How Not to Ruin Thanksgiving, with Janet Aucoin and Robyn Bush

What if the perfect Thanksgiving is as simple as setting aside expectations? In this freeing episode of Grounded, you’ll hear from guests Janet Aucoin and Robyn Bush about how you can enjoy the gifts God has for you. 

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Episode Notes

Portia’s Sweet Potato Casserole recipe

Dannah’s Baked Pineapple Stuffing recipe

Erin’s Pecan Shortbread Squares recipe

Joyful Journey podcast

“Freedom: Molly’s Story” video 

“Encouragement for Hard Holidays” episode

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Dannah Gresh: Hey, have I ever told you about the time I threw mashed potatoes across the room? It feels like a really good story to tell this Thanksgiving week. We're gonna try to help you figure out how not to ruin Thanksgiving. I'm Dannah Gresh, and this is Grounded.

Portia Collins: And I am Portia Collins. Dannah, I vaguely remember this story. I don't know all the details. But I do remember, probably because it involves you throwing mashed potatoes.

Dannah: Well, that it remains to be seen whether I really threw them or not. You have to stick around to find out. Erin Davis was in my life at the time this event happened, and she's the one that wrote it into today's episode. She's not here to defend herself.

Portia: She just threw you under the bus.

Dannah: Threw me under the mashed potato bus. 

Portia: Well, we've all got two things on our mind this week. Mashed potatoes is one of them. 

Dannah: Yes.

Portia: The other one is expectations.

Dannah: Oh, yes. I gotta tell you, I've got them. I've got expectations for how this week will go. I'm hosting Thanksgiving dinner for my family at my home. I know that those expectations for the table looking just so and everyone arriving on time and everyone being happy and the grandbabies not fussing when we need to eat turkey, all those expectations can be a recipe for holiday disasters. We just want to help each other lay those things aside in this episode so that our hearts are truly free to enjoy the gifts God has for us as we gather together this week.

Portia: I love that. You know the best gifts are often the ones that we don't expect. Since Thanksgiving is all about expressing our gratitude for God's gifts, we want to find out if laying aside expectations can help with that.

Dannah: Yes, our guest today, ne of them anyway, is Janet Aucoin. She's a women's ministry director who says that when things don't go like we expect them to, it's an opportunity for God to do something remarkable in our hearts.

Portia: I like that, opportunity. Good word there. Also, Robyn Bush is with us. You know I love Robyn. But she knows the deep pain of having your expectations swallowed by grief. We're going to hear some of the lessons that God taught her through a holiday season that left a very traumatic mark on her family.

Dannah: Yeah, Robyn is truly a special friend of this ministry. I'm so glad she's back. Her story will be one you remember, and it will be one that encourages you. 

Well, quick transition here, but you know, Portia, there's something I love about Grounded. You know what that is? 

Portia: Me? 

Dannah: Yes, you of course, and your smile and your great makeup, which never fail to get many compliments on social media. We are a sisterhood. That's what I love about it. Sisters can go from talking about really hard stuff to comparing our favorite recipes in a heartbeat. It's kind of like laughter through tears. We do that really well. You know what I mean? 

Portia: Yeah, I agree.

13:55 - Good News (Favorite Thanksgiving Recipes!)

Dannah: So, here's the quick transition. Portia and I are each going to share our favorite Thanksgiving recipe. So that's your cue Portia to give us the good news for the day.

Portia: Well, that is definitely the good news. Today's good news is interactive. It is our first ever Grounded recipe swap. Okay, now we've all we've done recipes before, but we've never swapped them. I'm gonna give you all the good stuff today. We are each going to share a Thanksgiving favorite, and we hope that you will too. 

Use that chat feature. You’ve got plenty of time to find your recipe and copy and paste it in the chat. You can leave us a comment, maybe about something that your family expects. See what I did there, expects you to bring to the table. I really want that because I'm gonna go back, and I'm gonna catalog these. Alright, I'll go first. 

Dannah: You go.

Portia: My family loves, loves, loves my sweet potato casserole. In fact, my mother-in-law, that is what I am bringing to Thanksgiving dinner. 

