Why Your Habits Matter More Than You Think, with Justin Whitmel Earley and Katie Laitkep

It’s time to reset the habits of your household! In today’s episode of Grounded, guest Justin Whitmel Earley shares how everyday rhythms shape spiritual formation. Get ready to take notes, because Justin is sharing practical routines that will significantly transform your family life. 
 

Connect with Justin 

Instagram: @justinwhitmelearley
Twitter: @Justin_W_Earley 

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/justinwhitmelearleyauthor

Website: https://www.justinwhitmelearley.com/

Connect with Katie

Instagram: @katielaitkep
Twitter: @katielaitkep

Website: https://www.apatientprocess.com/

Episode Notes

• Katie’s “Grace Wall” video: https://www.instagram.com/reel/CszbAkrJu6X/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link&igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA== 
• “10 Gifts to Give a Family Walking Through Cancer” blog post by Katie Laitkep: https://www.reviveourhearts.com/blog/10-gifts-to-give-a-family-walking-through-cancer/
• Justin Whitmel Earley’s website: https://www.justinwhitmelearley.com/
• Habits of the Household book: https://amzn.to/3XsL9Al
• “Little Things Matter—A Lot” blog post by Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth: https://www.reviveourhearts.com/blog/little-things-matter-a-lot/

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Erin Davis: Lazy afternoons by the pool catching fireflies. These are the rhythms of summer, and they matter. They really matter probably more than you think. Welcome to Grounded. I'm Erin Davis, and I'm here on a mission along with my sisters Portia and Dannah, every week.

Dannah is not with us this week. But most weeks she has to give two things out: hope and perspective. Do you need some of those? 

Yeah, me too. Today's episode is one that I've been really excited about sharing with you for several months. It all started with a book. The title of that book is Habits of the Household. We're going to talk more about that book in a minute. But my friend Hannah recommended Habits of the Household to me. Hannah is the Guest Relations Coordinator for Grounded. She's one of the many faces serving behind the scenes. And on Hannah's recommendation, I bought it, I read it, and I have not stopped thinking about it since—that is not an exaggeration. That's gonna sound like hype.

But this book has changed the way we do life here on the Davis farm. And more than that, it has shifted something in our hearts. Justin Whitmel Earley is with us in this episode. He's going to have you thinking about your family's habits in a whole new way. 

So, I know this is going to be one you're going to want to share with others. It's so easy. All you have to do is hit that share button or text out to somebody that you know after you watch this episode, if you think it has a merit, because I think this is a conversation everybody can really enjoy and benefit from. But before that conversation with Justin, it's not Grounded without good news. So, I need to bring in my co-host, Portia. Portia, how're you doing this morning?

Portia Collins: Hi, Erin. I'm loving the hair.

Erin: Oh, thank you. I've got summer hair going; it’s long and blonde.

Portia: It’s fabulous. 

Erin: Thank you.

7:02 - Good News (Katie Laitkep)

Portia: Well, I am excited to bring the good news today. As we often say on Grounded, sometimes the good news comes out of bad news. All right. But guess what? I've got a good news correspondent today to tell us more about how God brings hope in some of the most difficult circumstances. So welcome to Grounded, Katie Laitkep.

Katie Laitkep: Hey, Portia.

Portia: Hey, Katie. How are you?

Katie: Pretty good. How are you?

Portia: I'm good. excited to have you with us today. Well, you serve on the ministry team here at Revive Our Hearts. Can you tell us a little bit about your role and how long you've been serving?

Katie: I do. Actually, I have to watch what I say today because Erin Davis is my boss. So I work under Erin. I am part of the content team at Revive Our Hearts. I serve as a writer and I have been here for about two years coming up on my second year anniversary on staff.

Portia: All right, yeah, we started all rolling in around the same time. I think we have close anniversary dates. So that's amazing. Well, yes, we do. But I do want you to share your family has been walking through a bit of a dark valley. So, would you mind sharing or telling us about what is happening with your brother Matt?

Katie: Yeah, so I have twin brothers, Matthew and Michael. Matt moved out of state about a year ago to go to graduate school. His first semester went amazingly. And then when he got to the spring semester, he was diagnosed unexpectedly with stage three cancer. 

So at the beginning of the semester, he had surgery. We were hoping that that would be the end of it. And after that, the cancer returned. He began nine weeks of chemo. And at that point, since he is not yet married, I'm not married. There was no way our family was gonna let him go through this by himself. Within 24 hours of hearing he was going to start chemo, I packed a bag and flew up to New Haven, Connecticut and spent about 10 weeks with him there while he was going through treatment.

Portia: I've been keeping up with that. And whether you know it or not, there have been a lot of days where I've been crying and praying, crying not just because of the cancer, but also because I've been touched by both of you guys’ relationship. 

I know that cancer touches so many of our lives. I know that we have sisters who have been diagnosed themselves, or they love someone who is currently being treated for cancer. And so, could you share in what ways have you experienced the goodness of God as you've walked this cancer journey with your brother?

Katie: Yeah, you go through this. And at first, all you're praying is just for God to physically heal his body. I feel like where we haven't seen that answer yet, the Lord has just made it clear in a million other ways that His hand is just all over the situation.

