true woman.

 

We’re going to do that, and then, we’re going to have a Q and A time. For this Q and A time, we want it to be built around this teaching.

 

This teaching is about the lies young women believe about their future. Can anyone name for me one of America’s great feminist icons?

 

Audience member: Hillary Clinton.

 

Dannah: Hillary Clinton would definitely be a great feminist icon. Michelle Obama—possibly, I don’t know if she’s reached that status. Someone else? Sarah Palin? I’m not sure she would be a feminist icon.

 

Geraldine Ferraro is probably a feminist icon. Nancy Pelosi. Probably; possibly. Oprah is a feminist icon. I’m thinking the core, the core feminist icons. Ellen DeGeneres, maybe. Rosie O’Donnell, maybe, but I’m thinking about those women who have built feminist theology that we’re trying to combat.

 

Who? Eleanor Roosevelt—that was a long time ago! That’s not who I’m looking for.

 

Gloria Steinem. How many of you are familiar with this name? Okay, I all want you to say on the count of three, Gloria Steinem. One, two, three.

 

Audience: Gloria Steinem.

 

Dannah: Okay. She is the anti-Nancy Leigh DeMoss, to say the least. Let me read a quote for you from her that pretty much encapsulates what she believes a woman should be.

 

She says, “A liberated woman is one who has sex before marriage and a job after.” Anybody offended by that? Good, I’m glad.

 

Now, here’s the problem. While this is her theology of woman—a woman is someone who has the “freedom” to have sex before marriage, and her life focus is to have a job after she’s married—the problem is that I need a copy of my Lies Young Women Believe.

 

They’re just nowhere to be found. The problem is, ladies, that many times you and I, as Christians, though we would be offended by that statement, the way we live and the choices we make affirm it.

 

One of the lies that we found deeply embedded into the Christian young women that we surveyed across this nation was this lie—that having a career outside of the home is more fulfilling than being a wife and a mom.

 

We found again and again that young women across this nation, who affirm strongly their faith in Jesus Christ, believe this lie. I want to read to you from Lies Young Women Believe some of the things some of the women we interviewed said about being a wife and about being a mom.

 

Remember, these are young women, homeschooled, Christian-schooled, public-schooled, across our nation who believe that Jesus is their Lord and Savior, who affirm that verbally.

 

One of them says, “For me, the whole family idea is kind of overrated.” Another said, “It’s not about families and having kids anymore. Women can have careers, too.”

 

Another said, “It’s really uncool to want a husband and to want a family.” One girl said, “My mother, she’s always telling me how she wants me to marry the perfect guy and raise a bunch of kids and have the American dream. Whatever! I’m just not sure that I want that very much.”

 

“I am a pro-independent woman.” Yeah. “You are so right,” said another girl in the same conversation. “It’s not about families and kids. We’re supposed to have careers.”

 

That’s Christian women—Christian young women your age. Are you going to turn that around? Do you want to turn that around?

 

Though we might say with our minds, with our voices, with our words that we do not believe in the feminist movement, the feminist theology that Gloria Steinem has built, our lives confirm it, if you don’t turn it around.

 

A Christianity Today survey conducted in the late ‘80s, I believe, surveyed Christian families in 1987. Twenty percent of these born-again Christian adults felt that the roles for a woman of motherhood and being a wife should not be emphasized.

 

So in 1987, 20 percent of Christians thought that, “Hey, you know what? It’s not a great idea to build a desire in our daughters to be a wife and mom. Let’s not do that.”

 

Now, the good news is that 80 percent of born-again Christians thought that we should build that dream into you.

 

In the year 2007, 20 years later, 47 percent of the born-again believers said they felt that emphasizing the roles of marriage and motherhood for women was harmful to their development. Only 52 percent of Christians today believe that the role of being a wife and mom is one that should be important for you.

 

Wow. That sounds an awful lot like Gloria Steinem to me. I think the feminist mentality has crept into our church. And I think the only ones that can truly turn it around are you.

