How to Teach Children God’s Truth about Suffering, with Colleen Chao

As a mom, you just want to shield your children from suffering. So when it comes to tough topics like death, what should you say to your kids? Guest Colleen Chao shares the approach she has taken with her son throughout her journey with terminal cancer. Colleen’s inspiring interview will equip you to have hard conversations with your kids and teach you how to point their young hearts to the hope of heaven. 

Connect with Colleen

Instagram: @colleen.chao 

Website: www.colleenchao.com

Episode Notes

• Colleen’s recommended Bible chapters to talk about heaven and eternity: Revelation 1, 4, 19; Daniel 7; Ezekiel 1 
• Out of the Shadow World book by Colleen Chao: https://www.reviveourhearts.com/store/product/out-of-the-shadow-world/
• “Heaven Works Backwards” video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wT5UMASL_Bk
• Habakkuk Bible study by Dannah Gresh: https://www.reviveourhearts.com/books/habakkuk/
• “Teaching Children About Heaven” podcast episode: https://www.reviveourhearts.com/podcast/revive-our-hearts/teaching-children-about-heaven/
• “Jeremy: The Warrior” video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JK3eEaLGbwc
• “Re-Wire Your Brain” video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=

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Dannah Gresh: Childhood cancer, death, hope, suffering, and joy. Some words are just super hard to string together. I'm Dannah Gresh, and this is a very poignant edition of Grounded.

Erin Davis: How about hope and perspective? Those are two words we say a lot here on this podcast. We talk about a lot of hard things here. But suffering children, that's one that can be really difficult for us to even think about much less talk about.

Dannah: Yeah, that doesn't mean it isn't a reality. I mean, I've spent the last five years praying my friend Leila through her daughter Julie's battle with cancer. Julie is just a brand-new teenager. She went through her whole tween years fighting that battle. I mean, I think about my own sweet grandbabies.I remember when sweet Addy and Zoey were in the NICU. I remember when one of their lungs collapsed. I remember thinking, How can this be your good plan, God? And Erin your boys too. It was three of the four of them born with kidney issues. Is that right?

Erin: Yeah, little Judah, my third born, had major kidney surgery at just 10 months. Three of the four of my boys have serious kidney issues. I felt that same feeling. I will probably never forget the moment when I handed that 10-month-old baby over to the surgeon and he was going to take him into surgery. I went to the waiting room and curled into the fetal position. 

Even sweet Emmi, the daughter of our co-host Portia, who will join us in just a minute, she was born seven weeks premature. If you haven't ever seen those pictures, they're amazing. Emmi was so tiny. 

We tell you all of that because each of our lives touches the life of a child who has suffered with something medical in our case. And that doesn't even mention learning challenges. We've got some of those at our house. Or family heartbreaks that inevitably affect children, or bullying at school. I mean, I probably could come up with a long list of ways that children suffer. 

So, I guess the question is not if the children in your life will suffer, but when?

Dannah: Right.

Erin: And how well are we really equipping those children to see suffering through the lens of Scripture?

Dannah: There you go. That's the key, right?

Erin: It’s always the key, right? We want to give you that biblical worldview, that biblical grid. And even though it's already been somber, the mood of this episode really requires it. We believe this is another shareable episode because we know our audience, we know your mamas and grandmas and neighbors and those involved in your church. And so this really is one we would encourage you to hit that share button.

Colleen Chao is back with us. We would have her every week . . .

Dannah: She’s the best. 

Erin: Yes, she’s the best. We were having so much fun before the episode began that I kind of forgot the topic we're talking about. But she's just a delight. We would book her every week if she could. God has given Colleen such profound insight into His heart and ways as she's walking her own long and painful road of terminal cancer. So today, I'm going to ask her about somebody who is walking that journey with her, her son, Jeremy, and how she's teaching him to turn to Jesus in that dark valley.

Dannah: Prepare your heart to help children through the valley of the shadow of death. That's what we're going to be talking about today. We have some help for your heart too. Because if you do have a child who's suffering, you might find that your own prayer life is blocked. This is not uncommon. And so, I'm going to open God's Word to show you how to unlock your words. But first, we do have some good news today. Portia Collins, what is it?

