“I’m Worthless!”

Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth: This podcast episode was produced for the glory of God and was brought to you in part by the Revive Our Hearts monthly partner team.

Dannah Gresh: I’m Dannah Gresh and I’m in the studio today with two of my favorite people on the planet, Erin Davis and Laura Booz! Hello, Erin.

Erin Davis: Hey, Dannah! How are you?

Dannah: I’m good! And also, Laura Booz is in the studio today. Hello, Laura.

Laura Booz: Hey, it’s good to be here.

Dannah: I want to know, when you think of timeless phrases used by Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth—the things that she says over and over because, frankly, we need to hear them over and over—what comes to mind? 

Laura: One of the things that I’ve heard her say multiple times is that ever since she was a little girl, she wanted to be a godly, old lady. 

Dannah: Oh, that’s a good one, yes.

Laura: So I picture “little baby Nancy,” and then I picture “godly, old woman Nancy,” and I see the godly teacher Nancy right in front of me or hear her over the radio, and I just know God’s at work to grant her request. 

Dannah: He is, He truly is. And it makes me want to be that, too. Although I do admit to the “old lady” part. I’m still trying to reach “godly,” still going strong for the “godly.” What about you, Erin?

Erin: I do have a phrase, and she says it often, which is: “Anything that makes us need God is a blessing!” It’s one of those phrases I don’t necessarily love to hear in the moment, because it’s usually regarding something I am not thinking of as a blessing. 

That reminder that it actually is a good thing, because it’s exposing my neediness [for God]; it’s something she says often and I need to hear it often, so I’m grateful for it.

Dannah: Okay, not that there’s a prize or anything, but Erin, if there was one, you would win it because that’s the one I had in mind today. When Nancy says it, it sounds like this: 

Nancy: “Anything that makes me need God is a blessing!” 

I haven’t done any rigorous research, but I am pretty sure that we—the whole Revive Our Hearts team—has found the very first time Nancy said that phrase on a Revive Our Hearts program. It was in 2002. Nancy taught a series called “Lies Women Believe about Themselves.” 

Now, twenty years later . . . well . . . women are still believing lies. And it’s a good time for us to return to this message that has helped so many women see who they truly are in Christ. So Erin, Laura, today we’re going to listen to this, and when the message is over would you come back and we’ll talk about it? 

Laura: Sure thing!

Dannah: This is the Revive Our Hearts podcast with Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth, author of Lies Women Believe and the Truth That Sets Them Free. It’s Tuesday, August 9, 2022. I’m Dannah Gresh.

Yesterday Nancy helped us recognize a lie that women are often tempted to believe. The lie is this: “I’m not worth anything.” Nancy’s going to give us some more insight into that topic on today’s program. To start the conversation, we’ll hear from a woman who was in the audience listening to Nancy’s teaching. She understands what it means to be tempted to believe the lie, “I’m not worth anything.”

Leigh: It came to me so strong as you were speaking. I’m fifty-six years old. I had a lot of issues in my life, too. As you spoke the other day about the father that only condemned me . . . There was never any love or grace or mercy I saw in him.

He even ridiculed me when I received Christ and came home from church. God provided people for this little girl to go to church. God had a plan and a purpose for me. I didn’t know it until I was probably forty-five, that He had this plan and purpose for me.

But I’ve gone through so many issues with the grace of God and with good friends and good books and most importantly, His Word.

But I still sense that sometimes I have this giant sore, like a vise in me—if you can visualize that. It’s all healed over and it looks fine; no one can see it. I don’t even notice that it’s there. I think, I have victory over all of these things of the past. I am not who or what they said that I was growing up. I am a child of God. I believe all the positives. I am moving on!

And then words come, betraying words, hurtful words, and the strength of that covering over the sore just bursts open and it hurts bad again! One Scripture that sometimes helps me, but I don’t always think of it until I’ve had tears and tears and tears and tears, on my knees and on my knees. Then it comes to me, 2 Corinthians 10:5, this is just part of the verse: 

“[I] take captive every thought to the obedience of Christ.” (NASB)

I say, “Lord, Christ never believed any of the rejection that came upon Him. He had one goal, to be obedient to You. Help me to feel like Christ did!”

