Why Your Sexuality Has Purpose (Even If You Aren’t Having Sex), with Dr. Juli Slattery

How do you deal with your unmet longings? Dr. Juli Slattery is here to talk about sex and the single girl. She shares a biblical perspective of sexuality and why it matters even if you’re not married. 

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Episode Notes

“Sexual Desire and the Single Girl” blog post

“Serving God through Singleness” podcast series

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Dannah Gresh: Can you be single and sexual? Now, how's that for a question to wake you up this Monday morning. I'm Dannah Gresh, and this is Grounded. 

Portia Collins: I'm awake girl, and my facial expressions are telling the story. Dr. Juli Slattery is here to answer the questions about sexuality that you might be afraid to ask. 

Dannah: Yep. And I'm going to share a biblical response to your unmet longings. I probably don't have to tell you, but you don't have to be single to have physical needs that aren't being met. So be sure to stick around whether you're single or not.

Portia: Absolutely. Ray and Robyn McKelvey are here. And as I've said before, get this they are the parents of 17 children. 

Dannah: Yeah. 

Portia: Hey 10, living 7 in heaven. And obviously they must know a thing or two about today's topic.

Dannah: Exactly, right. 

Portia: But before we hear from my guests, Erin Davis, where are you girl? Bring us some good news.

Erin Davis: I'm here, and I'm a little blushy, but we're gonna get through it together. It's gonna be good. Nothing makes me feel like a junior high girl quite as much as this topic, but it's going to be so informative and helpful. 

I love it when I have a good news correspondent to help me in my mission to start your week every week with a story about God at work. And Jennifer Smith has an incredible story about Jesus working in her own life. She's actually not here to tell that story. Today she's here to tell the story of how God is working in the hearts and lives of women experiencing some radical freedom. Welcome back to Grounded, Jennifer.

Jennifer Smith: Thank you. Good morning. 

Erin: Go ahead. Tell us. I want to know all about Cornerstone Transition Home. Tell us your mission, first of all.

Jennifer: Well, first of all, we help women transition out of prison, back into society. We help them with employment, documentation, family unification, and just to be successful in that journey of transitioning back into society.

Erin: It's such an important mission. And in the past year, the Lord has directed you to expand that mission. Tell me about the Corner Kitchen.

Jennifer: Yes, the Corner Kitchen is one of our three campuses. Now, what the Lord started five years ago, He's just expanded. We have three campuses, we have step out housing. But in the fall of last year, He kind of dropped in our lap, a soup kitchen, and we've just been trying to keep up with Him. I know people think the soup kitchen, it's a meal. But we don't view it that way. We view it as a tool for the gospel. 

And so, we just open our doors, and we prepare food. And we're now serving up to 500 people every Tuesday, almost. The food insecurity in our county is very high. We are a fifth in the state of poverty in our county. We are number one in the state per capita. So, when people live in poverty, they don't eat well. 

And so, we don't just serve any food, we serve the best food. If a governor wanted to come eat, I want him to leave impressed with the quality of food. And so, if Jesus Himself was coming to eat, this is who I'm serving. And so, as I serve, and as our team serves, we have a great team . . . The Lord has raised up women off the streets who actually have come in because they were homeless and didn't have anything to eat. They ended up coming to Cornerstone as residents. And now they're productive in departments. Three people are moving out today and getting their own apartments here. So, the kitchen is a tool for the gospel. 

And out of that, we saw the Lord bring so many people who've been building relationships with, but we really have nowhere to point them to connect them to a church. And even though we have a lot of Churches around, it's just it's kind of like my pastor said yesterday, “What do you call a dog with no legs? You can call it anything you want. He's not coming.” 

Erin: Yeah. 

Jennifer: So, with these people the Lord is bringing us, they're not gonna just walk into your traditional church. They're coming out of recovery. They're coming out of dysfunction. We deal with a lot of mental illness, you name it. The Lord is bringing people that society has marginalized, and really, they don't see them. I think what's important is that we see people the way Jesus sees people. And I think if we do that, wherever we are in our sphere, then we're going to make a kingdom impact. 

And so, June the 12, we're actually partnering with a local church to a church plant. 

