5 Traits of a Healthy Family, with Dr. Gary Chapman

When it comes to your family, there’s a lot more at stake than just getting the dinner on the table. “What happens to your family will affect the nation, even the world, for better or for worse,” says Dr. Gary Chapman. In this episode of Grounded, Dr. Chapman joins the hosts to give a clear vision of what a healthy, thriving family should look like.

Connect with Gary

Instagram: @5lovelanguages 
Twitter: @DrGaryChapman 
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/5lovelanguages
Website: https://5lovelanguages.com/

Episode Notes

• True Girl Crazy Hair Tour: https://mytruegirl.com/tour/
• 5 Traits of a Healthy Family by Dr. Gary Chapman: https://amzn.to/45XXteZ
• “Dysfunction” season of The Deep Well with Erin Davis podcast: https://www.reviveourhearts.com/podcast/the-deep-well/season/dysfunction/

----------------

Erin Davis: Is there conflict in your home? That might not be all bad, we're going to tell you why. That is today on Grounded. I'm Erin Davis.

Portia Collins: And I'm Portia Collins. We're here to give you two things: hope and perspective. And today that's coming from the one, the only, Dr. Gary Chapman. 

Erin: I’m so excited about this episode.

Portia: Me too. I'm kind of like having a, you know, a moment. 

Erin: Yeah.

Portia: I’ve read a lot of his books. So yeah, super excited. So, E tell me, is there ever conflict in your home?

Erin: Uh, Portia, it is Monday morning. I gotta tell you that we got out the door by the skin of our teeth. And also, your microphone was hot for a little bit, and there was a little bit of conflict and you getting your girl out the door. So yeah, we do have some conflicts on the Davis farm—not just Mondays—I mean, pretty often. 

Portia: I forgot that my mic was hot. Yeah. Miss Emmy. 

Erin: Poor Emmy was struggling. 

Portia: Yes. And I ended up packing the lunch anyway.

Erin: Put your book bag on it. Get out that door, sister. 

Portia: Conflict, yes. I'm glad that Dr. Gary Chapman is here with us today to help us to get a clearer vision for what a healthy family should look like. And it isn't necessarily a conflict-free home.

Erin: I'm excited about that. These are my “happy hands,” that it doesn't mean everything has to be rainbows and butterflies in our families. And we're going to talk about why a healthy family matters, the stakes are actually pretty high. I'll give you a little bit of a spoiler alert. Dr. Gary Chapman wrote this: “What happens to your family will affect the nation, even the world, for better or for worse.” 

So, it's not just about the book bag. It's not just about the fight you may have had with your husband this morning. There is a lot more at stake than that. And it matters more than just whether you're all getting along at the dinner table tonight. 

Portia: Yeah. Sometimes we want that perception of all three at the dinner table. We're good, everything is fine. That's not always the case. 

Erin: Absolutely. 

Portia: Listen, I know you are all my Grounded sisters. I know that this episode is going to be helpful. So, the first thing that you need to do is share it with a friend. Get your family and tell everybody to tune in. 

Erin: Send a text. Dr. Chapman is on Grounded.

Portia: Yes.

Erin: Let them know. 

Portia: Yes, yes. And today when we open our Bibles to 2 Timothy to get grounded in God's Word. We'll reveal a must hear alarm from the apostle Paul about our families. Did you hear that? Get ready. It reveals something critical we must all be doing to shape our daughters and our granddaughters into women who want to nurture their families. 

Erin: Knowing what I know about the apostle Paul, I'm going to take a guess that he may have had a little bit of tension in his family from time to time, because man that guy was a bit of a lightning rod. So, I'm eager to hear from 2 Timothy. 

It's almost time for us to share some good news. But before we do that, our girl Portia’s birthday is in two days, so Happy Birthday P. 

Portia: Thank you. 

Erin: You're welcome. The five love languages, which is a concept founded by Dr. Chapman. I would guess that one of your love languages is words of affirmation. Would you say that's true?

Portia: Yes, absolutely. You got me. 

Erin: So this is your birthday gift to Portia. Step up to the chat. Let her know what you love about her. You could start with those earrings for one thing, or that smile, or it's a long list. There's a lot to love about P. So happy birthday P. We love you so much.

Portia: Thank you. Thank you. I love y'all. No tears.