 

But the thing is that when we went across this nation and asked you—and I say you collectively—you Christian young women between the ages of 13 and 19, you kind of agree with these adults who think that being a wife and a mom really isn’t that important.

 

It’s one of the top 25 lies that Nancy and I decided to address in this book. I want to talk to you just a little bit about what God says about being a true woman.

 

I want us to look at a couple of passages, first in the Old Testament and then in the New Testament. So, grab your Bibles, and I want to first say let’s take the steam out of the lie that is under this lie, the steam that being a woman is a second-class status—that being a woman means that we don’t have as much value as a man.

 

That’s really what is behind the feminist movement. And that’s behind this fear that is in the Christian community, that being a wife and a mom isn’t that great of a thing.

 

Let’s look at what the Bible says and how the Bible affirms women in a way that is radically unique, considering the time in which it was written. Let’s look first at Genesis 1:27.

 

Now think with me that the time that these passages were written, women were not traditionally valued. They were not affirmed; they had very few rights. But in Genesis 1:27, it says, “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.”

 

God is above gender. But when He created something in His image, something most like Him with a heart and a soul and the ability to connect and have fellowship, He chose to create them male and female.

 

God chose in the very beginning to affirm that both male and female are a unique part of representing who He is. A man alone does not adequately represent the character of God.

 

What the feminist movement wants to do is move us all toward being male clones, so the only difference is physiologically. Sure, there are some parts slightly different, they will say, but in general a man and a woman are the same.

 

And God says, “No, a man alone does not fully exemplify who I am. It takes male, and it takes female.” Genesis 1:27.

 

Let’s look at another passage in the Old Testament, Genesis 1:28: “God blessed them and said to them, ‘Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves on the ground.’”

 

Listen, ladies. We are not called to sit passively by while man rules this earth. We are called by God to be co-regents with our husbands, with our pastors, with our other male leaders.

 

We are called to rule over this earth. God called both male and female to do that—to have dominion over this earth. Let’s look at the New Testament.

 

What does the New Testament say about the value of woman? Let’s first start in Matthew 1:1–16. This is a lineage. It’s going to sound a little boring, but I want you to read it, and every time you hear a girl’s name, I want you to say, “Go girls!”

 

Let me hear you practice. Ready?

 

Audience: Go girls!

 

Dannah: A little bit louder.

 

Audience: Go girls!

 

Dannah: So, every time you hear a girl’s name, you’re going to say …

 

Audience: Go girls!

 

Dannah: “A record of the genealogy of Jesus Christ the son of David, the son of Abraham: Abraham was the father of Isaac, Isaac the father of Jacob, Jacob the father of Judah and his brothers, Judah the father of Perez and Zerah, whose mother was Tamar.”

 

Audience: Go girls!

 

Dannah: “Perez the father of Hezron, Hezron the father of Ram, Ram the father of Amminadab, Amminadab the father of Nahshon, Nahshon the father of Salmon, Salmon the father of Boaz, whose mother was Rahab.”

 

Audience: Go girls!

 

Dannah: “Boaz the father of Obed, whose mother was Ruth.”

 

Audience: Go girls!

 

Dannah: “Obed the father of Jesse, and Jesse the father of King David. David was the father of Solomon, whose mother had been Uriah’s wife.”

 

Audience: Go girls!

 

Dannah: “Solomon the father of Rehoboam, Rehoboam the father of Abijah, Abijah the father of Asa, Asa the father of Jehoshaphat, Jehoshaphat the father of Jehoram, Jehoram the father of Uzziah, Uzziah the father of Jotham, Jotham the father of Ahaz, Ahaz the father of Hezekiah, Hezekiah the father of Manasseh, Manasseh the father of Amon, Amon the father of Josiah, and Josiah the father of Jeconiah and his brothers at the time of the exile to Babylon.

 

“After the exile to Babylon: Jeconiah was the father of Shealtiel, Shealtiel the father of Zerubbabel, Zerubbabel the father of Abiud, Abiud the father of Eliakim, Eliakim the father of Azor, Azor the father of Zadok, Zadok the father of Akim, Akim the father of Eliud, Eliud the father of Eleazar, Eleazar the father of Matthan, Matthan the father of Jacob, and Jacob the father of Joseph, the husband of Mary.”