One of the clearest ways that we've seen His faithfulness, there’s a picture of my brother, is through God's people. The church has really stepped up with our local churches here in Houston. His church family in Connecticut have really provided and so many different ways. They've stopped by with food and fresh groceries, which a fresh avocado (I think we have a picture of that) is one of the greatest gifts of the Lord when you're living in a hotel room and you miss being close to the border. That was just a sweet gift from church friends. 

But we've seen them provide all different kinds of items from his Amazon Wishlist, practical things, fun things, which has been a blessing during this time. 

And then his brother, his twin, has reached out to a bunch of different organizations and sports teams, and he just said, “Hey, this is what's happening. He's going to lose his hair during chemo. Do y'all have a hat that you would possibly want to send to him that he could wear while he's going through this?” And so, we've heard from some different organizations as well. So, that’s been a gift. 

Portia: Alright, so that leads me to my next question. Tell us about the Houston Dynamos.

Katie: Yeah, so my brothers and I grew up playing soccer. The Dynamo are the major league soccer team here in Houston. And that's the men's team. The Dash is the women's team. We have reached out to them and asked if they would be willing to send anything to Matt, and they sent a hat. That was a great day. We're very excited about that.

When my brother got back to Houston, we went to the game and actually sent the story to Erin and our little content team chat the other day, because the story didn't just end with him receiving the hat. We went to the game. He wore it, but it happened to be a game where the weather was horrible. The wind and rain was just out of control. 

So, we had we saw the hat on his head at one point and then the next thing we know, it was flying down the street and was just gone. 

So, we thought okay, maybe if we reach out one more time and say this is what happened. We'll just see if they would be interested in sending a replacement. They responded immediately the Houston Dynamo did and said not only will we send you a replacement hat for you to continue wearing and supporting the team, but our sister team, the Dash has a coach who has been a cancer patient himself and feels deeply for others that are going through similar experiences. So would you be interested you and your family coming to the game and meeting this coach and coming in and spending some time with some of the players. 

So that's kind of a gap when I got that message and we saw the email back from them. I sent a message to our team at Revive Our Hearts. I just said, I don't know how I'm supposed to get anything done with all of let's just the Lord being so kind. Like, how do you focus when the Lord is this kind to my family?

Portia: Oh, I love it. I love it. I bet that it's gonna be tons of fun. Okay, take lots of pictures, like send them to me. I'm ready for it. You know, this talks about just the Lord's kindness and how He has just been so faithful and such a blessing to you and your family. I hear that you've started a grace wall. Can you tell us a little bit about that?

Katie: Yeah, we kind of stole the idea from Nancy and her gratitude wall, but it's a little bit different. There's a verse in Psalm 13, I think 13:6 that says, “I will sing to the Lord because He has dealt generously with me.” 

And so, we wanted to look for ways that the Lord was still being generous in the midst of this journey. So, we bought a little Insta Max printer, which allows you to send pictures to that you print them out on the little Polaroids. And so, this is just a wall of all of the different ways we've seen the Lord's grace. So, everything from enjoying New Haven pizza, to having visitors at the hospital, to text messages that are really encouraging Scripture—things like that, just anytime we saw the Lord's goodness in the midst of the hard. We wanted to celebrate it and thank the Lord for His generosity.

Portia: Look, I'm smiling so hard, I can feel my jaw shaking. But I can't stop. This is just such a beautiful showing of just God and His faithfulness and how He cares for His people. 

And I because I know so much of the backstory and I've been following along, it makes me smile, just to hear you share all of this. So, I love it. I love that the good news around here isn't just fluff, like this is real. We want to showcase the ways that God is at work in people's lives. 

And so, I appreciate you bringing our sunshine today, but also bringing that through your brother's story. I hear that Matt has a specific way he has asked you to be praying. Can you share that with us?

Katie: Yeah. And you know, I've made it through this whole segment Portia, without crying. We've been smiling. I'm gonna try and make it to the end, we’re so close. But yeah, the one way that he has continued to ask people to pray, which it just gets me as he's not just asking for physical healing, even though we fully believe that the Lord is able to do that. He is asking people to pray that he will want Jesus more than he wants to be healed from the cancer. I would appreciate so much for my Grounded sisters out there as you're watching this if you would pray for him and mean so much to my family.

Portia: Absolutely. Groundedsisters, you heard her. You know what to do. Okay. Pray for Matt. And just continue to pray for Katie and her family and also look for ways to bless someone who is battling cancer. Okay. You know, it's not as hard as you might think to find somebody that you can bless. 

And so, thank you again, Katie, for being with us. I am just overjoyed at the good news that you shared with us today. 

Katie: Thank you, Portia. 

Portia: Okay, Erin Davis

Erin: It is not Grounded without good news. It's not Grounded without me tearing up a little bit. I adore Katie, and wanted you to hear part of that her story. She is glorifying God in the midst of the hard and because God's people are doing what we are supposed to be doing, which is loving each other really well. 

So I would repeat Portia's admonition by somebody a fresh avocado that's suffering near you, or take him to a game. Find a way to love on each other. 

