How to Apply the Gospel to Your Family Life, with Emily Jensen and Laura Wifler

What can 10,000 moms tell us about our greatest need? Find out from Emily Jensen and Laura Wifler, the voices of Risen Motherhood, in this episode. They’ll help us consider what the gospel means for our everyday lives with our families.

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Episode Notes

The Risen Motherhood “2022 Survey of Christian Motherhood” 

Adorned: Living Out the Beauty of the Gospel Together by Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth

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Portia Collins: If your family was a bar graph, what trends would we see? I'm Portia Collins and this is Grounded, a podcast and videocast brought to you by Revive Our Hearts.

Erin Davis: I'm Erin Davis. Portia, I'm not sure that my family could ever fit on a bar graph. Is there such a thing as a scribble graph, because that would be kind of how we are. We're very tornadic. What is that called? 

Portia: I have no idea what it is

Erin: Linear growth I gotta say, probably.

Portia: Yes. Look, I'm right there with you, sister. Well, Emily Jensen and Laura Wifler will join us soon. They are the duo from Risen Motherhood. They surveyed about 10,000 moms and the results paint a fascinating picture of the state of Christian motherhood.

Erin: That's a lot of mamas, and they are going to help. That represents a lot of hours in the car pool, a lot of cups of coffee, a lot of singing of the ABCs. But they're going to help us answer the question: what does the gospel mean for my everyday life with my family? The gospel certainly is not just a Sunday morning idea. I'm sure we have some women watching because we always do and you're not moms. You're one to reach for that button to click out. Don't do it. Or maybe you are a mom but you're an empty nester, you’re a grandma, you're not in the season of motherhood with children at home. 

Well, this really is a Grounded for you. It's a Grounded for everyone, because I believe that championing and strengthening families is the church's responsibility. I think you're gonna be uniquely equipped to do that today in this episode. So before we get there, Portia, we need some of that good news.

Good News of Gospel Transformation

Portia: You know, I'm happy to do it. Well, one of the things that the Risen Motherhood ladies discovered in their research is that about 31% of the women they surveyed said that they agreed with this statement. “Life is tough, and I wish our marriage was a bit stronger to endure those things as a team.”

Well, that's especially true for the Christian women who are married to a non-Christian. Meet Evelyn Oliver. Evelyn certainly knows that that's true. She has been married to Bernice, her husband for 67 years. And yes, you heard me right—67 years. That's a long time. Yeah. 

So, for more than six decades, she has prayed faithfully for her husband to come to Christ. She has shared the gospel with him often in their home, but she never really saw any evidence that Bernice was interested in following Jesus. That is, until COVID-19. The pandemic hit, making it impossible for Evelyn to attend her church in Glasgow, Kentucky, where she was a member and a faithful attender. But she kept watching her services from her home. And guess who started watching with her? You guessed it, her husband, 93-year-old Bernice. During the pandemic, members of their church visited their home. And Bernice told them he was finally ready to make a decision for Christ. 

And if a picture is worth 1,000 words, then this one is probably worth 10,000 smiles. Can y'all see me because I'm smiling. Maybe it's tears of joy. That is Bernice in the middle. He followed Jesus's example of believer’s baptism, and get this. He got baptized at 93 years old, like, dunked at 93. I can appreciate that so much. God used the faithful prayers of his wife and her example of loving Jesus. He even used the church shutdowns in 2020 to win Bernice to him, like God is so faithful. He used His families to change people's eternities. And guess what my friends? I'm pretty sure that you think that's some good news.

Erin: Man, I cry every time there's a baptism at my church. But picturing Bernice going in those waters at age 93, it is good news. It makes me teary because it is so, so sweet. 

Portia: It makes me teary-eyed too, like my voice, I felt that little choke.

Erin: Kudos to Evelyn man. I hope Evelyn's a Grounded watcher. I don't know if you are or not. But for praying for her husband’s salvation for more than 60 years . . . that inspires me to keep seeing how God can work in my family with the good news of the gospel, as well. 