Erin: Wow 

Jennifer: For the people in recovery. So, June 12, they’re coming alongside of us. They're providing help with that. And so, we have no clue what we're doing. We're just following the Lord. We just pray for grace to keep up with Him. But it's really neat. Just watch as He is reviving His own people. And as he is spiritually awakening, those that are dead in their sins and trespasses. It all starts with just a simple meal, just sitting across the table, getting to know them, getting to know their story, getting to know their needs, and really just seeing them. Maybe for some of them, for the first time they feel seen, they feel heard when they come back in. We would greet them by name. They say, How do you know my name?” 

And so, it's just really neat to see what the Lord is doing. We don't know what He's doing. But we sense and we're on the edge of our seats that revival and a spiritual awakening is about to break out in Newport, Arkansas.

Erin: That is such good news. I call that place that you're in Jennifer, the tightrope of terrified obedience, where you are up on the tightrope. You can't see the ground, you can only see the next step but the Lord is with you. I love watching you walk that tightrope and walk it with women. I'm sure you could tell us many, many, many stories. But I wonder if you could tell us one story of one woman that could be our good news poster child this morning through these ministries that you've seen God do something supernatural.

Jennifer: We have actually, several, but I think the one that comes to mind was, about a month ago, one of our ladies on staff received a call from someone in the community of a homeless woman that was sitting under the pavilion. It was raining. She didn't have shoes. And, of course, our staff person will tell you, she dismissed it at first, but she's like, what can I do? Just give her a pair of shoes? What's that going to solve? 

And so, she went down there. Aas she went down there, the Lord just pressed upon her heart, you know, if that was me sitting in that rain, homeless, what would you do? And she said, “Well, I would pick you up, and I would take you and get you somewhere warm and something to eat and clothes. I would see what your needs were and how could I help you? He says, “That's what I want you to do with her.” And so, she did that. And she brought her to our second campus where they could take showers. We got her some fresh clothes and finding out she had some medical issues that no one would have never known about had they not taken the time. 

And so, eight days later, she got those needs met, she got moved into an apartment, fully furnished off the streets. She's glad; she's coming to church. We're just watching her just really light up and begin to see a little bit of her because at first she was standoffish and dysfunctional. It's kind of hard to believe that people don't know how to say thank you. She didn't know to say thank you. And now she says thank you all the time. But just her story alone. I mean, I could go through so many but her story alone, it's just moving. 

Erin: What’s her first name, Jennifer?

Jennifer: Leslie. 

Erin: Leslie, I would love to just pray for you and pray for the Leslies who are maybe still under some pavilion and need to be found as we say goodbye. You've been such a good, good news correspondent talking about what God's doing. I'd love to just pray for you if that's okay. 

Jennifer: Thank you.

Erin: Lord, apart from You, we are all cast out and set aside. You would have every right to not even see us as we were in the filth of our own sin and choices. But You do. And Lord, I praise You for the rescuing work You're doing in Leslie's life for the rescuing work You have done in Jennifer's life and are continuing to do in Jennifer's life. 

I thank You for this home. Cornerstone Transitional Home. I thank You for the Corner Kitchen. Lord. I think You're doing revival in the great state of Arkansas, and all around the world. I pray that You would provide everything these women need out of Your riches and glory that You will continue to give them eyes to see people like You see people and for all of us, who aren't working for a transition home who maybe don't live in this place in Arkansas, but encounter people every day who are invisible. I pray that You would give us eyes to see them today. We love You. Thank You for rescuing us. It's in Your name I pray, amen. 

Jennifer, thank you for the good work you're doing. You are our good news.

Dannah: Amen. Jennifer Smith is certainly some good news. I'm reminded of the fact that as we turn our heart to the topic of sex and the single woman, that Jennifer is using her singleness and that lack of constraint and other responsibilities in her life, to serve the Lord with just complete dedication. She's mothering these women, teaching someone to say thank you. It doesn't get more like parenting than that. So single sisters, if you're out there listening today, what an encouragement that you can use that for the Lord. 

Our topic today is sex and a single woman and as a result of the feedback from Revive Our Hearts sisters who read the articles on our website, and we've gotten a lot of questions about what a woman can do when she has unmet physical longings. 

Now, many of the questions of course come from single women. Today, we hope to provide some practical advice from our upcoming guests. But first, I want to get us grounded in God's Word. If you're a woman with unmet physical desires, lean in for some comfort. 