 

Audience: Go girls!

 

Dannah: “Of whom was born Jesus, who is called Christ.”

 

I want to just say this—that the inclusion of a woman’s name in the written lineage of Jesus Christ is a literary act that breaks every literary tradition in its day and age.

 

Women’s names were not recorded at that time. God took time to affirm these key women in the lineage of Jesus Christ. This was a very bold statement in a patriarchal culture.

 

God values women. Let’s look at Mark 10:11. This is a passage where Jesus is teaching about marriage and divorce. According to Rabbinic law, a man could commit adultery.

 

This is what Jesus said, beginning in verse 10: “When they were in the house again, the disciples asked Jesus about this. He answered, ‘Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery’” (Mark 10:10–12).

 

What Jesus was saying is that a man cannot do this to a woman. He was saying a man could be guilty of adultery. The Rabbinic law said that he really couldn’t.

 

Jesus was saying, “No, that’s not true. This woman has value, and this sin cannot be committed against her.” Jesus valued women in many of His teachings, but most astonishingly, look at Matthew 28.

 

In Matthew 28:1–10, this is the day Jesus, our Savior, rises from the dead. “After the Sabbath, at dawn on the first day of the week, Mary Magdalene and the other Mary went to look at the tomb.

 

“There was a violent earthquake, for an angel of the Lord came down from heaven and, going to the tomb, rolled back the stone and sat on it. His appearance was like lightning, and his clothes were white as snow. The guards were so afraid of him that they shook and became like dead men.

 

“The angel said to the women, ‘Do not be afraid, for I know you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. He is not here; he has risen, just as he said. Come and see the place where he lay. Then go quickly and tell his disciples: “He has risen from the dead and is going ahead of you into Galilee. There you will see him.” Now, I have told you.’”

 

According to the ancient pharisaical law active at this time, a woman’s testimony was inadmissible in a tribunal. God in all of His sovereignty walks against that and entrusts the greatest testimony of all time to whom? A woman!

 

Does God value womanhood?

 

Audience: Yes!

 

Dannah: Does God affirm us as women?

 

Audience: Yes!

 

Dannah: Does God give us incredible authority and sovereignty over things in this world?

 

Audience: Yes!

 

Dannah: Does He?

 

Audience: Yes!

 

Dannah: We are incredible creations of God. If we lose the true essence of womanhood, we lose a very significant piece of what God has designed and the ability to fully reflect the God of heaven.

 

There are many things in Scripture that God says you can be. Proverbs 31 lists some pretty amazing things. This woman was rising early, she was the head of a household of many children, she was a seamstress, and she was a business woman.

 

God gives us options, but there are two things within Scripture that He commands of you and me, that He says you and I were designed for.

 

Let’s look at the first one of them. We’re going back to Genesis, as God is defining man and woman. He has already said that male and female He has created them, so that we can reflect the full image of God.

 

He’s already said that He blessed them, male and female, and gave them authority over the earth to subdue it and rule over it. Now in Genesis 2, He begins to define their roles more clearly.

 

In verse 18, it says, “The Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.’” It’s not very politically correct to say this, but God created you and me to be helpers.

 

He created you and me to be completers. He created you and me to be partners with a husband. They’re not complete without us.

 

You know, I do understand that many of you God will call to be single women, as He has called Nancy at this point in her life still to be a single woman.

 

She has a lot more freedom and flexibility than I have as a mother of three and a wife to serve the Lord in ways that I probably will never be able to because I am a wife and mom.

 

But I have these treasures of three wonderful children and a husband I wouldn’t trade for any of the opportunities that I’ve said no to.

 

In the Book of Ephesians, it says that part of our role as helper, and I’m going to say a word that’s not very popular, is that we would show submission to our husbands.

