Hindrances to Hospitality

Amanda Kassian: We live our lives at warp speed. We’ve become champion multitaskers. We put our heads down, zip to work, dropping kids off at school or daycare on the way. 

Dannah Gresh: According to Amanda Kassian, if we’re not careful, our busyness can get in the way of being hospitable.

Amanda: We eat on the run while having meetings on the fly. We get home late at night, watch TV, check our messages, hang out with our kids, send text messages, do the housework, pay the bills, and crash. . . . Then we wake up the next day, and we do it all over again.

The reality is, when we are living a fast-paced life, we miss important opportunities to love others well. 

Jesus was not hurried. His life was full, but it was balanced. 

Dannah: Welcome to the Revive Our Hearts podcast for April 29, 2024. I’m Dannah Gresh. Our host is the author of Heaven Rules, Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth.

Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth: I don’t know about you, but that opening makes me tired just listening to it! I’m sure you can identify, too.

If you’ve been listening to Revive Our Hearts over the last several weeks, you know we’ve been talking about Christian hospitality. Ministry on the home front. God’s Word has a lot to say about showing love to those He brings across our paths. We’ve also heard from many who are living out Christ-exalting hospitality in their lives and homes.

Today’s guest, Amanda Kassian, is about to help us watch out for the obstacles we can face. These are things that can get in the way—hindrances to hospitality.

Amanda is married to Matt Kassian, the son of Brent and Mary Kassian—who you've heard many times on Revive Our Hearts. The message you’re about to hear was recorded in a breakout session at a True Woman conference. Let’s listen to Amanda Kassian.

Amanda: God has prepared a home for us that is secure and eternal. We don’t have to worry about things on earth because we are secure in our inheritance in heaven. 

Hospitality is something that Jesus has done for us in many ways, and we’re going to talk about that today. But as I was preparing this message for you, I pray a lot. I prepare a lot. As I was preparing this message, I thought it was going to go in one direction, and God led me in a different one. 

I had some of my close friends read through my teachings and my talks. I said, “This is a lot different than I expected,” and so, I am anticipating that God has a message for you, today. It’s specific. I hope it encourages you, that it changes your faith journey in a new direction, and just helps you to see the gifts of hospitality with new eyes. 

Lord, thank You for this opportunity. What a gift it is to talk about Your Word, to talk about what it means to be a neighbor, what it means to be hospitable, what it means to open our doors, and open our hearts, and open our homes to a stranger. Lord, You were the greatest example of that. And Lord, I know that You have prepared this message for the women in this room. I just pray that You lay a heavy spirit of encouragement, conviction, and truth, that magnifies who You are and also reminds us of our depravity and how we can grow in the practice of hospitality. 

We all have areas to grow. Lord we are all in process. We thank You for being our example, our King, our God who reigns, and our God who has invited us into His home, with no restraint. Lord, let us be like that, and emulate what You have done for us. We ask these things in Jesus’ name, amen. 

So, my aunt and uncle have a thing for strays. As former foster care parents, and current social workers, they take people in from all walks of life, varying ethnicities, skin color, sexual orientation, economic class, every different type of person that needed a helping hand or a place to stay for a period of time. They would welcome them into their home without hesitation. 

Growing up, my Thanksgivings looked different than most of my friends. We spent our holidays with my aunt and uncle, and they would invite their former foster care children to their home for Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter. 

I grew up sharing a table with people who looked different and lived differently than me. And this was a normal part of my upbringing. It’s something I’m very grateful for today. 

Our holiday gathering happened before and after I made the decision to trust and follow Christ as my Savior. I grew up in a single parent household. It was at times quite complex, to say the least.

We didn’t have much; I didn’t have much. But what I did have though were several families and individuals over the years who helped shape the woman I am today through the simple blessing of opening their doors and welcoming me into their homes. 

From high school friends’ parents who welcomed me in their home every weekend. Who took time to invest in my life by simply asking me questions about how have you been doing? What have you been up to? 

To my college roommates’ parents who let me live in their basement rent free for a year while I saved money as a broke college student. It was in their home where I witnessed a husband and a wife wake up every morning, pray together, read Scripture, and serve their community. 

