Fighting Fear with Trust

Dannah Gresh: When fear rises up, Portia Collins turns to God’s Word and asks these questions:

Portia Collins: What does God say? What is He actually saying? Is God good? Yes. Is God sovereign? Yes. Will God get His glory, even in the worst situations? Yes!

Dannah: This is Revive Our Hearts with Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth, author of A Place of Quiet Rest, for March 5, 2021. I’m Dannah Gresh. 

Do you ever wonder what God’s Word says about . . . I don’t know . . . any given topic? Well, this is “glad you asked month” here on Revive Our Hearts, because we want to equip you with biblical answers to practical questions that you face in life. 

Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth: And one of those questions has to do with, “How do you trust God’s goodness when you’re going through circumstances where it doesn’t seem like God really is good?” Today’s program comes on the heels of a message about that topic that we heard yesterday.

Kristen Wetherell took us to Psalm 34:4, where King David says, “I sought the Lord, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears.” Wow! That’s an astonishing statement! And then Kristen pointed us to the goodness of God that we see highlighted in verse 8, “Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good! Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him!”

That passage goes on to talk about fearing the Lord, and Kristen showed us that the right fear of the Lord drives out the wrong, unhealthy fears that we can slip into. So the solution when we’re struggling with fear and doubt is trusting the goodness of God and finding our satisfaction in Him, no matter what.

Dannah: It certainly was a message rich with comfort and truth, and if you missed it, I encourage you to listen back to yesterday’s program. You can always do that on the Revive Our Hearts app or at our website ReviveOurHearts.com.

Of course, Kristen shared that message at our Sisters in Ministry summit, and what followed was a truly helpful discussion about how to practically fight against sinful fear. Here’s Nancy in conversation, first with Kristen and then others from the Sisters in Ministry summit.

Nancy: You shared that, for probably good reason humanly speaking. You have battled fears and in pregnancy things that have happened that have resulted in fears. So when you face those—a fearful dream, fearful thoughts (and I’ll let Kristen answer, but I’ll let anybody else chime in who would like to, out of your own life)—what do you do?

Kristen Wetherell: So, the Bible is really clear that the Christian life is a fight. And so fear, I believe, is a fight. The world likes to tell us that there is a way to be fearless, and in a sense, I guess that’s true. In Christ we are ultimately victorious over the power of fear, but I just keep coming back to the Lord with it in prayer.

I guess that looks like confessing that I’m afraid, and then going to specific places in His Word and soaking in what’s true, to take my thoughts captive to that. It’s every single day, pretty much, because we just have to keep fighting. Fighting your fears is like a muscle that has to be exercised; so is faith. So I just keep coming back to the Lord.

But I also think the question, “Is this true?” is really helpful. Because, sure, certain things have been true of us in our past. But I think the question, “Is this true?” is helpful in terms of, “What’s my reality right now?” And it’s like, “Well, that’s not happening right now.”

I’m just envisioning this possibility, and so the Bible tells us to think on what is true, and I think that’s helpful, too. (see Phil. 4:8)

Nancy: Robert often says to me, “Wait to worry.” Like, it’s not happening right this minute. And I’ll sometimes go, “Well, you’re just not being realistic!” But that’s good counsel, “Wait to worry.”

Can anybody else relate to fear, just to how you battle it, or how you would encourage somebody else in battling it? Because I don’t think Kristen is the only person in the room or in the world who does battle with it! 

Betsy Gomez: Well, I can so relate to you, because in 2014 I was at True Woman when I got pregnant, my third pregnancy. I lost that child and that was my first miscarriage, and then I had another one, and then I had another one. So I had three miscarriages. It got to a point that I didn’t want to get pregnant again, because I was so afraid.

And then I couldn’t; I didn’t get pregnant for several years. Our family, [my husband and two boys], was ready to transition to another city here in the States, and the second day we moved, I realized I was pregnant. I was so afraid! I was afraid to have a miscarriage again. I was even walking like a duck all the time, like if I had a ball between my legs because I was afraid to walk in a way that I was going to lose the baby. 

