Knowing the Right Things to Say, with Caroline Newheiser and Cheryl Marshall

Do you have Don't-Know-What-to-Say-Syndrome? Grounded guests Caroline Newheiser and Cheryl Marshall have the cure. They’ll help you learn to be a gracious woman who can bring hope in hard times.

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Episode Notes

When Words Matter Most book by Cheryl Marshall and Caroline Newheiser

“The Power of Words” podcast series

Find out about the Husband Encouragement Challenge

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Dannah Gresh: Ever been at a loss for words, so you just blurt something? Anything out? Only to regret it? Yep, me too. I'm Dannah Gresh.

Erin Davis: Oh, I've been there many times. I'm Erin Davis. We're going to give away two things this morning: hope and perspective. And this episode is going to provide the tools you need to know what to say, when you don't know what to say.

Dannah: Yep, it is. Oh, Erin, I should probably confess that, just now I was trying to share this episode of Grounded on my Instagram feed. I was trying to collect the YouTube link. And I think instead I accidentally disliked this episode. Today hasn't even happened yet.

It's gonna be a good episode . . . and I like it already. 

Erin: That dovetails into what we're talking about.

Dannah: It does. It does. Because sometimes we do things we don't mean to do. And we've all been there. When a friend is going through a difficult season, maybe something you haven't experienced before, and you're just at a loss for words. 

Erin: Yep. 

Dannah: You know, Erin, you're one of my closest friends. We've what are we on? Like 30-something years? I don't know, is it?

Erin: I don't know how it could be 30 years when we're only 29. But we’ve spent some decades together. 

Dannah: We knew we were friends in utero. 

Erin: We were, right.

Dannah: Yes. But even though you're one of my closest friends, I've been watching you go through something. In the recent years, you're caring for your sweet mom; she has dementia. And there are times that I have to confess, I just don't know what to say. 

Erin: Yeah, but I don't think you're alone. I mean, it's a tricky situation, for sure. But can I just coach everybody up, who maybe is a friend of someone in that situation? Doesn't have to be dementia, just illness? Can I tell you what not to say? Here's the things I hear most often, especially when we first got a diagnosis. I heard: does she know who you are? I am tired of hearing this. That's really, really painful. I'm not going to talk about that with you in this casual setting. Then I a lot of people say “Oh, are you going to get tested to see if you're going to get Alzheimer's?” And then, “That's my greatest fear.” 

So, that is also not helpful. We get a lot of when you get to put her in a home. And that is such a complex and painful decision that I really am not going to talk to about it with somebody just in passing. So, I know people are trying to empathize. 

Dannah: Yeah.

Erin: But also, I think they're really curious. It's those curiosity questions. They can often pick the scab of what we're all going through. I just never know when I'm going to get blindsided with those questions because we live in a small town. It hurts. 

Dannah: I know some you know. I feel like I've been there when the babies were in the NICU and people didn't understand what was going on, how frightening it was. They didn't mean to hurt, but they did.

Erin: Sure.

Dannah: I think sometimes the worst thing you can say when you don't know what to say is the first thing that pops into your head. Just don't. 

Erin: Oh, man. Amen. 

Dannah: Yeah, just don't. If you're cringing right now because you've done that, or you've just said nothing, because I don't think that's the answer, well, today's program is for you. We want to help you overcome the “I-don't-know-what-to-say syndrome.” We want you to become a gracious woman. So, what is a gracious woman? Well, a gracious person is kind. They're helpful. And they're just full of tact. She knows what to say and what to do to bring hope in hard times.

Erin: Oh, man, do I want to be that kind of woman. So, we've got two counselors going to join us in a minute, they're going to coach us up. They're going to share three biblical characteristics that are the hallmarks of a gracious woman and one of them is not blurting out the first thing that comes to mind. 

Dannah: Exactly. Well, it’s not one of their hallmarks, but it's Erin and Dannah’s hallmarks. We have learned that one on the hot pavement of life. We pass that lesson on to you; it's free. It's a bonus today. So, you're gonna hear what these two ladies have to say, because I'm going to take inventory of my own speech as they share.