Grounded Mom, with Emily Jensen & Laura Wifler

It's time to get grounded with God's people. And here's the question: What can 10,000 moms teach us about living out the gospel in our own homes with our families like Evelyn did with Bernice? Well, Laura Wifler and Emily Jensen, they are the duo from Risen Motherhood. They're here to help us figure that out. Here's the inside scoop. We wanted to get these girls on Grounded for a coon's age, as we say in Missouri, so welcome, girls. I'm so glad you're here.

Laura Wifler: Oh, thank you for having us. It's such a joy to be here.

Emily Jensen: Yeah, we're delighted.

Erin: All right, so for the second year in a row, you decided to pull Christian moms and anybody who knows anything about research knows the fact that you got 10,000 responses is pretty amazing. What made you want to invest your time, your energy, your resources into this research? Laura, you can hit it first.

Laura: We know that the Lord has gifted us with access to so many amazing moms who are pursuing the gospel. And at Risen Motherhood, we're always trying to think about what resources would be helpful. What are things that moms need to hear? And so, we just really wanted to send out a survey to all the moms in our community, and we had it shared widely. So, it really is quite a broad survey response. It's not just for the Risen Motherhood community respondents, but our hope was to discover just areas where moms are needing additional encouragement. But we also wanted to see areas where there are real triumphs and the Lord is working and to see just really beautiful things that He is doing. 

And so I think the survey results, which I know we're gonna go through, are just so interesting and fascinating to look at. There are a lot of hard things and things that we can say, wow, maybe these are some areas that we can help reach moms. But also there are such joys and wonderful things as well.

Erin: Yeah, we're gonna get into some of that research in a minute. But you're right. I don't want to give away the farm, but it wasn't all bad news. A lot of times research is like, bad. Especially research about the church and Bible literacy and some of the things we're going to talk about. It can just feel overwhelming, but there definitely are some gems, some triumphs hidden in the numbers from your survey. Emily, what were your biggest surprises? Anything shock ya?

Emily: Yeah, I think we were just really surprised and encouraged, particularly after the two years we've had in the pandemic at how healthy women were, overall; how many people were attending church on a weekly basis; how many marriages were just as healthy or healthier than before the pandemic.

We were just really encouraged to see how many moms are reading their Bible or getting into the Word care about their theology impacting their motherhood. So, I think that was the most surprising thing to me. It's just like you said, how good the news actually was that. Sometimes we hear all this bad stuff—moms are drowning, moms are struggling—and those things are real. But also, the gospel is actually giving moms hope.

Erin: Oh, man, that's so good. I just could put an exclamation point in the episode there. I won’t, but it's true. I mean, at Revive Our Hearts, we call women to freedom, fullness and fruitfulness. And we do that because we believe it's possible to live free and fruitful and full. And you heard that from some moms. Laura, did you have any other surprises?

Laura: I think the only other surprise that we would say, well, there are lots, of course. Yes, we're doing a lot of spiritual disciplines. And we are seeing moms say I know that my theology matters to my motherhood. It was a resounding yes to a lot of questions like that. 

Erin: It was one big bar.

Laura: Yes, exactly. Big bar. But then it kind of felt like when it came down to implementing those things . . . When it came down to even a question, we asked them something along the lines of how confident do you feel in being able to help your children understand the gospel or share that theology? Most moms were saying, “Hey, I don't. I'm not very comfortable at all. I don't really know how to do that.” And so, we're seeing that disconnect between understanding in our minds, but then being able to know how to carry it out and having that confidence.

Erin: Yeah, I experienced that too. Every Bible study that I ever teach, at some point, I say, “Okay, articulate the gospel to me.” I just did this a couple of weeks ago in my home with 20 women who are rock solid, who have followed Jesus for a long time. All of their eyes just immediately dropped to their shoes. Like they didn't know how, or they didn't feel equipped to articulate the gospel, even though the gospel has transformed their lives. So, I would affirm that disconnect. 

Emily, I want to come back to something you mentioned. I actually found the results on Christian disciplines really encouraging and strong. You threw that graph up there, which is not the story we're getting from a lot of other sources. 93% of moms said they regularly pray, which listen, motherhood makes you pray like nothing else ever will make you pray. 91% said that they were regular Bible readers, which I just want to like woohoo! I don't want to blow out my microphone. But that makes me super excited. 85% are participating in weekly corporate worship, which to me means they're back in church. 