17:40 - Grounded with God's People (Justin Whitmel Earley)

Well, Justin Whitmel Earley is with us. I cannot wait to talk to him myself and so glad that you get to be a part of that conversation. Justin is many things, wears many hats. He's a lawyer, he's a writer. He's a speaker, and as I said in the opening, he's had a specific impact in how I view habits in general as well. Those habits that make up our family life here in the Davis family. I am truly so excited to get to say this. Welcome to Grounded Justin.

Justin Whitmel Earley: Thank you so much. I'm thrilled to be here.

Erin: Justin, you and I have a lot in common. But one thing we have in common is that we are both the parents of four boys. So, let's compare notes. How crazy is your house this summer?

Justin: I didn't know that, Erin. It's crazy. It's fun.

Erin: It’s crazy. 

Justin: But it is wild and wild and crazy. It never stops. You and my wife should talk because she needs a support group.

Erin: We should, we should other fellow boy moms. We have to stick together. And there's a compounding that happens when there's four. It's like having 100 boys. 

I want to take us back to when your interests and how our everyday rhythms started to shape our spiritual formation. What was going on in your life that made you start to pay attention to your habits.

Justin: I started my career after college as a missionary in China, and was there almost five years before deciding that the Lord was calling me to live missionally in law and business, which is a longer story for another interview.

But I came back and went to law school in the states and went at it with all the fervor of a man on a call. And the short version is that I didn't realize it, but I had assimilated to all the usual habits of law school in lawyering. 

And while the content of my house was decorated with Christian calling, the architecture of my habits was just like everyone else's. And that house came crashing down spectacularly. I collapsed very seriously in my first year of lawyering. The Lord's grace was that over a long period, He helped me rebuild my life and realize that your head can go this way and your habits can go that way. And your heart is going to follow your habits. 

So, I went through a long process. I praise God for now where He started to show me that my habits form you spiritually, and they matter more than we think. So, I've been writing about it ever since.

Erin: I'm so glad you have. I think maybe another thing you and I might have in common is we're type A. I say I'm not type A, I'm type AA so whatever the next level of type is. I could totally relate to that crashing down around you at certain points. You wrote something that I find profound, you wrote several things that I found profound, but I'm gonna quote this back to you. You said “Our routines become who we are, they become the story and culture of our families.” Unpack that for us. What do you mean there?

Justin: It was funny. I did all this work in corporate lawyering. I'm a business lawyer. I'm here my office right now. But it took me a couple years to realize that all this stuff about habits being spiritual liturgies built into our day, actually matters in the family too. But you know, the Lord is gracious. He brought me to that realization next. 

One day it was like the scales fell off my eyes. I started to realize my home with my wife and my four boys are full of rhythms and small routines and habits. They're not neutral. I can be sort of a taskmaster. I can easily be quick to yell, quick to discipline, and I realized that there was these liturgies of anger and frustration that were forming my children and my family life. And I thought, my goodness, praise God for grace, because I need it. 

But I started to think what would it be like to reform these household rhythms into rhythms that showed them the love of God, on our best and worst days, for them and for me. Now I'm deep into that journey and thinking about how our liturgies that happen in the most ordinary places form us in the most extraordinary spiritual ways.

Erin: You helped me kind of pull the lever on the difference between information and formation. So as parents, I was trying to get all the information like, what am I supposed to do? What's normal? What should our schedule look like? What kind of schooling should we do? I was just like a sponge because I wanted to be a good mom, and information is good. 

But I realized I was missing the piece of formation. If you and your wife and your boys came over, which would be so much fun, we live on a farm, it's boy heaven; I think you'd see your fingerprints on our family life. We light a candle at the dinner table. We say Christ is our light, wow. I say put a hand on somebody, and we put their hands up. We pray. We do a bedtime blessing like you wrote about. 

Justin: I love that.

Erin: It’s really remarkable. So, thank you for that.

Justin: Yeah, it's really a joy. I think seeing what the Lord has done in our family as we've started to realize that the smallest routines like family dinner, or short prayers before bedtime, or big ones, moments of reconciliation after times of discipline, there are moments that are already happening in your day. You're gonna react one way or another. But leaning into the way the Lord can use those moments to awaken our children and us to His love for us. I mean, it has changed our family. And it's an incredible joy when I hear about other people. The Lord is working there too. So, praise God for that.

Erin: And it doesn't actually take much. I mean, it's amazing how little tiny shifts in our habits make a difference in our formation. So be encouraged.

Justin: That’s a huge part of what I want to tell people is that I'm not talking about taking on a lot of extra burdens for your day. In fact, what I would say is the hard burdensome thing to do is just to keep going on your regular routine, whether at work or parenting, or anything else. But the light burden, the easy yoke, that comes when you start to incorporate these routines, these gospel routines of Jesus into your life. It actually helps, it actually does change. So it’s not more burdensome, it's less.

Erin: Absolutely. Okay, I'm gonna quote you back to you again. It seems like I'm a total fangirl. I guess I am. But you said, “The most Christian way to think about our households is that they are little schools of love. Places where we have one vocation, one calling to form all who live here into lovers of God and neighbor.” 