9:07 - Good News (Little Lives Saved)

Portia Collins: Dannah Gresh, this is one that is real close to my heart. Today's good news is short, but it is truly, truly sweet. It is such good news, especially for the smallest sufferers, the unborn. 

I'm sure you remember the landmark decision made by the U.S. Supreme Court about this time last year to overturn the federal protection of abortion through Roe versus Wade. 

Well, here on Grounded, we believe that court decision was the fruit of countless prayers offered by God's people for the end of abortion. But it's important for us to remember that the overturn of Roe v. Wade was not just a headline. It was more than a political hot button issue. Behind each abortion is a child and a mother. 

One organization has been tracking the numbers of abortion since Roe v. Wade was overturned in a recent report revealed between 4 and 7,000 fewer abortions are now being carried out each month. There has been an average of 5,377 less abortions being performed each month. So that means if you're doing the math, that means more than 32,000 babies have been spared here in the United States in the past year.

Okay. I'm gonna say that again. And this time I want you to grab your shoe and throw it across the room. Okay, ready, more than 32,000 babies have been saved since Roe v. Wade was overturned. That also means that more than 32,000 mamas don't have to carry around the guilt and the sorrow and the shame that comes with abortion. 

So, my encouragement here and the good news is, keep praying, keep fighting for life. That is moving. That is some good news.

Erin: You know it's a good, good news segment when I get a little lump in my throat. I have that because 32,000 image bearers of Christ who are going to get to live is a big deal. So, I know we can politicize that. And certainly, there are some political factions involved. But the bottom line is a lot of children were spared because of that decision. 

We want to celebrate that here on Grounded as we pivot to getting grounded with God's people. I have the joy of reintroducing a friend here on Grounded, Colleen Chao. Colleen truly is near and dear to the Revive Our Hearts team for so many reasons. She oozes Jesus. And because of Jesus, I know that Colleen would want Jesus to get all the glory. Because of Jesus, Colleen is walking the road of terminal illness with a profound grace and producing some things for the kingdom and for the church that are really valuable. She's got a new children's book called Out of the Shadow World. I can't wait for her to tell you about it. Welcome back to Grounded, Colleen.

12:19 - Grounded with God's People (Colleen Chao)

Colleen Chao: Oh, good morning. Well, thanks for having me. It's just pure joy every time I get to chat with you. 

Erin: I agree. I'm going to ask you to tell us about two boys that I know you love. First, tell us about Jeremy.

Colleen: Jeremy is 11, he will turn 12 this summer. He, like you know as a mama, has my heart. That kid is a joy. He's hilarious. He makes me laugh so hard. He has a tender heart for God. Yeah, he's a gift.

Erin: I just had a young friend who just found out she was having a boy. She texted me and said, “Help me wrap my brain around it. I really wanted a girl.”

And I was like, “Girl, boys and mamas. It is so special.”

Colleen: It's something. 

Erin: It’s so special. 

Colleen: Yes.

Erin: Now tell us about Pax. 

Colleen: Pax is a fictional character, but he's come to feel real to me. He is one of the two main characters in my kid’s book Out of the Shadow World. He has cancer, and he wants to be healed. He goes through a whole journey of grief and hope and suffering and longings. That little character means a lot because my son means a lot. And so, in creating Pax, there was a lot of Jeremy in my heart.

Erin: Yeah, I bet. I would just encourage those of you watching to interact in the chat now because childhood cancer is real. It's pervasive. In fact, a couple years ago we had so many children in our church congregation with cancer, we had a special service just to pray for them. So, if there's a child in your world that is struggling with that particular disease, we'd love to just know their first name so that we can pray for them. 

But I think our reflex as mamas, at least mine is, to want to shield our children from all suffering. So, I wonder if that's risen up in you as you've walked through cancer, if you've wanted to shield Jeremy from that. And then, what made you decide to shift from shielding him to facing the truth about suffering in a more overt way with him?

Colleen: Yeah, well, you know, even more than just shielding them from the reality I, I think my mama's heart was like, I wish this weren't the reality so that we didn't even have to write like that. It's funny, our theology, we know that this is important for our kids to suffer to mature and to experience Jesus in the hard stuff. But when it comes, I know our mama's hearts just hurt like nothing else. 

