How the Gospel Heals the Pain of Fatherlessness, with Blair Linne

Spoken word artist Blair Linne grew up without a father. Today she says the gospel is what heals the wounds of her fatherlessness. No matter what kind of dad you have, this episode will remind you to find your hope in your heavenly Father.

Connect with Blair

Instagram: @blair.linne

Twitter: @blairlinne

Website

 

Episode Notes

Finding My Father by Blair Linne

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Erin Davis: “Yet for us, there is one God the Father.” Those words come from 1 Corinthians 8:6. This morning, I wonder, What that last word Father stirs up in your heart? This is Grounded a production of Revive Our Hearts. I'm Erin Davis.

Portia Collins: And I'm Portia Collins along with our cohost, Dannah Gresh. We are women on a mission to give you hope and perspective.

Erin: We sure are, every Monday. That's what brings us back right here. And Portia, you and I have a lot of things in common. Let's list some of them. We both have three natures.

Portia: Correct.

Erin: What else? We both love food.

Portia: We are foodies. 

Erin: We are foodies.

Portia: You know, I think we're both a little spicy.

Erin: That's generous of you, Portia, to call me a little spicy. I am one of those ghost peppers. 

Portia: Yeah, yeah, habanero.

Erin: I'm definitely one of those. We are both a little spicy. We both love God's Word. How many Bibles do you think you have Portia? I know you have quite a collection. 

Portia: Oh, last time I counted. I think I'm up to like 30. 

Erin: Okay, I don't think I have quite that many. But we have a lot of common ground to stand on. But there's something else that we have in common with each other. And it's something that we haven't talked about as often here publicly on Grounded, and you know what, it's something that you and I have in common with many women around the world. And it's this: we both carry really deep father wounds. 

So, I want to honor our fathers in this episode. That's one of the 10 Commandments. And we certainly don't want to violate that commandment as we're talking about those father wounds. But I also want to acknowledge that the wounds that are inflicted in our hearts by absent fathers, by distant fathers, by abusive fathers, that those wounds have a humongous impact. I know this from experience. I've lived this for almost my whole life. Those wounds inflicted by our earthly fathers, they have a huge impact on our relationship with our heavenly Father.

Portia: Absolutely. I always tell people, if you really get to know me intimately . . . I’ve never been I guess you would say bashful about talking or speaking truthfully about my experiences with my father. I praise God for what God has done in our relationship thus far. But there have been some tensions and some difficulties. And so, I agree with you, we do want to honor our fathers. But I think we also want to just speak openly and truthfully, and to let you who are watching know that if you're having issues with your dad, you're not alone. You're not alone.

Erin: Yeah, for sure. 

Portia: Erin, you and I are not an anomaly. There are many women whose relationship with their earthly father is strained. It's painful. It's disappointing. And right now, we want to take a little bit of a poll, a Grounded straw poll. If you are a woman, and you are watching live, and your relationship with your earthly father has had some pain points, without sharing something that would dishonor your dad (we don't want that), would you just let us know in the chat this morning? Let us know who we're talking to. We really want to speak to your heart, and we hope that today's episode will be helpful for you.

Erin: I always try to imagine who's on the other side of the screen, who's watching this, who's listening to this. As I've known that today's topic was tender. I want you to know that if you are somebody who has deep heart hurt because of your father, you've really been on my mind and in my prayers. 

Blair Linne is our guest this morning, and her experience reflects the experience of millions of women around the world. She is going to be our hope bearer this morning as she shares how the gospel heals the pain of fatherlessness. 

Portia: Now, you know I love me some Blair, okay?

Erin: I know you do, we all love her. I mean, in this episode, if you don't know and love Blair, you're going to be with Portia in the fan club.

Portia: Right. Fun fact, I knew Blair before she probably knew me and was listening to her husband's album. And I heard this beautiful voice come on, just poetic. And I was like, who is this lady?

Erin: Yeah, she spoke a few lines of poetry to our team as we were preparing to go live, and I wanted to lay down on the floor. 

Portia: Me, too. 

Erin: It was so, so good.

Portia: So that's something else that we have in common. We love Blair. But before we hear from Blair this morning, we need to get some good news. And I know just the girl to bring it to us, as I love to affectionately call her. Dannah Banana. Good morning.