So, if I read between the lines, it seems like Christian families really are thriving. Did the numbers match your own experiences and your own conversations with moms? You think the research is right, Christian women are doing well, overall?

Emily: Yeah, I think particularly when I think about my own local church and the type of women who would want to engage something like Risen Motherhood or some of the ministries through which we distributed this survey. I think my experience is that moms around me are faithfully in church every week are pursuing the Lord. They have a close relationship with Him. They have generally strong marriages, although they have challenges. 

And so, I think that this was consistent with what I know of my own friends and my own Christian community in real life. I was really encouraged by that, because sometimes, like we were saying, we will read all of these horror story blogs, or just a quick snapshot of social media that says, “Yeah, there are a tremendous amount of mental health problems. There's a tremendous amount of anxiety and moms are really, really struggling.” Which like we said, there is some truth to that, but my personal experience . . . Laura, we live in the same town, our community of moms, like, I am so amazed at how well they're living out the gospel in unique and beautiful ways in the circumstances that God has given them. I see a lot of friends that challenge me and how much they pray, and how faithfully they pray, and how involved they are in serving the church. So, I think it seems like a true snapshot.

Erin: I would say the same. I would say that I have Christian friends who are still not back in church post pandemic, which I'm not trying to kick the hornet's nest, but get you all back to church. Some have dropped out of other women's Bible studies or who have lost the rhythms of Bible study reading, and I would say they aren't thriving. But I do have a lot of Christian friends who are doing really well.

Laura, you represent a smaller contingent as a mom of a special needs child. And in your survey, it wasn't a very large number at all. Do you think the same is true? Do you find moms of special needs kids to be thriving in the spiritual disciplines as well?

Laura: That is a great question. I think if anything that disability has taught me, it's that I need the Lord over and over and over again. It's actually made my need for Him more acute. As I talk to women in my local community who also have children that are disabled, I mean, I really have seen a lot of that to be true. We’re saying, “No, I need my Bible. It is my very life. I need to be praying.” It really highlights a lot of those disciplines and reminds you that, “Hey, I want to go back to those things,” because the need is so bright in a mom's life whenever you're dealing with disabilities. 

I would say there's just a reality in all of this. We're in the already but not yet. I think the thing Emily and I kept talking about after this survey was, this looks about right, this looks about like people, mothers who are pursuing those who love God, who want to give their lives to Him. But also, it's not heaven yet. The Lord hasn't returned for us yet. We are still living in the middle of sin and hardship and pain and suffering. 

And so honestly, a lot of the results to us after we took a moment to be like, whoa, you know, look how good everyone's doing. But then oh, what about this? It really for us said, this looks like a really accurate picture of life after the fall and but yet before new creation, and it's something that I'm so thankful that the Lord hasn't asked us to be perfect in. Christ was perfect in our stead, but we can continue to say, “Okay, I'm taking these disciplines. I'm taking these things that I'm trying to learn, and I want to continue to see what that looks like as I play them out and practice them in my everyday life. That's just the challenge whether you're a mom or not that all of us are in.

Erin: Amen. And what a countercultural message to the world. The cultural message about motherhood is namely that it's hard. It's all about, “I gotta have coffee to get through this day, and who's gonna take care of these kids?” And and we are saying, “Man, we are thriving in this role because of Jesus.” I think that is such a powerful Christian witness. 

Okay, switching gears a little bit, I did find this tidbit troubling. We've got a graph of 33% of the women that you interviewed said that they couldn't be in Bible study because of the season of life that they're in. Now, obviously, there's not a mandate that all women be in a women's Bible study. But I at every opportunity will beat the drum of the importance of being in a women's Bible study. I will because I'm a big believer that the more intense life is, the more you need a circle of Christian friends that run toward them. So, what do you think are some of the biggest barriers of women attending a Bible study regularly?

Emily: I think sometimes whenever somebody's transitioning to motherhood for the first time, they're just not sure how it fits into their schedule. They're starting to do feedings and nap times. There is a fear of how the world may spiral out of control if your baby misses their nap or they have to wait a little bit longer to be fed.

Erin: I was one of those moms with baby number one. I confess with baby number four I wasn't, but with baby number one, oh man.