 

If we cut that out of our Scripture—if we take a razor blade and carve it out—because we think, “Wow, this truth of God just doesn’t fit. It’s kind of a little old. It needs to go to the thrift shop.”

 

Girls, we can’t try on God’s truth like a pair of boots. We can’t try on God’s truth like a pair of jeans or a skirt. God says that you and I are called to be helpmates, the submissive counterpart of a male-female relationship.

 

Remember yesterday and last night you were building on this vision that a husband and wife relationship is a picture of what? Christ and the Church, from before time. It was intended to be that.

 

If we start by saying, “Well, let’s just dismantle this truth that the woman is supposed to be submissive to her husband,” let me ask you, what does that do to the truth that we are supposed to be submissive to the lordship of Christ?

 

You see, if we take one piece of truth out, eventually the next piece of truth doesn’t work, and eventually the next piece of truth doesn’t work, and eventually you and I don’t have a faith or theology to stand on.

 

Why is the issue of a woman being a wife and a helper so important and so vital to womanhood? Because it protects the picture of Christ and the Church.

 

We, the Church, are to be the submissive, obedient partner to Christ, our Lord. Now, if any of you have your hearts beating a little heavy right now, that’s not me. That’s the Holy Spirit tapping on you and saying, “All the things the world has been throwing at you—I want to talk to you about that.”

 

The second role that God clearly gives us within Scripture is the role of being a mother. Genesis 1:28 says, “God blessed them and said to them, ‘Be fruitful and increase in number.’” It’s the very first command that God gives to mankind, and He calls us to be fruitful.

 

The number of children that each family has is dwindling. Colleges today—Christian colleges, in particular—are starting to see that there is a shift in the number of students that they have to put into the pool to recruit each year, because Christian families are choosing to follow the pattern of the world, that, “Maybe we’ll just have one.” I think it’s like 1.2 children per family now.

 

I’m not exactly sure how that point two thing works. But we have forfeited the desire to be mothers, and what are we forfeiting it on? We’re forfeiting on things like, “Let’s have really nice cars. Let’s go buy really big vacations. Hey, while we’re at it, let’s get great titles and jobs and careers.”

 

You know what that sounds like to me? Sounds like feminism. It sounds like Gloria Steinem. It sounds like women, who in the name of Christ, want the freedom to have sex before marriage and a job after.

 

They want to have sex without the physical purpose and component of bearing children, because they want to have a job. Girls, we could sit here all day and say we are Christians and that we believe the Lord is good and that we believe in following Him, but if we don’t live it out in our lives as true women who reflect the Word of God, then all we do is empower the feminist movement.

 

It’s not enough to say it with our lips. We have to live it with our lives. God created you to be a wife and a mom.

 

Well, that’s theology, and that’s the Bible. Let me also tell you a story.

 

Two years ago, a friend that I know was traveling in China and found this little girl. By the time that picture was taken, she was 13. She probably doesn’t look 13. She had been adopted when she was two years old by a Chinese couple, because she had been abandoned as a baby.

 

When she was nine years old, her father died. It’s suspected that he committed suicide, though I think he was probably a good father. The mother didn’t think that if she had a nine-year-old, she’d be able to find another husband, so she abandoned her and sent her back to the orphanage.

 

My friend Troy met her when she was 13 and three months old. In China, children age out of the adoption system when they’re 14. The age of 14, they’re set out on the streets. The best-case scenario is that they have to quit school and go work in the factories, usually textile factories.

 

The worst-case scenario is that they are trafficked—the beautiful ones are trafficked. What do you think her chances were? She’s beautiful. Troy and Donna VanLiere came home from China with a passion to find a family—a mom and a dad—for this little girl.

 

And being close friends of ours, we began an informal task force. We kept calling families who had adopted from China. “The paperwork’s clear, there’s only nine months—this is going to have to be really fast. It’s going to be a miracle of God if we can get it done, but we’re going to take her.”

 

One after the other, there were all these reasons why somebody couldn’t take her—they were in the process of adopting a child from another country, or they didn’t have the money, or Chinese adoption laws prohibited them from adopting other children because of the size of their home, on and on with these excuses.