Erin: Yeah, I don't know if I'm eager. I expect to be convicted because it has an area of struggle for this girl. I want you to do two things, Grounded viewers and grounded listeners, I want you to find something to write on and something to write with. It doesn't even have to be a whole notebook. It can be the back of your receipt from where you went to dinner last night. But you need something to write on and something to write with. Because our time in God's Word today is going to have a little interactive element. And here's the other thing I need from you. I need you to share this episode. We really do depend on you to get the word, out because as Dannah shared, if it's dependent on us to share this episode . . . don’t hit the dislike button.

Dannah: Don’t dislike it. Don't do this on YouTube. Don't do that. When you go to share it when you go to copy the link, watch out for that dislike button. 

Erin: Yeah, watch out. But really, there are so many women who I know are going to need to hear the things we're talking about in this episode. So, text out a link to your Bible study group, let your neighbors know, or just hit the share button. It's really easy. We do appreciate you sharing the episode.

Our cohost, Portia Collins, we're always waiting for in the digital wings. She's here to step into the spotlight with some good news. P, what's the good news of the day?

Good News: The Scripture Saves (2:31)

Portia Collins: Good morning. 

Erin: Morning.

Portia: Well, before we get into it, I just want to say that I'm super excited about this topic because I've been known to be, you know, a blabber mouth in my day. So, I need to know what to say and when to say it. I'm looking forward to it. 

But y'all know we got some good news. And we all know that God's Word is powerful. But today's good news story takes that to a whole new level. It all started when a man named Clayton found an old Bible while living in a homeless shelter, 10 years ago. Inside the cover of the Bible there was a name, P. Daugherty. 

I wanted you to get a visual image of finding a Bible. And then inside of it, you see this name. Y'all see my cute little Bible that my friend Jasmine gifted me? Mine says P. Collins here. But in this particular Bible, it said the initial P. Daugherty, and this Bible had been used. It was filled with notes from the previous owner. Many of the passages were underlined, or circled. In the margins were filled with handwritten thoughts about how the Old Testament connects with the New Testament. 

At the time, Clayton didn't know Jesus, and he didn't understand a lot of what he read in the Bible, but he kept reading, and he treasured the notes that P. Daugherty left behind. They helped him to understand. And eventually, Clayton surrendered his life to Jesus. 

Now, that would be a good news story all on its own, but it gets better guys. Just a couple of weeks ago, Clayton visited a Church in Oklahoma. And what was the name of the pastor of that church? You guessed it, Paul Daugherty. Clayton only knew him as P. And after the service, Clayton walked up to the pastor and asked, is this your Bible? Shocked, the pastor said, “Yes.” It was the Bible that Pastor Paul used all throughout middle school and high school until it was stolen. And Paul had not seen it in 15 years. 

Pastor Paul said this, “God used my own messy scribbled-in Bible to save this guy's life who is now saved, set free. He brought his whole family with kids to church tonight. The Word is alive and powerful.” God used Paul's words, words that were scribbled in his Bible with no intention of anyone ever reading them. God used it to call Clayton to saving faith in Jesus Christ. Words matter. 

And God's Word has the power to transform hearts. And guess what? That's good news for me. 

Dannah: That is good news. Portia Collins, thank you for that. Words do matter. They matter so much. We want to ask you this, this morning, are your words gracious? Are you a gracious woman. I was praying yesterday with a group at my church. We were praying for one particular person. And at our church, we like to get around someone and touch them or touch the person that's touching them, just make them feel our closeness. 

And my friend Leah was right next to me. She slipped away as we began praying for this person. And I thought, that's not like her. So, I looked to see where she went. There was a handicapped man trying so hard to reach the group so that he could touch too, and my friend noticed. She quietly slipped between him and the person he couldn't quite reach, creating a human conduit for him. 

And I remember thinking, how gracious. That's what I want to be: the kind of woman who knows what to do and what to say, in those difficult conversations when others feel uncomfortable. My friend Leah knew just what to do. 