Now, maybe you have unmet longings because you're a single woman, but maybe it's because you're a widow. Maybe it's because your husband is addicted to porn and has no appetite for your body. Maybe it's because you and your husband are aging and things just don't work like they once did. 

My goal in the next few minutes is just simply to provide some comfort and encouragement before we get practical. And to do that, I want to talk about one of the foundational theologies of my faith, and probably yours—the fact that Jesus rose bodily. His human body overcame death. We call that resurrection and the fact that Jesus had a body and that it was human, matters. 

Let's start by reading Philippians 2, I'm going to read verses 5-7 to you from Philippians 2, so I lost my place. Here we go. It says, 

“Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus,who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped,but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.”

Jesus Christ, the Prince of Heaven, deity, emptied Himself to take on human form. And this was essential to serve as a replacement for mankind and take our punishment on the cross. He had to become like us. 

Now, how does knowing this provide any kind of comfort for you when you’re experiencing unmet physical desires? I'm glad you asked. First, let me just say this, the battle is real. The most spiritual women in your church have unmet sexual desires. At an event hosted by the Gospel Coalition, Kathy Keller once recounted a conversation she had with a deaconess in her congregation. This woman wanted Kathy to know that she could not fully understand not possibly understand the pressure of being an older, single woman. She told Kathy that these days people often say things to her as a single woman, like you're a fool for not having sex or at least buying a vibrator.

Well, Kathy, somewhat at loss for anything more profound, blurted out. “Well, Jesus was an unmarried man with a human body. So, I'm sure He knows what you're going through.” Now, let me push pause right there on the conversation Kathy was having with her deaconess. Jesus knows what you are going through. 

He knows about the ache to be touched, to have someone to cuddle with, to have someone to be your plus one wedding, so, you don't have to sit there, the only single person at the table. He even understands the desire to experience the outlet of sex.

Jesus experienced sleeping alone at night and feeling lonely. He knows what it feels like to be the single one, the only single one at the dinner table. Jesus knows, yet He didn't sin. 

You're probably familiar with the Bible verse that says, “For we don't have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weakness, but one who in every respect has been tempted, as we are yet was without them.” (Heb. 4:15)

Now, you might say it, but I'm not Jesus. I can't do it. The temptation is too great. Well, here's what I invite you to do today. Take your desire to Jesus in prayer. Now, it's not the only solution. And I realize it's not very practical. We'll get to that shortly. But I encourage you to include prayer. In fact, maybe even start with prayer as you figure out what to do with your longings. 

Now, let me get back to Kathy Keller, who discovered something special as she was talking with that older single deaconess about Jesus having a real physical body. When Kathy told that woman Jesus knows what you're going through, they both experienced a moment of eureka together, because it suddenly dawned on them at the same time. Jesus still has His human body. 

Kathy went on to talk about our dear Savior’s body, as it is today seated at the right hand of the Father. She said, “It's glorified, it's resurrected, it's perfect.” But Jesus didn't just endure 33 years of temptation and chastity longing for His bride. He still is in His human body waiting for the consummation of the marriage supper of the Lamb. 

Now, think about that. Jesus is still experiencing a longing to be completely known by His bride, the Church. The Marriage Supper of the Lamb to the bride of Christ will be an intimacy you and I have never known happily married or not. Because the physical act of sex is just a mere cloudy picture of the spiritual and emotional intimacy we all will know with Jesus Christ one day.

Dear sister, when you are suffering from unmet longings let it remind you that Jesus, our ultimate love, is at this moment deeply longing to be united with you. He knows what you're going through. Erin.

Erin: Talk about a deep answer to the questions our single friends might be asking. Something that popped into my mind as you were talking, Dannah, before we get to Juli, I'd like to talk about it briefly. Just this morning I read a survey that said, 40% of American Christians right now believe that Jesus sinned. And this is an essential doctrine that He was sinless. Because if He sinned, then we would say, “Oh, well, Jesus gave into temptation too.”

Dannah: Yeah, but also, He couldn’t have paid the price for us.

Erin: Absolutely. So, let's debunk that. Push that back to 100 believing truth, and here's why it matters. So important. I'm going to be thinking about that teaching for a while, Dannah. 