We're gonna drop this recipe here. But listen, when I'm talking about scrumdiddlyumptious, and y'all know I am a foodie . . . Okay, probably too much so but this is so good. It's super easy to make. If you are not a chef, I don't think that this would be an intimidating recipe for you. So, check it out all this yummy goodness. My favorite part about it is the topping. The topping is like this pecan crusted topping. That is, I can't put words to it. You guys got to try it, and come back later on and tell me how much you loved it. 

Dannah: I cannot imagine anyone who hasn't discovered this recipe, but there's so many different varieties of it. So I'm going to try yours Portia, maybe this year. 

Portia: Please do, because I don't do the one with the marshmallows. Okay. 

Dannah: I don’t do that one either. I shouldn't have scrunched my face up like that, because maybe maybe you liked that one. If you like the one with the marshmallows, make the one with the marshmallows. 

Portia: I scrunch my face up every time you talk about eating candy corn, so I think it's fair game. Now listen, Dannah, you've got those adorable granddaughters that are three now. And they're coming to your Thanksgiving table this year. So, what is something you're planning to make? 

Dannah: Well, you know, Thanksgiving isn't Thanksgiving without turkey and stuffing. There's the classic stuffing made with white bread crumbs. There's the cornbread stuffing which is delicious. At our house, we also make because you can't not make one of those. You got to have those. We also make baked Pineapple Stuffing. Have you heard of this?

Portia: Absolutely not.

Dannah: It's amazing. You have to promise me you're gonna try it. It's butter. I mean, right there. Butter and pineapple and bread crumbs and eggs and you just promise me when you try this recipe . . . Make sure that the edges get a little bit browned and caramelized because that's the good stuff. Make sure you serve the best stuff to everybody so everybody needs some of the edge. Right? I was gonna say sort of the best stuff to you. But that that's not how we roll on Grounded. But it's really good. You're gonna love it. Give it a try. Hopefully my granddaughters this year will love it because they've never had it before. 

Portia: Oh, so it's good?

Dannah: It's so good. I mean, you know it's really, really good with ham. So, if you're a ham family on Thanksgiving . . . 

Portia: Pineapple and brown sugar all marry well together.

Dannah: And pineapple because we often put the pineapple and the Maraschino cherries, which don't get me started on the Maraschino cherries. Me and Maraschino cherries are not friends. But yeah, if you're making ham, you’ve got to make the Pineapple Stuffing.

Portia: Cool. All right. Well, dear sister, Erin, if you notice, she is not here, sad face. She is actually currently stranded in an airport in Canada. She wishes that she could be here, but guess what? She was not going to miss out on this fun. So, she sent some pictures of her kiddos in the kitchen and her recipe for pecan . . . (Yes, a pecan or do you say pee-can? Y’all, tell me in the chat.) I say pecan shortbread squares. And so, we're going to drop a link to that. We miss you Erin. Can't wait to have you back. I think I'm going to try this recipe because I am a pecan girl . . . big time.

Dannah: Pecan is the correct way to say it for sure.

Portia: It is? Okay, all right. You know I'm good for butchering a word with my country southern accent. Good deal. Okay, my tastebuds are ready, y'all. We need to get our hearts ready. It is time to get grounded with God's people. So Dannah, take it away.

19:08 - Grounded with God's People (Janet Aucoin)

Dannah: Our first guest today is Janet Aucoin. She serves as the Director of Women's Ministries at Faith Church in Lafayette, Indiana. She has an experience or a skill that we all need desperately. She's gonna share that with us. It's managing expectations. Janet is the host of the Joyful Journey podcast. We've given her a big assignment this morning, to help a group of women, that's you and me, lay aside the weight of our expectations this week and beyond. I believe she's up to the task. Welcome to grounded Janet; we're so glad to have you today.

Janet Aucoin: Oh, I'm excited to be here. 

Dannah: Okay, so let's admit right up front, things are not going to go perfectly this week, for me, and for others. There's going to be turkeys that don't thaw on time, and you end up having hamburger helper for Thanksgiving dinner. There's going to be a family member who said they're going to be there and they go AWOL. And we also have to face the fact that things really haven't gone perfectly on a bigger scale on a global scale. Relationships are still experiencing some tension, financial challenges. Our kids, some of our adult kids, aren't walking with the Lord or aren't walking in relationship with us. Even some marriages are experiencing a lot of hurt right now. What kind of emotions should we be preparing ourselves for? Because I think we're all ready for the happy emotions. But what other kinds of emotions do we need to expect to experience this week when things like that happen?