Today, we're going to discover three qualities of a gracious woman, we're going to take inventory. And I want you to take note, if you are not doing so well write these qualities down that the Holy Spirit may begin to work them into your life. Our guests today are first, Cheryl Marshall. She's a counselor and a Bible teacher. Good morning, Cheryl.

Grounded in Our Relationships (7:05)

Cheryl Marshall: Thank you for having us.

Dannah: We're so glad to have you and her friend and co-author, Caroline Newheiser is a counselor and a teacher of women's counseling at Reformed Theological Seminary. Hey there, Caroline. Hello,

Caroline Newheiser: Thank you again for having us.

Dannah: Well, okay, this is so exciting. Because I want to ask you a question. You've written the book on being gracious with our words. But have you ever not known what to say? Have you ever been in a position where you're like, I can't believe that is what came out of my mouth? Please tell me yes.

Cheryl: Yes. And we have both been there, there is no doubt.

Dannah: No doubt..

Cheryl: Probably one of my most embarrassing moments of my entire life was when I was a teenager. I'm sorry, I just cannot tell the story.

Dannah: It's okay. This program is not titled “most embarrassing moments.” So, we'll let you off the hook. Alright, so the kind of woman who knows what to say and do in hard times is often called a gracious woman. So, let's start by defining. What is a gracious woman?

Caroline: I would say that the gracious woman is a woman who relies on the Lord and His work, and His Words, to speak carefully and with self-control. And our three points are self-control, wisdom, and hope.

Dannah: So a gracious woman has self-control, she's wise, and she brings hope. I like that. Let's go through those. Let's go through those three qualities, because honestly, as we started looking at this program, I thought, gracious woman, what is that? As we formed the program, the Lord has really worked in my heart and called me and wooed me and made me want to be a gracious woman. 

What does that first control look like? What does it look like to be a woman whose speech and conduct is self-controlled?

Cheryl: Control so important, we define that in the book as a woman who carefully expresses herself with words that bless others. And so, self-control can be displayed in various ways in a woman's speech, when she's talking with those she loves. One of the verses we really gravitated to was “Whoever guards his mouth preserves his life. He who opens wide, his lips comes to ruin.” And also, then in Ephesians 4 where it says maintain the unity of the Spirit and the bond of peace. 

So, a self-controlled woman is going to have a goal of being one who brings peace and blessing and unity to those she talks with. And so, she will restrain her impulses; she will restrain her emotions and her desires for the benefit of those she's speaking with. 

Dannah: I'm feeling so convicted, go ahead, what are the ways?

Cheryl: Sorry.

Dannah: I'm gonna have self-control and not say what I'm thinking about myself. What are the ways? Go ahead and finish your sentence. 

Cheryl: I was just gonna say this is an area that we work on every single day, because it's just not our nature to have self-control. But it is what God calls us to in the Scripture. So, we really need to pay attention to that fruit of the Spirit. Self-control, and the Lord is with me in this. 

We can display this in our speech. First of all, we need to check our hearts. It's easy to think, Well, I'm just going to slap self-control on the outside. I'm just going to try to keep my mouth shut. But self-control really starts in the heart. It's a heart that's been submitted to the Lord first, and I want His will to be done. I want to glorify Him. So really, a self-controlled heart is a spirit-controlled heart. And that's the place to start—the self-control.

Dannah: Yeah, exactly. You know, Friday my barn flooded, and we had snow and snow. We had snow melt and rain at the same time. It's never flooded this badly. Of course, Bob is out of town. So, it's all me. I was self-controlled with the men from my church who came to help. But when I was on the phone with my husband, ah, I wanted to say every thought in my head. I wanted to just blurt everything out. And here's what I found. I did not have self-control. I went to God and just said, Lord, I feel alone. I feel abandoned. I feel like why did this happen when he was gone? And when I did that, the Holy Spirit was able to give me self-control, the fruit of the Holy Spirit. Sometimes we just have to lean on Him. Okay, what's quality number two?