So, what kinds of habits? Let's get specific here. What kinds of habits create a school of love kind of family?

Justin: I didn't invent the idea, the school of love. But I love the phrase because it encapsulates that idea that you were talking about a minute ago that the family is not just about education. The most important thing that's happening in the family is this formation. True education includes both. So, worldview is very important. But also, those knee jerk reactions, and how do we respond to one another. 

So, I'll give you an example on this. Teaching the school of love in the house, we can talk all day about the gospel. God loves us no matter what good or bad things we do, and He's forgiven us. But when you have two of the boys fighting, or when they see mom and dad fighting, or when I have to discipline one of them, that feels like a fight between us. This is not new. If you're in a family, you're going to fight. If you have kids, you're gonna have discipline problems. That is nothing surprising. What is surprising is that many of us Christian families who preach this worldview of grace and reconciliation, aren't living and creating a school of love where that actually happens. We yell at our kids. And then we all calm down and come back together. We fight with our spouse. And then finally we cool off to come back together. 

But one of the things I talked about in the Habit to the Household is, what about liturgies of reconciliation? What would we do? How would it look different, for example, if it was normal, after a moment of discipline, to apologize, forgive, and then reconcile with something like a long hug or a walk together? And if those weren't the out of the ordinary things, but those were the routines.

I just grew up in a house where if you fought you had to take a walk with the person afterwards. And that is what I'm talking about the school of love, where you start to let these beautiful and true worldview messages of God's grace and love for us sink down into the ordinary patterns of your gut and your household. That is the school of love.

Erin: That's so good. There's something we do. I don't even know where I picked it up. But I say all of boyhood is one continuous war game. They're training for war. I don't know why, but they just all are. So, there's lots of fights. I'll get boy one and boy two and bring them together and say, “Is this worth breaking fellowship over this?” This Nerf gun, this layup gone wrong? This whatever? Is this worth breaking fellowship over? Because that's really what's on the line. It's not just that I'm annoyed that they're fighting again, though I am annoyed that they're fighting again. So that's just a little thing. It takes a millisecond. Right. 

Justin: How pleasant it is when brothers do all together in unity. 

Erin: Absolutely. My boys have to memorize those kinds of verses, for those kinds of moments.

You walk through like the specific areas of our families in your book. I want women to walk away with practical ideas. So, let's do mealtimes. What are some habits of your household school of love, love habits of your household for the mealtimes?

Justin: Well, the first thing I encourage people to think about is it's not a rule. It's not legalistic. So, thinking rhythms, not rules. But just actually coming to the table is a fairly radical rhythm. Most families aren't doing it regularly. 

So, the idea that your family would say, hey, three or four days out of the week, we're actually fighting for an hour at the table together, that's phenomenal. And it's not easy. It's a big lift to cook a dinner together, it's a big lift of set, the table, it is a big lift to clean up. Some people say, “Well, why do it?” Well, because some of the most important formational things in life are happening, it's happening right at the dinner table. 

So, you know, if you read Habits of the Household, you'll read about some of our rhythms. We light a match at the beginning. And we say, as you as you said, Erin, “Christ is light.” And you know, kids like fire. So, this helps, right? It's like the beginning of death. Lighting a candle at the table kind of signals that an important ritual is happening, and that it's meaningful. And so, it gives a gravity to the beginning of dinner, which it needs, because it is important. 

And then you know, we pray, many families do at the table. But think about that you're adding one more moment, hopefully into many moments, throughout the day, where you're praying as a family. And then I could just go on, but learning to pass, learning to say please, and thank you, learning to compliment the chef, learning to be quiet about what you don't like, and be vocal about what you do like. These are arts of gratitude, kindness, hospitality, and service. Isn't this what we're trying to teach our children? 

I don't care about manners. I care about hearts being formed and gratitude and service and then sharing about your day. It's not a skill everybody learns, but how do you? How do you be a good husband or wife? How do you be a good friend? If you don't know how to say, “Well, here's what was hard for me today,” or listen to what was hard for somebody else today. 

It is so messy at our house. People get up and they throw things and they spill things and they yell. We look as crazy as anybody else. But underneath all that, all the sorts of gospel liturgies are forming us and are invaluable to the school of love. 

So, wade through the messy dinner, knowing that the Lord is using all these things, and he's teaching you something very deep at the table.

Erin: Yeah, and not to over spiritualize it, but all things are spiritual. Jesus seemed to do some very important work at the table. So, for no other reason then Jesus gathered at the table.

Justin: There's the short answer. That's it. Like how He interacted, it was at the table. And

Erin: Okay, how about family devotions? I feel like this is a source of much anxiety or angst or worry that parents aren't doing it right. How do we build some healthy habits there?

Justin: You know, I just encourage people to maybe consider staying at the table. We do ours after family dinner. We just clear the table of most of the mess and bring out snacks because as it turns out, the kids are always still hungry for more.

Erin: They actually are still hungry. 

Justin: Yeah. But what you know, whether it's in the living room, or family breakfast, or dinner table, wherever it is, I just encourage parents to do something rather than nothing. Okay, that this is a small move. 

