Heaven Rules Your Child’s Future

Dannah Gresh: Michelle Leach and her husband named their second child Blair. Right after she was born and received that name, Michelle’s daughter began fighting for her life.

Michelle Leach: We learned that Blair actually means “ready for battle.” And so I very much feel that that was the Lord’s providence in choosing that name for her.

Dannah: This is the Revive Our Hearts podcast with Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth, author of Adorned: Living Out the Beauty of the Gospel Together, for Friday, July 26, 2024. I’m Dannah Gresh.

The first six chapters of Daniel tell a lot of familiar stories: Daniel in the lions’ den, the fiery furnace, the king who was humbled by God and lived like an animal. But in the last six chapters, Daniel has visions of the future . . . and they’re terrifying.

And Nancy, you write about this in your book, Heaven Rules. You show us how this hero, Daniel, becomes so afraid when he hears news of the future.

Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth: Yes, Dannah. In chapter 7, Daniel says, “My spirit was deeply distressed within me” (v. 15). And in the next chapter, he says, “I was overcome and lay sick for days” (v. 27). And then in chapter 10 he tells us, “No strength was left in me. My face grew deathly pale. Anguish overwhelms me, and I am powerless” (v. 8).

Dannah: All because Daniel heard news about what was coming in the future.

Nancy: That’s right.

Dannah: I think we all know what that’s like. In a moment, one piece of challenging news can affect our whole future.

Nancy: No kidding, Dannah. In fact, a young woman that I’ve gotten to know recently, named Michelle Leach, had just that experience.

Michelle and her husband Mark are related to my husband Robert through marriage. Right after their second child was born, Michelle and Mark received the kind of news that no parent wants to hear. I wrote about Mark and Michelle in my book, Heaven Rules, because in that moment, they had to decide: “Are we going to let fear overtake us? Or will we take courage and take comfort knowing that God is in control?”

Dannah: Let's listen to the story of how Mark and Michelle learned to trust God with the future of their child.

Michelle: My name is Michelle Leach, and I’m from outside Philadelphia, in a little suburb called Exton. My husband and I got married in 2016, and then shortly after we got pregnant with our oldest daughter, Charlotte.

Charlotte was born a very typical child. Sometimes we like to call her a trick baby. She was so easy. She slept well very quickly. Charlotte was still very young when I was pregnant with our second daughter. We went to the twenty-week ultrasound, where we were just expecting to find out whether we were having a boy or girl.

We were having another girl, but there were also some things that they noticed on the ultrasound. They said that they found a major heart defect as well as a couple of other abnormalities that encouraged them to have us seek better care, more specialized care, at the children’s hospital in Philadelphia.

So we started with the fetal heart program. We didn’t know much, other than a heart defect, which would most likely require surgery when she was born. So we had a lot of scans throughout the rest of my pregnancy. We probably had echocardiograms of the baby’s heart and very detailed ultrasounds. And as the scans were progressing, they were continually finding all of these abnormalities about our daughter, Blair.

The doctors were really encouraging us to pursue genetic testing, which would put the baby at risk. So we decided to forgo it, and we were very comfortable that what the results would be, it wouldn’t change our desire to have the child.

They advised that if it would cause us to terminate the pregnancy, that we should seek answers sooner than later. And that was the point at which we really started wrestling for the second half of my pregnancy. We didn’t know if it was going to be a child with severe needs, or if it was going to be a child that just needed a heart surgery and a problem that had a solution.

That was the hardest part, that season of unknown, just crying out to the Lord that He would spare our child from having any serious issues. I didn’t know it until this point in my life, but that was one of my biggest fears—having a child that had genetic complications, severe cognitive, physical disabilities. That just sounded like a death sentence to me at the time.

So for the remainder of my pregnancy, we continued to have the scans. She was looking healthy otherwise. And so I finally delivered her where they have a special delivery unit for high-risk babies. When they handed her to me and I looked at her face, I knew. I knew that there was a problem.

In that moment, I truly had feelings of not wanting my own daughter. And so part of my testimony is having compassion on women who do not want their child and pursue abortion. And though we knew that that was not the Lord’s will, being the Giver of life, I knew those emotions that might motivate someone to pursue those options.

That was a very hard moment when she was born, not feeling like I wanted her. I was struggling with not even wanting to voice those feelings of feeling guilty for not wanting my own child, to hear myself say that. It sounded disgusting, embarrassing. But that was part of the grieving process for us. And so, I feel like that moment is forever ingrained in my mind, seeing her for the first time.

We had trouble finding a name that was suited for this child. We decided to name her Blair. Now, we didn’t know this at the time, but we found out after she had spent a lot of time in the hospital requiring her surgery, a lot of complications, we learned that Blair actually means “ready for battle.” I very much feel that that was the Lord’s providence in choosing that name for her.

When she was born, we did the genetic testing, which came back to reveal that she had a very rare genetic diagnosis. They said there were about 300 cases in the world that were known. It was caused by a genetic mutation which affected every aspect of her body.

When Blair was two months old, she underwent open-heart surgery, and that was at the same time we sat down with the genetic doctors and learned about this diagnosis.