Emily: Those are real things that I think we can encourage moms. Just try it and and people will be patient with you and then they see later on that they can do it. I know for me, we're in a season now of having middle of elementary aged kids. And so, we're busy with a lot of activities. It can be difficult to fit that into your regular weekly schedule. Sometimes there's only one or two time slots open that your church offers. They are literally in the middle of something else that you have already committed to doing. Those are real things that women need to troubleshoot. 

Or sometimes there's just a fear that it's going to be too hard, or is Bible study going to be flexible with me, whenever my kiddos get a stomach bug that week, and I have to miss, is that going to be, okay? 

And so, I think there is just a lot of troubleshooting and women getting involved and realizing that most Bible studies that I've been a part of understand, you can still go and still be in the Word and still answer the questions and get done, what you can get done, and people are just happy for you to be there.

Erin: It takes creativity. I went to my family and said, “Listen, part of mama thriving and flourishing is being in a women's Bible study. So, I'm going to be a part of one if that means y'all eat hot pockets on that that night. That's okay. I'm gonna miss you. You're gonna miss me, but it's part of Mama being healthy.” And it's just now part of our rhythm. But it took some creativity. There are always other things. 

But if you hear our voice, I'm encouraging you to be a part of a women's Bible study—that 33% of you who feel like you just can't fit it in your life. 

Okay, Laura, last question, two results that I think go hand in hand. Most moms say they experience mom guilt. The highest percentage say they experienced mom guilt frequently. We've got that on a bar graph. But it's also true that the highest percentage of women you interviewed weren't competent about how to apply the gospel to their everyday family life. I think there's a connection there. So why is it that Christian women who at one point responded to the gospel, they don't know how to connect the gospel to their family life, their work life, their church life? This is probably a complex question. But how does the gospel free us from the tyranny of mom guilt? Because I think it can. I don't think that we just have to feel guilty all the time. So, Laura, do what you can with that mess of thought from my head?

Laura: Yeah, thanks for the big blob. Erin, I appreciate that. No, I think I think you're right. I mean, Emily and I found ourselves in this category. I know the gospel in and out; we talk about it. On our podcast, we write about it; we do this for a living. And yet, we both would say we have experienced mom guilt. It is one of those companions that seems to pop up every once in a while, no matter how well we know the gospel, no matter how much we're in God's Word. I think as we begin to understand the gospel and we have that logical understanding, it takes time to begin to start applying that and understanding this is how it fits in this situation and the situation. It's just getting reps. It's just practicing. 

And so, it's something that we do at Risen Motherhood. I know you guys do here at Grounded and Revive Our Hearts. It is really encouraging moms to begin to think through a gospel lens, and to really begin to say, “Okay, if I'm a believer, then what does the Lord say about this? What did the Scripture say about this? And then how do I apply that right now. Sometimes that means getting your friends together, that means going to Bible study, that means talking with your husband and asking what that looks like. It's not just done in a vacuum. 

And that goes the same with mom guilt. So often mom guilt is sort of this thing that we silently suffer with. We feel like, “I'm just gonna stuff that down in here. I'm not going to talk about it, because I feel shame. I feel bad about it.” And what we really need to do is pull that out and bring it into light and to examine it and say, “Okay, this is what I am feeling guilt over. Is this true guilt? Is this a sin? Is this something that I did wrong? Or is this false guilt and something that the world and culture is placing on me that I don't need to live with that burden?” And so asking yourself those two things, there's hope, no matter if you say yes to one, or yes to the other, there's hope for both of them. 

And if it's something where you have sinned, and you genuinely lost your temper with your kids, been impatient, ask for forgiveness, and walk in freedom. Repent, a turn away and sin no more. Or if you have, if it's something that you're saying, “Oh man, I really feel like I should have breastfed. I really should have pushed through. I shouldn't have used bottles. I should have used cloth diapers. I really shouldn't have used those disposable diapers.” Or whatever it is that you're feeling guilt over. A lot of that happens in new motherhood, like we were talking about: To say, okay, “Is that something that the Bible, that the Lord is putting on me? Or is that cultural and worldly? And is that something that's a pressure I'm not asked to succumb to?” 