So, after tears and tears and tears, then I can arise again and the sore is healed over. Sometimes I wonder, Is this the way it’s to be until I see Him face to face, that the sore will never, never be totally healed? That I will never be immune to those unworthy feelings again when statements come to me of rejection or pain? Can I ever receive God’s merciful cure, or is that waiting for me in eternity?

This is something I have wondered. 

Nancy: Leigh, where do you think those thoughts come from?

Leigh: I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know.

Nancy: Tell me.

Leigh: From Satan.

Nancy: And why might he put those kinds of thoughts, words, in your path. What might he be wanting to accomplish?

Leigh: Oh, he puts me out of commission. I glorify God not one moment until I maybe have penetrated myself enough with His Word and with prayers, and then can move on. Sometimes I move on rather slowly. I don’t get right into the game, into the battle. I’m rather a dejected soldier creeping in.

I know it’s Satan, I know he’s keeping me down, and I know his purpose is that I not glorify the Lord and that I damage my testimony. I know all these things! But when will the sore be gone? Will it ever for me? Maybe it has for others.

I’d like to know more about how the sore never bursts open so that I never respond back with some kind of retaliating words, “Well, who do you think you are!?” or something really ridiculous. That just adds to my shame, that I not only believe what they said, but then I believe Satan when he says, “Well, look at you! You’ve not gone very far have you, if you respond like that?!”

Nancy: You know, Leigh, I have no doubt in my heart that God is able to heal that sore so that there’s not even a sore there anymore. Sometimes He does operate that way in issues in our lives where it’s just a total complete, final permanent victory. 

But I noticed while you were sharing that when you do have these things creep up and the scab is kind of pulled off that wound and it becomes raw again, you said twice that it takes you to the Word and it takes you to prayer. It takes you to your knees.

I know in my own life that there are issues that I struggle with recurringly. I would just love to have this immediate, final, permanent victory so that I would never wrestle with that again! But you know, each time those issues resurface in my life, I discover it’s a fresh call back to the Word of God. It’s a fresh opportunity to humble myself to say, “Lord, I need You!”

There are areas of my life where I have recurring temptations, recurring sin issues, that keep me coming back to Christ for mercy! I wonder if those were all done away with, if I might begin to live more self-sufficiently, if I would think I could live this life on my own. You know, anything that makes me need God is a blessing!

I wonder if there’s not for each of us kind of that Achilles heel, that issue that we keep coming back to—not because God can’t deliver us from it. He is delivering you from it, but I think sometimes God gets more glory through your walking through that pain, that raw wound, and going back to what you said you do, which is, you bring every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ. That may bring God more glory in your life than if you never had to wrestle with it, if it were never an issue for you.

So every opportunity to humble yourself, every opportunity to say, “I reject the lies, and I embrace the truth!” is a means of getting God’s grace, because God pours grace into the humble. (see James 4:6, 1 Peter 5:5)

It’s when you get in those situations . . . I can tell by listening to you that that’s when you really do humble yourself, am I right?

Leigh: Yes, that’s very true.

Nancy: Now, I’m not saying God will never make it so it’s not as painful an issue, but I think that in all of our lives there may be that recurring matter that we go back to, but remembering that it’s not the stronghold that it once was. God has given you a huge measure of victory, and it’s going to increase.

That’s what the process of sanctification is about. Until you see Jesus, and that’s when we’re free from all the temptation, all the lies!

Dannah: We’ll hear more from Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth in just a minute. But first I want to stop and consider what we just heard. I’m still with my friend Erin Davis, she’s an author and host of the podcast The Deep Well. It’s part of the Revive Our Hearts podcast family. So is the podcast Expect Something Beautifulwith Laura Booz, and Laura is here with us, too. She also has a book by that name.