Coming from a divorced home, I had never seen this modeled before. In my early twenties a single woman welcomed me in, she discipled me, and she taught me about healing, forgiving, and the Old Testament. 

As a single woman in my twenties, married friends would take me in. They fed me meals and shared life with me as I struggled with painful breakups and the desire to be married.

Overall, the greatest growth in my faith journey happened not in my own home, but in the home of other believers.

So, the practice of hospitality is considered an important and valuable work of God. And similar to my experiences, it has the ability to transform lives in an extraordinary way. 

But overall, hospitality is important, because number one, we are commanded to practice it. We are commanded to practice it. The word “hospitality” comes from the Greek word philoxenia And philos meaning “friend” is derived from the word phileo which is a term for non-erotic love, it’s a friendly love. It’s a friendly brotherly love. Philos combined with xenos which means “foreigner or stranger.” 

So, philoxenia means “we are to be loving towards strangers, loving towards the other.” 

Hospitality was a virtue displayed throughout the Old Testament and the New Testament. The two greatest commandments are to love God and to love our neighbors. We are called to be loving neighbors. Part of neighboring is drawing close to the people who are right in front of us.

Exodus 22:21 says, “You shall not wrong a sojourner or oppress him, for you were sojourners in the land of Egypt.” 

“Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for thereby have some entertained angels unaware” (Heb. 13:2), “Show hospitality to one another without grumbling” (1 Peter 4:9). “Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality” (Rom. 12:13). “For you were called to freedom, brothers and sisters. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another” (Gal. 5:13). 

Whether we understand, like it, or agree with it, the Bible instructs us to be hospitable people. The Bible instructs us be a neighbor. When we are obedient to this command, we build community, we learn about ourselves, and most importantly we bring glory to God. 

Secondly, hospitality is important, because Jesus was hospitable to us. Jesus welcomed the outsider, the sinner to share a meal with Him, commune with Him, and ultimately by the shedding of His blood, share eternity with Him. 

He did this with and for those who were despised, those who hated Him, and those who were unclean. Jesus loved the stranger.

We often forget that we were once far off, and estranged from God. We were the stranger, we were the outsider, by His mercy and grace without expecting anything in return Jesus brought us in, sacrificed His life for us, sinners, so that we could share in eternity with Him (see Eph. 2:13).

And Christ’s love and example compels us. It should compel us to lay down our lives for the sake of others in hopes to emulate the love that He has given to us. 

So, opening our doors and opening our homes has become a lost art in current Christian practices, especially in the West. But practicing biblical hospitality mirrors the gospel message and it is one of the most significant and influential ways that we can minister to, care for, and love our neighbors in and throughout our communities. 

Now, you’ve heard me say the phrase “the practice of hospitality,” and I want to touch on this a bit more. The word “practice” . . . Okay, we practice sports. I practiced this talk. The word “practice” means “the actual application or use of an idea or method as opposed to the theories relating to it.” 

We can all agree on that, hospitality is a good thing, the Bible says. But instead of just believing that it’s good, honorable, and stopping there, we take this theory and we put action to it. We practice it. We do it. 

The word “practice” also conveys, and I want to remind you of this, that we have not arrived. We have not arrived. It means that we are in training. So, I may be speaking on this topic today, but just like you, there are things that I need to practice. I’m in progress. I’m in process to become better in this spiritual discipline in my life. So, I have not arrived. Okay? There are things as I was doing that, I was like, “Woo, Lord.” I have some things to learn. 

We are working towards proficiency and exercising our muscles towards being more hospitable servants of God. So, as we talk about these things today, I want you to know that like you, I’m in process. I am working on my own practices of hospitality. Thankfully, we have a perfect example in Christ to follow as we grow in this area of our lives. 

Before we begin discussing the practice of hospitality, it is important to bring awareness to the hidden influences that hinder our obedience to this spiritual discipline. 

Number one, our culture is becoming increasingly more isolated. When I say these are “hidden” hindrances to hospitality, do you like that? Three hidden hindrances to hospitality. So, this is what we are up against. I say that they are hidden because we don’t even notice it. It’s so ingrained in our culture that we don’t even know that it’s affecting how we are hospitable to other people. 