Well, I want you to imagine syncing God calling you to talk about sex to the Church. It happened to Juli Slattery, and I'm so glad she obeyed the Shepherd's voice. If you don't know Juli, you should. She is a clinical psychologist and author, a speaker, a mom, and the president and cofounder of a ministry called Authentic Intimacy. Put them in your bookmarks list for web pages, because there's so many good resources there. She has a ministry devoted to teaching God's design for intimacy and sexuality. This is my time to remind you to hit that share button because this conversation is going to be one that lots of people are going to need and want to hear. Welcome back to Grounded.

Dr. Juli Slattery: So good to be with you. Thanks for having me, Erin.

Erin: Well, Juli, I was doing my homework as I am prone to do for Grounded, to prep for this interview. And on your site, you said this, “Everywhere I look, I see lives ruined by unfulfilled promises of love and sexual brokenness. God is able to redeem our pain and restore us to wholeness when we seek His truth and healing.” Really good writing there, the writer in me wants to say, but it makes me just think we should probably pray before we dive into this conversation because sexual brokenness is so pervasive. Would you do that honor, would you just pray for those who will eventually hear this interview?

Juli: I would love to. Lord, I thank You that You are concerned about every area of our life, including our sexuality. You're with us all the time. You're with us when we are tempted You're with us even when we sin. You're with us when we’re wounded. Lord, You're with us as we call out to you in pain. And Lord, I just pray that each woman that is listening to this or watching this would have the sense of Your presence and Your deep love, not Your condemnation, Lord, but Your invitation to healing and to restoration. In Jesus’ name, amen.

Erin: Amen. Well, I think if there was one thing single women in the Church might say, it might be a “but what about us?” Because we do sometimes talk about sexuality, but not necessarily in the terms that the single women needs to hear. What other messages do you think single Christian women are getting in their churches about sexuality? What do you think they are hearing?

Juli: Well, I think a lot of what they're hearing, unfortunately, is sort of a sanctified echo of what the world is saying, which is that you can't be a complete person if you don't have sex. In the church, we say you can't be a complete woman if you're not married, which is implied you're having sex too. 

So, I think single women are really struggling with their value, with their worth, with this feeling that my life must be incomplete, physically and relationally and even spiritually, if I'm not in an intimate relationship or having sex. So, I think that sort of undergirds this. 

There's also a lot of confusion, even when we talk about being single and sexual. A lot of single women and married women equate sexuality with actually having sex and not realizing that our sexuality is part of our humanity. It doesn't appear when we get married, it doesn't go away if we're single or widowed or divorced. We're always sexual people. And that's by God's design. 

And so, really helping single women and married women understand that their sexuality is about a lot more than just what they're doing with their bodies is an important part of this message.

Erin: I've also heard you say that we're all sexually broken, which has been so liberating for me, it's not the single woman who's not having sex who's sexually broken. It's not the married woman who is having sex who's actually broken like we all have that shared brokenness, which is what gets us to Jesus. So, I love that. 

You say there's a spiritual purpose for our sexuality right now. Right? At this moment, even if we aren't married and having sex, so I would love to hear more about that. What is the purpose of our sexuality?

Juli: Well, Dannah did a great job of introducing the concept. But the idea is that God is always revealing through His creation everything He made. And you can't read a chapter of the Bible without seeing it referring to some sort of physical creation to explain the nature of God, whether it's trees, or sheep and wolves, or vineyards, or hunger and thirst. 

And the same is true with our sexuality. God reveals through male and female, He reveals through our longings, He reveals through the covenant of marriage, He even reveals through the pain of brokenness when covenant has been broken. 

And as Dannah alluded to, all of that is meant to reveal the nature of how God pursues us and loves His people with a covenant love. He loves us with passion with intimate knowing. He loves us with sacrificial giving. And so all of that is meant to be revealed through our sexuality. And it's revealed in different aspects, whether you're single or married, no matter what your journey is. 

But our sexuality has so much significance because it's meant to be teaching us about the nature of how God loves us.

Erin: So good, because it separates the idea that my sexuality is all about myself and gratifying myself and pleasing myself. If it points to a higher truth, that's so important. 