Caroline: With self-control, you mean are we still talking about self-control? 

Dannah: What's the second quality of a gracious woman?

Caroline: Wisdom.

Dannah:  Oh wisdom. 

Caroline: She speaks with wisdom on her tongue. Proverbs 31. That woman has God's Word, and is sharing it because it's in our heart already. 

This is what we were told when Solomon was asked, “What do you want?” And the Bible dictates that he wanted to know how to discern good and evil. He wanted wisdom and God honored that request of his.

Dannah: So, what does that look like in our day in and day out life? Like, how does a wise woman show up? Let's say when her friend is struggling with Alzheimer's, or another friend has grandbabies in the NICU, or another friend's marriage is falling apart? How does wisdom show up in the way she talks in those awkward moments? How do we apply it?

Cheryl: One of the things a wise woman knows to do is when to just be quiet. And that takes again, self-control and wisdom. Of course, in those really difficult times, those are the times to remember that this is a time for me to listen. This may be a time for me to cry with my friend, to just identify with her inner suffering. It takes wisdom to know how long to be quiet, and then when to actually speak into her life.

And so sometimes it just even requires saying, “Can I share with you what the Lord is laying upon my heart or teaching me from His Word? To give us hope in the situation.” And sometimes you have to ask for passports to speak into their lives and especially if you're unsure.

Dannah: Yeah, ask for passports. 

You know, just that you said a wise woman knows when not to talk. That right there is something every American woman needs to learn. I feel like our culture has this desire to fill the space with noise. Somebody just recently taught me about what she calls the “ministry of listening.” 

She's like when I don't know what to say, I ask the Holy Spirit to fill me with the gift of the “ministry of listening.” Isn't that a wonderful title? And she says, “I just say something like, that must be really difficult. Can you tell me what that feels like? Or can you tell me what God's teaching you through that?” We don't always have to have the answers. Sometimes we just have to have the ears to listen.

Caroline: I love that because when you do that, if she's a believer and the Lord's working in her heart and teaching her, she will reveal that and then you can reinforce that as her friend. You can come alongside what she has said, with maybe another passage that relates to that. And now you're having a conversation. You're not just talking at her in her sorrow or suffering. 

Dannah: Yes, right. 

Caroline: You're talking with her according to God's Word.

Dannah: Beautiful. So, we've got self-control. How are you doing on this little inventory my friends? Wisdom. And what's the final quality of a gracious woman that we're going to talk about today?

Caroline: The gracious woman brings hope. She knows God's Word. And she knows God Himself. So, to know God ourselves, we can communicate that with women we're talking to, and brings hope. 

We use the illustration in our book of how Moses needed somebody to hold up his arms to continue the battle. I have a several dear friends but one in particular I'm thinking of now. She'll write to me or she’ll send me a text. “I'm really low today, Caroline, what can I do?” I give her a verse. And I said, “I'm like holding up Moses arms. I'm assisting you in bringing this the strength you need.”

Dannah: I love that. That's one of my favorite pictures in the Scriptures. We all need somebody, even the strongest of leaders, we need somebody holding our arms up. In fact, you might have a leader in your life that needs some encouragement today. You might ask the Lord’s Spirit to tell you who I just sent that just now what a beautiful picture. 

So, here's the inventory. Now, of course, these are not the only qualities of a gracious woman, but these are sure good places to begin. Are you self-controlled in your speech? Does your speech demonstrate wisdom? That comes from opening God's Word and spending time with God. Right? And are you bringing hope? Is the way you're interacting with someone who's in a difficult situation in their life hope-filled and hope-fueled? Are you holding their arms up? How'd you do on the inventory? If you didn't do so well, you might want a copy of Cheryl Marshall and Caroline Newheiser’s book. It's called When Words Matter Most, we will drop a link so you can get a copy. 

Cheryl, Caroline, thank you so much for being with us today on Grounded. 

Cheryl: Thank you. 