So, number one, our culture is becoming increasingly more isolated. Psychological studies and science have proven that the need for social connection is crucial to our well-being. We are created to be with other people, to be together. 

Sadly, as our communities are unraveling, people especially in western countries, are becoming more isolated and disengaged than ever before. 

According to an article by Psychology Today, “Since the 1980s the percentage of American adults who report being lonely has doubled from 20 percent to 40 percent.”

More than a quarter of the population lives alone and marriage rates and the number of kids per household are dropping. Participation in social groups has been on a downward slope, and it appears to continue today.

So, what is driving this trend of increased social isolation? Number one, changes in family structure. Families are spending less time together. There is more suburban living. Back in the day, everybody lived in the city, now people are moving to the suburbs. We have more distance between our homes. People have commutes. So, we have increased time in our cars, alone versus together. 

We have misguided priorities. Money and status are increasingly prioritized in the West, sometimes at the expense of the quality of our relationships. We were brought up in a culture that tells us that the more money we make, the more things we accumulate, the better title and fancier job we have, the happier we will be. 

And lastly, technology. This is just a small list of the things that are hindering hospitality. Technology is one of the biggest culprits of social disengagement. We are the most connected we have ever been, yet the loneliest

Technology and mass media have become the medium of choice through which many of us spend our free time, usually alone. And I don’t know about you, but some of us leisurely spend our time connecting through social media with our friends who are in the same room. 

These factors can be hidden hindrances to how we operate in our families and in our relationships. So, our aim is to pay attention to this, pay attention to these hidden hindrances. And are we prioritizing the right things? 

Secondly, our culture is fearful and suspicious of the other. We live in a world that is suspicious and fearful of others. I currently live in Canada as a permanent resident and technically, I am an immigrant. I am an “other” living in another country. I am an American, born and raised in Texas. When I share with Canadians that I am from Texas, they often get really excited and intrigued and ask lots of questions, like, “Do you say y’all?” “Oh, Canada! Are you surviving the winters up there?” “What is chicken fried steak?” They don’t know what that is. You know the usual questions. 

I am an “other.” I am a welcomed immigrant in Canada, but this is not how all interactions go with people who are starkly different than us. For all of us, there are certain people we keep at a distance. 

We don’t take the time to ask difficult people or people we don’t understand friendly questions, let alone invite them over for dinner. Fear of this kind of the “other” is what drives our political division and dialogue in our culture today. We put the “other” at a distance, and we do not draw near to them.

Do you spend time with or pursue people who are not like you?

One author put it this way, he says, “Categorizing people as ‘other’ has a profound impact on our capacity to love.” It changes our desire for connection and responsibility to feel. Distance create fear and fear gives us a hermeneutic of suspicion, causing us to withhold care. 

Our culture is being built on a persistent practice of exclusion. You see it all over the news. Putting people against each other. Our instincts are continually sharpened to push others to the margins of our minds, our hearts, and our lives. 

My brother-in-law said it perfectly. He said, "Our natural instinct is to fear what we do not understand. We mock the other, we fear the other, we shame the other. But the reality is, we do not understand the other. "

Maybe that’s a republican for you, maybe that’s a democrat, maybe that’s a progressive Christian. Who are you distancing yourself from? Who are you mocking? Who is the “other” for you? 

Christianity was never meant to be a safe, comfortable journey. Oftentimes, God asks us to speak to others, love others, and invite others, and this may include inviting the other into your safe spaces.

I am not advocating that we let anybody into our homes. I’m not up here saying, ‘Alright, just take Jimmy off the street and just bring him in.” I do believe that we do need to be prudent and use discretion when we invite others into our personal spaces. However, some of our fears may be unwarranted, and this may be an area we need to practice courage. We need to wrestle through those fears with God. 

If you are struggling with fears of inviting others into your home, ask yourself, “Are my fears justified, and are they biblical?” Are we allowing our fears, our prejudices, our suspicions to hinder our obedience to God in loving others? 

Thirdly, our culture values busyness and productivity. Some of you may be listening to this message and thinking, Okay, how do we fit this practice into my life? We already have so many relationships to manage. We have so many activities. How can I add one more thing? We live in a world that values results, productivity, and activity. 