Erin: Okay, no tears. Have a happy birthday. Dannah, I'm gonna let you take it away to give us some good news. And it's really, really good news. It's actually good news, especially for families of tweens. I have some tweens in my house. So, I can't wait to hear your good news this morning.

14:31 - Good News (with Dannah)

Dannah Gresh: I do have some good news, and it is about tweens—those aged eight to twelve. I'm sort of gonna like my own birthday cake along with Portia’s today. I'm going to share her birthday because this weekend I observed a really special anniversary. I wanted my Grounded sisters to celebrate with me. The fact is True Girl, my ministry for tween girls, is twenty years old. 

Two decades ago I started a collection of moms on a mission with just six other moms. Our mission was to grow closer to our girls, as we both grew closer to Jesus together. We're now hundreds of thousands of moms strong in 130 countries. Well over half a million have attended our live events. 

And so, we sang happy birthday this weekend. And we ate cake on the opening night of an all-new tour just this past weekend. And today, I want to celebrate by sharing what I believe is good news for anyone seeing the crisis among eight- to twelve-year-old girls that's happening today. 

Now, with so many tweens falling prey to the lies of the world, I'm here on the front lines. I see a glimmer of hope. 

Now, many people believe that teenagers have long been on the forefront of the spiritual battle. But this is the first time in history that tweens, eight- to twelve-year-olds have been at the forefront of the cultural crossfire. They are guinea pigs in what I believe is a doomed gender experiment where the weapons are puberty blockers and pronouns, among other things. 

Now, many experts are predicting that ten to fifteen years from now we're going to have unprecedented mental health fallout for this age group in the future. 

It's real easy to see the glass as half empty and to even give way to hopelessness. But as I said, I'm here on the front line with my True Girl team. We are uniquely poised to help parents disciple and declare truth to their children. We see tween girls who are thriving, and I'm going to tell you about just one of them today. Her name is Naomi.

Her mom wrote to tell us this let me read this to you: 

It was Naomi’s school friend's birthday a few weeks ago. This friend is not a Christian, nor does she come from a Christian family. Naomi asked me to buy a copy of Lies Girls Believe and the Truth that Sets Them Free by Dannah Gresh and Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth so that she could gift it to her friend for her birthday. My heart skipped a beat. For a second I thought, Is this too much to give a non-Christian a book filled with truth about God? I immediately knew I was wrong in my thinking. That's a lie the devil wanted me to believe. So, I ordered the book for Naomi's friend and she gifted it to her with so much confidence. I was encouraged by my daughter's unashamed desire to give her friends something that would nourish her friend’s spirit. 

Naomi girl, if you're listening, I am so proud of you. You are a God-crazy girl. And with God's help, we're going to be nurturing more girls just like you. As I said, this weekend we launched the True Girl crazy hair tour. Just look at this cutie from the tour with her crazy hair on. We'll be stopping for True Girls who are in thirty-one cities over the next two months. I invite you to come out with your tween daughter or your granddaughter.

The True Girl crazy hair tour is an invitation for tweens to stand up for God's truth and be unashamed. And that's going to mean standing out being different in a world that's forcing conformity and a terrible number of unhealthy and untruthful manners. 

The tour is a colorful celebration of truth. It starts with a song declaring it's great to be a girl. And of course, those nuances are going to be subtle as we teach. We're not going to get political or go into detail on the topic of gender, but we're giving girls courage to stand for Jesus and reminding them God chose for you to be a girl and that is in fact great. The overall theme is to be courageous and stand for truth, even if that might risk them looking a little bit crazy. Kinda like Naomi. Erin, does that sound like good news to you?

Erin: In honor of Portia's birthday, I'm gonna make a Portia move. My shoe is off, which is Portia for really good news. I actually was a part of the very first tour. I didn't get to go on tour. I just came and encouraged your team. I don't know how that could be twenty years ago. It was amazing to me. 

Dannah: It was. 

Erin: But I got to see the trajectory of what God took with your little bit of obedience. He's multiplied it to something so phenomenal. So really, really, really good news. The shoes are off, and we want to celebrate what God's done the past twenty years. 

Dannah:Thanks, Erin. 

19:22 - Grounded with God's People (Dr.Gary Chapman)

Erin: Well, if you've ever heard of The Five Love Languages, then you've heard of Dr. Gary Chapman. He's a well-known marriage counselor. He's a speaker. He's the author of many books, including that title I just mentioned. His latest book has another five in the title. It's Five Traits of Healthy Families. I know you want to have a healthy family. I want to have a healthy family, and so just get ready to learn. Welcome to Grounded Dr. Chapman.