Dannah Gresh: Good morning to the Spice Girls. I tell you what, I am not a spicy girl.

Erin: We’re peppers, and she's a banana.

Dannah: I’m a banana pepper. 

Erin: Oh, I like that.

Good News: Revival on the Front Lines, with John Avant

Dannah: Okay. I'm not a spicy girl. I went out for Thai food this weekend. Nobody told me the lemon grass soup was going to make my mouth on fire for three days straight. But I do have some good news this morning. And the news is basically there in the middle of all the brokenness in this world. We want to remind you there is good news. 

What we're going to share with you today didn't come from the newsfeed. We have boots on the ground. This is news you're not going to get anywhere else. In fact, we even have a correspondent today. His name is John Avant. He's the president of Life Action, which is the umbrella ministry of Revive Our Hearts. And like ours, his heart beats for revival among God's people. John, I hear you have some good news for us today. Is that true?

John Avant: Absolutely—a lot of good news.

Dannah: Well, before we hear what it is, where are you? Because you're always on the road. That's what you were like . . . a correspondent on natural. Where are you these days?

John: Yeah, we're a very itinerant ministry. I'm in Raytown, Missouri, Kansas City area right now, with our Life Actionred team. God really began to move yesterday in a large church here.

Dannah: So, explain what you do, just so that people have context for the beauty of this news you're about to share?

John: Yeah, context is a good word. We have teams on the road that create contexts for churches and schools to stop and really experience God and say “yes” to Him and prayerfully experience revival. So, we do this in multi-day meetings at primarily churches, but now God's opening the door to universities.

Dannah: Praise the Lord. Well, last week, Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth got a text from you, I believe. She immediately contacted Erin to say something really special is happening. And she wanted our Grounded sisters to know about it. So, what is the good news that you want to share with us today?

John: A lot of us have sensed for a long time that revival was coming, and it might begin with students, especially colleges. We've been praying and asking the Lord to open those doors, and He's been opening them supernaturally to us at Life Actionnow for a while. But we have really been looking forward to being at Howard Payne University in Brownwood, Texas. 26 years ago, I was pastor at a local church there, and God broke loose in the church—First Coggin Avenue Baptist Church, and then other churches in the city. It really began to change our city in significant ways. 

And a part of that was a tremendous campus outbreak at Howard Payne University, which is a Southern Baptist school based there. It spread across the country. Bill Bright said 100 campuses; Henry Blackaby thought closer to 300. It was a mission of movement to change lives. 

Well, the President of the University now was on his knees as a student during that revival then. He came a year or so ago, and he asked us to come. He said, “I want a culture of revival on this campus.” And so, that's what we did. 

They opened the campus faculty and students to us for Monday through Wednesday, twice a day. We didn't know what kind of expectations to have except just have faith. And God just got broke loose in the student body after the first three sessions. 

There was incredible brokenness. There was amazing testimonies of restoration of family relationships—mothers and fathers they hadn't talked to in years. Then we started seeing students come to Christ, and that really wasn't our primary purpose. We always love that. We're a revival ministry for God's people, but dozens of students began to come to Christ and share their testimonies publicly across the campus. And then there was an outbreak of confession testimonies the whole time. The president of the university and his wife, they're with us rejoicing. I mean, I know we have a short time. It's hard to talk about it in such a short time. It’s astonishing what God's doing there.

Dannah: Well, I can see your enthusiasm and your passion. It says as much if not more than your words. What I want to be clear about is this, the last time revival broke out in this place specifically, it impacted hundreds of other campuses.

John: Exactly, exactly. People call it the Brownwood Revival. It changed our city of Brownwood and beyond the nation.

Dannah: And that's what we're hoping and praying for once we see revival, no matter where it is. We as believers need to pray because who knows what God's plans could be for what's happening there? Can you tell us just one short story of someone who's being revived? Take us to meet one of them?

John: Yeah, there's so many. By the way, there were Anglo students, there were black students, Hispanic students. It was a diverse movement. One student named Alexis posted September 15, 

God is working through Howard Payne all week. I've been praying to God to not only revive me, but revive the campus in a way that God is the talk of our school. And that's exactly what He’s doing. I've walked around campus and seen many students stopping and praying in the middle of the day, so many talking, sharing their stories.”