And I remember Moises looking at me while I was walking in this weird way, and he said, “Why are you walking like that?” 

And I said, “I just want to press hard, because I [want to keep the baby].”

Anyway, the word that the Lord kept bringing to my heart in that season was Psalm 127:1, “Unless the Lord builds a house, its builder labors over it in vain. Unless the Lord watches over a city, that watchman stays alert in vain. In vain you get up early and stay up late working hard to have enough food. Yes, He gives sleep to the one He loves.”

In that time I was not only afraid of a miscarriage, I was also afraid of not being a good momma. I was even afraid to have a girl. I was like, “Can I even do this?” And, just reminding myself of God’s sovereignty and reminding myself of His provision and just embracing the moment.

I remember saying to myself, “If this life is going to last two months, five months, three years, one-hundred years, life is to be celebrated!” I think a mix of thankfulness and reminding myself of God’s sovereignty was the way that I could endure.

I mean, kids are alive and things can happen, so it’s a constant exercise of being thankful for today and trusting God for tomorrow and trusting His sovereignty. So, I thank you for sharing that.

Kristen: I often think of fear as “making a future possibility your current reality.” Often when I’m afraid, my husband will say [calmly], “Okay, well then, what would we do?” [Kristen replies, frantic,] “I don’t know!” And then he’ll say [deliberately], “No, seriously, if that happens, then what would we do?”

And so, he kind of forces me to play out the scenario. Often I can think of at least something, or together we think through things: “Okay, and we’d go here, and we’d trust God for that,” or “We’d make this move.” 

My youngest daughter has special needs. She’s two. We had no idea the whole pregnancy. When I was thirty-six weeks pregnant, I walked in for a regular appointment and they measured my belly. You’re supposed to be at least somewhat on track. I always measured a touch small, but I had shrunk ten weeks’ worth, so I was measuring at twenty-six weeks.

And they kind of reacted, “O-o-h!” Everything goes a little crazy, and they said, “You’re having this baby today!” Then all this stuff happened. Anyway, long story short, I remember they told me that, “There’s a fifty-percent chance that she has special needs, and there’s a fifty-percent chance that your placenta has just failed her and you’re losing your fluid. We need to get her out.”

I remember thinking, She cannot have special needs! That cannot happen! I wouldn’t know what to do; I can’t do that. I’ve seen people with that, and that is not for me! I can’t handle that; I wouldn’t be good at that. That’s different.

Two months later we found out she has a genetic disease, and indeed does have special needs. And the reason I couldn’t imagine it is because I hadn’t been granted the grace to walk through it at that point. I think so often with our fears, we’re taking that possibility and we’re trying to walk through it without God’s grace.

I think that’s just been a real comfort to me as I see other people’s lives. I mean, we’re hearing the stories of very, very hard things. I look at you guys and I think, How are you all doing it? How are you staying faithful? How are you having joy? How do you have hope? Because I can’t imagine!

But I know that it’s because God’s grace has sustained you. And no matter what I face in the future, no matter what awaits or whatever scary thing happens, God’s grace will sustain me. He holds faster to us than we could ever hold to Him, and that is a true comfort when I think about my fears.

Dannah: This is a topic that I’ve been talking to moms about for four or five years. When I started the process of writing Lies Girls Believe and A Mom’s Guide to Lies Girls Believe, I did focus groups across the country . . . and fear came up a lot.

So, I’ve marinated in that, and I’ve had lots of conversations. I’ve come to something I think that’s important, but I want to put a little bit of a disclaimer on it. Kristen, you said something at the beginning today as you were sharing so sweetly. You said most of the time our fears reveal who or what we are worshipping.

I think that’s a trail I’m going to follow. My spirit stood at attention when you said that; I think that was great. Maybe that’s why God says constantly through Scripture, “Fear not!” And how many times, when He says, “Fear not,” is He about to do something phenomenal for us?

Like when coming to the shepherds and to Mary and Joseph and saying, “Don’t be afraid! I’m about to do the best thing ever in the history of the world!” And yet, you see that trend through Scripture, that many times we’re afraid because of change, something shifting and different in the atmosphere, and so we become fearful when God is doing something that’s good.