So, that small move of saying we'll just try something is actually a chasm, a Grand Canyon away from doing nothing, because what an inheritance to give your kids that. They hear you pray, or that they hear you talk about the Scriptures with them. And they need to see you fumbling through this stuff, because they need to know that a Christian is not somebody who knows how to professionally walk through Bible verses, but rather somebody who wrestles with the words of Jesus, and the stories of the Bible. And you can do that in front of your kids. You know, reading a Bible story, reading a devotion . . . We pull out a Christmas card right now from the stack that we got at Christmas, and we just pray for a family, simple things, but incredible inheritances for your kids. So don't be afraid of family devotions. Just do something rather than nothing. 

That's the mark of grace right. Grace means that Jesus takes messy things like us and our family devotion times and turns them into something beautiful. He will do that. He's faithful. 

Erin: And all of it compounds, I mean, hopefully you're 18 or 19 years with your kids. So it's not necessarily about what you just did today or this week, just trust the Spirit to compound that in the heart of your child. 

Justin: Yes. 

Erin: Okay, bedtime is probably my favorite thing that you've written about. But I want to hear about you. And so, talking about my experience, give us some rhythms for bedtime.

Justin: Well, you know, the whole book for me started with a bedtime going wrong, where I kind of muscled my kids to bed. And you know, we fought through the toothbrushes and the bath water on the floor, and I basically yelled them into bed and said, “Good night. God loves you, and I do,” and shut the door. 

And I had this hallway epiphany. And like, what do they think love means. I just shout them to bed and then tell them I love them. And what happened in the wake of that is actually a pastor named Derek helped me come up with a bedtime liturgy, where I just go back a series of questions with them that starts with, “Can you see my eyes? Can you see that? I see your eyes,” and they just say yes. And I say, “Do you know that I love you?” They say yes. “Do you know that I love you no matter what bad things you do? And do you know I love you no matter what good things you do? And who else loves you like that?” Short little back and forth of questions. 

And you know, what was amazing is a couple weeks later after trying this, because the first time you do it, it's so messy. They get the wrong answers. I'm like, “Do you know they love you? No matter what bad things you do?” They're like, “no.” Don't give up. And I said, “Can you see my eyes?” And they poked me in the eye. It was so messy. But it came to an evening where finally one of the boys said can we have our bedtime blessing now, and we just had this short exchange about the unconditional love of God for us, no matter what good or what bad things I or they do. And I realized that night there was still bath water on the floor. They were still misbehaved; I still was too a little bit. 

But the thing that had changed was not the circumstances. The thing that changed was me. And that's where I thought, That's the power of a good parenting habit. You take ordinary circumstances and change your reactions to them. And suddenly God opens up these new places of grace. And now a bedtime liturgy is just our routine. We do lots of different ones. But there's always just some blessing spoken over them. That reminds me and them that the closing word of today is God's grace. And that's a good place to land the plane, no matter if it's crazy or a good day. 

Erin: I love that I took almost that exact blessing when I read about in your book, and I thought, Okay, I'm gonna try it. I don't know how it's gonna go. It was chaotic, as you described. It felt incredibly awkward as you described. But it's the gospel. At the same time, I was kind of parking in Psalm 92, which says that it's good to declare the Lord's faithfulness at night. And it's good too, every night I tuck those boys in bed . . . I hope that I love them all day, and I will love them the next day, and God is the same. 

So now it's become such a blessing as you'll appreciate this: Ezra is my baby. He just turned five. And every night I say, Ezra, who else loves you like this? And he says everybody, except the people I haven't met yet and Jesus. And I'm like, “You got it, Buddy. Because if they knew you, they’d love you.”

Justin: Love the ad lib. I love it. 

Erin: Thank you for that. 

Justin: You’re so welcome.

Erin: I mean, it's certainly not a Christian. We're not the only ones interested. In fact, I feel like there's a lot of chatter about habits. We kind of universally know it's hard to make them stick. So how do we make these habits stick beyond just the initial trying of them?

Justin: Well, there is some great I call it common grace, and well done sociological and neurological psychological research that has really come out in the past 20 years. It shows us that habits govern 40% or more of your life. It usually takes four, six weeks to make them. What happens is that they sink down to the bottom of your brain. And this is why they form us spiritually so much, because we can do them without ever thinking about them. That's the formation idea. That stuff is really, really helpful. 

So I just say for example, one of my favorite habits that's just been so life changing for me is called Scripture before phone, where I commit to not looking at my smartphone until after I've spent some time in the Scriptures. I could talk forever about how this will change your day and your life. As it turns out, God's Word changes people. So maybe, maybe that's how it really works. 

Erin: Amen.

Justin: So, if you wanted to join me in that practice, for example, what I would say is habit research shows that you're going to need about four to six weeks till it really becomes knee jerk, that you don't even think about going to your phone. You just think about going to your quiet time and the other second. You're gonna need time—four to six weeks. 

And the other second thing you're gonna need is a friend. What's amazing, you know, is that the neurological pathways of habit reveal God's design for community and spiritual formation. You need other people to help you change. 