And that was actually before the most extensive outbreak. The next night she shares a long post of the celebration on campus, of what God was doing—the vulnerability, the relationships. 

We Skyped back in one of the students from 26 years ago, who is now one of the most strategic missionaries in the great revival in the Muslim world. He shared how 26 years ago, he laid on his face on the campus. I was wearing a mask and I took it off. And while he spoke that he was wearing a mask, as so many of us do, he took it off on Skype on the other side of the world. And students have not yet stopped saying our masks are coming off, now the Lord is reviving us.

Dannah: I have chills. I love that. Well, John, I’ve got to tell our Grounded sisters that we're having you here as a guest for two reasons. One is because this is really the best good news we can ever share with you. We love to share with you when people are helping each other, we love to share with you when people are memorizing God's Word. But revival, it doesn't get better than that. But Grounded sisters, we want you to be praying for what's happening at this university. And we want you to go before John and his team to the next University. So, John, tell us where you're headed. And then would you pray for us as we begin committing to prayer for you as you go forward?

John: Yes, Monday, we will start a four-day event at Houston Baptist University, one of the fastest growing Christian Schools in America, likely the most racially diverse evangelical school in America. It's an astonishing place. I don't know how to describe it, their Provost got his life change at a Life Action event. They are all in. We've done their student leadership retreat, their universities are in faculty retreat. They want to meet three times a day and cry out to God starting Monday through Thursday, pray for us. We really believe this could actually be a part of changing this nation and the racial brokenness. We are so excited and thank you all leaders. Thank you so much, all of you who will join us in prayer.

Lord, we just we just asked you for a revival. It is our only hope, Lord, if that's not clear now, then surely it never will be to Your people in this nation. And Lord, You are stirring. You are moving, Lord, when a fast growing University is willing to just stop and say, “Revive us, Lord.” When the Provost tells us this is the most prayed over and supported event by the faculty in at least 30 years of history, Lord, we know You're at work. We've seen it now in one university. We need to see it spread or across this nation. And Lord, would You meet with a beginning next Monday at Houston Baptist? Let us see a revival, Lord, that will bring us Your people and then this nation back to you and we pray it in Jesus’ name.

Dannah: Amen. Thank you, John, for being with us today. Our prayers go with you. 

John: Thank you so much.

Living with Father Wounds, with Blair Linne

Erin: Best kind of good news, and it's good news. You're not gonna find it on your regular news sites. God is reviving His people. So please be praying. I am so eager to talk to today's guests. And part of the reason why I'm eager is because I knew you women who are sharing your stories of heartache and loss of your dad, I knew you were watching and listening to Grounded. So, Blair Linne is with us. She is a spoken-word artist. She's an actress, a Bible teacher. She's using her story of growing up in a home without a father to point us to the healing power of the gospel. Welcome to grounded Blair.

Blair Linne: Thanks for having me. It's good to be here with you.

Erin: Well, Blair, father wounds can be among the most painful wounds I think human beings can carry around. A lot of us keep them pretty close, pretty private. What made you decide to go public with yours?

Blair: Yeah, you know, one of the things that I realized as the Lord began to heal me So, my story is I was raised by a single mother; my father was thousands of miles away from us. And so even though he was kind, our relationship kind of looked like a phone conversation here or there. As I grew older, I began to realize the impact of his absence upon my life. I began to cry out to God and ask Him to help heal those wounds that I had. 

I remember I was asked to teach a workshop at a conference. And I said, I'm going to teach it on fatherlessness because it's something that's rarely spoken about. And the response was well attended. I was able to have long conversations with women after. And so I thought, if I could bless a sister by sharing honestly, being vulnerable about my own story, and ultimately pointing to the Lord’s story and His plan for us, I would love to do that.

Erin: I'm so glad you did. My relationship with my dad has had highs and lows. Currently, my dad and I are estranged. I hear from him once a year in texts that, frankly, just pick the scab off that wound again. And where I bump into that is in my walk with the Lord, I will not really realize what's happening. But I'll have questions about if God is really gonna stay with me? And if He really is good? I wonder how having an absent father impacted your own relationship with the Lord?