Dr. Gary Chapman: Well, thank you, Erin, it's good to be with you.

Erin: Well, families, everybody has one. Deep down we all want our families to thrive. So why can building a healthy family be such a challenge?

Dr. Chapman: Well, I think one reason, Erin, is that there are many individuals who are now adults, and they are parents. But they grew up in very dysfunctional families. They literally have almost no idea of what a healthy family would look like. That's one of the things that motivated me to write this book. I think another that all of us realize that we need help when it comes to having a healthy family. 

So, I'm trying to just kind of make it clear, lay it out there, what it looks like. And then give practical ideas on how to work on each of these five traits.

Erin: Yeah, I think you're onto something there. I just had coffee this weekend with some friends from high school. We were in the nineties, when divorce rates were sky high. And we are children of divorce now raising our kids. And we have a little bit of that, like, what are we supposed to be doing here? We didn't see it modeled in the ways that we want to do with our own families. You've been ministering to families for a long time. What are some of the shifts that you've seen through the years?

Dr. Chapman: Well, I think one of the things is that we have grown away from the idea of covenant in a marriage, that we're committed to each other. And therefore, we're going to find ways to make this thing work. We've lost that covenant concept. And so consequently, we've gone more to an emotional perspective. If I'm not happy in this relationship, and you're not making me happy, then I'm not going to stay here. We'll find somebody who will make me happy. And that kind of attitude leads to the brokenness of family life.

Erin: You're so right. Not only are we not people not staying in their marriages, but people aren't even getting married. It’s just that value of marriage is something that's really been eroded. I do want to have you walk us through these five traits of healthy families. Of course, in this amount of time, we're going to have to give the high view, but I do want to give us a picture of these traits. First, you said families who serve. Why is it important to establish a positive attitude about working for each other and with each other, do you think?

Dr. Chapman: Well, I put this first in the book, because I believe it's fundamental. You know, if we don't have an attitude of I want to enrich your life, whether we're talking about husband, wife, or parent, child, an attitude of service in the home is fundamental. 

And here's the good news. We choose our attitude. We don't choose our emotions, but we choose our attitude. If a husband has an attitude of, “I'm here to enrich your life, Honey. You let me know how I can help you be the person you want to be. I'm there to help you.” And she has the same attitude toward him, and they have that attitude toward the children, as the children get older, they teach the children how to have that attitude. You're here to serve your brother and sister; we go serve mom and dad. And then we take that outside. The family outside the family, and they serve in the community, reaching people. You know, this all grows out of the words of Jesus who said, “I did not come to be served. I came to serve, and to give my life a ransom for others.” He’s our model. So, I think this attitude of service in the family is fundamental.

Erin: I'm gonna write that down because I have two teenage boys. And they don't always want to shovel manure in the barn and pull weeds in the garden and the things that have to be done on our little farm, but you're pointing to helping them understand the why. Which is so important. I don't always do that well. 

The second trait you listed was husband and wives who relate intimately. I don't think we know what true biblical intimacy is. How would you define biblical intimacy?

Dr. Chapman: Well, I think many in our culture, when you use the word intimacy, they think about the sexual part of marriage, and that certainly is involved. But it's far, far more than that. When I say intimacy, it's talking about intellectual intimacy. Healthy husbands or wives share their ideas about things and their dreams about things. And they don't put each other down and say, “Well, that won't work or that's wrong.” We're trying to understand each other's thoughts and feelings. We have intellectual freedom and intimacy to talk. 

Then there's emotional intimacy. We share emotions with each other—some positive, some negative—but we're open about our emotions, and we're sensitive and empathetic to each other's emotions. We're also seeking to meet the emotional needs in the family, one of which is love. And that's where The Five Love Languages helps. 

But also social intimacy. That is, we do things together with other people. And that may be going to church, there's a social aspect to that. It may be going to a ballgame. But we're sharing life with others who are part of a small group. We share our social life. And then yes, we share our spiritual life. I don't mean we preach to each other. “You know, Honey, I read this this morning in the Bible and you need to hear this.” I mean, “Honey, I read this this morning, it was so meaningful to me, I just want to share it with you.” 