Janet: Oh man, that's such a good question. As you're saying that I'm like, I want all those things to be that way. That's good that we would like it to be that way. But it's ironic to me that the whole point of at least Christmas is things are such a mess. There was no hope. We are so hopeless; God Himself needed to come. We make Christmas and Thanksgiving about that it should be perfect now. 

So, I would say, recognize the whole purpose of Christmas reminds me that I don't have a right to expect Thanksgiving to not be affected by the curse. But I can go into Thanksgiving knowing Jesus goes with me. And because of Christmas, and because of Easter, He's in my heart, and I get the privilege of whatever happens that Thanksgiving, I get to show His values and not be surprised that there's these longings that make me ache? Because I'm not with Him yet.

Dannah: Yeah, yeah. Oh, that's good. So, in other words, we should stop expecting everything to go as planned, that everything would be easy. Jesus said that in this world you will have trouble. That doesn't exclude the holidays. We could have trouble this holiday season. That's going to create anger, frustration, tension, anxiety, sadness. 

So, what's the connection between some of those negative emotions and unmet expectations? What do they have to do with one another?

Janet: You know, I think that's exactly where they come from. I get the privilege of doing a lot of counseling with a variety of different women. I spent a lot of years thinking, “Oh, this person is angry, how do I help them? This person's discontented, how do I help them? This person's anxious?” 

And yes, we're all unique individuals. I want to grow in helping them. But over time, it became evident to me that there's a common root here. What I'm finding is all of us . . . What I expected my life to be like is disconnected from the reality I'm facing, and I don't know what to do with that. So now, how do I fix it? Instead of recognizing, I shouldn't be surprised by that. 

Dannah: Yeah. 

Janet: I should expect that I'm going to have longings when I'm in a broken world separated from my maker. I should expect longings because I wasn't designed to find my fulfillment in this broken world. When I stopped looking, I actually think there's far more joy here.

Dannah: Yeah, Yeah. Well, I'm gonna ask you something. You just mentioned a moment ago, how do we fix it? How do we fix it so that when those expectations aren't met? How do we turn those moments into something good instead of something explosive or hurtful?

Janet: Yeah, I think it increases my joy when I stop expecting what I call the feast here. Like if you were invited to the White House for one of their massively amazing dinners, and all you got was a couple of appetizers. And then you went home totally disappointed, totally hangry, totally stopping at McDonald's and very disappointed. 

But what happens when I'm going to my small church fellowship to see women I haven't seen in forever because of COVID, and it's a little appetizer luncheon. I have the very same appetizers. It's awesome. I enjoy it. Why? Because of what I expected. 

I think when I realize the feast is coming, the marriage supper of the Lamb, it's coming. There's going to be a time when I'm with my Savior, all the longings are going to be gone. Jesus and Christmas is the guarantee of that. Then I stop expecting that then I walk into Thanksgiving knowing now I have a different role. I get to out of gratitude for what I know He's already done, and for what I know is coming. All those longings I have, they've already been met. I'm just not there yet, but it's all been met. 

Now, I get to walk into Thanksgiving saying I get to be like Jesus and bring order to chaos. Now I get to display Jesus so that when there's a problem at the dinner table, and there's an argument, I get to bring biblical restoration. I get to display the values of Christ everywhere I go. Thanksgiving disasters can't stop me. Christmas complainers can't stop me. I'm doing it because I'm grateful that all those longings I have, by faith, I know they've all been met. And one day when I'm with Him, I'll never have another longing. 

So in the meantime, I didn't get too out of gratitude. Just display His character everywhere I go. And I'll tell you, there's so much more joy in that.

Dannah: Yeah, there is. What you're saying is that unmet expectations are an opportunity to put the glory of God on display. 

I have to admit that at times, I've used them as an opportunity to let my flesh be on display. And we have to choose which one we're going to embrace. 

Let's get practical. The whole purpose of Thanksgiving really isn't the food, not the family. It's not the elaborate picture, perfect Instagram decorations, which don't ever quite end up on my table. To be honest, all those things are great if you have the time for them and the gift for them. But to express our gratitude to God, that is the purpose of why we're gathering. We've still got a few days before we do that. How do we get our hearts focused on God and His gifts rather than those expectations for other things?