Blair: Yeah, that resonates with me as well. I remember feeling like okay, I'm saved. I know I belong to the Lord. So, He's tolerating me. I don't know if He really loves me, you know, does He lavish His love upon me? And really, it's been through getting into the Scriptures that has transformed my view. It’s realizing even like there's a Scripture in Ephesians chapter 3, verse 14, which speaks about fatherhood. It’s coming from God, originating from God. We look at it the other way around that fatherhood originates in our earthly father. But if we see that it originates in God, it shifts our perspective completely, that our earthly fathers are supposed to line up with our heavenly Father. It's not, we look at our earthly father, and we define God and say, “Well, He must be just like my earthly father.” That's not true. He's completely different. And we praise God for that. We praise the Lord for that. 

Erin: Yeah, what it’s done for me is that, over time, as I've matured in Christ, that discrepancy between my earthly dad and my heavenly dad, whereas in a perfect world, my earthly dad would have pointed me to what God is like, but instead because there's a difference, man, am I grateful that my heavenly Father will never abandoned me. I’m so grateful that His love that He lavished His love on me, as you mentioned, so it actually the Lord has used it to help me see how good He is. You've written a memoir called Finding My Father. It starts with 2 Corinthians 6:18, which says this, “And I will be a father to you, and you shall be sons and daughters to me, says the Lord Almighty.” What does that passage mean to you? You put it right there on the first page of your book?

Blair: It means everything to first of all belong to God. So, when I talk about the gospel . . . We know the Gospels, the good news of Jesus Christ, that we were dead in our sins and transgressions. God was not our Father, right? We were following the ways of the world following the prince of the power of the air. God in His mercy has rescued us and saved us, delivering us from our sin. The amazing thing is that Jesus does this for us. Then He says, and so now you have a Father in God. So even when we look at the way that He says we can pray right in the Sermon on the Mount—Our Father, who art in heaven—I mean that was transforming for the disciples to hear that. It's a Christian idea that we can call God our Father. And then with that spiritual adoption that we have when God becomes our father. Not only is it that, but we gain a family in the church. So that's a whole other moment that we don't often think about. We have a Father.

Erin: Yeah, because I think for many of us when we are estranged from our father, that has shockwaves. We get estranged from brothers and sisters. We get estranged from extended families. Sometimes the coldness we might experience from our fathers is generational. So, I love that promise that we get a spiritual family, that really speaks to that wound. 

You mentioned several Bible passages already. But this idea of God being our father, it really is throughout all of Scripture. Are there other places you saw in your own walk with the Lord, or as you've taught women about this, or as you wrote your book, other places in Scripture that have given you hope, especially as you've wrestled with those father wounds?

Blair: I think of Psalm 27:10, “I will never leave though your mother and your father forsake you, I will never leave you, I will never forsake you.” I mean, that promise has been huge in my life. The end of Romans eight, it speaks about our spiritual adoption, and that we have God as our father. Now, the Holy Spirit testifies that we are children of God. I have clung so closely to the Scriptures and to those promises. My encouragement for those who are listening, that you would cling closely to those promises, that is our hope. That's what sustains us by all of the pain that we experience.

Erin: I have to keep going back to that psalm that you mentioned. It has been so important to me. That's literal to me, though, my father forsake me. For some people, it might be theoretical, but it's literal for me. Many women are commenting that their struggles with their father have been lifelong. I would say that's probably close to true for me. The Lord sent a miraculous healing of my heart in so many areas, but sometimes those bruises get touched, and I have to go back to those verses again and choose to believe,”No, I have a Father. No, He will not forsake me. He's given me a family a heritage. He’s my Abba, my daddy.” So, I love that you're encouraging us to cling.

Well, not everybody watching has an absent or abusive father, praise the Lord. I hope there are women who are watching and listening who have a loving father and they're going to walk away from this episode grateful that God has given them that grace, because it really is such a grace. But all of us have dads who are sinners, so shift our eyes away from what we do, or do not have in our earthly fathers, to all that we have in our heavenly Father. What does that mean to you? Heavenly Father, what is it given you?