And so, I had this solid theology, even when Jeremy was a newborn. The Spirit of God is so faithful to prepare us for what's coming. He had put on my heart really clearly that Jeremy's story is going to have a lot of suffering. I knew this when he was a newborn. He already had some health issues. Those got worse as he got closer to one year old. And then they got worse until he was about six or seven. We saw a shift, but very complex health issues and scary ones. 

And so I thought that was what the Spirit had prepared before, Jeremy's health issues. Then just the sense like, maybe he'll have to walk through some rebellion, or maybe spiritually, it's going to be a long road. 

And then when I was diagnosed with my first cancer diagnosis in 2017. It just started 

Erin: How old was Jeremy?

Colleen: He was six. I started to put together, like, this is going to be a lot of different things for my son. I need to be matching my theology and what I believe in Scripture to be true. With this surrendered posture, just open handedness, even as I worked so hard in my motherhood, to be surrendered. 

And isn't that motherhood? We labor, we invest, we pour our hearts and souls into our kids’ well-being. And then even as we do that, we're holding our hands up and to say, “God, You know best, and ultimately, they're Yours.” 

So, I think that shifted me to be free to just be honest with Jeremy all along so that he can see God in our suffering and see the goodness and then joy and the mercies that would come so that that could build his faith. I'm still a work in progress.

Erin: Yeah, we all are. But you've been very overt about it in a really beautiful way. We're walking a different road at the Davis household I talk about often on Grounded, which is my mom's terminal Alzheimer's. And at first, I didn't want to tell my kids anything. I didn't know a lot of what was coming. But I've had to reach that same point of honesty and realize, Romans 8:28 is for them, God's gonna work all of this for their good. 

So, we're all a work in progress. But you are doing it so beautifully. I don't want you to spoil any parts of the story for us. But what are some of the principles you wrote about in Out of the Shadow World that you want children to grasp from that book?

Colleen: Part of my heart was to have something to put into my son's hands. We were talking about suffering and talking about God's goodness and talking about ways to walk through suffering and practical, practical handles—you know, gratitude and telling stories and things that we were practicing to build our joy through the suffering. 

So, I wanted to do that in a backdoor kind of way. Instead of just direct conversations to get to do other things because kids respond so well to those stories, to music, to songs. So those were a couple of approaches I wanted to take. So the story came out of that heart, like I just want Jeremy to understand more of who God is and what He can do in the midst of suffering, but not keep talking directly about it all the time.

But then also 2 Corinthian 1, where Paul says that God comforts us in all our affliction so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any kind of affliction through the comfort we ourselves receive from God, just as the sufferings of Christ overflow to us. So also, through Christ, our comfort overflows. 

I wanted the book to be this overflow of the comfort I was experiencing, and our family was experiencing. So that could go beyond just Jeremy to other kids, that they would feel that's how I've prayed so much for this book that every kid who reads it, especially those who are hurting, would feel comforted, seen, heard, understood, that the very comfort of Christ would flow through it. 

And then third, that there would be practical handles. I tried to tuck in there little things like sometimes sitting with a friend who's hurting is the best thing you can do. You don't have to say anything. Little, little handles for kids, where they wouldn't even need to be fully equipped for the hard stuff. But they could latch on maybe to one or two things that would help them.

Erin: I love it. Colleen, I like to picture what happens as a result of these conversations. I'm picturing Christian kids being equipped to move toward their peers, instead of away from their peers, with the comfort of Christ. Lord, make it so. 

Colleen: Make it so, Lord, amen. 

Erin: Are there some ways that we talk to our kids about suffering and death that are ultimately unhelpful? You're very good about explaining that you're not a perfect parent, you're learning as you go. But are there some things that we sometimes default to that aren't helpful? What does God teach about suffering in His Word?

Colleen: Yeah, and I've probably done all of them, so I can share how I messed up. I think that quickness to give a pat answer, or to not give space to talk about hard things. And, you know, when we've been walking through this journey together as a family, there are times where I don't know if I can handle the grief of my son in a good healthy way, because it is so painful. There are some moments, I just don't know how we're going to get to the other side of it. 