 

And so two weeks into the process, God tapped on my heart. He said, “Dannah, I called you to be a mom.” And I thought, “Well, God, tell that to my husband.”

 

I took him out to lunch, and I said, “You know, honey, I know our lives are pretty good. We have this publishing company going on, a great son, a great daughter, a perfect working family. We’re really close, and we love each other, but I can’t stop thinking about that little girl.”

 

Her name is Zang Cho Yung, and it means, “Autumn Cloud.” My husband said, “I can’t stop thinking about her either.” So, we said, “God, if You would, in Your sovereignty, give us the $25,000 that we need on a dime to make this adoption happen; we’ll obey You.”

 

Because before we were called to be authors, before we were called to be speakers, we were called to be a mother and a father. That is our life purpose, to raise up children. “And God, maybe You won’t provide this money, but if You provide the money, we’ll do this.”

 

We quickly got a private donation of $12,000. Now, do the math. How much did we still need?

 

Audience: $13,000

 

Dannah: So, we said, “God, we need $13,000 this week.” We began praying. That week, my accountant called. He said, “Dannah, you’ve been reporting your book royalty income incorrectly, and there’s a problem with the IRS.” My heart sunk.

 

My husband’s heart sunk. We kind of said, “God, we were asking for money, and now we have an IRS problem.” But our accountant looked into it and called back a few days later, and he said, “Well, I have some news.”

 

“The IRS owes you $13,060.” (Applause)

 

August of one year ago, Autumn came to be my daughter. I had to set aside a lot of my publishing goals for that year. I had to take a whole quarter off from speaking and traveling and trust God with the finances for that.

 

It dramatically affected the results of this year and the finances of my ministry and the momentum, because I was taken off the road.

 

But what I’m called to do—my life calling, to protect the covenant of marriage and teach teens to live a life of purity—it always comes second to being a wife and a mom. Always.

 

You cannot comprehend the adventures of being a wife and mama until they’ve begun. You were called to be a wife and a mom, and as you listened to the Gettys up here talk about their romance, I could see your heart bubbling.

 

We love the romance, but you know what? I want your heart to bubble about this wonderful gift of motherhood, too.

 

Girls, 20 years ago, if I was in a room with 460 girls your age, you would have had a passion for motherhood, but the world has slaughtered it! Am I saying that you can’t be wonderful and do great things? No.

 

Women will always do wonderful things and do great things. A great example of that is Nancy Leigh DeMoss. In 1996, she spoke before the Global Conference of Campus Crusade for Christ.

 

Other great men were on the docket to speak—Henry Blackaby and many others. But when Nancy spoke, a great movement of repentance and revival came through this woman that these other men, who had been thrown in and I’m sure paid very well to speak, sat on the sidelines. They watched for a day and a half as tears and repentance flowed forth out of both men and women from across this globe.

 

It was a revival for Campus Crusade for Christ, a modern-day revival that to this day, nothing like it has happened since. A woman was appointed with that task. I am not telling you that you’re not going to do great things.

 

I believe you’re all going to do great things. I desire for you to do the greatest thing—to protect the covenant picture of the cross by protecting the covenant of marriage, and that includes being a great mom.

 

How many of you came here this weekend with great moms? Raise your hands. Well, I want to tell you that I came here with a great mom. I think she’s here. Mom, could you stand up? (Applause)

 

Everything you’ve seen today, every word of Scripture that I’ve taught, every testimony and story that I’ve shared, is because I have a great mother who prayed over my life, who believed things for my life, who prayed a verse out of Habakkuk over me every day that said, “Watch and see what amazing things the Lord will do, things that you cannot even imagine or ask.”

 

She prayed that over my life. I’d like to think that in five or ten or 20 years that Robbie Gresh and Lexie Gresh and Autumn Gresh could say, “I am what I am because I had a great mother.”