I saw a post Juli on social media, I don't even know where I saw it. But it made me laugh, because honestly, I could relate. It was something like when God gives you the sex drive of a frat boy and the morals of a nun. So, it was this idea of like, I want to obey Scripture, but I have this drive inside of me. I think there are going to be women who see this, and they have a sex drive, and maybe it's a strong one. But she's not married, and maybe there's no guy in sight. What does she do with that sex drive as she's waiting and seeing if God's gonna give her husband?

Juli: Yeah, I think part of it is understanding that our sex drive is so much more than just the physical. Now, the physical is a real thing, particularly for women. I will say at different times in my cycle, like I just feel this physical urge. God has given us ways to address those physical urges, even things like exercise and prayer, release some of the same kind of endorphins that having sex would do. 

So, there is a physical side of this, but I think for most women, it goes so far beyond the physical, but we tend to put sexual desire as only physical without recognizing that what can be fueling that is loneliness, boredom, feeling like no one loves me, or I'm not someone. It can be wounds from the past. 

And so, all these other things kind of pour into the feeling of, I need to have sex, I need to be with a man, I need to be with somebody, instead of realizing that there are layers to what we experience a sexual drive and desire. 

I think for a lot of women, and this is not just for single women, there are a lot of married women for whom a sex is not what they hoped it would be. They have deep longings. 

And so, we have to look at the layers of God, what am I really longing for? And how can I bring those longings to you? How can I bring my wounds to you and address them in healthier ways than just say, hey, you know, a hookup or a relationship is going to solve that problem? 

And so, there's a lot more to it than I think we give credit to when we just say there's a physical longing.

Erin: So true. Well, I have to confess something. I wasn't single very long. I'd had a boyfriend from I don't know, like, probably preschool on, and I got married really young. I got engaged at 18, married at 21. And so, I had to tap into a friend to get some questions for this—Bethany Beal—who was single a lot longer than she wanted to be. I said, Bethany what do I ask Juli? She's a huge fan of yours. By the way, she just adores you. But she sent me this really good question, which I wouldn't have thought of: How can I prepare for sex on my honeymoon in an appropriate way? What do you think?

Juli: Yeah, I think the most important way you prepare is how you think about sex. And I've been in this field of talking about sexuality for the last decade, and I just keep learning and learning and learning. I think the number one thing I've learned is that Christians don't know how to think rightly about their sexuality. They've adopted some traditional narratives that haven't been particularly helpful about God's design for sex. They're influenced by the culture, which is really not helpful. 

And so, you can go to your OBGYN which you should you can read a book on technique, but more importantly is being grounded in a biblical understanding of the purpose of sex, what is the purpose of my sexuality as a single woman? But then let's translate that if sex is meant to be a revelation of God's covenant love, what does that practically even look like in marriage and understanding that it's going to be a journey, that your wedding night is the beginning of that journey. Whether it is a positive experience or a frustrating experience, it's just the beginning of building this celebration of covenant love. And so, my encouragement would be to get your hands on resources that will really dig deeper and help you and your husband to be have the right perspective of why God created sex and gave it to you as a gift in the first place.

Erin: That's so helpful. My husband and I definitely had that moment. When we got to our hotel room after the wedding where we were like clueless. We figured it out together. So, I think it's also okay to go in unprepared.

Last question, we are in the midst of a sexual revolution. I don't think there's any way to really deny that. What is the number one thing you want the church, those who are married, those of us who aren't married? Those of us on whatever spectrum there is, in terms of our sexuality, what is the number one thing you want the Church to know about sexuality?

Juli: Well,, I think so often we talk about sin, and we talk about needing to defend against temptation of whatever kind related to sexuality and sin. But what the Bible talks about also is that we have been influenced by the thinking of the world. And the idolatry of our culture will always infiltrate the thinking of the Church. 

And so I go back to this theme that most of us have a battle not just with sin, we have an unseen battle with how we think about sexuality, how we think about gender. And so, my number one message would be it is critical, that we invite the Lord Jesus to redeem our hearts and our minds, so that we can see sexuality for what God created it to be, and not just swat it, not just sin with the world's understanding of sexuality underneath all that. 

And so that's my heart's desire. That's what I why I do what I do at authentic intimacy is to really help disciple God's people and how we think about sexuality, through the heart of God and through the lens of the Scriptures.

Erin: So admire your unique ability to take this topic that can be uncomfortable and talk about it in ways that are wise and biblically grounded. You're actually going to be a part of a team leading a preconference at True Woman ’22 on biblical gender and sexuality. I'm so glad you're going to be there. Juli, if people want to find out more about your ministry, Authentic Intimacy, where do they go?