Erin, Laura, you are both such beautiful, strong women! But I can only imagine—because I have them—that there are probably some sentences in your past that have tempted you to believe that you don’t have worth. Erin, do you have anything like that?

Erin: Man, if I didn’t know that that was Leigh talking in that clip instead of me talking in that clip, I would have thought that was me sharing my story. Those wounds, specifically from my dad, and the fact that I want them to be healed, but there’s just still a callous. I think they’re healed, and then sometimes that will get scraped off.

For me, it’s a word. I actually don’t think my dad ever said it, but it’s just the word, “troublemaker!” That has dogged me all of my days! I will think that I know better. I will think, Yeah, I’ve worked through that. I’m not a troublemaker. I want to be a blessing to people.

And then I’ll get in situations—sometimes very innocuous, mild situations where nobody means any harm, nobody is trying to hurt me—and I hear that word again in my heart. It causes a lot of “yuck” to come out of me. I tend to be reactive, defensive. It’s not my favorite thing when I am carrying around that label of “troublemaker.”

Dannah: What about you, Laura?

Laura: I think my first reaction, honestly, with that question is to see all of these words from people who have affirmed my worth in Christ. What a blessing that is, to have anyone in your life who speaks truth and goodness. So first I just thought of those.

But then I do have this heartbreaking story from the elementary school playground. I used to always feel this desire to befriend “the new kid.” So one time I reached out, there was a new girl in our class. I asked her to play at recess because I thought, She’s not going to have anyone to play with.

We were walking around the recess yard, and I was showing her where everything was. She said, “Well, one thing everyone told me not to do, they told me not to play with a girl named Laura.” That was me! Boy, that went right to my heart, and I just didn’t even know what to say!

Dannah: Aww, that makes me . . .I’m sad for both of you! But I’m resonating because I remember I was in college when a student authority over me (because we just didn’t see eye to eye very often) just kind of looked at me one day and said, “Dannah, your heart is black!” That sentence still comes to my mind every now and then. It left a mark!

I read this research about sentences we hear as children. It takes one time hearing a sentence like that for us to internalize it and embrace it, but for us to internalize and embrace a positive statement about us, we need to do it multiple times. Isn’t that crazy!? That’s how powerful lies can be. They stick to us like glue!

Erin: That’s so true. This summer in my women’s Bible study group that meets at my house right now, we’re walking through the book of Galatians, which Bible scholars call “our emancipation proclamation” as Christians. So we’re talking about our freedom.

We’ve also been taking turns sharing our testimonies, and my goal was for us to showcase the freedom that God has given us . . . and that’s been happening. But every single testimony from every woman in that group has started with some of this that we’re talking about here, some wound from childhood.

And just every week we kind of look at each other and say, “Man! Satan took that knife and just twisted it!” And I’m talking about women in their forties, their fifties, their sixties who love the Lord and know His Word. 

But the enemy has just taken things that really were said, sometimes that weren’t actually said but were just felt, or that someone thought that somebody felt some way about them . . . and that has had an impact on these women’s lives for decades! Now, so has the Lord, there’s been a lot of freedom, but it speaks to what we’re talking about here.

Dannah: Another sentence that I remember from my childhood was when I was a junior in high school—Christian high school. The senior class always read a class will. Well, they always left everything to the juniors, right?

There was one senior who was the sweetest, kindest, humblest student, and they left me her humility! Agh! And so, you know there was a little bit of correcting. I mean, I can be a little bit of a lion, a little bit headstrong, and the Holy Spirit has tamed that in my life.

And you guys know me really well. I hope you wouldn’t describe me as a completely humility-less person, but . . .

Erin: Well, from one lion to another, I absolutely would not describe you that way. You model humility beautifully.

Dannah: I try! But it’s been a little bit of a wound in my life. Well, just yesterday, I was in a staff meeting where we were going over some core values. Humility is a really important value (I think) in every Christian organization, right? And we honestly evaluated each other on areas where we can approve.