 

I want you to get your handkerchiefs. Ladies, it’s time for this generation to say, “Yes, Lord.” It’s time for this generation to say, “Yes, Lord,” to womanhood. It’s time for teenage girls to say, “Yes,” to being a wife, “Yes,” to being a mom, “Yes,” to modesty, “Yes,” to purity.

 

So, I’m not just going to ask you to wave this when you feel like it tonight and tomorrow. I’m going to ask you to wear it if you’re ready to say, “Yes.”

 

You can wear it on your ankle; you can wear it on your wrist; you can wear it as a little neckerchief; you can put it in your hair. But right now, if you’re willing to say, “Yes, Lord,” I want you to be as creative as you can. Please don’t wear it if you don’t mean it.

 

We’re going to tie these on with meaning, because we are saying, “Yes, Lord,” to womanhood.

 

We are saying, “Yes,” to biblical womanhood. We are saying, “Yes,” to being wives and moms of excellence. We are saying, “Yes,” to modesty and purity. We are saying, “Yes, God, I will pass the baton to the eight, nine, ten, 11, and 12-year-olds in my life. I will not let Satan slaughter their true womanhood.”

 

If you can say, “Yes,” tie it on right now. Awesome!

 

All right, if you’re saying, “Yes, Lord,” and you have your handkerchiefs on, stand up on your chair. I want to see where you have it. Wave it up.

 

Let me see it, and let me hear you say, “Yes, Lord, yes, Lord, I will be a wife.” Come on. Say it like you mean it. There is a lovely guy out there who is a lovely vessel for the Holy Spirit to dwell within! “Yes, Lord, I will be a wife. Yes, Lord, I will be a mom. Yes, Lord, I will be a woman of modesty. Yes, Lord, I will be a woman of purity, and yes, Lord, I will pass the baton on to the girls growing up behind me.”

 

Woo! Okay, have a seat. It’s time, one more time, for LiesYoungWomenBelieve.com Live. (Cheering)

 

Erin: So, we’re going to answer questions, just like we did in the last session, but this time, we want to keep them related to what Dannah just taught, and we have somebody running our microphone. So go ahead, we’ll take them whenever you’re ready. Go ahead, Jennyfer.

 

Jennyfer: I have a question regarding motherhood. Is it possible to be called to adopt, but not necessarily called to have biological children?

 

Dannah: Absolutely! My best friend, Donna VanLiere, who I told you about, has three adopted children and no biological children. She knows it is a call to her life.

 

Incidentally, she is the best-selling author of The Christmas Shoes series, which you might have heard of, and next April, is releasing a book to the mainstream marketplace about her faith. It’s called Finding Grace.

 

That’s the name of her first baby girl that she found. So, you should look for that, and also pray for her, because she has as voice to the mainstream where she can be a witness for Christ.

 

Audience Member: Hi, I have a question about submission. I wondered what that actually looks like in marriage.

 

Dannah: Okay, does anyone else have a question? (Laughter)  Submission, she said the “S-word.”

 

That’s a big one. I want to tell you that it’s been really hard for me to learn it. I have struggled to learn it.

 

But one of the reasons I think Paul in the Book of Ephesians said that husbands should love their wives as Christ loved the Church is that it’s extremely sacrificial. It’s the most difficult thing for a husband to do—to love, be sensitive, and be sacrificial.

 

It’s hard for a man, a male-counterpart, to do that. It’s a weakness in them, and God challenges them to slay his flesh to do that for women. I think God calls us to submit not only because we are the portion of the portrait of Christ that is the submissive part of the Church, but also because it’s very difficult for women to do.

 

You put men in a big old room, and they’re going to find their pecking order. You put men in the military, they’re going to understand authority.

 

You put girls in the room, you’re going to have a cat fight. Right? I’m serious. So, I think the biggest thing is this: The Bible says submit to each other. You can practice now with your friends in deferring to them.

 

You can practice now with your parents in honoring them, whether or not you agree with some of the decisions they make. It is a matter of respecting and loving them—not being territorial like Jezebel.

 

She wanted to be territorial and to be in charge. You want to study a woman who is the antithesis of submission, study the life of Jezebel.