There was a sense of which we had answers that brought some closure, but also facing what I had said previously was my biggest fear, knowing that this child, Blair, was going to be severely disabled. It broke our hearts. It really broke our hearts.

Nancy: Like Daniel, Michelle saw sobering pictures of the future. But also like Daniel, Michelle knew a truth that became a bedrock for her soul: “Heaven rules.” Day by day, the Lord gave her tailor-made grace to care for that precious daughter.

Here’s what I wrote about Mark and Michelle in my book, Heaven Rules:

“We wrestled with the Lord,” they admit, “Begging Him to heal Blair and give us a daughter free of challenges. And His answer was, ‘No.’” Mark and Michelle are coming to see that God’s “no” answer is not callous or random, but it’s actually part of His good plan for their lives.

Michelle: From that point on, the Lord really began using Blair to just pull a lot of sin to the surface of my heart—sin that had always been there. And so in His grace, just allowing me to see it, allowing me to see the way that I maybe idolized having this perfect family. Sin in the way that I feared having a child that had disabilities. The ways I was trying to control what my little world was around me.

 

Practically caring for Blair is, I have to tell friends, “It feels like caring for a child that has the stomach bug every day of her life.”

For the first two years of her life, she was able to take a bottle, but it was very stressful. She was never able to nurse. Developmentally, she was not able to eat and breathe at the same time. So we had to work really hard to get her to take a bottle, but she had trouble latching. It would take hours to get her to latch and to take the amount she needed. And then she would throw it all up. And it was this constant cycle. It felt like insanity—doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results.

It was stressful for myself and my husband. We were the only ones that could feed her. So we felt like we couldn’t get a break. She was not gaining weight, so there was very heavy stress on her getting what she needed and keeping it down.

She went through a brief period where she, during feeds, would stop breathing, and she would turn very blue. We had to call the ambulance a couple of times. This went on for close to two years.

We finally made the decision to have a g-tube inserted. So now all of her feeds go right through her stomach. She doesn’t take anything by mouth. That has been a huge blessing to us but also to Blair. She was noticeably less stressed. When she wasn’t having to drink from a bottle, she was a happier girl.

We see things like that along the way as the Lord’s provision and wisdom and discernment of how to care for her. There has a been a lot of trial and error with Blair because she can’t communicate in certain ways. She can’t tell us how she’s feeling or what’s upsetting her. There’s a lot of trying to figure her out.

So, we’ve come a long way with the help of the Lord just giving us wisdom to know how to best care for her and surrounding us with people that have helped us do that.

There’s a lot of unknowns because her diagnosis is so rare. There is really no expectations, good or bad, which I find to be such a blessing because I don’t compare Blair to other children who have her same diagnosis. I have never met another child that has her diagnosis. I am so grateful that the doctors don’t put limitations on what to expect out of her. I try to live in the daily grace that God has given and respond to her daily needs.

I feel like He really has put a hedge of protection from my thoughts of wandering down the road ahead of “what-ifs” and “will she ever.”

We talk a lot with our four-year-old daughter about, “Will Blair ever talk? Will she ever walk? Will she ever eat?” I know she will one day.

Nancy: Mark cleared out his schedule so Michelle could attend the True Woman ’22 conference hosted by Revive Our Hearts. The theme of that conference was “Heaven Rules.” All weekend Michelle was able to fill her mind with this truth as she prepared to head back into the battle that God has called her to in this season.

Dannah (at conference): Welcome to True Woman '22! (cheers)

Michelle: The first thing that comes to mind is what a gift my husband is to me. The gift that the Lord provided in that before we even knew what our future would look like together, in just knowing that he would be so capable to take care of her and allow me to get away and really just grow and deepen my relationship with Jesus and my mom as well.

So, gratitude is the first thing that comes to mind, to be able to get away. I know that there’s a lot of care takers that aren’t. It feels a little weird at times to not be on the time schedule, not be caring for a little one, but it feels really nice.

I think this whole theme of “Heaven Rules” has been really on my heart. The last couple of years I think the Lord has been using things in my life to point my gaze upward toward eternity. Just that reminder that Heaven rules does really allow everything else to pale in comparison. Regardless of trials here on earth, it really puts them in the proper perspective.

So just having those reminders . . . I got Nancy’s book, and I tried to finish it before the conference. I feel like it’s one of those books where I’m going to need to read it every year, to just reorient my heart.

Nancy (at conference): Believing the Heaven rules will transform the way that you think about everything. It will transform the way that you live. The devil can defeat saints with God's permission for a time, but he can't overcome the Lamb. So take heart. Christ has overcome, and He will give you the grace to endure all the way until the end.

Do we really believe that Heaven rules? Do we live as if earth rules or Heaven rules? Do we live as if mankind rules or God rules? How will our lives be different if we truly believe that Heaven rules?

God is always working things out for the glory of His name.

Michelle: I think this whole theme of Heaven rules has been really on my heart the last couple of years. I think the Lord has been using things in my life to point my gaze upwards toward eternity. That reminder that Heaven rules does allow everything else to pale by comparison—regardless of trials here on earth. It really puts them in the proper perspective. 