Juli: Yeah, you can go to AuthenticIntimacy.com You'll find everything we have there, online book studies, podcasts, blogs, whatever you might find helpful. We'll be at that website AuthenticIntimacy.com.

Erin: That is rich, I've only recently, I'm sorry to admit, become a listener of your podcast. And wow, look, what a wealth of information there. Do you want to send us to that podcast, the name of the podcast and where we can listen? 

Juli: Sure. Yeah. It's called Java with Juli, because I love coffee. So, Java with Juli. No, “e” on Juli.

Erin: Good. I give it five stars, highly recommended. Thanks for being with us, Juli.

Juli: Thanks, Erin. Always a pleasure.

Erin: Thank you. We'll do sex and SOS, that’s save our ship, do they belong in the same sentence? I'm gonna let Ray and Robyn McKelvey answer that question for you. Welcome back. McKelvey. We love having you here.

Ray McKelvy: Well, it's so good to be with you. 

Robyn McKelvy: Thanks for having us. And yes, sex, and SOS belong in the same sentence, it actually belongs in the same book. We're not just asking. We're begging the Lord to save our relationship. And I believe that sexual intimacy is one of the deepest ways that you can express the relationship that God has between a husband and a wife. And this is one of the things that you can't play with. You can't fake it. 

And so, as a result, when I was talking to a couple of young women at our church one time. They said, “I don't like sex.” What's wrong with you? And I'm like, “I love sex. But I think it's because I love what sex is all about. It's so much more than a physical act. 

And so, I started thinking, what are some of the things that the enemy has fed us and we're eating it up like it's true, but it's alive straight from the pit? So, every chapter in this book, every chapter in this book, SOS is something that is alive straight from the pit.

Ray: Okay, I'm gonna interrupt I know we only have a few minutes but Rob Ben wrote this book called Sick of Sex. And I can tell you the title, I wasn't a big fan of, because whenever somebody would pick up the book, they would read the title and go, “Wow, this woman is sick of sex, what is wrong with her husband? 

Robyn: And it's a book, so that you don't get sick of sex. Sex text takes preparation. And I don't think a lot of us understand that. It's just not physical. Let's go in, let's have sex. What are we doing? 

So these are some . . . I want to go back to the chapter, some of the chapters. We have to set our stage. Don't let your husband or even you walk into your bedroom, and everything on the outside of your bedroom is thrown into the bedroom. I mean, laundry. I mean, toys. I mean, your animals, I mean…

Ray: The motorcycle.

Robyn: Everything does not belong in your bedroom. Your bedroom should be a place that sets a stage for intimacy.

Ray: You know, one of the other chapters that Robyn has in her book is called “Shattering Our Systems.” I think Juli hit on this so well, that we are, I'm going to just steal her term, we are discipled by the world. And so even as married couples, we got these old systems of thinking, and ways of processing and our view of each other. And we need to shatter those old systems. And what does the Bible say about sex and sexuality? What does the Bible say about our bodies and the way that we interact with each other?

Robyn: That's right. There's a matter when we are a lot of times we are ashamed of our shapes, because we're not the same image that the world tells us is the image, that is a sexual image. It's a lie, guys, this is the thing, it's a lie from the pit. God has gifted us with beautiful bodies, and they come in different sizes, because God is that creative. 

And so, enjoy the body that He's given you, and allow your husband to enjoy that body that He's given you.

Ray: You know, one of the questions that we get a lot at conferences—we get a lot of questions on sex, especially at the marriage conferences. One of the things we will be asked, What about our bodies? A lady will write in and say, “Well, my husband doesn't find me attractive, or I don't think I'm attractive.” What I often say is my wife is my standard of beauty. It is not other women, and we age together. And so, as we change, both of our bodies change, but we glorify God in our body.

Robyn: That's right. And so, I think one of the things that really just saved it, and this is a part of our book, is Isaiah chapter 26, verses 3–4. And it says: 

“You keep him in perfect peace
whose mind is stayed on you,
because he trusts in you.
Trust in the Lord forever,
for the Lord God is an everlasting rock.”

I think if you want peace in this area, you have to have your mind stayed on the One who created sexual intimacy in the first place. 