Now, I didn’t fail in the humility category, but it wasn’t one of my top numbers. And that lie just came in like a blanket, flooding me in shame. I had to sit there and say [in a teeth gritting way], “Dannah Gresh, you have the mind of Christ! Claim the mind of Christ!”

“He is giving you the opportunity once again to remind you that this is an area with your strength and your dominance that you bring to the kingdom of God in a good way. You constantly have to be reminding yourself to temper that with humility in your speech and conduct.” So it wasn’t a bad thing that it came up, but the enemy tried to use it once again, and I said, “No way!”

Laura: Way to go!

Erin: Yeah, it’s interesting because humility is an important virtue for us to pursue as Christians. It is something to encourage a fellow Christian sister or brother that that’s something to cultivate in their lives.

I can be a little bit of a troublemaker . . . in a good way. I’m good with getting rid of sacred cows and questioning the status quo, and that’s something the Lord has used in the past. I think when we think of lies, we think about something that’s totally out there; sometimes it’s just like one-half step from the truth.

Dannah: Right. And Erin Davis, I can see you knocking down a brothel door. You would rescue the girl on the other side of that door! 

Erin: I would! 

Dannah: That’s the strength of character in your heart. I’m thinking back to that sentence Nancy says: “Anything that makes you need God is a blessing.”

So these sentences that have been spoken over us, these insecurities that we’ve experienced in our lives, have any of them helped you need God more?

Laura: I’m thinking about when Paul said, “When I was a child, I thought like a child, now that I’m a man I think like a man” (see 1 Corinthians 13:11). I realize that as we grow into adulthood, as we grow in our relationship with Christ, we do need to ask Him like, “Okay, how do I still think like a child? and “Help me, now, to think with the mind of Christ, to come to full maturity in Christ.” That’s His goal and His plan and the work that He’s doing in the church. 

So, yes, any of these little things are kind of like big neon signs in our minds, in our imaginations, our memories saying, “Bring this to Christ.”

He can do something far beyond what you can even imagine with this. He can make you stronger and more sure of the work that He’s doing in the world. He can equip you for the good work He has planned for you to do. He can bring you to full maturity, a grown woman!

Dannah: That’s the goal: godly, old women! I like that! You know, sometimes I think some of the words that people say to us just hurt more than others, they stick around longer. So let’s hear another clip from this classic message from our friend Nancy as she talks about that.

Nancy: It’s interesting, if somebody says something about you that you know is not true, it’s like water off a duck’s back. If somebody accuses me of being a bank robber, that doesn’t hurt my feelings. It doesn’t lodge in my heart, it doesn’t wound me, because it’s absurd. I know it’s not true. I don’t just know it intellectually; it’s not true!

And so, that person is not going to create any big offense or wound in my heart. I think the things that wound us most are the things that we deep down think, Maybe it is true. We’re not sure that it’s not true. 

That’s why we need to go back to the Scripture and find out what is true about us. Now, there are things that are true about us that are negative, that others can point out. If somebody is going to point out my failures—they’re going to call me a bank robber—I’m gonna say, “Well, I’m not that, but there are some other things that you could have pointed out that are true!” 

It’s not that there’s no valid reason to criticize us, but we have to still go back to, “Who am I in Christ?” I’m a forgiven, cleansed, whole, new creature! What was true of me, of my old nature, that’s not my nature anymore! I have the nature of Christ, and that’s why I have to counsel my heart according to what God says is true and displace the lies with the truth that’s found—not in any subjective feeling I may have—but in the objective Word of God.

Dannah: Such a good reminder!! So, how do you fill your mind with truth? Laura, how do you do it?

Laura: Well, when it comes to these lies, sentences/words run through my mind like a locomotive. I don’t even choose to think about them. It’s like, “Boom!” they’re there! One of the things that has been most useful to me, most helpful, is to talk with a trusted friend.