Blair: I think stability. I have hope. I will spend an eternity with Him. He sings over me. He loves me. It's not contingent upon anything that I do or don't do. Right? He lavishes His grace and His tenderness upon me. He's promised to do that forever. That just encourages me and strengthens me. I have a relationship with Him, and that relationship is something that will, again, be with me forever. It's not like any earthly relationship that I've experienced. And so that is what gives me hope: His faithfulness, His consistency. That is my hope.

Erin: Me too. I've been thinking about my four sons. As we've been talking, I've seen so much redemption, not in my generation, but in the next generation as my sons have had my husband, a faithful, attentive, loving Father. But even he is not gonna hit the mark. He's a sinner; I'm a sinner. I've been thinking about pointing them to these things. You've been saying that they have a good father, and that word stability, I love that. 

Well, reach through the camera. There is one woman watching. I don't know where she is, but she feels like she's never gonna find healing from the wounds that have been inflicted by her father. I'm just gonna overlay maybe my own experience on hers. I have a hunch that that impacts her marriage, it has been a massive boulder to overcome in my own marriage. Her parenting, maybe even her ability to pray can be hard. When you're not sure if your father is listening, or you find he's irritated by you or something like that. So, give her hope and perspective this morning. She's listening. She's nodding along. But she just doesn't know that she can really trust her heavenly Father. 

Blair: One of the things I want to share with you is that God is able to make all things new, all things new. I had a father who was absent physically; I know there's some whose dads are absent emotionally; some whose dads have been absent spiritually. There are some who have been wounded and hurt and sexually abused—who experienced great harm from the very person who was supposed to protect you and provide for you, and you didn't have that. I want to encourage you that there is hope in Christ and what He's able to do. He's able to restore that which has been broken, that which has been stripped away. The Lord is able to restore that. And even as you mentioned, Erin, he can do, even in the next generation, even if you don't have children. You can pour in and disciple other young ladies coming up and those who are adopting children, those who are fostering children. There are single mothers out there who have your story, you're wrestling with that. The Lord can build legacy through you, and do something completely new. So, I just want to encourage you that those cycles can be broken, there is hope. Don't give up. Continue to cry out to God and ask Him to do what you can't do in and of yourself.

Erin: So beautiful. As you were talking, I was picturing if we could see the global church right now and ask those who are fatherless to stand up. There would be many of us, many fatherless in the church. But if then we got a chance to testify how the Lord has redeemed how the Lord has healed how the Lord has worked. That testimony would go on and on and on. He is making all things new. 

Well, thank you for being with us. Blair. Blair has a new book. I want to get it immediately. It releases this week. It's called Finding My Father. We always want to make it easy to find. So, we're going to drop the link. Thank you, Blair. 

Blair: Thank you. 

Erin: We're gonna hear something more from Blair in just a few minutes, and I promise you're not gonna want to miss it. But first, let's get grounded in God's Word.

Grounded in the Word: Isaiah 49:15

Dannah: Well, thanks, Erin. That was a sobering conversation, to say the least. Sisters, this is a deeply painful subject. Living with father wounds is no joke. It's a lot of work, God's work, the work of the Holy Spirit to heal our hearts. But we have to surrender, and we have to cooperate with Him. 

Now, maybe you're saying, “I don't have a father wound, but I've got a mother wound.” We might need to do an episode on that sometime in the very near future. Whether it's your mom or your dad, when the parents that God entrusted us, we are born, and they have wounds. When people are inflicting wounds on them, sometimes they wound us. So, I just want to open God's Word for a moment and give you some hope. These are words breathed by God just for you, inspired by God just for you. 

You've already heard some beautiful words from Blair this morning from beautiful, beautiful Scriptures. But there's a verse about mothers that really stuck out to me as I was praying for you last week as we prepared for this program. Why did this verse stick out? Well, it's because sometimes when I'm discipling an adult woman who's had a parent who let them down, she uses the word forgotten. “I feel forgotten.” 

She talks about expectations to blend into the woodwork, to be silent, to not cause a stir, to be the good girl. Those things turn into a sense of feeling forgotten. Did God not see a little Erinm and a little Portiam a little Blair? Did God not see you? Here's the truth I want to read over you today. 