I do think that we tend to parent out of fear, often, and that’s what I really want to address with this Scripture verse. Fear, first of all, is a good thing, because who gave it to us? Who gave us our emotions? God did. If you go back to Genesis, when He was done making everything, He said, “This is good.” Right? (see Gen. 1:31) 

So, fear . . . at least when there’s a bear chasing us, is a very good thing, right? Or a cockroach! I would say you’re right, Bethany, cockroaches also! Fear has purpose in our life, but this verse: “God does not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and [peace, or] of a sound mind” 2 Timothy 1:7 (NKJV).

So, “spirit of fear,” what’s a “spirit of fear”? That’s when it’s chronic, that’s when it’s not making sense, that’s when it’s pervading your life, that’s when it’s controlling your decisions rather than having God’s Word control your decisions.

And I think I see, a lot of times, as moms . . . I’m still “momming” all my children. They are in their twenties. I’m just momming at a different stage of life and learning this new stage of life. When I parent out of a spirit of fear, as a consistent pattern in my life, that is not from God. So who is it from? It is from the enemy, and it is a fight.

That’s where we enter into the fact that this is spiritual warfare, right? Is it a spirit of fear or is it the Lord putting my heart on alert? And where it’s a spirit of fear is when we parent out of it, when we’re like, “I can’t talk to her about . . .” because you have issues from your past in that area. 

“I can’t talk to her about . . .” because there are so many lies out there in the world. Or, “I’m not in control of this” so I’m just going to be a comatose mom and not do anything about because she has friendship drama in her life, or whatever it is.

But the recipe, I think, for overcoming that spirit of fear is also found in a Scripture verse. What casts out fear? Perfect love! (1 John 4:18) And where are you going to get that? From your hot-looking husband? No-o-o, so-o-rry! (laughter) You’re going to get that from the presence of God. 

So I would say every time I feel that fear . . . I’ve really had the enemy torment me in dreams. I don’t know why, when I go to sleep . . . They’re not like just pizza dreams; they’re like “your life is unfolding, girl” dreams, you know? But I wake up and the first thing I say is, “Lord, I need Your love. Before I can even decide if this is valid, if You’re speaking to me, if I should shift and move, I need Your love!”

And so I go into that place of, “Where can I feel God’s love?” I need to go get some sustained love of God, so that the love of God casts out fear. Then I have the equipping to know how to handle what it is where I’m operating in the spirit of fear.

Portia Collins: Every time I think about fear, for me, it is almost always attached to an idol of comfort, something that I’m afraid of losing or experiencing or whatever. Some of the hardest or most fearful moments have been when I’m faced with potentially going through something that I don’t want to go through.

Before I had my daughter, I had a miscarriage as well. Then when I got pregnant with my daughter, I literally almost vanished off the face of the earth, because I was so sick. I don’t know if you’ve ever heard of HG, hyperemesis gravidarum, but I dealt with that.

Once we kind of got over the hump of that, at like twenty-eight/twenty-nine weeks, they determined that I had preeclampsia. And so my daughter came seven weeks early; I was induced seven weeks early. 

Throughout this whole process, even from the moment when I got pregnant with her, I kept trying to “positive my way out” of this. You know, “It’s going to be fine,” all this and that. Once we got to her being in the NICU, I remember looking at her in that little isolette and not knowing, “Is she going to live?” 

It was like, “What do I do with this, God?! What if she doesn’t live? What is my response?” And where I was led was back to this passage of Scripture in Luke 22:41–44. Jesus was praying on the Mt. of Olives; He’s in the Garden of Gethsemane. This is where we see Him being so brutally honest with the Father.

He is saying, “This is what I’m feeling.” Scripture says that His anxiety was so thick that He was literally sweating drops of blood. And so He says, “This is what I’m feeling,” but He follows that up with, “Not My will but Your will be done.”