I got Nancy's book. I tried to finish it before the conference. I feel like it's one of those books I'm going to need to read every year to reorient my heart.

Nancy (at conference): God is always working out His purposes in this world for the glory of His name.

Michelle: In 1 Peter 1, he talks about being grieved by various trials. It’s necessary. Having that perspective that this trial was necessary for the Lord to refine my heart to become more like Jesus, and to remember that He is on this work to completely sanctify me, and that work will not be finished until we reach heaven, but to know that this is intentional by the Lord. He’s using every moment, every difficulty to make me more into a picture of my Savior.

First Peter 1, verses 6 through 9: 

In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. Though you have not seen Him, you love Him. Though you do not now see Him, you believe in Him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory, obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls.

In 2 Corinthians 4, it talks about viewing these trials as light and momentary afflictions compared to an eternal weight of glory. Being able to look to the things that are unseen and not focusing on the things that are seen on this earth which tend to capture our gaze so heavily. That verse has really helped me lift my eyes and remember that Heaven rules.

The Lord started really working in this Heaven rules theme of these days that Blair has on earth are a light and momentary affliction. And so, lifting my eyes to eternity when Blair’s body will be perfected in heaven. And just knowing that when we get to those days, looking back, these days on earth will just seem so short.

The Lord really turned my heart to be able to see Blair as a means of grace in my life. He used her to help me to entrust, not only her, being so medically fragile at the time, but also my other daughter. Just entrusting them to Him. They were gifts that He had given me.

My desire is to be a good steward of those gifts. But just knowing that they’re not mine, they are His, that just brought a lot of freedom to know that He loves them more than I ever could, and He cares for them more than I ever could.

Knowing those two truths, together, how could I not trust Him with these two daughters and future children? 

I feel this sense of freedom, walking in the fact that I don’t need to feel this weight of trying to control. When you have kids, there’s so many opportunities to fear. There’s so many things to be afraid of for your children. I feel like the Lord taught me that lesson so early, and I’m so grateful.

I’m sure it’s going to be a lifelong lesson as my children grow older, and the things that I fear might become bigger and more significant, perhaps, but I think that the Lord will bring these things to mind and help me. So, I feel like I’m a different mom, frankly, than when my first daughter was born.

And now, with Blair, praise God, she is really thriving. She’s very medically stable right now. The Lord has provided for us in so many different ways, with just family and therapists that love her and have become part of our family, it feels like at times.

And He’s given us faith to have more kids. I look at Blair, and I was saying to my mom the other day, “I can’t picture my life without her.” A daughter that I thought I never could fully love the way that I loved my other children, I can truly say that she is a gift from God, and I love her.

And so, the Lord has really used Blair in a mighty way in my life.

Dannah: In life we all experience joyful moments as well as bad news. Like Mark and Michelle Leach, things might not go according to your plan. I hope their story has encouraged you to think about how you’ll respond when you face those difficulties. 

Even in the storms and life’s darkest moments, God is still a compassionate God. We saw glimpses of that in Michelle’s story today. And it’s true for your own life, even if you don’t see God working right now. 

In the booklet Uncommon Compassion by Erin Davis, you’ll learn to see God’s compassion toward you as you trace the life of Jesus in Scripture. Our prayer is that you’ll experience God’s uncommon compassion in a new way and let that transform the compassion you have toward others. 

When you donate any amount between now and the end of July, you can get a copy of Uncommon Compassion: Revealing the Heart of God as our way to thank you for your support of this ministry. Listeners like you make it possible for us to reveal the compassionate heart of God to lost and hurting women around the world. Visit ReviveOurHearts.com, or call us at 1-800-569-5959 and ask for your copy of Uncommon Compassion.

Do you get excited to read the Bible? What is your motivation for reading God’s Word? Kelly Needham joins Nancy and me next week for an important conversation about cultivating a desire to read the Bible. I hope you’ll be back for Revive Our Hearts.

Kelly Needham: We read the Scripture primarily to cultivate a friendship with God. We have the opportunity to know the Lord of the universe, the Creator of heaven and earth, the One our souls were made for. We dig into the Word to get to know Him.

Many of us have been raised with the view of the Bible that says this is a book mainly about us and what we should do. It does speak to us, and it does give us things to do. But I would say it is a book primarily about God and what God has done. So we read it to get to know Him.

Our love for any person begins with facts, information. It's what we do when we first start dating our spouses. It's, "Where did you grow up? How old are you? What's your favorite color? What do you like to study? What do you like and don't like?" Those little facts are putting together for us a picture of someone's character that we come to love.

So reading the Bible is to learn all these facts about God: what He's revealed Himself to be, what He's done in the past, what He's going to do, what He loves, what He doesn't love. As we pay attention—not just for, "How do I become a better Christian?" but "Who is God? I want to know Him." Over and over again I'm blown away by who He is.

Dannah: I hope you'll be back for Revive Our Hearts.

This program is a listener-supported production of Revive Our Hearts in Niles, Michigan, calling women to freedom, fullness, and fruitfulness in Christ.

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