And so, crying out to God for that capacity. I'm not really, totally answering your question now, because you're saying unhelpful, but I think moving from an unhelpful place of feeling like we want to just give a quick answer, instead of making space to be messy together, and to have hard conversations that might not fully get resolved in that moment. To let kids say whatever they need to say, and to feel what they're feeling in the moment and not correct that because we all need that safe place to be messy.

Erin: That’s so good. 

Colleen: So, that'd be one thing that comes to mind that I've really worked hard at, by God's grace, and cried out for His help. “God help me right now. I don't know how to do this. I can't do this on my own, but help me make a place for Jeremy.” 

Erin: Especially when you're carrying your own grief. And then, you also have to help your child with theirs. 

It’s kind of a running joke in our house that my response is always, “You're okay, you're okay, you're okay.” And sometimes my husband's like, “They're not okay, they're bleeding, or they're hurting.” But, you know, I just want them to be okay. Following that, the Lord has to help me resist and just try to rush them to being okay, because sometimes they're not. And yeah, that can be really hard for me. 

Let's talk about heaven. Sometimes I think we are too vague with our kids. What are some specific things you've taught Jeremy about heaven?

Colleen: I want to say as soon as he could carry on a conversation, we have had the best talks about eternity. God knew what was coming. And so, we would spend time Revelation 4, Daniel 7, Revelation 1, Ezekiel 1. There are some majorly amazing Scriptures to just sit in with kids, Revelation 19. Maybe we could like somehow drop some Scriptures because I want to come up with some more.

Erin: Yeah, we can drop them in the chat.

Colleen: But these are power packed dynamite Scriptures to sit in with kids. I would just sit and say, but let's imagine this. There's this image of Christ. His feet look like they're blazing with fire, like His eyes are fire, there's a sword coming out of His mouth. And look at what's surrounding the throne of God. These creatures all day all night are saying, while there's no night in heaven there, all the time saying, “Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty who was and is in is to come.” And when that happens, these elders are falling down. Just saturated in these eternity Scriptures. 

I think we do a disservice to our kids to shrink their imaginations and just fill them with facts. And let experience Scripture together, like look at eternity. It's crazy amazing. So we'll talk about, I would often say, “Bud, think of Disneyland, the things that he liked the best. And I'm like, you go infinite with that, like times that by infinity, and you're not even going to be able to start imagining how good it's going to be.” 

So just painting those pictures and putting them in their hearts and minds. It gives them something to look forward to when it's really hard here. That's not to take away from the purpose of living, that that should increase our purpose to be here. So, it's not like I just want to be rid of this life and go to heaven. That's not the point. But to paint this as, “Look what is coming; it is so good. And it's all because we're going to be in Jesus's presence.” 

And so, I've told Jeremy to think of your favorite people all in one. And then it's going to be like, magnified. That’s how good it'll be to be with Jesus. And so those are some of the things we'll just talk about. 

Erin: I love that. Sometimes we teach kids that it's clouds and harps and we're gonna be blobs, and none of that is Scripture. 

Colleen: That’s boring. 

Erin: There's a verse in the New Testament that I love, “No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has imagined.”

So, I'll play a game with our boys like, “What do you think it looks like? What do you think the food's gonna taste like? What do you think it's gonna sound like?” Then we go, “I can't even imagine it.” 

So, let their imaginations run wild. The Scriptures told us nobody's ever conjured it. It's more amazing than we've ever conjured. But it's not clouds in harps and blobs. 

Let them know what Scripture says. I really love that. 

I know this is intimate. But would you mind sharing some specific ways you've prayed for Jeremy. I know that Jeremy is not the only suffering kid in your world. So maybe Jeremy and some other kids you've watched suffer?

Colleen: Yeah. It's funny. I sat down to my desk for this interview. I have this prayer journal that I started when I got my terminal diagnosis. I just write out my Scripture prayers for Jeremy, and it's so, so meaningful to me two years later. 

I'm just gonna read a couple. This one is: Lord fill Jeremy, [and fill-in-the-blank with your kid who's suffering]. Fill Jeremy with the knowledge of Your will in all wisdom and understanding so that he may walk worthy of You, fully pleasing to You, bearing fruit and every good work, and growing in the knowledge of You. Being strengthened with all power according to Your glorious might, so that he may have great endurance and patience, joyfully giving thanks to You. 