So, we share our spiritual journey. And yes, then there is physical intimacy. The physical intimacy is impacted by all these other areas of intimacy. And if we don't have those areas, we will not have we will not have sexual intimacy. So, in a healthy family between the husband and wife, there'll be intimacy. You know, the Scripture says, the two become one. Deep, deep, deep intimacy, we're really deeply in intimacy and bonded with each other.

Erin: It's so beautiful. My husband, Jason, I actually just had a moment like that this weekend. The Lord's doing something in my heart, and I am a writer, I have to write it. So, I texted it to him. “This is what the Lord is doing in my heart.” And he responded very sweetly. It was a moment we could share with each other what God was doing. So I love, love that that's a mark of a healthy family. 

You said parents who guide their children is a mark of a healthy family. What is the process for establishing and enforcing wise rules with our kids? I would love to have a one-on-one here, because as I said, with teenagers, how do we guide our children well?

Dr. Chapman: Well, I think the model again is God. God gave us guidelines. God gave us rules to live by. He said, “Don’t do this, but do this.” They all grew out of his love. If we follow those, we're going to have the best possible life on earth. And so, He also shared the fact that there's going to be consequences if we don't follow those rules. And so, I think we use words and actions to teach our children. We explain things to them. But we also tie actions with them.

In fact, I’ll give you an example. A mother goes to the front door and says, “Johnny, dinner.” Little Johnny just keeps playing in the yard next door. She goes a second time, a third time, the fourth time. She says, “Johnny, get home,” and Johnny comes home. Why did he come home on number four, but not on number one, two, three. Because he's learned that if he doesn't come home, and Mama says get home, she will come down there and take him by the hand and walk him home. He does not want mother in the neighborhood. So, he comes home. The action brought him home. 

So, I say to mothers, if you want to call your children four times, that's fine with me. But if you'd rather they come home on the first call, put the action that you were putting with number four on number one. You won't walk them home but one time, and they'll come on the first call. So, it's an action, whatever, whatever the topic.

Erin: It's good. Dr. Chapman, do we ever outgrow that? When our kids are young adults, when they have their families of their own? Are there ways that healthy parents still guide their children?

Dr. Chapman: I think as adults, we know we're asking them questions in terms of Is there anything I could do to help you? Or we may be putting books in their hands. “Here's something that I heard about? I thought you guys might like to read it.” So, we can we can influence we're not we're not trying to control our adult children. If they like our advice on something, we certainly want to give it to them.

Erin: That's good. Okay, I love number four, healthy family shows honor. What is the importance of teaching, honor and respect.

Dr. Chapman: The Scriptures say clearly that children should obey and honor their parents. I think if they don't learn to obey, they likely will not learn to honor. And so, and we recognize in our culture today, this is one of the major problems. Parents have not established their authority in the home and taught children to obey the parents. And consequently, school teachers say to me, I have to spend half a day just trying to keep order in the classroom that can even be teaching, because they don't respect the teacher as the one in authority in the classroom. 

So, I think as parents, again, the whole thing of having rules, but also consequences. So, if you have a rule, tell the child what the consequences will be if they break the rule. Let's say the rule is we don't throw the ball in the house, you throw it in the yard, but not in the house. And if you do, here's what happens. You lose the ball for two days. We put it in the trunk of the car for two days. And if you broke something, we'll have to pay for it out of your allowance. So now you and the child know, you know what's going to happen. Then you can say when they throw the ball in the house, “Oh, Johnny, I'm so proud of you. You they keep the rules. But you know, you broke this one.” 

And now they begin tears, depending on their age. You know what has to happen, right? Yeah. “Let's go out and put it in the car.” So, you take them out and now they suffer the consequence. They feel that that's fair because they already knew what the consequences would be. 

So, putting those consequences there beforehand, it helps you not overreact. “I told you not to throw the ball in my house, you know better than that.” 

Erin: Yeah.

Dr. Chapman: When you get through with it, you just sit down and listen. “I love you so much. I'm so proud of you, because you seldom break the rules.” Wrap it in love. We're teaching the children to obey, and they will come to honor us when we do that.

Erin: It's so good. Dr. Chapman, as you were explaining that, I was thinking one of the things that is also eroding in our culture is honor. I mean, people don't respect teachers, as you mentioned, or law enforcement officers, or our leaders. To create a culture of honor in our home, it really has to become a countercultural thing. 