Dannah: God bless you. You're both beautiful, gracious women. 

It's time to get grounded in God's Word. Erin Davis is going to take us into the Word today with a little bit of help from our friend Portia.

Erin: Yeah, Dannah. you gotta have some gracious words for your puppy Moosey, cuz I hear him barking. 

Dannah: I’m sorry. 

Erin: Let’s all call him, bad dog. 

Dannah: Here's the thing. Dannah Gresh is getting on an airplane the second I get finished with this. 

Erin: And Moosey knows.

Dannah: There’s a suitcase out there. And Moose is in mourning. You all get to participate in his sadness today, I’m sorry. 

Erin: Go give him some wisdom-filled words while we open God’s Word together. We're gonna take just a quick minute and turn to Ephesians 4 together. I don't know about you, but my Bible just flaps open to Ephesians 4 because I spend a lot of time in that chapter, because I can struggle with some of the things we've been talking about here. 

And Portia, this segment of grounded in God's Word is going to be participatory. So, I'm going to ask you to stick with us and represent all of those who are watching that I cannot see. So are you ready to be my participatory Bible student? Oh, you're ready. 

Portia: I’m ready. 

Grounded in the Word: Eph. 4:1–3 (18:24)

Erin: Oh, good. Well, I had to have some hard conversations just last week, and I mean, hard conversations. I've been parked in Ephesians 4 as I prepared to have those conversations. And after those conversations . . . it is an absolute goldmine in your Bible. You can refer back to it over and over again when you face a difficult conversation. 

If that means a conflict, as it was in my case, or a friend that's going through something that you don't know what to say, or talking to somebody else about somebody else, which we don't want to do if it's gossip, but there are times we need to talk and see if we need to have a conversation. 

So, if you have a hard conversation, Ephesians 4 needs to be your go-to place, because I want you to be ready to handle those conversations. I need to be ready to handle those conversations in a way that the Bible calls me to. 

So, I did tell you this would be interactive. You need a piece of paper or your journal and something to write with. We're gonna make a list and a diagram. First thing I want you to do is make a list as I read us Ephesians 4, verses 1–3. I'll talk it through as we go. Go. 

“I, therefore, a prisoner for the Lord,” this Paul writing, “urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called.” At the top of your list I want you to write, “walk worthy . . .” Walk worthy, that's your heading, and then he's gonna tell us how to do it. He's gonna give us some really specific steps, verse 2:

“. . . with all humility,” first thing on your list, humility, “and gentleness.” Next thing on your list, gentleness, “with patience.” Next thing on your list is patience. “. . . bearing with one another in love,” you can shorten that to forbearance. That's not a very short word, but it's shorter than bearing with one another in love. Verse 3, “eager to maintain the unity of the spirit and the body of in the bond of peace.” You could say, eager to maintain unity. 

So again, Paul's giving us such practical insight here. He's saying, “I want you to walk in a manner worthy of your calling. We get a little bit confused about calling here. The context is your calling as a follower of Jesus, the fact that you were called by Christ, and you surrendered your life to Christ. Now, you’ve got to walk that out. And how on earth could we walk in ways that are worthy of the fact that we bear the name Christian? Well, Paul's like, here it is. Here's the list. You do it with humility. You do it with gentleness. You do it with patience. You do it with forbearance. And you do it eagerly. P., Let's see your list. How'd you do? Did you get all that down? I was talking fast. 

Portia: I did. 

Erin: Alright, girl. 

Portia: Actually, I put loving where forbearance is. But I was like, 

Erin: Oh, yeah. 

Portia: They go hand in hand. And then the last one is fostering unity. So yeah, I'm tracking I love good. Keep going. 

Erin: Good job. I send you a virtual gold star for doing your homework right then. 

Okay, we're gonna keep going. And here, I don't want you to make a list. I want you to make a diagram. I don't know what those diagrams are called. But you got circled something in a circle in the middle. And then you kind of draw lines and you put other things in circle. I'm gonna call it an octopus diagram, because that's kind of what it looks like. That's probably not the technical term, but that's what we're gonna draw. 