Janet: Oh, I think that's such a good question. It's what I need to be doing. We're in the process of putting on a banquet tonight for women in our community to share the gospel. I think I'm so grateful that we get to do it. But sometimes we think, therefore, it should be easy, and there shouldn't be all the last-minute problems that are happening right now. 

Dannah: Yeah.

Janet: But when I remember that's going to be the case, how do I get my heart right? When I'm amazed at the true purpose of Christmas, Jesus chose to leave a place with complete joy, complete satisfaction, complete unity, and come to this mess to give me the hope that if I have committed my life to Him, I'm going to be with Him forever. And with that hope, I get to walk into Thanksgiving saying, “Now, here's my new focus. How do I out of gratitude live out my true purpose in life?” 

I believe my true purpose in life is that I get to represent the values and character of God everywhere I go. 

If I'm over the next several days steeping my mind in His values, His character, what He's done for me, then I walk into Thanksgiving saying, “Who do I get to do that for?” 

Dannah: Yeah.

Janet: Who do I get to show the values and love of Christ so that when dinner is burnt, how do I get to show the values and love of Christ? And that becomes a win.

Dannah: Right.

Janet: There's a problem at our event, how do I get to show the values and love of Christ? That's my purpose. I'm grateful that I get to do it because Jesus came. And when that's what I'm focused on, I should be the most joyful person on the planet, no matter what's going on around me.

Dannah: Right? Exactly. In fact, when we react to our unmet expectations with grumbling, that displeases God. Numbers 11:1 says that the Israelites were complaining and it displeased God. That's my loose translation. That's the Dannah Gresh version. We do not please the Lord when we enter into those disappointments with our grief and complaints. I've been practicing gratitude instead of grumbling this month. 

Last week, we had a really big event here in our hometown. And on my way to the event, the roads were really bad from an early November snowstorm. I really wanted to grumble because they were so bad. I went by three cars that were off the road. I got there. I said to my husband, we have to call everyone and tell them they shouldn't come.

Like, this is really disappointing, unmet expectations. We have a room not sold out. It was a free event, but it was reserved, everybody was going to be there. And you know what? Because I've been practicing gratitude instead of grumbling. I said, “Lord, Jesus, thank You for the snow. You're using it already to water the earth for the spring, when the land can grow food for us. You're such a good God. I don't know what You have planned tonight, but I trust You that it's good.” 

There were only about 50 people at that event. But it was a sweet, intimate gathering. We had some prayer that we would have missed had we had the larger crowd. We wouldn't have been able to do the small, intimate prayer. I think the Lord wanted some prayer work done. So, He knows what He's doing. He is in control. Take those expectations and make them, as Janet Aucoin said, an opportunity to showcase the gospel and the glory of Jesus Christ. 

Janet, is there a way that we can stay in touch with you, follow you on social media? Do you have a website? Tell us how we can get more of you?

Janet: Oh, well, we have a podcast called Joyful Journey podcast. So that's at JoyfulJourneyPod.com. We are on Instagram and Facebook with that podcast. And that's probably the best way to get in touch with us. But our goal with that podcast is we say is when you choose truth, you're choosing joy. And so, helping people understand even with our expectations, when I'm thinking theologically, I'm not surprised by my longings, and I have a greater capacity for joy.

Dannah: Amen. Thanks for being with us this morning. Thank you, grateful. 

Janet: Thank you.

32:03 - Video Clip

Dannah: You know, most of our expectations are deeper than the food on the table. They're directed at our family members, things we want and expect from them. Watch this short and convicting video about a woman who realized her expectations are rooted in pride.

Molly: I have a very strong personality and definite opinions about everything in life, including marriage. I had high expectations of what a Christian marriage might need to look like. 

And so, when we went into marriage, we started having conflict, because both Phillip and I are strong willed and have opinions. There was that conflict, and I was then very easily upset. When it didn't go the way, I thought it should. We really would have divorced, probably, if we hadn’t known the Lord. We were committed to the covenant we made, and we had children. We knew that that was not the way. And so, it wasn't an option. We didn't talk about it. But in my heart and in Philip’s heart, we wanted a way out. I didn't share with anyone what was going on. I didn't know what to do. And so, it was a lonely place to be. 