And so, what that looks like is you might ask a friend, “Hey, let's do this together. And let's have a quick check in every day or maybe just a check in every week of how it's going.” And when you put that together, four to six weeks of trying something, no matter how much you fail, with somebody else who's trying it with you, you will suddenly find around week four, like, “Oh, I'm just doing this now. And it's not hard.” That's the magic moment when that habit has become invisible. It used to be so heavy to try to do it, and now the weights off your back. And guess what that means? You can add a new one. That's where you can get to this virtual virtuous cycle of habit formation, which we call the spiritual disciplines and spiritual formation. 

And so, you know, commit to doing it over time. Find a friend to do it with, and the Lord will be faithful to use that habit to change your life.

Erin: Thanks for demystifying it for us. I mean, that's it, you do the habit over time, and you invite accountability. There's not like a secret X factor that we're missing somewhere.

Justin: No, and the amazing thing that is important to say there is that I think that's a sign of grace. In other words, we don't change our hearts. I tell everybody, every time I get a chance to talk about habits, I have to say this, habits don't change God's love for you, period. But God's love for you should change your habits. It's a sign of grace that we can. We can simply enter into community and actually try to do something. Just think of a child that you love feeble attempts. They may do a Father's Day card. It's horrible. But isn't it beautiful?

God takes our little attempts to do Scripture before phone with a friend. And He just pours grace into it and changes your life. So, it's not like, oh, this is the Christian life hack to your best life now. No, it's called sanctification. We're promised it in the Bible. God wants us to walk towards Him. So, committing to these little habits, and expecting Him to change isn't treating God as a vending machine. It's actually responding to the beautiful grace that He's given us. It says, “I just come a little way child, I am waiting to change you.”

Erin: Amen. I love that. I love it. When people remind me I'm not muscling my way to the Christian life, despite my many attempts to do so. That there's grace. 

Last question. It's summer as we're recording this. It is super-hot outside where I'm recording this. Summer can be a time when habits go out the window, or at least we do a reset. Is that okay?

Justin: Yes, yes, yes, yes. Yes, the wonderful thing about habits is that they're flexible. And really, they should change with seasons. 

So right now, our morning prayer routines are different, because we are enjoying some time of our kids sleeping and a little bit more praise God, that usually doesn't happen our house. But you know, our family devotions routines are no different. It's summer, and there are other routines that are more rich. Like our conversation time around dinner is lingering a lot longer, because we have to hurry up and get ready for school. My quiet times are lingering a little bit longer, because I don't have to hurry up and take them to school. 

So, not only are habits elastic, and they're going to change season to season, but they should. And one of the beautiful things about that is they present us with opportunities to reset. 

So, if people join my mailing list, for example, I almost always send out a fall reset right around late August to say, “Hey, we're going back to school. And you and everybody else in the world is thinking about what are our habits for this fall? That's great.” 

Erin: Yeah. 

Justin: And you know, when you get to Christmas and Advent, you should have different habits. And so, the Lord has created all these seasons, and it's good to lean into them and treat them differently.

Erin: I agree. In fact, I'm amazed that the Lord has set these things into creation. You can learn so much about His intention. So, I'm gonna go do a cannonball on the pool after this conversation because you said I can. 

Justin: Man, I wish I could join you.

Erin: Where can people find out more about you? I know they're gonna want to grab your books and grab that list that you mentioned. Where do they find more about you?

Justin: You bet. People can check out my author website at JustinWhitmelEarley.com. And that sounds like a mouthful. Just Google Justin Earley and you'll find my books and my website. If they ever want to get in touch, I'm on Instagram and Twitter. I have my boundaries for those habits as we just talked about. I do try to post helpful content to all these parents that we’re walking alongside and saying, “Well, let's try to do this well and honor God in it. So, reach out anytime. Join my mailing list on my website, and I would love to talk to you more about the books.

Erin: The names of the book are The Common Rule and Habits of the Household. Normally I would say you could borrow my copy, but no, you can't. I'm keeping these. They're all written up. So you're gonna have to get your own copies. 

Justin: I love a dog eared, annotated book. That is how my book should be read.

Erin: Sticky. It's all in there. Thanks again. Justin. What a great conversation.

Justin: Thank you Erin. This is wonderful.

Erin: Well, we are going to drop a link to that book Habits of the Household. I know you're gonna want to grab your own copy. We'll make it easy for you to do that. And it's time for us to do something else we'd love to do here on Grounded. We don't gather together like this without opening our Bibles. So, it is time to get grounded in God's word. Portia, take it away.

41:57 - Grounded in God's Word (with Portia Collins)

Portia: All right. Do y'all got those Bibles? Get them out. We're going to 1 Corinthians, the ninth chapter, verses 2–-27. Reading from the CSB.

“This is the apostle Paul writing and he says, Don’t you know that the runners in a stadium all race, but only one receives the prize? Run in such a way to win the prize. Now everyone who competes exercises self-control in everything. They do it to receive a perishable crown, but we an imperishable crown. So I do not run like one who runs aimlessly or box like one beating the air. Instead, I discipline my body and bring it under strict control, so that after preaching to others, I myself will not be disqualified.” 