And so, that’s where God led me: “Even if your baby doesn’t live—and that will be horrible—know that My will and the way that I sovereignly operate, and that I am still good. Hold on to that!” So the thing that has kept me grounded when my fears and my anxiety and all of this is just going crazy is going back to the truth of God’s Word.

What does God say? What is He actually saying? Is God good? Yes. Is God sovereign? Yes. Will God get His glory, even in the worst situations? Yes! And so I have to trust that, even if I am faced with moments that are very uncomfortable and hard and they hurt. I know that God is still good. God is still sovereign. His plan is still more important than anything else, and His will will be done!

Aylín Mercke: First, thank you so much for sharing that. It was so encouraging. Fear, I think, has been a struggle. I remember my mom had me read John MacArthur’s book on facing anxiety when I was eleven years old. It’s been something that feels like a lifelong fight, but more recently, it’s been really hard for me to lose so much community over the past few years—especially after having the rich community that I did in the Dominican Republic. 

It’s felt like this continual loss. Living overseas, people have to leave the field, sometimes unexpectedly—like their visa was not renewed, or a child got sick and they had to go back to the U.S.

I have seen the effect of all these moves on my kids’ lives, and so I’m just so afraid that we’re going to have to come back before it’s time or before we planned it. I’m afraid that it’s going to really hurt my kids; one of my girls really struggles with change.

It was just really good to think about it today in terms of eternity. That was just really encouraging. And to answer your question, when I went through postpartum depression the first time, I was just terrified of the intrusive thoughts I was having, things that I had never in my life thought.

I loved my daughter with all my heart, but I would have these crazy thoughts, like I’m cutting something with a big knife. It was just horrible, just really horrible things! I remember just sobbing with my husband. I was just so afraid! “Who is this person, and what is happening inside of me!”

And Psalm 3:3: “But you, O Lord, are a shield about me.” I had to picture myself hiding under Christ as my shield. I had to literally picture myself as, “Christ is a shield around me and I am hiding; all these darts are coming. I cannot defend myself, but He can.”

That’s how I was able to fall asleep at night, just when He finally gave me peace that He is fighting for me. And so, that was the other thing, remembering that God is the One fighting and that Jesus is fighting for me. He is wearing that armor of God in Ephesians 6; Christ is wearing that.

He is the One that is telling His Father, “I am not afraid. I trust You.” I had to continually think about Him as being the Courageous One. He is the One who tells His Father, “You are my light and my salvation; of whom am I going to be afraid?” (Ps. 27:1) And then picturing Christ saying that, I was able to then know that that was also my life and that could fight that way.

Hunter Beless: When I am wrestling with debilitating fear, I remember to reorient myself to the only One who is worthy of it. I love Jesus’ exhortation to the disciples in Matthew 10:28. He says, “And do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather fear him who can destroy both soul and body in hell.”

One of my mentors says this (his name is Matt Lance), “Rightly oriented fear of God leads to great faith in God, which then births courage in us.” So when I’m experiencing fear of something around me, I remember to reorient my fear to the only One who is worthy of it!

Dannah: Oh, that was good! Justin, could you actually play that last statement from Hunter Beless again? It went by kind of fast, and I don’t want our listeners to miss that!

Hunter: When I’m experiencing fear of something around me, I remember to reorient my fear to the only One who is worthy of it!

Dannah: So, so good. That was Hunter Beless, and we also heard from several other women who were part of the Sisters in Ministry summit. We were just talking through some practical strategies for battling fear.

Nancy: One of the women we heard from today is Portia Collins. Dannah, you and I have come to love Portia. She was not only at the Sisters in Ministry Summit, but she has become an important part of our lives and of this ministry since then.

Dannah: She sure has! A weekly dose of Portia is an important part of my work at Revive Our Hearts! I need it. In fact, Nancy, I could use a dose of her right now. Could we call her and get her on the phone ?

Nancy: Let’s do it! I have no idea what she’s doing right now, but let’s try. I’m just going to put her on speakerphone if she answers. 

Portia: Hello?

Nancy: Portia, it’s Nancy. 

Portia: Hey, Nancy! How are you?