The summer of 2010 I heard Kim and LeRoy Wagner on Nancy's program. They were on for several days speaking about their marriage. And for the first time in my life, I saw someone put words to what was going on between Phillip and I. 

So, I followed Kim on the blog. Then she came out with a book called Fierce Women: The Power of a Soft Warrior. That'sjust been so powerful and so practical, just helping me back off and look and realize the amount of pride in my life, because I thought that I knew the way everything ought to be and the way it ought to be done. I had very big expectations. After my eyes had been opened to that pride that I had, I realized that God's made him different. I mean, I guess I knew that. But I accepted that I could accept that God made him different, and that's a beautiful thing. And so slowly, it's been about three years now since I first heard her testimony and how that's affected me. 

And then that's been impacting my marriage. But most importantly, the realization was, it's not about me trying to fix our marriage, or fix Philip in any way. It's the Lord say, “Molly, look at your own heart/ I want you to see there's no humility, you have a critical spirit.” 

And so, the Lord's been doing a lot of work in my life, and it's a continual work daily. And that's what I appreciate about Nancy's radio program, it just as always points me back to Christ. My husband has a generous heart, and he just has seen the changes in me. The desire to want to give back to a ministry that's given to us. That's really what we're called to. That's what God calls us to do, to pour into and to build up the storehouse for those that are preaching the gospel. That's what we love about Revive Our Hearts. I love the line of calling women to freedom, fullness, and fruitfulness in Christ, because ultimately, that's what it is. Through biblical womanhood, that's drawing women to Christ. 

And so, Phillip just has seen that, and we both wanted to be part of getting that message to others, and giving financially to the ministry we know helps spread those resources further.

35:57 - Grounded with God's People (Robyn Bush)

Portia: I love that. I love that. Well, we're going to continue our conversation on unmet expectations. We had Robyn Bush on Grounded back in 2020. She's one of those guests who is hard to forget, we'll drop a link to that episode. It's called “Encouragement for Hard Holidays.” I'm glad that she's back today, because we know that she has wisdom to share on how to cope with unmet expectations. And so welcome back to Grounded, Robyn.

Robyn Bush: Good morning. So good to be here.

Portia: Glad to have you, friend. Several years ago, your family faced a tragedy, not at Thanksgiving, it was closer to Christmas. Tell us a little bit about that.

Robyn: Yes, we were heading into the holiday season and Christmas was right around the corner, and my husband came down with a virus, just a normal stomach virus. In the midst of throwing up, he tore his left carotid artery. That led to a stroke, a massive stroke. And of course, never was that anywhere in our expectation. And so, we headed into the hospital. They didn't know if he was going to make it or not. They said three days will probably tell us if he can survive the next three days. At the end of that three days, he passed away. 

And so, it felt like the world had been praying for us. We knew and believed God could heal. And yet, God has His own ways and His thinking is far above ours. 

And so, that was December 22. Todd had signed up to be an organ donor. And so, we then immediately stepped into that process of organ donation. It took us about 48 hours to find if there are matches and because Todd was so healthy, all of his organs were available, and praise God for that. They found the recipients over the next two days and then on Christmas Eve, they took him back and all the doctors flew in and got the organ that they needed for their patients and flew back and on Christmas morning all those patients received a new shot at life, a new gift.

That was kind of our journey. We stepped into just a very surreal drama show, shocking loss, and happening around a time when you're expecting to be able to sit around and do all the things that your family always does at Christmas time. Life was turned upside down for us.

Portia: So, needless to say, I mean, you have definitely had some experience with holidays not going according to plan, probably the most extreme have instances that we've seen. And I guess the question or what I want to know is, what truths from God's Word did you find yourself clinging to on that first Christmas without your husband?

Robyn: Right? It's so intriguing. The thing that kept ringing . . . I just loved your last guest, she was brilliant. Expectation robs our joy. It just does. I think one of our presidents said that at one point, I don't know who it was. But when we set up these expectations in our hearts, and they don't get met, man, we turn to bitterness, anger, frustration, and start doubting everything, like, “Why is my life going this way? It's supposed to be this.” 

I had been sitting with the Lord, have known the Lord for so many years of my life. I’m so thankful for that. He had just been faithfully building foundational truths into my life. I knew that Todd belonged to God (that's my husband's name). Todd belonged to him, and God gets to do with us as He chooses. And we can trust that the way He chooses to deal with us is loving. We know that the enemy wants to root in and cause destruction and all the horrible things. But God is sovereign over even that. 