It's from Isaiah 49:15. It says this“Can a woman forget her nursing child, or lack compassion for the child of her womb? Even if these forget, yet I will not forget you.” (CSB) 

I want to point out, this is not just a mother and child but a nursing child. A nursing child needs her mama badly. And the assumption here in this first is that the mother has forgotten to nurse her child. You know what I know from having children, hungry babies cry for food. But this woman has no compassion for those tears. And still, God says even if she forgets, and even if a father forgets, “Yet, I will not forget you.” 

I want to tell you this morning, you are not forgotten. God sees you. A perfect Holy God has your name engraved on the palm of His hand. And His heart is full of compassion for you. Right now, right here today. God loves you.

Portia: Amen, amen. Thank you so much. As you guys can see, I am totally not keeping it together today. 

Dannah: Oh, and that's okay sweet girl. 

Portia: And as it is for many other women, I know that this is such a tender subject, but I'm crying for two reasons: because it's tender, but also to know that God has not forgotten about me. He never will. 

Dannah: Amen.

Blair Linne Poetry Video: Finding My Father

Portia: So, I hope that this encourages you guys as much as it encourages me. One of the things that I love is that first of all, Dannah and Blair, you both have blessed me so much today. But one of the things that I love about Blair is her spoken-word poetry. And so, we want you guys to watch this short video of her poem, Finding My Father.

Blair:

Growing up, my daddy was not an easy chair
He was a chair that folded.
And since daddy's arms weren't there, I could never recline.
My mother makes meals out of prayers,
Pulls something out of nothing from under her head wrap.
You think she was the magician how she musters the strength to be mother and father.
But this is where the smoke and mirrors fail.
She can't be both.
She waves her wand.
But as always, only mother so my home has an absent space,
A ghost in our pictures, a missing puzzle piece I can never find.

At eighteen I finally have a conversation with my dad.
I tell him I'm struggling with the fact that he missed every milestone
That he was never in my midst.
He was a mist, and I miss him.
I was searching for my identity,
The part of him that resembles me since it had been misplaced,
Wondering if to him I was a mistake.
He told me he didn't have his dad in his life
And he was trying to find his place too. 

How many generations will remain impaired and repeat the cycle?
Fatherlessness is a machete at the neck of the nuclear family,
Seeking to separate the head from the body,
The giver from the receiver, but fathers we need you.
You are important, been given this responsibility by God to steward a legacy.
God who tells men to imitate Him, adopts us into His family tells the church to care for us. Doesn't just offer us a home in heaven, but a household in the earth
So the cycle can be broken, freeing future generations from breaking making them whole.
My home was never where my daddy was.
I've had to look to the Potter
And I found a new home since finding my Father.

Portia: Amen, amen. y'all I'm still crying. But yes, my home was never where my daddy was. Thank you, Blair. Thank you. Alright guys, I'm trying to pull it together. Y'all pray for me. 

Well, I want to ask you, “Are you registered yet?” I'm sure you say, “What are you talking about?” You know what I'm talking about. It's Revive ’21 Online. All of us seem to be talking about it here it Revive Our Hearts, and it is happening in just two weeks. 

Y'all know the theme, it's: Grounded: standing firm in a shaking world. And we want you to register to participate online. And guess what that means? It means that you will get an all-access pass to the Grounded livestream hosted by us wonderful Grounded girls who love you and spend every Monday morning with you. So, it'll be like a weekend long Grounded. 

You also get access to the post-conference event which features unplugged insights from our Revive ’21 speakers, and you get access to all of the teaching sessions until the end of the year. 

So that is a lot to ruminate on. It will be like a mega infusion of hope and perspective. And we want you to register. We'll drop a link for you below or in the chat. And I really hope that we can connect.

Dannah: I'm reminded that the Father, the Heavenly Father, catches each one of our tears in a bottle. He treasures your tears. Friends, set a reminder on your phone right now. 

You're not gonna want to miss next week's episode, Ellen Dykas is with us. She's going to help us learn how to provide compassionate care in a #MeToo world. A really important, critical, and tough subject. We want you to learn how to minister to those who've endured sexual trauma. I think this is such an important topic. And we really do ask that you set a timer. That's why we have to be an equipped church, to know how to handle this, and to know how to handle it with wisdom, with truth and with compassion. So, let's wake up with hope together next week on Grounded.

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