Last trait that you wrote about, and I am so glad you wrote about this, though I will acknowledge that it can be a bit of a lightning rod. You said a trait of healthy families is husbands who love and lead. Why do we need men who lead, Dr. Chapman?

Dr. Chapman: I think we should never separate those two words, love and lead—loving leader. I think many times, even in the Christian circles, we've misinterpreted that. We've used contemporary examples. We say when the husband is the leader, it means that he is the president of the company. She's the Vice President, or he's the general, he tells her what to do. 

No, no, no, no, no. Look at the verse that says. “He's the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the Church.” What did Christ the head of the Church do? He died for the Church. He gave his life to the Church. So, the husband who's a loving leader has that attitude, “Honey, I'm here to enrich your life. I'm here to help you in any way I can.” 

He takes the initiative in speaking her love language and meeting her needs and the initiative and trying to meet his children's needs and understand their needs. He's the one who's reading a book and saying, “Hey, I read this. I think it's very helpful. We'll read this together. Let's read a chapter a week. And then let's say what can we learn from that chapter?” He's taken the initiative to introduce things that he thinks will enrich the family. And I tell you, I don't think many wives will walk away from a man like that. I think she's gonna be open to that kind of leadership.

Erin: I have one of those leaders in my home. I thank God for him. You said something in your book that I found really fascinating, and frankly, comforting. You said conflict can be loving. So, as we're thinking about healthy families, can healthy Christian families have conflict?

Dr. Chapman: I think conflict is inevitable. A husband and wife will not always agree about everything for one simple reason: we're human. Humans have different ideas, different thoughts. And so, we have to recognize that upfront. I did not do that in the early years of my marriage. You know, I just argued with my wife because I was right. She argued with me because she had the same idea, that she was right. 

Listen, yeah, we're gonna have differences. But love respects the dignity and the humanity of the other person. We have the attitude, “I want to hear your perspective on this because you may be right. I want to hear it.” And you listen to them. You ask questions about it. Then you can honestly say, “Okay, I can see how that makes sense. Now, let me share my perspective.” And then they listen to you.

Now, obviously, we still disagree. So how can we solve the problem? Now you spend your energy looking for a solution, rather than spending your energy trying to win an argument. You know, if you win an argument with your spouse, they just have it your way. You won the argument, they lost. It's no fun to live with a loser. So why would you create a loser? No, no, no, we want to be on the same team. And learning how to respect each other's ideas and process them together and then look for a solution, something we can agree on as a couple. 

That’s the idea of solving conflicts. Conflicts are inevitable. We're never going to be where we agree on everything. We have to learn how to respect each other's ideas and work our way through them in a positive way.

Erin: Grounded sisters, I hope that was a firehose of encouragement for you. Because if you had a rough Monday morning, or your husband, you and your husband spent the weekend fighting, or you're at odds with somebody else in your family; that doesn't automatically discount you from being a healthy family. 

One last question, Dr. Chapman, and this is really where I know I'm going to toss the ball to you. I know you're going to hit a home run. There's more at stake here than just having happier families. Everybody wants happy families, Christians and non-Christians alike. So how do healthy Christian families impact the world?

Dr. Chapman: You know, I think there's nothing more fundamental in a culture than family. 

Erin: Amen.

Dr. Chapman: If we have healthy families, we are impacting the culture, because we're raising children who are going to be emotionally and spiritually healthy. They're going to make an impact and expands beyond that. I think there are few things that are more important in our culture than seeking to have healthy families. And if Christians can take the lead in that and demonstrate that and experience that, the non-Christian world will look upon that and really want to have it. Because as you said, even non-Christians want to have good families. So, no question about it. We desperately need healthy families in our culture today, and it will radically impact the culture.

Erin: Amen to that. Dr. Chapman, thank you for being on Grounded, and what a rich conversation. I do want to point people to your newest book Five Traits of a Healthy Family, by Dr. Gary Chapman. We are going to drop the link because I know you're gonna want to get your copy today. Dr. Chapman, thanks again for everything you are doing for so many years to encourage God's people to have healthy families.

Dr. Chapman: Well, thank you, Erin. It was good to be with you all. I appreciate what you gals are doing. Keep up the good work.