I can take them to God’s Word, I can take them to Him in prayer, and sometimes they are addressed right there in my private, beautiful connection with Jesus. But lots of times I need to talk it out with someone who will comfort me.

You know, 2 Corinthians 1:4 says, “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ . . . who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort [we’ve received from] God.” (ESV) 

And I know my dear friends have received comfort from God. They’ve received good counsel. They have wisdom, they have His Word. And so if I’m able to come to them and say, “You know what? It’s specifically these words . . .”

Dannah: That’s one of my favorite verses in the Bible (although I say that about all of them, about every day), because it’s so true! If there is truth in something somebody is saying to me and it hurts me and I have some work to do, it’s still a win because I can find the truth and the healing and the comfort in Christ in that space. Then, God can use me to pass that on to someone else who’s growing and trying to become more godly and more Christ-like. So, you can’t lose, right?

Erin, what’s the Scripture that you’ve used to really counter your heart with truth?

Erin: I’d have to look up the reference, but there is a passage in the New Testament where we’re described as a worker approved (2 Tim. 2:15), and I go back to that over and over. Because of Jesus, I’m already approved!

This means, I’m already one with Christ. I’m going to be in heaven. When God the Father sees me, He sees Jesus. I have put on Christ. And even considering how faith works and how salvation works, it’s not something I ever earned to begin with. It’s a gift that Jesus gave me. I have the gospel truth that is so important to come back to. 

Because when I get crazy brained (as I call it), usually what’s really going on is that I’m trying to earn something that I already have. So, when I think of myself as a worker approved, it’s like, “Okay! I’m already approved by God! Whatever this is, it’s not going to make God love me more; it’s not going to make God love me less.”

My standing with Christ is not in jeopardy here, so I can just enjoy whatever this assignment is. I can just enjoy whoever these people are, because nothing’s on the line, nothing really of much significance.

So I go back to that really often: “Erin, you are a worker approved.” I’m so grateful that’s the label that Jesus gives me, it’s a good one!

Dannah: That’s right. You know, Erin, when you say crazy brained, that totally resonates with me! When these lies start, I call it the tape that keeps playing through my brain over and over and over and over. Here’s the beauty of it: anything that makes me need God more is a blessing, right?

So when that tape starts playing and when that crazy brain kicks in, I feel like I’m losing my mind,that’s what leads me to pursue having the mind of Christ. 

Laura: That’s what I call, “Furious Internal Dialog.” That’s my name for it—FID.

Erin: All of these names sound like hurricanes, which is fitting! 

Laura: Yes. And I give the Holy Spirit permission. I’m like, “As soon as You can, get my attention!” It’s such a relief to turn to Him and get my feet on solid ground again, just to remember the truth of what you’re talking about. That is the scaffolding: our worth is in Christ.

And then everything else can come from there: we can care about if people are finding our work valuable, we can care if we see ourselves as valuable, if the animals and nature around us is saying, “Yes, you’re valuable, you’re doing good work here!” You’re right, if we have the scaffolding, then that’s going to hold us.

Dannah: Yes. Ultimately, what we’re all saying is this: the only way to reject these lies and live out the truth is to embrace Jesus and lean on Him for absolutely everything! In fact, let’s listen as Nancy points us to the truth of the gospel. 

Nancy: When I asked how many in this room felt, at times, a sense of great worthlessness, almost every hand in the room went up. That may be because you realize that apart from Christ, we are all worthless.

But is it possible that you’ve been not seeing yourself as God does, that you’ve never accepted God’s view of you? Have you ever stopped to thank God for all that He has done for you in Christ, for His care for you, for His choice of you, that He found you and pursued your heart and gave His Son for you when you were His enemy! Have you ever said, “Thank You, Lord, for giving me the worth of Christ. By faith I choose to accept His worth as my worth. Thank You that in Christ I have eternal, infinite value!” 

And choose by faith to reject all the lies. Say, “Lord, all those things that I’ve heard, that I’ve been taught, that I’ve thought all my life that aren’t true, I’m not going to listen to those anymore! That’s not You speaking to me. I’m going to reject the lies and by faith embrace the truth until it becomes the very core of what I believe and feel and live and act on!”