So, these pages are just filled with just praying Scripture over him. A couple that I pray all the time is, Lord may he grow in wisdom and stature and in favor with both You and with man. I pray that he will love God with all of his heart and soul and mind and strength and he will love others. That yeah, I could just go on and on. 

Erin: It's so beautiful. 

Colleen: It's such a great privilege of motherhood, isn't it? To pray?

Erin: It really is. I've often said prayer is our primary work. 

Colleen: Yes.

Erin: I mean, we definitely have to pack the lunches. We definitely have to disciple we definitely need to get him to church. But our first job is to pray.

So, if you think about Jeremy's generation and I want to think about him too, because I've got Judah who's 10. I've got Noble who's 13. So, our boys are growing up together, and they're going to rise up. Those boys are going to have to stand tall for Jesus because the culture is increasingly hostile, and they're going to have to have the spiritual muscles to do that and that those reps happen in suffering. 

So, what are just some some truths that you hope for Jeremy's generation to stand on firmly?

Colleen: You're singing my song. I've told him often that his work is going to be great whether that it looks great or not, on a human level, what's happening in his generation. His life is very significant and your boys too for their generation. 

Erin: They are going to be darkness pusher-backers (if I can make up a word). I mean, they're gonna have to push back hard against the darkness; they just are.

Colleen: And the light is going to shine all the brighter, right? It's going to be starkly bright, and it will pierce the darkness. 

So, I have prayed into characteristics I see in men in the Scriptures who were in similar positions: Joseph, Daniel, David. I've prayed into these. I'll just even talk about those men with Jeremy. They were flawed, but they were used mightily of God. He equipped them for really hard situations in cultures that did not honor God. 

So, I've prayed that he would have the integrity of Joseph, I've prayed that he would have the courage of Daniel and the prayer life of Daniel. I have prayed that he would have the faith of Abraham. 

So for his generation, that's what I longed for. I'll cry out to God for his generation. Like, “God, raise up Josephs, raise up Daniels, to be courageous and have integrity and to lead and to be men after your own heart like David.” So those are some of the ways that I cry out for his generation. 

Erin: They were men who suffered as boys, all three of those . . . 

Colleen: Yes.

Erin: . . . mentioned boys that faced literal lions. 

Colleen: Yeah, true. 

Erin: And the Lord used that. So, could we just take time to pray for our sons’ generation, Colleen, that they would suffer well and stand firm?

Colleen: Jesus, you are full of great plans for this generation, generation Z and generation Alpha. God, would you put Your hand on them, these kids who are young. That they already as youths would experience Your presence, they would experience Your reality. They would love Your Word, that their hearts would be protected from the enemy's deceit, that they would be protected from the world's lies and from their own flesh. 

Lord, raise up men and women, from our kids’ generation to speak Your truth and love, to comfort, to be courageous, to be Your hands and feet to their generation. Let them walk closely with You, let them be humble and lovers of mercy and justice. And I pray that You would protect them, put a hedge of protection around them, do abundantly more than all we could ask or imagine. In the name of Jesus we pray, amen.

Erin: Amen. Tell us the name of the book one more time and where we can get it? 

Colleen: Out of the Shadow World. You can get it wherever they sell books.

Erin: Well, we love you, Colleen. We mean that you always bless our socks clean off. So thanks for being back on Grounded.

Colleen: Right back at ya. Thanks, Erin. 

Portia: Yes, yes, yes, we love her. 

Erin: I heard you amen in the background. I know the people couldn’t hear you but I could. 

Portia: I'm always amening. And look, when I'm not on camera, I can really just let loose. 

Erin: I love it. I count Emmi among that generation that the Lord is going to raise up for pushing back into darkness.

Portia: Definitely. Praise God. 

Well, if your child is facing your death, or maybe their grandparents’ death, or maybe even their own or any suffering for that matter, you might be struggling with how to talk to God about it. 