And if that's the case, then you can walk in freedom in whatever decision that you have made, and not walk with guilt looming over your head. So honestly, I would say this has been the most transformative understanding for me as a mother, to be able to walk in freedom and to really feel like, “I don't have to look to the right. I don't have to look to the left. I can be faithful in the life the Lord has put me in here in my unique circumstances with my unique family.” 

I don't have to look like Emily, who is a wonderful mother and as a mother I spend a lot of time with. I can just celebrate her. I can just celebrate all of her good gifts and not feel pressured to be just like her. And that has brought an enormous amount of freedom. But I think for moms, it's kind of like you get through it. And then you get through it again, and you got to work with it again. You can't say, “Well, I dealt with that mom guilt.” It's like, “No, that's something we're gonna fight until the end. 

Erin: Yeah. I say all the time that the gospel is not put on display by perfect families, no such thing exists. The gospel is put on display by broken families that are frequently saying, “We cannot do this on our own. We hurt each other on our own. We go our own way on our own, but the gospel is transforming us. And so really, it is in our brokenness and the times we mess up and don't get it right, that there's room for the Holy Spirit to just rush in and take the victory. 

Well, thanks so much. I feel like I could talk to you about this endlessly. We'll have to pick up this conversation another time. But tell me what you tell ladies where they can read this whole survey from you, because lots more gold in them there hills.

Emily: Sure. You can find this at RisenMotherhood.com. Even if you search 2022 survey results. We have a really wonderful article that kind of summarizes some of our key findings and then you can reach out to our ministry for the whole thing.

Erin: Awesome. Thanks for being on Grounded, girls.

Laura: Thanks for having us. 

Portia: You're fascinating with social science. You know, political science degree here, which meant that I had to take all the social science classes. And honestly, I loved it.

Erin: How did I not know that about you? I learn more about you every week.

Portia: Yeah!

Erin: That's awesome. 

Portia: So yeah, we are kindred spirits. We have so much in common. 

Well, guys, we want you to know what it means to live out the gospel. Because women who adorn the gospel are a powerful force of hope and perspective. Check out this short video.

Video

Woman: Have you ever wondered what true beauty really is? Is it fixing up stuff in the closet, or something more? When women learn God's Word and live it, that's when they begin to develop true inner beauty. Women living out the gospel make the truth visible and beautiful to others, because they see Christ in us, because they see the gospel changing us.

Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth: Since the launch of Revive Our Hearts we’ve been watching God change the hearts of women around the world. And now fifteen years later, there is a growing movement of wise, humble, surrendered women who are passionate about reflecting the beauty of Christ to our world.

Tanya: I was never confronted by the weight of my sin, and God is opening His Word to meet me through Revive Our Hearts.

Jean: Revive Our Hearts taught me the real role of a woman. 

Kesha: And what I love about the Revive Our Hearts ministry is it's rooted in Christ.

Jennifer: I was so hungry for God's Truth. That was like coming to a buffet of all nourishing food, whether it was listening to the radio program or devouring Seeking Him.

Cindy: Women in Latin America are coming to hear and learn about biblical womanhood for the first time ever in history through Revive Our Hearts.

Julie: And to know that there are sisters around the world who are allowing the Lord to change our lives.

Woman: In the past fifteen years, we've seen God advance the movement of revival and biblical womanhood through the outreaches of Revive Our Hearts. Women are growing in their love for God and His Word. They're learning to make their homes and families a priority. And they're choosing to live countercultural lives for the glory of Christ. And it's changing everything in their homes, churches, and workplaces. Because when women live out God's transforming love, they make the gospel believable and beautiful.

Grounded in the Word: Romans 3:22–24

Portia: You know, as a mom, the single most important thing that has informed my mothering is grace. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not just saying grace because it sounds like the right thing to say. I'm saying grace, because it's what I've experienced from my heavenly Father. 

It often shows up naturally as I mother my daughter, my Emmy. Y'all know her and love her. She is far from a perfect child. Yes, she is smart; she's cute as a button. And if I've got to admit it, she packs a sassy punch. 

But some days are rough; she doesn't listen well. Her growing independence often leads her to get into something that she has no business doing. I could set the expectation for her to be the most perfect child and never do or say anything wrong. But honestly, I'd be setting her up for failure, because she'd never hit that mark. So instead, I give her grace, through love, mercy, chastening, teaching, and forgiving her over and over. Here's the thing. I cannot withhold something from my daughter that I've been freely given, and experienced time and time again, from my heavenly Father. 