Dannah: That’s our dear friend, Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth. Really, what Nancy and all of us today have been talking about is, learning to live out who we truly are in Christ.

Nancy will help you experience that in the book Lies Women Believe and the Truth That Sets Them Free. This week we want to send you a copy of that book as our way of saying thanks when you help this program continue. Just make a gift of any size at ReviveOurHearts.com. You’ll find a place on the website to request the book. 

Erin, I want to go ahead and put you on the spot. Why should women get this book?

Erin: Every Christian woman needs this on her bookshelf! That’s not an exaggeration; that’s how I really feel about it! I think those of us who have been around Revive Our Hearts for a while, we can sometimes take for granted this method that Nancy gives us in this book that is really transformational!

It’s going to sound so simple when I say it, which is: identifying lies (those things that are not true) and replacing them with truth (those things that are true). But, man, that’s been humongous in my life, and it comes from this book and Nancy’s messages on this.

I think lies, by nature, are sneaky. We don’t encounter a lie somewhere and say, “Oh, that’s a lie, but I’m going to internalize it anyway.” They find their way into our hearts and minds without us even knowing it! Then they just go about doing damage.

So, just that process of identifying lies and knowing there is a liar, a deceiver, and he never stops. He’s relentless, that’s Satan, so he’s lying all the time. Then there is Truth, who is Jesus. It’s so transformational.

And the cool thing about this book is, Nancy wrote it a long time ago, but those lies are evergreen lies that I think women will encounter in every generation, every stage of life. So it really is a foundational book.

Dannah: And just a few years ago, Erin, you and I helped Nancy update the book. We even added a few chapters to really be relevant for today. I think you’ll find it really relevant.

I love the book! Well, over one-and-a-half million have been set free from their lies by reading this book! Laura, have you read the book? What do you think?

Laura: Well, I am a busy mom of six kiddos, and I have not read it cover to cover, but let me tell you what I have done. The book is structured in such a way that you can see the topics pop right out at you. In your heart you know, “Oh, yep, that’s the one I’m struggling with!” Then you can read that section. Then there’s a summary. So you know the lie, and then the truth right from Scripture that you can bring to the Lord in your devotions. It’s so accessible and so right to the point. It has been so helpful to me in this stage of life!

Dannah: Yes. I love that. That’s a good way to look at it. It’s kind of like a resource book that you pull off the shelf when you need it.

Laura: Keep it on hand.

Dannah: Again, we’d love to send you a copy of this book Lies Women Believe and the Truth That Sets Them Free, and we’ll do that when you make a donation of any size at ReviveOurHearts.com. You can call us at 1-800-569-5959 if you’d like to make a donation that way. 

Erin, Laura, thanks for being here with me today!

Laura: This was good to do! These things were on my mind anyway, so thanks for the talk.

Erin: I’m so glad we could have this conversation together.

Dannah: You can hear Erin and me each week on the podcast Grounded. I hope you’ll check out Laura’s podcast Expect Something Beautiful. Erin and Laura, I wonder if you’d join me tomorrow in the studio again as we continue exploring how to walk in the truth about ourselves.

Erin: I’ll be there!

Laura: Me, too!

Dannah: Okay, to close our time, Nancy’s back to pray.

Nancy: Thank You our Father for the truth that does set us free! I pray for women in this room who still wrestle with these issues of feeling worthless. Would You shine into their hearts the light of the truth of how You view them? 

May they in worship and in humility say, “Oh, Lord, I stand in awe! I’m amazed that You would have anything to do with me. But I know that You do, and I give You thanks!” And instead of focusing on our worthlessness, may we turn our eyes upward to You and worship You and say, “Oh, Lord, truly You are great, and You are great in me.” In Jesus’ name, amen.

Revive Our Hearts with Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth is calling you to freedom, fullness, and fruitfulness in Christ. 

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