And so, I really began to cling to the things that I had been learning. I just felt compelled to draw near to Him. He tells us to draw near to Him constantly—come sit with Me, come learn My truth. 

And so, there isn't even one truth other than sitting with God's Word. It became the safest place for me to sit and soak. I wanted to turn to the Lord, I didn't want to be angry with Him. Because, again, that truth of Todd belonging to Him, just was so heavy in my heart in a good way, that as well as the reality of as believers, we know that when we're not present in the body, we're with the Lord. 

And so, even in the midst of the pain and the grief . . . and there were so many tears, so much of suffering. Grief does not end just because you make it through the first year. It's always something that is marking your life. Its always kind of present, even in the joyful times. 

But yeah, God just continually meets us in all those moments, in the moments of joy and in the moments of real heartbreak and heartache. His Word just pours truth. It helps us contextualize the events in our lives as circumstances into the greater narrative of His truth. And so that's why I can tell anybody just draw near do not pull away from Him in the hard seasons drawn near and press in.

Portia: Yeah, I'm getting weepy because everything that you're saying is so applicable to me right now. I lost my uncle in August. He was very, very, very close to me and to my daughter, Emery. And, you know with the holidays I've been struggling with this in my mind, because it's like that grief is so fresh. The holidays have a way of reminding us about areas of our life where there is a gap between what we expect and what God has actually given us. I'm so accustomed to having my uncle sit at my table, and we had just moved. 

This is the second Thanksgiving that we've been in our new house. I was looking forward to hosting him for Thanksgiving. It's just my expectations. What I have is not lining up. I would really appreciate it if you would just take a minute to pray for women like me who are feeling that gap today, who are feeling that grief and look at the holiday season through a different lens this year.

Robyn: Absolutely. Let's go to the Lord right now. 

Father God, I praise You that you are good Father, that you know exactly what is in the recesses of our hearts, the pain that we're experiencing, the suffering that's present, the loss that we feel, the grief that is happening in small ways and in large ways. Lord, I thank You that each of us are seen by You that you know us better than we know ourselves. 

And, Lord, as we step into a season where memories are really heavy and expectations are just so present Lord, more than anything, I pray that You would help our hearts turn to You, to be drawn into the narrative of eternity, that this is temporal. And that even in the temporalness of our lives, upon earth, You call us to weep and to grieve and to lament. I praise you that You are so gracious, that You don't try to move us through that, and not let us sit in it and recognize that there is pain and loss in this world. But You have come and You have rescued us. And You provide a way in which to bring our griefs to You, to offer them as worship to You, that we can entrust them to You. 

So, Lord, encourage hearts as we step into this week of Thanksgiving. Let people see You in a new way. Let them experience Your joy in the midst of grief. I praise You that we can hold those two things that seem to be so in tension with each other at the same time. 

So, give us radical acceptance to the situations that are happening in our lives, to entrust You with them, and to also have radical expectations about what eternity is going to be like, to keep our gaze focused upon You. I just ask it in Jesus’ name, amen.

Portia: In Jesus’ name, amen. Girl, I cannot keep it together.

Robyn: You're gonna make me cry. I'm a big crier.

Portia: Yeah, it's tough, but you have really given me hope and perspective today. So, thank you so much for being with us, Robyn. Yes, thank you, Happy Thanksgiving to you or your family too.

Robyn: You, too. Bye, bye. 

Portia: Well, I think now is the best time for Dannah to come back and keep us grounded while I go cry.

46:50 - Grounded in God's Word (Eph. 4:29)

Dannah: Portia girl, praying for you and lots of others this Thanksgiving. Because you're missing someone special around the table. 

You know, this is when we usually take some time to get you some tools so that you can take the topic of this episode a little further. The tool we want to give you today is God's Word. We want to get you grounded in God's Word with a quick Scripture snack. Before we sign off for today, I want to read to you Ephesians 4:29. It says, “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouth, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” 

We're going to need that verse in the next few days. People are going to need a lot of grace this week. Some because they're grieving. I have a friend who just lost her husband a few years ago and she grieves very differently from her adult daughter. They've needed to apply grace to one another's hearts. 