In fact, if we're honest, you might be outright angry at what He's allowed. Is it okay to question God when times are devastating? Well, Dannah Gresh will help us get grounded in God's Word momentarily. She's gonna help to soften your heart and prime the pump of desire to talk to God, honestly. I know I need some of that. 

But first, I want you to see something truly precious. Few guests okay, make us longing for heaven like Colleen Chao. As you can already see, she is a delight. She's a woman filled with the Word, and we know that you want a little bit more of her wisdom. So, enjoy this four-minute video of Colleen sharing what she thinks Heaven will be like.

34:08 - Heaven Works Backwards Video

Colleen: “Heaven works backwards” has been a theme. When we're in heaven, we're going to look back and see that the agonies were glorious all along, and that the reality of heaven was there all along. We just couldn't see it. Eternity has been wired into me, just the thoughts and longings, I think probably over the last 10 or 15 years. It's interesting, there's a part of it that's almost intimidating now. And that's a strange thing to say when I have longed for it so much. I feel like I've invested so much, and then I've squandered so much. The reality is so near and so real now that I'm sobered by entering in, realizing how much might burn up and not be the gold that remains. But when I start going there in a dark way, Jesus reminds me it's covered. This is good news. You know, despite my failures, despite the things that I would love to have a do over and maybe the regrets. 

The gospel is the hope of entering into Jesus's presence without shame, without fear. It's a sealed deal. And I am forgiven, and I'm accepted and loved. As the Father loves Jesus, He loves me? Just the oneness with Christ, and with the Trinity that we experienced, because He took our sin and did away with it and doesn't see us through it. I see myself through my sin often, but just to think that He sees me through Christ. And when I enter eternity, I don't enter judgment. Like that's incredible. 

That new life, this is the beginning of it. It's going to explode into being when I enter on the other side. I've even written on eternity, just like the things that I imagined, the food that I'll get to enjoy finally, after all these years of having to be so strict about my diet and deny myself all these foods I want to eat. Like, I get to feast. And the people, you know, just pure joy and no relational conflict and strains warring against my sin on a daily basis. Like, that's gonna be insane just to be free of my sin. And so yeah, there's so much about it that is more real than ever.

Think Psalms, like, “Be still my soul” brings that heavenly reality into song. I can be still in my soul, because God is good, and He's with me. He's designing these things for pure joy. So that song has been precious. I started singing over Jeremy when he was a newborn, because it was so rich with truth and hope, but also so real. Hey, it's rough here. This side of eternity is rough. But there's joy. There's joy waiting for it.

38:37 - Grounded in God's Word (with Dannah)

Dannah: And thinking about heaven and understanding it does give us a different perspective for suffering and grief. But we still suffer, and we still grieve. 

So, what do we do when we're in that place of suffering and grief when we just can't handle the headlines, or can't handle the email from the doctor, or can't handle the hard questions from our kids? 

Well, I want you to go back in time with me and imagine these headlines hitting our newsfeed. We've certainly had some rough ones recently, but not compared to this: “30,000 Dead 50,000 Injured, Many Children.” What kind of emotional rubble does that leave behind? 

Well, that's what people read in post-World War II London. By 1953 medical doctor administer Martyn Lloyd-Jones recognized the devastating imprint left on his Westminster chapel congregation, his spiritual children, the ones he was charging with ushering through the grief. The city was rebuilding hearts and homes after suffering widespread damage as a result of aerial bombings. And here's the thing he noticed: his congregation just did not know how to talk to God in the middle of all that rubble. 

So, Pastor Jones pulled out an ancient book that contained the secrets of living by faith in evil times. It was written by a man who modeled how to talk to God when life hits hard. I'm talking about Habakkuk. 

And if you see mine, my book of Habakkuk is covered—looks like a toddler has been in there—because I've needed it at hard times. 

And for Martyn Lloyd-Jones’s congregation, Habakkuk was just the tutor the congregation needed to get their prayers back on track and alive and lifted to the Lord. 

So, if there's rubble of any kind in your life today, you could probably use a private lesson from Habakkuk too. 

Let's dig in and learn from him. Grab your Bible, open it to Habakkuk. I know it's a hard one to find, might hardly be able to pull the pages apart because they're so fresh and unused. But try to find Habakkuk chapter one. I want to compare and contrast two passages that I think will help us understand why children, any of us for that matter, face suffering, and how we can talk to God in the middle of that suffering. 