So, in the middle of your paper, I want you to write the word one P., you got it? One. 

Portia: Yes. 

Erin: All right, and draw a circle around that. And then I'm going to keep reading verses four through five. And you guys just draw those tentacles. What is it that we have one of? Okay, again, four or five? I'm gonna read them you draw. “There is one body . . .” hint hint “. . . one Spirit.” 

This says you were called to “one hope that belongs to your call, one Lord, one faith, one baptism,” 

Verse six. I'm going to keep reading “one God and Father of all, who is overall and through all and in all.” 

Okay, I was going stop there. P., what kinds of things do you have pointing back to that one?

Portia: All right, hold on, let me finish my last one. Boom, baby. I don't like to be defeated. 

Erin: Woo! Look at that. 

Portia: So, we have one body, one spirit, one hope, one baptism, one Lord, one faith, one God and Father. Did I get it? Do I get another gold star?

Erin: Good. I love it. Yeah, you're getting two gold stars for that. 

Okay, let's put the pieces together. Why does it matter if we have conversations, hard conversations at all? I mean, is it more godly to just be conflict avoidant and to never have a hard conversation? Is that what it means to be eager to preserve the bond of peace? Well, maybe sometimes. 

There's a philosophy that I live by when it comes to hard conversations. It is this, “If it is at all possible for you to let it go, let it go.” If you can put that thing that she said or that thing that you're worried about, or that whatever it is, if you can, let it go. Lay it at the foot of the cross and trust the Lord to deal with it. Do that. That's a great first step. 

But if you can't, I mean, if it's just nagging you and you're playing the tapes over and over and you're rehearsing the conversation that needs to happen, well, then you probably need to have the conversation. 

And you need to have the conversation with the person who's involved. I'm not talking about having a side conversation or gossiping, or sometimes even in the name of prayer. We go to somebody else. No, I'm talking about one to one with the person that is involved. You have the conversation. We have good reasons to fight for Christian unity. We are one. 

There's one God, one Father, and we all bear His image. There's one Spirit, one Bible, that's the authority in our lives. We sometimes need to fight through tough conversations, to remind ourselves of that oneness. 

Now, our salvation is not dependent on any of this. We are saved through faith alone in Christ alone. But as we walk out that salvation, we need to live lives that are to the best of our abilities worthy of Christ's sacrifice. That's what Paul said. Honor the unique oneness we have in Christ. And I think we do that by being eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit by the bond of peace, as Paul said

Know what Paul didn't say. If you know anything about Paul's character from his writing, this won’t surprise you. It doesn't say, be eager to avoid all hard conversations. No, it doesn't say, be eager to not say anything when people are hurting. No. 

I want you to think about your most intimate relationships. In your most intimate relationships, your family, your closest friends, you've had hard conversations. I'm sure of it. That's not to say that those relationships don't matter. I'm so glad Dannah brought up my mom's struggle with dementia. Dannah and Portia both have been friends that have said the right things in the right moment. And those have not always been easy conversations. 

But I've never had a teary conversation with a grocery store clerk. I've never struggled to know what to say to my acquaintances. I just say, “Hey, how are you?” But with my husband, my children, my most intimate friendships, yes. Still, I am eager to preserve the bond of peace, to be ever aware and working toward that oneness. It's not that ethereal and nebulous, as we think Paul gave us that list. 

How do you do it? You do it with humility. You do it with patience. You do it with forbearance. You do it with peace in mind. You do it with hope, as our guest said. We can do it. God's Word has given us a roadmap for how to do that. Well, Portia, A+ on your homework today. Good job. 

Portia: Thank you. You are a great teacher. 

Erin: I appreciate it. 

Dannah: I give you both an A+. So does Moosey; he is not sitting on my lap. 

Erin: Oh, Moosey. 

Dannah: He is in mourning. He needs some gracious words of goodbye. 

Erin: The furry host of Grounded. 