Erin: We thank you so much. Dannah, it's time to stay grounded in God's Word. Dr. Chapman was pointing us to the Scriptures. Of course, he was, but you are going to point is to Second Timothy. So, I'm ready.

36:17 - Grounded in God's Word (with Dannah)

Dannah: I always love a good dose of Dr. Gary Chapman, and he's been encouraging us today with the idea of getting passionate about health—having healthy families.

The passage I'm going to take you to actually gives us the character traits of when our families are not healthy. I'm taking you there because I want to sound an alarm, because alarms tell us to take action, and that can be a very good thing. 

Now first, I want to share a couple stats with you, because today's young people have little to no desire for marriage and family. And the Church has not escaped this. It's not just boys who aren't interested in marriage and family, as once was stereotypical. The girls too have lost their desire. 

Now, when I was a teenager, stats tell us that about 20% of Christians felt that women should not emphasize the roles of being a wife and a mother. That was in 1987. I'm dating myself. 

By the time my own girls were teens, this had grown to 47% of girls in the Church who felt that the roles of marriage and motherhood should not be emphasized. 

Wow, almost doubled by 2007. And it's only continued to grow since then. 

Now when I hear that, I think two things: one, I think as we were just reminded, that God created marriage and family to be a picture of His love. So, this matters, and it's something we ought to pay attention to. 

But the second thing I think of is that God told us this would happen. The apostle Paul actually wrote about this lack of love for family when he penned 2 Timothy 3. I want to read to you verses 1–5. As I read these, just let your heart take inventory if any of these traits might be cropping up in your own family. It says, 

But mark this, there will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy. Without love [we're gonna come back to those two words] unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with such people. 

Ouch, any of those things sound like they're cropping up in your home? I want to zero in on those two words without love. This was the Greek word a astorgos, which specifically means without affection. But the Greek language was always very specific with the kind of love or affection being described. And some would say that this verse was specifically referring to without an ability to observe covenant love, that they lost their covenant attitude, as Dr. Gary Chapman just said, that’d be a love for marriage. And this has led other commentators to say what they're really saying here is that in the end days, there will be a lack of family love. 

So, Paul prophesized that people will be lovers of themselves, disobedient to parents, and without family love. He describes this as terrible times. 

Now, why on earth would I be sharing this in an episode on Grounded about really having thriving healthy families? 

It's because I want to sound an alarm that we would not let our children fall prey to this mentality, but we would call them to rise up to be passionate protectors of family love. 

Now, there's a really hard piece of advice in this passage that I want to show you. And it's one of the ways we respond to the alarm. It's right there in black and white. It's harsh, and it's hard to read. But I'm going to read it again. Because God's Word says that when you meet such people, people who have that lack of family love, who are disobedient to their families, who are selfish, and lovers of themselves; it says that when you recognize them as having a form of godliness . . . Remember, the Church has not escaped this lack of family love. It's right in our pews when they have a form of godliness but deny its power. Let me remind you, my friend, there is power in a godly life. And here's the advice: when you see them, have nothing to do with such people. Ouch. 

That is not your politically correct self-help advice you're on Grounded today is it? The Bible says have nothing to do with people who hate God's design of family. 

Now, pause right there. I don't think that means we're unkind. That would not be consistent with the whole context of Scripture. 

But maybe just maybe, we're discerning about how much we expose our own hearts and the hearts of our children, to people who are like that. Maybe we stop expecting our kids to hang out with them, for us to hang out with people like that without being infected. After all, the Proverbs tell us “he who walks with the wise will grow wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm.” 

Let's be careful with our kids and who they hang out with. So many times we have this missionary mentality with our kids. And it's not that they can't take a birthday gift to a friend's house that teaches them about the love of God by buying a book that that shares the love of God. Maybe that particular friend who doesn't know Jesus isn't without family love. But let's be careful when they are our children. They are the mission field. Let's plant the desire for family in our children. And do it in the simple things, the day by day, moment by moment ways, in simple ways. Tell your children how much you love being a wife and mom today that it's been the joy of your life. Tell the young women in your church that being a mom is the greatest job you've ever had. 