Habakkuk 1:2–3 reads like this. 

O Lord, how long shall I cry,
And You will not hear?
Even cry out to You, “Violence!”
And You will not save.
Why do You show me iniquity,
And cause me to see trouble?
For plundering and violence are before me;
There is strife, and contention arises.

Now I gotta tell you, these are not neat and tidy prayers are they? Habakkuk is angry. He is frustrated that God isn't solving the problems in his nation which his nation has had experienced something a lot like London post-World War II. He was looking at rubble; he was looking at children without homes. He was looking at people that were starving. Where are You God? He's asking why. Why do You look idly at wrong? How long will I cry and You do nothing? Ouch. Ever prayed like that? 

The name Habakkuk means “wrestler,” and he lived up to his name. When his nation, the very one chosen by God, faces circumstances a lot like that war that Martyn Lloyd-Jones faced, maybe circumstances a lot like the war in your own life. 

My friend, he's not the only one to hurl questions at God. Job did, even John the Baptist doubted Jesus. I mean, John sent the soon-to-save his hard questions through a messenger when the Baptist was in prison awaiting his execution. Is it okay to question God? You bet it is. But let's skip over some of Habakkuk to see an important quality that the prophet learns as he asks honest questions in his prayers. 

Here's Habakkuk 1 verses 12–13. And you're going to notice the prophet is still full of questions, but they're going to sound a whole lot different.
“Are you not from everlasting,

O Lord my God, my Holy One?
We shall not die.
O Lord, you have ordained them as a judgment,
and you, O Rock, have established them for reproof.
You who are of purer eyes than to see evil
and cannot look at wrong,
why do you idly look at traitors
and remain silent when the wicked swallows up
the man more righteous than he?”

Okay, so Habakkuk is still asking hard questions, isn't he? But did you hear this subtle change in tone? He's no longer just hurling questions at God, but now lacing them with respect. What's the difference? Well, he's asking himself what he already knows to be true about God before he opens his mouth, and he's finding some solid ground to stand on. He says are You not from everlasting? He called God my Holy One, he called God oh Rock. 

So, the prophet still asks his questions, but embeds them with the truth that he's sure of. He's not just wrestling now but also embracing. 

My friend, when you have hard questions, or when your children have hard questions rolling through their minds, that is God speaking to you. He's not silent but sending you a message, an invitation to remember His character intimately in the current hard situations. 

To remember that even though you might say, “Oh, God, why? Oh God, where are you?” You can remember He's the Rock; you can remember He is everlasting. You can remember He never slumbers. Questions when asked properly can be a way of embracing God, not wrestling with Him. 

Many years ago, I had a lot of questions because of some devastating events in my personal life. My brain was mush. I couldn't read, I couldn't write. I do a lot of my praying in my journal. I didn't even remember simple, important things like feeding myself. I was exhausted, but also hyper vigilant, so I couldn't sleep. 

Trying to comprehend the Bible and praying seemed futile. But I knew I needed God's truth on my lips. So, I got a three-ring bound set of three by five cards. I wrote Romans 8:31–38 on the first card, and determined that reading it aloud would be the extent of my daily time with God, because that's all I could give. That was as much as I could muster. 

I didn't know it then, but I was practicing one of Habakkuk's most important habits, embedding the truth of God's Word into my prayer. I began reading that verse many times each day, and before I realized it, the sentences and phrases of that passage were showing up in my questions. Where are You God evolved into a more robust, God, why does it feel like You're so distant if tribulation can't separate me from your love? Is it really true? Please show me. 

I began to understand that no matter what happened, none of it could contain the power to separate me from the love of Christ. And this truth became real to me in a way I had not previously known before the suffering. 

Did you hear that? Why am I telling you that? 

I'm telling you this: the hard questions you have right now, they're actually invitations for you to stand on the foundation of what you already know about God. When you temper your doubts and your questions with the truth, you begin to experience that character of God profoundly. 