 

It’s a very complex thing, but clearly, God calls us to that as women. It’s outlined in Scripture, and it’s something you really need to start on a journey to understand.

 

Erin: And I would say that the most important thing you can do now as an unmarried person is to choose a man who understands the second half of the equation.

 

We’re called to submit to that authority whether or not the man that we’re submitting to gets it, but a man who loves you and loves Christ, that’s going to make it that much easier.

 

I don’t submit easily or gracefully, but have learned that submission is really a beautiful thing, because I’m married to a man who adores me, and knows Christ. I know whether or not he makes the right choice 100 percent of the time, he’s doing it out of his love for me.

 

So, I can rest in that. That’s one great advantage that you have as an unmarried person—you can look and decide, “I’m only going to be with a man who loves me as Christ loves the Church,” and that does make it a lot easier.

 

Dannah: I have to give you a high-five on that. Two more questions.

 

Audience Member: What advice would you give if your husband gives you a command or requests that you do something, and you disagree with what he’s asked you to do, not just because you don’t want to, but because you have a conviction about it? How would you respectfully and submitfully say, “You know, this is why I don’t believe what you’re telling me to do is right?”

 

Dannah: Your blood boils a little bit. Isn’t that generally how it works for you?

 

Erin: Yeah.

 

Dannah: Okay, so there’s a blood boiling thing going on, and then you say, if you’re being governed by the Spirit that day, “Okay, Lord, I know that submission is not just mindlessly doing whatever he says, but I feel a conviction about this, Lord, and I’m not sure if You’d be pleased by this.”

 

The next thing you do is don’t say anything right away. You go to the Book of Esther. When Esther went to her husband, the king, she went in God’s timing in humility, and she was prepared to accept whatever consequence there would be.

 

She went to him and bowed before him and said, “I have something to lay before you.” She went twice before she nagged, and that’s the big mistake that a lot of girls make. We are great nags. We are classic nags.

 

You guys are already nags. You nag your mothers; you nag your fathers; you nag your girlfriend; you nag your brothers and sisters. And then you get a husband, and you have him, so why nag anyone else? Just pour it all on him, right?

 

Erin: Right.

 

Dannah: Esther didn’t do that. She petitioned. She didn’t nag. Now, when I petition my husband, and I say, “Honey, I’m not sure about this,” and he says, “That’s the decision I’m making,” I support him.

 

Erin: I think we as women, we badger. We can just pummel men with so many words that they just decide, “Okay, they waived their wife hankie.”

 

So, to be a woman is not that you don’t have a voice. I think if you say it respectfully, it’s okay to say, “Look babe, I’m not sure about this, and this is why.” But then when he chooses something different, you don’t need to just keep stinging him, which is what I’ve had to learn.

 

My husband, he’s a bear. I mean, when something’s wrong, he goes in the cave. I’m a bee. Man, I just sting, sting, sting, and I’ve had to learn to just let him go in the cave and stop stinging the poor man!

 

That’s hard to learn. I wish I had learned that, you know, before last week. (Laughter)

 

Audience Member: Hi. My question is that to be a wife and a mother is obviously a big job and a big responsibility, but you two have both balanced that with writing books and putting together a workbook and becoming speakers. How have you done that, and what has been your key for balancing those things in life?

 

Dannah: I would caution against the word balance, because that says there’s an equal weight between roles. There is motherhood and being a wife—that’s first. Well, first is my relationship with God.

 

And then comes all these fun things that we get to do. But Erin’s going through a season right now that I’ve been through a lot. She used to twirl with our Secret Keeper Girl team, but as a new mom she’s off the road.

 

Motherhood comes first. God’s going to bless that. She is a tremendous speaker. She’s well-spoken; she’s one of Monster.com’s best speakers. She goes into public high schools, and then she does Secret Keeper Girls stuff.

 

But right now, she’s not speaking. When my children were smaller, I traveled a lot less. The thing is not that a woman can’t do things—we can do almost anything. It’s that for us, there are seasons in our life that men don’t have.