So, I'm going to need grace because they show up late and their side dish still isn't finished baking, making dinner late. So, I'm gonna need grace. And they do things that affect all of you. In those moments, can I just encourage you, don't let corrupt talk come out of your mouths. 

The Hebrew word this morning . . . I was just looking at this verse for one last time, and the Hebrew word for “corrupt.” I just wondered what is it? It means bad, rotten, decayed, unwholesome. Don't let any bad, rotten, decayed or unwholesome words come out of your mouth when you face unmet expectations. Bad, rotten, decayed, unwholesome talk could include a lot of things: impatient talk, cussing, grumbling, gossip about the person who needs grace. They need grace, not gossip, my friend. When you feel like that's what's erupting out of your emotions, when your expectations aren't met. Take a moment pause and ask God for self-control so that you can be a woman who builds up the body of Christ. Because that's kind of fitting for this week, don't you think? 

We get to set the tone and the table on Thanksgiving Day, and we really do have so much to be grateful for. 

Let me tell you about a time my husband demonstrated this verse in my life. Yes, as mentioned before, it was through mashed potatoes, kind of. I had been traveling and speaking. I was so bone tired from ministering to teenage girls all weekend. This was way back in the day when I didn't know about staying in a hotel. I just stayed on site with those teenagers and didn't get a lot of sleep. I returned to hungry kids who missed me, and they missed the real food I cooked instead of the pizza and Fruit Loops that Bob had been serving up. No rest for the weary. 

Now, here's an expectation I had when I left on that trip. There was a mini mountain, I would call it a hill of laundry in the laundry room. When I came back, it had claimed full Mount Everest status. My hopes and expectation was that Bob might have noticed . . . he didn't. 

So, I made some meatloaf, and I wrapped that thing in bacon. I stuffed it with cheese, and I covered it in barbecue sauce. Now that's a recipe I need to share with you sometime. And of course, I decided to mashed potatoes. 

Now, just as I had it all at the table and we were about to take that first bite, my husband actually had the audacity to bring up that mountain of laundry. Now, in his defense, he says he was gonna suggest maybe we could tackle it together. But all I heard was, “Honey, I don't know if you noticed the laundry.” And I flipped. 

This is where there's great conversation because some family members say I threw mashed potatoes. I don't think I threw them. I think that I just flipped the table a little bit and the plate a little bit. Somehow, all I know is that on one side of Bob's face was a meatloaf and on the other side were some mashed potatoes. 

Now as you can imagine, I felt shame immediately. That's not how I behave as the norm. Thankfully, that's when Bob had a choice to make. He could choose for his expectations for how his wife behaved to cause him to return my corrupt behavior with corrupt talk, or he could bring grace to the table. He chose grace. 

He followed me to the bathroom. He said, “Baby, we have two choices. This can be one of our kids’ worst memories ever, or we can make it one of the funniest. I'm up for number two, how about you?” And then he put his hand out to me as if he were inviting me to dance and led me back to my chair, seated me in it, pushed me in, and then did a stand-up comedy routine that to this day our kids remember, and I think deserves to be on late night television. 

That's what it means to let no corrupt talk come out of your mouth. But only such as is good for building up. 

My husband built up our family that day, when his expectations for how I showed up weren't met. And it was fitting because he's a godly man, and we're a home that loves the Lord. He gave grace to everyone at that table that day. You might have to do that this Thursday, on Thanksgiving Day. Pause. Ask the Lord for grace. And do Ephesians 4:29 all over those unmet expectations. That's the tool we're leaving you with today on Grounded.

Portia: Amen, amen, Dannah Banana. I love it when you just take it home and take us to the Word. So yeah, I'm gonna be using that, lots of grace, no corrupting talk. 

Well guys, we've reached the end today, and I'm not crying anymore.

Dannah: We did a little bit of laughter through tears. We did it all today.

Portia: We did, and I am excited when we come back. For our next episode, we are going to have Tim Challies with us. We're going to be talking about seasons of sorrow. I expect you will be challenged and encouraged. I can't wait. He knows just a heart-wrenching story, but it is filled with so much biblical truth and hope in perspective. And so, I can't wait.

Dannah: I expect that there's going to be some laughter through tears next week and a little bit of a roller coaster once again. But I hope you'll join us. Let's wake up with hope together next week on Grounded.

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