Y'all know how much I love the apostle Paul and the wisdom that he shares and the practicality. I think one of the things that he is showing us here is that habits are practices. It's the things that we do over and over, whether intentional or unintentional, we all form habits. 

This passage specifically emphasizes the concept of discipline and self-control in the Christian journey. Just as athletes must commit to rigorous training and strict diets and all the things to reach their peak performance. Christians must also commit to spiritual disciplines, like prayer, and reading and studying the Word, and worship service. So many different disciplines that we commit to, to mature our faith.

So, the apostle Paul, his reference here to discipline is about basically bringing our earthly desires under control. Our physical bodies have desires that, quite frankly, can often lead us astray, right away from God's will. It's our responsibility as believers to keep these desires in check. 

So, forming good habits, we've been talking about habits today, and forming good habits through discipline is vital for our spiritual growth. And so, we're gonna get really practical today. I want to give you three spiritual disciplines that you can commit to each day to start forming, or maybe continue forming. Maybe you've already started doing this and you just want to keep building on it. But we want you to build up these grace-filled habits. 

Get your pencils if you got your pencils and your notepads and take notes and put it into practice. The first thing is daily Bible intake. Now, while I love to say that I came up with this phrase, I first heard it shared by Donald Whitney. Some of you may remember he was a guest here on Grounded a while back. He talked to us about spiritual disciplines. And basically, he describes Bible intake as the way that we receive God's Word. 

We can receive God's Word through hearing, hearing the preached Word of God through reading it and through studying it. And so, daily Bible intake is a discipline that we need to practice, but it should not just be another task on our to do lists. Instead, how we want to think about this is as daily nourishment for our spirit. 

We can cultivate this habit of daily Bible intake by doing a couple of things first, setting a time, a specific time for hearing the Word or studying the Word or reading the word, just like we set time for our meals. Think about it, when lunchtime rolls around, we know and we're already in the kitchen and preparing whatever we need to do. Just as we set time for our meals, we should do the same for our spiritual feeding. 

And so, it's good to choose a time when you're least likely to be interrupted. And just use that time as an exclusive time for meeting with God. By hearing the Word, you can listen to an audio Bible, you can read it, or you can take a couple of minutes to jump into a study. 

Another tip on cultivating daily Bible intake, and something that I like to do, is using a Bible reading plan. All right, there are many Bible reading plans that I think are super helpful. I want to share with you guys really quickly, thanks to my coworker, Monica Vaught, who a couple of weeks ago started me on this journey of reading through the Bible in 30 days. 

Now, for transparency, I didn't finish. I made it up to day 19. And then I've taken a break. But I'm gonna finish up days 20 through 30. But this was a plan that I used. And yes, it was intense. But it was so good for cultivating a habit of just sitting and being in God's Word and not just reading a couple of verses and then run off throughout my day. 

So, I think it's a great way when we use plans. It's a great way to keep us from like aimlessly wandering through the Bible or treating our Bible like a Rolodex. 

And then the last thing that we always want to do when we are taking in the Bible intake is that we want to remember that God's Word is living and active and it's transformative. So, as you read, always pause and reflect, and consider how the Scriptures apply to you specifically. Alright, so that's the first one daily Bible intake. 

The second one, you probably already know where I'm going, is intentional prayer time. Prayer is our direct line of communication with our heavenly Father. And I'm often reminded . . . In fact, in my phone I have a reminder that comes up every day at 11 o'clock. And it is the verse 1 Thessalonians 5:17, where Paul tells us to pray without ceasing. Basically, the goal here is to not be legalistic about our prayer time, but it's to strive to maintain a constant communion with God throughout the day.

And so, I need reminders, I want to be able to stop in the middle of my day and say, let me take time to pray. And this doesn't mean that sometimes we'll spend all day on our knees. But it does mean that we carry a spirit of prayer all throughout the day, in a way in which we are turning our thoughts toward God all throughout the day, day in and day out. 

Another thing that you can do is also set specific times of prayer. Like I have my 11 o'clock reminder, early morning or late night are also good, quiet times where you can be intentional about praying. 

And then the other thing is pray specifically. It's easy for us to get very general with our prayers sometimes. But when we sit down to pray specifically for our needs for ourselves, for others, for our community, it is just a wonderful opportunity to intercede on behalf of others who are in need. 

I got number two. So, it was daily Bible intake, intentional prayer time. 

And then the last one, you already know where I'm going, consistent fellowship with other believers. 

So, we talked about this other importance of going to church a couple of weeks ago on Grounded, and we are bringing it home again, to remind you that we are not meant to walk our walk out our faith journey alone. The church community is the body of believers, believers who gather Sunday after Sunday. This provides us with fellowship and accountability and encouragement and love. And this is a discipline that we need to practice regularly. 

So, my encouragement is to prioritize attending church. And this is not just Sunday morning services I'm talking about here. But other things. At our church, we have Wednesday activities during the summer. We actually come together for a meal, and we come together to pray. Me and my family are very intentional about being there, and not just as spectators, but as active participants. 