So maybe you don't have it in your heart to just pray without ceasing right now because your heart is grieving and you're in tears. That is a sort of intercession, my friend, but I beg you, pick up a three by five card, find just one verse of comfort. Start there, write it down, and embed the questions you have for God with that truth. You will experience God in a profound way. And maybe, maybe just maybe, that's one reason He allows us to suffer. And one reason He's allowing your child to suffer. 

I want to pray for you one more time.

Lord, I know that as women listen to this, and maybe men to Father that there is great suffering, I look at the headlines, and I see shootings and confusion and pain and devastation and hardship. And Lord Jesus, I know that some of our own Grounded sisters are in deep places of devastation. But I want to remind them today that no matter what hard questions they have to ask You, nothing can separate them from the love of Christ. 

And Lord, if all they can do is say, “Lord, why is this happening? Help me not to feel separated from You by it.” Let them start there Father and find that the power of Your Word is true, that they'll begin to embed the Scriptures with their questions, that they'll experience You in a new and precious way. I know that I did. Thank You, Jesus, for the suffering You issued to me so that I could know that nothing separates me from Your love. In Jesus name. I pray this, amen.

Erin: You know, as Dannah was teaching, I was thinking it's one thing to allow yourself to ask God big questions. It's quite another thing to allow your child to ask God big questions. Yeah. But that's a part of the application of this for me is that not to say you're okay, you're okay you're okay, when my kids have tough questions.

Dannah: Yes.

Erin: And that they can experience God in the same way you did. 

Dannah: Yeah, let me throw something else on top of that, Erin, because there's lots of surveys, not just one but multiple surveys I've read of college students who have departed from their faith. One of the things they say is that when I had hard questions about God, people around me seemed rather allergic to them.

So, I would say that not only is it a way for us to experience God, but it's a way for us to shore up the faith of the future generation. Don't be afraid to let them ask those hard questions and sit in those hard questions. Just sit with that. Did you hear Colleen say that? When you don't know the answer and someone’s suffering, just sit with them.

Erin: Yeah. So good. So good. Let our children wrestle and find the Lord in it. 

So, I want you to right now open those arms really wide. This is the part where we give you the good stuff, we want to just load you down with some good resources. Starting with that teaching that Dannah just shared, I know that it hit you in the heart because it hit me in the heart. And that comes straight from her Bible study based on the book of Habakkuk. 

You can grab a copy of that at the Revive Our Hearts webstore. We're going to always put that right at your fingertips and drop the link.

We also want to point you to a Revive Our Hearts podcast episode with Joni Eareckson Tada, this is another person you need to know who has actually written many children's books about heaven and about some of these topics. If you're feeling like you want to be further equipped, she's a resource for you to go to. But there's a conversation between Joni and Dannah called “Teaching Children about Heaven.” And I hope as a continuation of everything you've heard Colleen say and Dannah say here, that you're gonna want to have those conversations soon. 

So, we'll drop the link to that podcast episode so that you can hear that conversation.

Portia: Okay, excellent. Excellent. Well, that video that we showed you of Colleen is part of a series of videos that our team created that feature Colleen, it's called Wise Words of a Dying Woman. And we're gonna drop a link to that to all three videos actually on our YouTube channel, so you can check them out. You're gonna love them.

Erin: Yeah, and if you're not already subscribed, to the Revive Our Hearts YouTube channel, this is my chance to remind you to do that you'll always be notified when Grounded is on first of all, but you'll get access to some amazing videos like these Wise Words of a Dying Woman from Colleen, keep your tissues handy as you watch those and your Bible because she's gonna point you right to God's Word. 

Speaking of Colleen, we're gonna make available her book in the Revive Our Hearts’ web store, that's another link will drop there for you. So, if you are thinking, Man, I gotta get this children's book we've been talking about. We're gonna make that easy for you head on over to ReviveOurHearts.com and you'll find it there. 

Dannah: Well, friends, we bless you this week, too. I guess give you permission to grieve. And ask hard questions, but know that it's not without hope. And if you open up your Bible, you're always going to find perspective for that suffering. 

Erin: Yep. 

Dannah: So, we invite you next week to join us once again to wake up with hope on Grounded.

Portia: Grounded audio is powered by Skype. Grounded is a production of Revive Our Hearts, calling women to freedom, boldness and fruitfulness in Christ. Cool.

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