In their book, The Art of Neighboring, the authors say this, “Instead of having more free time, we’ve added more things in our already crammed lives. Even though we get more done, we still pile up the tasks. Our calendars continuously stay full, no matter how many time saving devices are invented.” 

We live our lives at warp speed. We’ve become champion multitaskers. We put our heads down, zip to work, dropping kids off at school or daycare on the way. We eat on the run while having meetings on the fly. We get home late at night, watch TV, check our messages, hang out with our kids, send text messages, do the housework, pay the bills, and crash. Then we wake up the next day, and we do it all over again. 

Does this resonate with you? Are you living your life at an unhealthy pace? Are you justifying your imbalance?

The reality is, when we are living a fast-paced life, we miss important opportunities to love others well. Jesus was not hurried. His life was full, but it was balanced. 

Every Sunday evening, my husband and I have a family meeting. Our kids aren’t old enough to join us yet. So, it’s just me and him. We check in on each other spiritually. We talk about the kids; we talk about our schedules. You know, who is picking up whom from gymnastics, who is doing swimming lessons? We’re figuring out the week and the meals and all of those things so we are both on the same page. 

At one point, we were going through a particularly busy season of our lives. I remember him saying, “Once we get through this, things will slow down.” And I looked at him and I smiled, and I said, “Honey, things are not going to slow down. We’ve got to start saying ‘no’ to some things.” 

I think we fall into this trap of believing that things will slow down, but the reality is, unless we take control of our schedules, and it’s a discipline.

Until we start creating some margin and balance, we will continue to live a fast-paced life that lacks true, meaningful, abundant living that God designed. Not our culture, but the way God designed it. We’d be missing that; we’d be missing an opportunity to live as the way God intended. 

If we want to be a good hospitable neighbor, we need to recognize that we will be at war with time, busy schedules, and hurriedness. 

Nancy: We’ve been listening to Amanda Kassian, talking about some of the less-obvious hurdles we need to overcome if we’re going to show godly hospitality.

So for you, which of the three main categories she mentioned hits home the most? Is it:

Isolation? Do you have a tendency to close yourself off from others? Or maybe you’re too quick to just adopt a “hands-off” approach to people and don’t want to rock the boat.

Amanda also talked, secondly, about the fear and suspicion that are common today. Do you find yourself excluding others God brings across your path because they are different from you?

And lastly, she pointed out the emphasis our culture tends to place on productivity and being busy. Do you allow your to-do list to squeeze out time to love people well? Does your calendar dictate your relationships? I've got to  tell you, for me this is a constant battle! Maybe it would help to actually schedule time for doing nothing but spending time talking to your neighbor or taking a friend out for coffee. In other words, we can't let not having time be an excuse. We do make time for the things that are most important to us.

Well, no matter which of those three feels the most convicting (isolation, fear, or busyness), I’d encourage you to pray and ask God to give you a heart of love for others, a heart that reflects His hospitable heart.

And if you haven’t already gotten a copy of the new Bible study from Revive Our Hearts called You’re Welcome Here, you need to do that! The subtitle is Embracing the Heart of Hospitality. I love that! Hospitality is a heart. It is something we can learn to love if we embrace God's calling.

Today or tomorrow, as a thank you for your donation, we’ll send you a copy. And if you want multiple copies for you and your friends to go through together, you can order as many as you’d like. All our resources on hospitality are grouped into one place on our website. You’ll find them at ReviveOurHearts.com/hospitality. You can click where you see the word “Donate,” and select that you’d like to receive the Bible study You’re Welcome Here when you give. Again, all the details are at ReviveOurHearts.com/hospitality. If you’d prefer to make a call, our number is 1-800-569-5959. 

When Jesus wanted to teach about how to love our neighbors well, He told a story. Amanda Kassian will be back tomorrow to draw lessons from the parable we now know as the Parable of the Good Samaritan. Please be back for Revive Our Hearts.

This program is a listener-supported production of Revive Our Hearts in Niles, Michigan, calling women to freedom, fullness, and fruitfulness in Christ.

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