Nancy: I’m doing well. I’m sitting here in a recording session with Dannah and we’re talking about monthly partners. I said we need to get Portia on to talk about our Monthly Partner Team. You’ve gotten more and more connected with Revive Our Hearts. In fact, you’ve come onboard as our Monthly Partner Specialist.

I just thought I’d love for our listeners to hear from you about why this team is important, why it matters.

Portia: Well, I think as a believer, it is so crucial to partner with organizations that are committed to Kingdom ministry. That is certainly the way that I feel about Revive Our Hearts. As we are working at refining our program and really reaching out to others to be partners with us, that is what we want to communicate. “Come and join us as we work in Kingdom ministry; come alongside us.” 

I’m reminded of so many instances in the Bible where believers came alongside Paul and the other apostles to provide financial assistance in the work they were doing. So that’s what this reminds me of. I get so excited, I could talk about it all day long!

Nancy: What made you want to be one of our Monthly Partners?

Portia: Well, as you know, I have loved Revive Our Hearts for s-o-o long, so it was really like a no-brainer, literally! “Let me come alongside this ministry that has been doing such great work!” You’ve had such an impact on my life, so literally it was the thing to do. I didn’t have to think about it very hard!

Nancy: And you’ve partnered with us in so many ways, and being a Monthly Partner is just one of those. Now you’re really pouring into our Monthly Partner Team. I know there’s a FaceBook group of our Monthly Partners. Can you tell us about that?

Portia: Yes! We love our FaceBook group. This is designed to be an exclusive community for our Partners. I really like to think of it now as extended family, because we share stories, we pray with one another. Right now, we’re going through a little phase where we’re doing introductions and sharing pictures and getting to know one another.

It’s where our Partners get, I guess you could say, exclusive communication. Sometimes we reach out . . . If you’re doing any type of live teaching and things like that, we let them know so that they can come in, and they can pray or they can watch the livestream. It’s really a sweet, precious community that I love being a part of. I love seeing how the people engage in the group.

Nancy: And it’s an opportunity for us and for other partners to pray for each other. It’s not just Revive Our Hearts that has needs, but our Partners have needs, and we want to pour into their lives, too.

Portia: Absolutely! That’s exactly what we do. One of the things that I often think of as the blessings of social media is the ability to communicate and connect with brothers and sisters who are not just in your local neighborhood. 

Yes, local neighborhoods are important, but I just get so thrilled that I can build relationships and communicate with sisters who live a couple of states away, but we share the same heart for ministry or the same heart for prayer and covering each other in prayer. It’s just beautiful! I really love it!

Nancy: Portia, this month we’re asking the Lord to raise up over 300 new Monthly Partners. We’re also inviting existing Partners to consider increasing their monthly support. So just say a word about what’s on your heart as you’re asking the Lord to do this during the month of March.

Portia: Well, honestly, we’re just really trusting that the Lord will meet the need. I often tell people that I think of Partners as like the blood of a ministry. You help us to do what we do day in and day out. So monthly partnership is important, because ultimately you put in place—I guess you would say—the baseline to make sure that we have the funds to be able to continue to reach out internationally, to continue the programming that we offer, all those things. 

And so I am just praying that God will meet the need so that we’ll be able to continue, so that Revive Our Hearts will be able to continue doing the Kingdom work that you’ve been doing for so long!

Nancy: And I know there’s a Welcome Collection that we’re sending to Partners who sign up this month. Can tell us anything about that?

Portia: Oh, there’s going to be some good stuff in there! And listen, personally, if I had to sign up anytime, I would love to sign up now, because I so want this Welcome Collection. There is going to be some mugs in there and a couple of books. We’re going to have some new authors in there.

I don’t want to give it all away, because I really want it to be a surprise when people receive it, but there is so much in there—our new branded material, Heaven Rules, also a new resource that we’re providing: Glad You Asked: Answers to Ten Essential Questions . . . and, like I said, just a couple other things that people will be able to enjoy, drink their coffee out of, and just so much! I’m excited!