So, if you hadn't guessed it already, it is time to get grounded in God's Word. I want to take a minute for us to listen to what God says in His Word in Romans, the third chapter, and we're going to look at verses 22 through 24. It says, “The righteousness of God through faith in Jesus Christ for all who believe. For there is no distinction: for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus.”

You know, the kind of righteousness that is pleasing to God is righteousness that comes only by grace, through faith in Jesus Christ, we just read it. There is nothing that you can do to justify yourself or earn favor with God, absolutely nothing. It's all grace. And you know, although we'd love for our children to be the model of perfection, and their behavior, and their learning and everything else in-between, the truth is, they'll never be perfect. They're sinners, just like us. They need to say, “Grace that we have been freely given.” 

So every day, I challenge you to usher your babies to the throne of grace. And you know what? We can take this even further. Not just your babies, but usher your husband to the throne of grace, usher your coworkers to the throne of grace, every member of your family needs grace, model grace-filled living with them every single day. 

And in doing so, that is how you begin to teach them the gospel every day. 

Before I finish, I want to share a quick storytime. Y’all know I love storytime. So, buckle up. Yesterday, my sweet sister Erin and I were chatting via text message about some work-related things. And specifically, we were talking about something that had fallen off of my radar. As always, she was so kind and gracious to me. And I responded to her kindness and her graciousness by thanking her for her grace. And here's what she said that really stuck with me. She said, “I'm the servant with the greater debt. Grace is all I've got.” Y’all know, I wanted to throw my shoe, because she is exactly right. As servants with my long rap sheet in Christ, grace is all that any of us have. But guess what? Grace is all that we need. Cling to that truth this week.

Grounded Toolbox

Erin: Oh, man, I'm getting my own shoe locked and loaded because that is its grace. It's grace. It's grace. What do we want you to take away from this episode? You can live out the gospel in your family by being a grace giver because you certainly are a grace partaker; we all are. 

We want to put some tools in your toolbox always to take what we talked about in the episode and make it practical. In this episode, I want to commend to you Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth’s book Adorned. Now, mine has lost its dust cover. For whatever reason, I cannot keep track of dust covers, but it's a well-worn and well-loved book. It talks about the model of Titus 2 which is older women teaching younger women how to live out the gospel together. Why does that matter? Because it makes God's truth believable to our world when women as Emily and Laura were describing, thriving in Christ, thriving in relationships with each other, not living in perfect families. 

That day is coming when we're in the new heaven and the new earth, and I cannot wait. But here on the broken heaven and the broken earth, we aren't living perfect lives with perfect families, but we are thriving because Jesus is showing us how to do it, so it really does matter. If we apply the gospel to our relationships, Adorned is like your go-to guide. It's a manual for how to live out the beauty of the gospel together. 

So, put it on your must-read list. Get it into your digital shopping cart. You need a copy of Adorned.

Wow Portia! This episode went by fast!

Portia: It did, didn't it?

Erin: I was on the Grounded freight train.

Portia: It was good though it packed like a mighty punch. And so, I'm thankful you. I think the biggest thing that just really kind of hit me square in the eyes is Laura's sharing about mom guilt and how to come out of that. It's like not looking to the left not looking to the right. But the as she was saying that, I was thinking, eternal vision. Like, just focus straight on the Lord and what the Lord is specifically calling you to do. There's such a temptation for us to compare ourselves to one another when we really should be championing those around us who are doing things differently or perhaps even better. 

Erin: Yeah, that's good. And that's a gospel response. I mean, if you've never thought about how the gospel impacts your mom guilt, think about it today. Those mistakes you made, they're at the foot of the cross. Your victories are at the foot of the cross. It's all Jesus. It's all grace as you said so beautifully. 

Well, we want you always to be with us. We don't ever want you to miss a single episode of Grounded. If you aren't already subscribed, go ahead and do that. That way you get a little notification when Grounded is on next week. We're gonna help you rethink your summer reading list or your whole family’s list. You’ve got Corey Johnson lined up. Let's wake up together with hope next week on Grounded. 

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