 

They don’t experience the ebb and flow of being able to be free to pursue things that God’s called them to. The things that God has called us to are important, but for this past year, I was traveling less, because it was kind of like having a baby.

 

I was integrating Autumn into our family, and I’m just now being able to travel more. So, it’s not balancing. Be careful using that word. It’s not balancing. It’s prioritizing.

 

It’s saying, “At this season in my life, I have to say, ‘No, I can’t accept that book contract. No, I can’t accept that speaking engagement. Yes, Lord I will be a mom. Yes, Lord, I will be a great wife.’” It’s prioritizing that balance.

 

Erin: I just want to be really authentic and transparent with you and tell you that I’m flailing most of the time. I was 28 before I had a baby, and I was married for about eight years before that and enjoyed a tremendous amount of freedom and bought into the lie that motherhood was not for me.

 

In fact, I justified it with the fact that I was in youth ministry and thought, I can’t be a mom—I have to do youth ministry. The Lord really broke my heart of that, but I experienced those years of freedom, doing whatever I wanted. Now I have this baby that I wouldn’t trade for anything, the joy of my life, but I don’t do it well a lot of the time.

 

But the Lord really told me clearly, “This is how you are to minister. First you are to minister in your home, then you minister in your local church, and anything else I give you is icing on the cake.”

 

I am thrilled for opportunities like this. He is constantly, constantly grounding me and reminding me of that. The supermom thing is really hard to combat. None of us is doing really as well as we’d like.

 

You know, I’ve been home for about seven months, dying to be back on the road. Now, I’m away from Elisha. I’ve been away for about 24 hours, and I’m dying to be back home and be a mommy.

 

It’s hard. It stays hard, but just prioritizing is the answer and realizing I’m called first in ministry to my home, and that’s not cheating myself of anything. The Lord’s been really good giving me work beyond that, and I’m really grateful for that.

 

Dannah: We’ll take one more question.

 

Audience Member: Okay, my question is I know of a lady who adopted a severely handicapped little boy before she was married. Do you think that’s acceptable, to adopt a child before marriage?

 

Dannah: That’s a hard question!

 

Erin: These girls are brutal!

 

Dannah: I don’t know enough about that situation to answer. Is she a Christian? She must have felt led by the Lord to do that. That sounds like a very sacrificial thing to do.

 

That doesn’t sound like she was doing that for attention or frills. It sounds like she was probably doing that out of obedience. I would say that in most cases, God wants a husband to come before children—that’s the order that He has designed.

 

But let me just say something about adoption, like someone else back there asked about adoption. Adoption is a truer picture of a spiritual truth than actual physical birth.

 

Adoption is a truer picture of you and I being adopted into the family of God than is a physical birth, and I think that it can’t be ever downplayed or considered a secondary way to becoming a mother. It’s not.

 

It’s as valuable and as wonderful a way to become a mom as a birth experience. There’s not as much glory and honor in it. It’s very self-sacrificing. It’s a harder way to become a mom.

 

Erin: In James it says that religion that our God finds as pure is this: to look after widows and orphans in their distress, and to keep yourself from being polluted by the world.

 

I have a little bit of experience with adoption and foster care, and regardless of your situation, married or what any of us are in, we are called to look after those in our society who are both widowed and orphaned.

 

That doesn’t always equate to adoption, but it does always equate to taking care, finding a way to meet the needs of those groups of individuals.

 

In our society, those are usually foster children. They are orphans. The Bible does tell us as Christians to look after orphans.

 

Leslie Basham: This message was presented at True Woman ’08 in Chicago. Check out all of the messages delivered there and more by visiting TrueWoman.com.

 

There you’ll find even more ways to connect, from books and resources you can order for yourself, your friends, or your life group, to on-demand multimedia, to ongoing conversations you can be a part of, and we’re updating all the time.

 

True Woman ’08 is a ministry of Revive Our Hearts, helping you become God’s true woman.

 

All Scripture references are taken from The Holy Bible: New International Version®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House. All rights reserved.