Nancy: So people will really feel a part of this team. 

Portia: Yes, that is the goal. Honestly, that’s what I think of as I work with the Partners and everything we do with enhancing these programs. I think about how we can show our Partners that we’re not just seeking you to just give us dollars, but this is a lifelong arm-in-arm relationship that we like to build with you.

And so we care about our Partners deeply, and we appreciate everything that they do for the ministry. I just pray that we could see longevity in every Partner who becomes a part of our Monthly Partner program. I pray that they’ll say, “It’s a joy for me to be a part of this,” and I pray that we can serve them well!

Nancy: I know you’re doing that. We heard you a little bit earlier in this program today, talking at the Sisters in Ministry summit. Would you give us just a word about what that special time meant to you when we had it back in late 2019?

Portia: So now I’m getting a little weepy, because that is probably one of the most impactful times of my life. Remember, you and I had not met until then. It was literally an answered prayer. I had prayed to be able to meet a woman like you. I’d been looking for that type of guidance and to be able to meet with other sisters in ministry.

And so I prayed; that’s all I knew to do. And literally, a couple of weeks later, that’s when I got the email for the invitation to come. I reflect on that time so much, because it changed my life! I remember coming home with so much more of an open hand and wanting to be more joyful in how I served at home with my husband and my daughter, but also just not holding life so tightly. I was really saying, “Okay, Lord, whatever it is that You called me to, whatever it is that You want Me to do, I want to be willing and ready,” and not complaining and tussling with Him on it.

And so I think that time at the summit was just really influential in helping to just reshape my thinking and my view on life.

Nancy: I love that, and what a sweet chance it was to meet you there! You’ve gotten so plugged in. Not only are you a Monthly Partner, but you’re also one of the cohosts, along with Dannah Gresh and Erin Davis and Alejandra, of our weekly Grounded podcast. So a lot of our listeners are getting to know you through that.

So if you, our listeners, haven’t heard Portia and her friends on Grounded, you’ll want to go to ReviveOurHearts.com and learn more about that. But that’s Monday mornings, Portia, bright and early you greet us on the Grounded podcast!

Portia: Yes, and I love it! It is such a joy! I love Dannah and Erin and Alejandra, and I think we have really developed a sisterhood that is like none other. That’s a joy and a privilege for me to be able to get up every week and to bring women a weekly infusion of hope and perspective with those great ladies!

Nancy: And there are thousands of women who feel like they are part of that sisterhood with you!

Portia: Yes, and that’s what we set out to do. Every week as we look into the camera, I’m thinking about the woman that is on the other side. We want each one to know that they are our sisters, too, for sure!

Nancy: So, Portia, I just want to say from my heart and our team to you, we’re so glad the Lord has brought you along and into our lives, caused our lives to intersect. We’re so grateful for what you’re doing on the Grounded team and for your Monthly Partnership, but then also how you’re helping to build this Monthly Partner Team. You are a precious sister and friend! Thank you for letting us interrupt your day with this phone call that you weren’t at all expecting. We love you so much and really thank the Lord for you! 

Portia: Oh, thank you. Same, likewise!

Dannah: Nancy, we’re going to have to call more people during our broadcasting recordings. That was fun! After hearing what Portia said, there are a lot of people listening who are going to want to become Monthly Partners right now. 

For details on how to become a Monthly Partner and what’s in that Welcome Package, visit ReviveOurHearts.com, or you can always call us at 1–800–569–5959.

Nancy: Thank you, Dannah, and in a very real sense, this program—and each day’s program—is brought to you by our Monthly Partners. We want to say, “Thank you for supporting this ministry and making it possible!”

Dannah: Well, have you ever felt overwhelmed by the bad news going on all around you? Next week Nancy will take us to a passage in the Old Testament that I think is going to provide great comfort and hope for you. Don’t miss it! Have a great weekend, and please be back on Monday for Revive Our Hearts.

Providing you with practical ways to fight against fear, Revive Our Hearts with Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth is an outreach of Life Action Ministries.

*Offers available only during the broadcast of the podcast season.