Dannah: Friends. Listen, words matter. And you know what I hope today? We've taken some of the fear of saying the wrong words away and giving you permission sometimes to say nothing at all, but to listen. We have one listener who says that's what ministered to her most this morning. She says, “I am just convicted to just listen instead of trying to solve or talk about my experiences.” That is Megan. Wow. I feel like that's maybe my takeaway too.

But if you feel like, Ah, I'm convicted, what do I do, I want to point you to Revive Our Hearts series called “The Power of Words.” It's a podcast series by our friend Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth. It's a four-week Bible study too. It'll help you make connections between your words and your heart. We will drop a link in the comments for that. It's also in the show notes. 

But I don't know about you. I'm feeling a little bit convicted about between Erin's teaching and the conversation with our guests. My conversations with my husband are not always gracious. That's maybe where I'm tested the most in this quality. So, I want to encourage you to learn about the husband encouragement challenge happening at Revive Our Hearts right now. For 30 days, you don't say anything negative to your husband. And every day, we prompt you to say one positive thing to them in a certain category or area. 

We have a beautiful booklet. There are devotions in that booklet, some of them written by our own Erin Davis. And right now, Revive Our Hearts is sending that booklet out as a way of saying thank you as you make a donation of any amount to the ministry of Revive Our Hearts. We will drop a link so you can learn about that. I'm taking the challenge right now. And I challenge you to take it with me.

Erin: Oh, people, when you said say nothing negative for 30 days, to your husband, a child or maybe a coworker.

Dannah: Can I tell you how this worked for me? Can I just tell you how this challenge worked for me? A couple days ago, my husband and I were having words. Can I just be honest and say we were having words and everybody knows what we mean. 

Erin: Yeah. We know, and we’re imaging it. 

Dannah: I'm a little angry right now. And I'm supposed to not say anything negative to the man. So, what do I say? Well, you know I think maybe I was gracious, wisdom kicked in. I said Holy Spirit help me not to say the things I'm thinking. And instead, what came out of my mouth was Bob Gresh, you are a wise helper and you are a beautiful problem solver. Help me solve this problem. That's what I said because of the challenge.

Erin: You nailed it! That's good. And so go ahead.

Dannah: It I just think it really does help you learn better habits.

Erin: Yeah, I think it's good for us to know this really is possible. We don't just have to live with speech that isn't gracious all our lives. I texted my husband as you were interviewing our guests. I was paying attention. I said, “Run to the kitchen, get that blue block that sits in the windowsill. I don't know if you can see it.

Dannah: I can. 

Erin: But it says “speak life.” This sits on the windowsill in my kitchen. My friend Andrea made it for me. It's such a good reminder that death and life are in the power of the tongue. And really, one of my jobs as mom, as wife, as friend, as coworker, is to speak life every day. So, speak some life-giving words today, friends, maybe make a block of your own.

Portia: Ah, this was such a good episode. I hope that every person watching or listening has been motivated to speak gracious, wise, loving kind words to everybody in their circle. So good job, girls. 

Well, I'm excited about next week, because next Monday is Valentine's Day.

Erin: AKA chocolate for breakfast day. 

Dannah: Conversation hearts only the banana flavored, throwaway the licorice ones, they’re bad.

Erin: Agree to disagree.

Portia: Maybe we need to invent conversation hearts with some of the things we've learned from this episode for the episode next week, so I'm super excited. We've got some very special men dropping by: Bob, Jason, Mikhail. If those names don't ring a bell, they are the husbands of Dannah, Erin, and me. So it's the husband's edition next week, and you don't want to miss it. 

Erin: I love those fellers, and anything could happen.

Dannah: Yeah.

Portia: Yeah. 

Erin: I’m not sure how it’s going to go. They're all gonna show up with roses for us. Do you think that could happen? 

Dannah: I hope you’re groundedtoday. Let's gather next week on the Valentine's Day episode of Grounded. 

Grounded audio is powered by Skype. Grounded is a production of Revive Our Hearts calling them to freedom, fullness, and fruitfulness in Christ.

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