Listen, I have a great job right now. But it pales in comparison to my job as a mom and a grandma. Am I saying it's always going to be easy to be a wife and a mom? No. And it's often a dying to self. Just as men who lead well die to themselves the way that Jesus did. So do women who lead well—die to themselves the way that Jesus did. Remind yourselves these diapers, they're only going to last a few years. This hard season in marriage, it will pass by God's grace. These years of endless grocery shopping and milk, cooking and cleaning the kitchen, will be a distant memory soon. You're gonna be like me standing in the ketchup aisle thinking, I guess I don't need the family size. And then you'll burst into tears because you so wish you did. 

My friend, the picture of love that we're painting with family that's going to last forever. Let's rise up and be women that leave a legacy of family, love in the hearts of our daughters so that they will be nurturing family love and healthy families in the future. 

Portia: Amen Dannah. That's such a hard passage of Scripture. So, this is gonna sound weird when I say it. But it's probably one of my most favorite and most visited passages of Scripture. Because in that alarm, we need to be reminded of the dangers and what it looks like and how we should respond. And I think you just gave us all of that and I am so grateful for you. You're teaching it, and I'm grateful for God's Word. 

Dannah: Thank you, Friend. 

All right, guys, you can't count on us to give you what the good stuff. I've got a podcast recommendation for you. Our very own Erin Davis has a teaching podcast called The Deep Well I'm sure most of you know that. I love it. You love it. 

Well, Erin recently recorded a series for that podcast on the life of Joseph. It's called “Dysfunction.” Timely, right? Listen to this testimony from a woman who has been listening to that series. She says, 

As I walk on my mom's treadmill, enduring her recent death and taking care of her estate, I kept asking God why He put me on this path? I have discovered secrets and deceit that I could never imagine. He has brought me grace and contentment beyond anything I could have ever hoped for. Erin digs deep and reminds me that I am not alone. I will be listening to her on my long drive home from my mom's. I am so very thankful for the dedication and prompting that she follows as I unpack all my baggage from a family with many distinctions of needing God in their lives. I pray for God's love to step in and embrace each one of us in this enduring time of our loss.

I mean, I think that says it all. Erin says this all the time that families have dysfunction, and that means that every family can showcase God's power to redeem. So, if you've got a dysfunctional family, just know that you are perfectly positioned for the redemptive power of God. 

Well, all thirteen episodes of this podcast series are available to you right now. And we will provide a link in the podcast notes and in the chat if you're watching live, or you can head on over to ReviveOurHearts.com/TheDeepWell and you can check it out now.

Dannah: Good stuff, I like to say. I think that the Gresh family puts the
“funk” in dysfunction.

Erin: I can affirm that. Yeah. 

Dannah: Oh, you’re saying that about my family, Erin?

Erin: I’m saying that about your family and my family—everybody’s family. 

Dannah: Hey, speaking of families today, I don't want to let today pass without remembering that there are families out there who are still hurting after twenty-two years. This is the anniversary of 9/11. And so, if you know one of those families, make sure you send a text, make sure you make a call. Make sure you make a social media post that just kind of reminds them you haven't forgotten about the sacrifice and the hard things that they faced twenty-two years ago.

Erin: Yeah. I don't know how that can be twenty-two years ago, same as the True Girl tour. So much time passed, but those wounds are still open. 

Hey, Dannah, Jason watches every episode of Grounded, and he texted me this, “Why does Dannah have to break my heart so much?!” You got him with the family size ketchup comment. So, you got my man crying this morning.

Dannah: That was a bad moment. 

Erin: What a good reminder that the family years, they don't last forever. They are such an opportunity for us to showcase the gospel. So, really strong episode, ladies. I was glad I got to do it with you.

Portia: Amen. Same. Very strong, very encouraging, very convicting, all of what we need: hope and perspective.

Erin: Yeah, absolutely. 

Portia: Well, I’m excited because a favorite of mine will be back with us next next week. Justin Whitman Early will be back, and you loved him. The last time he was on, I loved him. We all loved him. He's coming back next week to help us rethink our social lives, so don't miss it. I am excited. Last time he talked to us about habits. This time we're going to talk about socialization. He knows how to pack a punch, and I'm ready for it. 

Erin: It’s going to be good. I found on social media this weekend he posted that his wife just bought him a motorcycle. So, we’ve got to ask about that. You gotta be here for that. Let's wake up with hope together and motorcycles next week on Grounded.

Dannah: Grounded audio is powered by Skype. Grounded is a production of Revive Our Hearts calling women to freedom, fullness, and fruitfulness in Christ.

*Offers available only during the broadcast of the podcast season.