And so that's something I think that is desperately important. Get in God's Word. Have yourself a peaceful mind, that comes from knowing and understanding and trusting the One who created sexual intimacy in the first place.

Ray: Okay, we just need more time on this, because one of the things I want to say that we realize that sexual intimacy between a husband and wife is really waging spiritual warfare, because whenever we glorify God, we're waging war with the enemy. And I know First Corinthians 10:31 reminds us, “whether therefore, we eat, or drink, or whatever we do, do all to the glory of God.” Even in our sex and our intimacy with each other, we are glorifying God. And this makes the enemy mad. So, he's going to do everything to discredit how we think about sex, how we feel about sex, the shame, or even being sexually abused. All of those things are a part of it. 

I just want to encourage us as married couples to realize that we are bringing great glory to God as we display the intimacy of Christ in the Church. And it is displayed one way through our sexual expression with each other.

Robyn: Yes. One of the bottom lines I think is, that we get so far away from knowing each other. I wish I could go through every chapter of this book. It's amazing how the Lord has different people writing some of the same things. Because we need to understand that truth is what is displayed in God's Word. 

There are articles written, there are books written, there are things on podcasts that are being said, so that others can see the truth that God has displayed in this area. So, we don't have to live with this area being shameful. We don't have to live with this area being something that we don't want to talk about. It should be expressed; your children should understand that intimacy between Ray and me for my kids should be something that we desire. It should be something that your children desire, because it's a beautiful thing when it's seen with your parents. 

Ray: Well, we better turn it over. There's so much more we could say. But we're so glad to encourage in that way.

Portia: I love it. I love it. I can listen. Y'all have a special place in my heart. Every time you open your mouth, I just I can sit here like this all day long. I really love the last thing that you said about just showing intimacy and how our children can see that and understand that it's a good thing. 

Thank you so much for sharing. Love you. 

Ray and Robyn: Love you. 

Portia: Well, everybody, I know that your cup is probably really full because this has been a jam-packed episode of good stuff. But guess what? I'm here to fill you up all the way to the brim. We're not gonna leave any space. I've got the tools to help you stay grounded. The first thing that I want to recommend is a blog post from my sweet sister Colleen Chao. The title of the blog is “Sexual Desire and the Single Girl.” In the blog, Colleen shares 10 tips to help you maintain your purity in the middle of your singleness. And this is not something that she's talking about. She's experienced this; she married later than later in life. And so, she went through this. I feel like her blog is spot on. It is good. So, if you need some practical help, go check out the blog. 

Also, we have a Revive Our Hearts podcast series, and it is serving God through singleness. And Carolyn McCulley, if you don't know Carolyn, you need to get to know her, because she packs a punch. She shares so much wisdom on how to serve God through your singleness. So, these are two things that I think will be very helpful for you.

Dannah: I couldn't agree more. Portia. Those are some good resources. Erin Davis, did you not get the blue glasses memo today?

Erin: No, I was left out of the loop that we're wearing our blue glasses.

Dannah: Well, next week we’ll tell you.

Erin: But I’m never one to step in line with everybody else. 

Dannah: That's right. That's true. Well, what a full, full, full program of truth today. I think I want to land on 1 Corinthians 6:20. That's a reminder for us. Whether we're single or married, young or old, fulfilled with our sex lives or experiencing deep physical longings. Our bodies are a vehicle to glorify God. Glorifying God is not some mystical esoteric thing out there. It is something we do in this flesh and blood. And 1 Corinthians 6:20, let these be our marching orders and our reminder today, “You were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.”

Erin: Amen. Good stuff.

Portia: Amen. Good stuff. You know, sexuality is something that we need good discipleship on. But speaking of discipleship, next week, we've got a great lineup. My friends, Hunter Beless, Laura Wifler, and Laura Booz. They're going to be joining us to prove that discipleship can be fun. 

Erin: Man, that's good, a really good episode. One more plug for True Woman ’22. There's a whole preconference on a biblical view of sexuality and gender. I'm gonna be there. I want you to be there, TrueWoman22.com. Let's wake up together next week with hope on Grounded.

Dannah: Grounded audio is powered by Skype. Grounded is a production of Revive Our Hearts calling women to freedom fullness and fruitfulness in Christ.

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