Another way that you can get involved and connected with your church is by joining a small group. This is a great way to connect on a deeper level with fellow believers. I've gotten to know a lot of the women in my church through small groups, and that has led to coffee dates and days by the pool and just ways that we can share in Scripture and encourage one another. That all started from our small group meetings. And so, if your church doesn't have a small group, then maybe you can start one. 

And the last thing I want to remind you is that we all as believers, we have all been gifted by the power of the Holy Spirit with something that we can do to glorify God and to edify the church. 

And so, I encourage you to look for opportunities in your local church community where you can serve, and serve well. Now remember, cultivating these habits is not about just marking off the stuff on our to-do list, our Christian, I call it my Debbie Do-Gooder list. It's not about just checking off stuff on your debit list. This is about building great feel habits that ultimately help us to draw closer to God to get to know him better, to grow in our faith. And ultimately, the goal is that we live purposefully, with our eyes fixed on the eternal prize, just like Paul said, Paul's encouragement in this passage here in Corinthians. It's a call for us to persevere as believers in Christ, to be dedicated, and to exercise discipline, knowing that our efforts are not for temporary rewards or gains, but for an eternal reward from God. Amen.

Erin: Thanks, Portia, I appreciate that little look under the hood. Actually, those three habits that you mentioned are going really strong in my life. And I can praise God for that. 

Portia: You see me? I’m going to throw my shoe girl. I love it!

Erin: Yeah. I’m in the Word, praying, and I'm with God's people. So grateful that I can affirm that He's given me the desires and the discipline to do those things. So maybe you walk away from this episode just grateful for the habits that are already in place. But Probably, you're gonna walk away from this episode with some recognition that there's an area of your life where you need to make some adjustments. 

As I was talking to Justin, I think he would affirm there's not such a thing as an insignificant habit. So, whether it's your sleeping habits, or your eating habits, or your exercise habits, or your Bible reading habits, or your church attendance habits, or even the habits of the things you say repeatedly, we need God's help with all of those. 

And we want to always equip you with tools. We gave you a lot to think about already. But we also want to point you to a blog post on the Revive Our Hearts blog. The title is “Little Things Matter a Lot.” And that's true. 

So, I would say again, I'm not sure there's such a thing as an insignificant habit. This blog post was written by Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth. I know Nancy’s dad had this saying she was raised with this idea: “You are what you're becoming.” So, your habits of today are shaping the you for tomorrow. There's no way around it. Our habits are forming us. That's true for all of us. So, I know that if this is an area where you're sensing the Spirit starting to disturb you, know that the Lord's putting His hand on this idea of habits in your life, I direct you here. And of course, we'd love to make it easy for you. That's another one of our habits here on Grounded. So we will drop the link Portia as we're wrapping up this episode. 

As you were listening to Justin and preparing to teach, was there an area of your life where you work on? I need to make some habit adjustments there. Going to put you on the spot,

Portia: You already know. It's prayer. That is the place. This is why I set reminders, why I write prayers on sticky notes and put in the bathroom? Because oftentimes, that is I one of the things that I struggle with—my spiritual habits more than I struggle with my routines. 

Erin: Yeah, I think most of us do. Yeah, I mean, any of the people that we would call a prayer warrior, we'd like to call them that. I like to call them prayer generals. What was the difference between them and those of us who feel like we have weak prayer life habits? It is the habits of their prayer life. 

I would say the Lord starting with Justin's book has really been pointing to our family habits, and me taking the time to really be present with my children. And that includes a hug in the morning, a hug before bed, simple things, but things that are easy to get out of the habit. So that's an area where I just want to continue to be really intentional in my habits, because those habits of family life, that's what my kids will be shaped by. So yeah, we'll hold each other accountable in that. 

Portia: Yes, please hold me accountable for taking time to pray with Emmi.

Erin: Yeah absolutely.

Portia: Yeah, I struggle. I can say it in my own prayer, prayer life, but also, even more as it pertains to us praying together as a family.

Erin: It would just be so easy to get the kids dressed and fed and on to the next thing. Yeah, you got to have those habits too. I mean, the kids have to wear clothes and brush their teeth. But I think we can build in those habits. So, I'll hold you accountable. 

Grounded sisters, as we're wrapping up this episode. If you already know an area of your life where you know, you need to reevaluate your habits, drop it in the chat. We'll hold each other accountable. And that's a good habit. That's a good habit to just lean into your sister. So, we want to help each other build healthy habits.

Portia: Yeah, well, y’all already know, I'm going to invite you to come back because Megan Brown will be our guest next week. Let me just tell you if you think that me and Erin are getting you fired up, she's really gonna get you fired up. 

Erin: She’s next level. 

Portia: Specifically, to pray and believe for revival to begin with our military. And so, I'm super excited that she's gonna be with us.

Erin: Me too. If you are thinking, “I don't have any family members in the military. I'm gonna exit.” This episode is still for you because she's gonna show us what a revival that starts with our military can do for all of us. So it's another can't miss episode of Grounded. I'm gonna be there. I hope you're gonna be there. Let's wake up with hope together next week on Grounded.

Portia: Grounded audio is powered by Skype. Grounded is a production of Revive Our Hearts calling women into freedom, fullness, and fruitfulness in Christ.

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