Keeping Your Family a Priority

Dannah Gresh: If you have a family, it means you have some important priorities. Here’s Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth.

Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth: You can be successful in your recreation and your play and your hobbies. You can be a successful friend and neighbor. But if we fail at this calling in our homes, we're going to end life disappointed.

Dannah: This is the Revive Our Hearts podcast with Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth, author of Choosing Gratitude, for June 29, 2023. I’m Dannah Gresh.

Yesterday, Nancy began a series called "Leaving a Godly Legacy." If you missed that, you can go to ReviveOurHearts.com or on the app. Nancy took us to Psalm 127. I’d like to remind you of what it says.

Unless the Lord builds the house,
   those who build it labor in vain.
Unless the Lord watches over the city,
   the watchman stays awake in vain.

It is in vain that you rise up early
   and go late to rest,
eating the bread of anxious toil;
   for he gives to his beloved sleep.

Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord,
   the fruit of the womb a reward.
Like arrows in the hand of a warrior
   are the children of one's youth.
Blessed is the man
   who fills his quiver with them! (vv. 1–5 ESV)

In a few minutes we’re going to hear how Laura Booz worked to live these verses out while at a conference for high-tech professionals. But first, Nancy is back to reflect on these verses and the influence her parents had on her.

Nancy: My parents, Art and Nancy DeMoss . . . My dad has been with the Lord for many years. My parents would be the first to tell you that our home was far from perfect. My parents decided when they got married, for a number of reasons, that they weren't going to have any children for five years. My mother was nineteen. My dad was thirty-two. Within the first five years of their marriage, they had six children. That means, by the way, that a few years later we had six teenagers at the same time; and then a seventh one who came along several years later. Things were always exciting in our home.

I know there were days that they had to think, This is not going according to plan. How do we fix this? There have been heartaches and struggles and issues in our family. Now that we're all grown and now there are ten grandchildren, we start all over again. There are more issues that surface as your children get older.

My parents, as I said, would be the first to tell you that they did a lot of things wrong. My parents were first-generation believers. They didn't grow up in godly homes. There was so much about the ways and the Word of God that was new to them, but they did walk by faith. And they did find themselves depending upon the grace of God.

As I look back on my growing up years, there are several characteristics of building a home, leaving a legacy of godliness, that stand out to me out of my growing up experience. They're found, referenced at least, in these twin psalms that we've been looking at—Psalm l27 and Psalm 128.

Let me say that these aspects of building a godly home that we're going to look at over the next few sessions, they're not the only important ones. There are many others that we could touch on. But I think these are ones that are frequently neglected today. I want us just to ponder God's ways when it comes to building homes—building another generation for God.

The first thing that stands out to me in this passage—and as I think about my family as I was growing up—is that we must make this a top priority. Building godly homes, godly relationships, passing our faith on to the next generation must be a top priority in every one of our lives. The goal in life—in your life and mine—is not to be happy. Our goal is to serve God's purposes in our generation. One of those purposes is that when we are gone, we will have left behind those who will follow in our steps—steps that will lead them to God. Raising a generation of young people who are serious about living out their faith is a high priority to God. It must be to us as well.

The fact is that you and I can be a success at everything else we do in life. You can be successful in your recreation and your play and your hobbies. You can be a successful friend and neighbor. But if we fail at this calling in our homes, we're going to end life disappointed. This is very important: to be a workman, a watchman or a warrior as we've seen in these word pictures in Psalm 127. It requires great diligence.

The workman has to keep working hard at the task until the house is built. I'm so thankful when I built my home that the contractor didn't stop midway and say, "Okay, here is your house." I'm glad that he didn't stop until the roof was on, and the doors hung, and the trim on, and the windows were hung. I'm glad that he finished the house. It took a long time. It took a lot longer than it seemed to me that it should take. But building a home for God, building a generation that will love God and follow after Him, takes time.

The watchman on that city wall has to stay alert. He has to keep his eyes open. He can't just stay awake for the first three hours of his watch. He has to stay alert and tuned to what is going on around him. It was one thing for my mother to parent seven children when we were all little. But now that we're all grown and most are married and many have children, the job isn't finished. Now that she is Nana, the responsibility still goes on of praying and making this family a priority. You can never stop working at it—to build godly homes, to leave a legacy. It requires that we be purposeful, intentional.

I was with a couple for lunch yesterday who are expecting their third child. I said to my friend as we drove away from that lunch, "One of the things that I appreciate about Wes and Carrie is that they're intentional about their marriage and their parenting." They're a young couple with young children. They're just getting started in this process. The Lord only knows how it will go as these children develop. One of the things I appreciate about this couple is that they're taking this task seriously.

They're having fun at it, too. It's not that they're just all grim and sober about it. They're enjoying their marriage. They're enjoying their children. But they're working at it. They're intentional about the time they spend with their children and what kind of things they want their children exposed to. They're going to learn, if they haven't already, that they're never going to be able to stop being vigilant at that task. It doesn't just happen.

You can get so caught up in the dailyness of surviving as a family, as a wife, as a mother that you lose sight of the big picture, of the long-term, of the long haul. It requires time and sacrifice and effort and determination to build up a legacy for God, to leave a next generation who have a heart for God.

So as we look at each of these characteristics—the first being that this must be a high priority for us, a top priority and focus for us—I want to ask us a couple of questions just to help us evaluate where we are in each of these principles. So I ask this question: Do you and I feel a personal sense of responsibility for the spiritual condition of the next generation? I ask you that question whether or not you have your own children. And then: Are you and I making a conscious effort to insure that they walk with God?

We're going to see in the next session that we can't insure that, but we can make the effort. We are workmen. We are watchmen. We are warriors. Are we being vigilant? Are we being diligent? Are we consciously expending effort to make sure that that next generation has been handed all the resources that they need to choose God's way?

Father, we acknowledge that this is a top priority to You; that we should build into the next generation and create in them a sense of hunger and thirst and longing after You; that we should show them how to walk and that we should lead them in the right paths. God, increase our desire, our longing, our sense of purpose and intentionality about building up a generation that will seek after You. I pray for Jesus' sake, amen.

Dannah: Your family is a priority! I know you know that. But isn’t it helpful to be reminded?

Laura Booz is a mom, and she’s diligent to keep her family a priority. She knows that means going through some struggle.

She told the story of her own challenges on the podcast Expect Something Beautiful. It’s part of the Revive Our Hearts podcast family. I’d like to play you an episode of Expect Something Beautiful called “The Double Stroller at a Tech Conference.” Let’s listen.

Laura Booz: Imagine that you’re at a conference—a big tech conference in a big fancy facility. It’s early morning and people are showing up for their first session of the day. 

Professional women are sipping their jade leaf organic matcha latte drinks at the complimentary tea and coffee bar, while they select a couple of strawberries and a cream cheese filled danish. They’re greeting one another and making plans to meet up for lunch, and everyone looks great. 

They’re tailored and well rested and focused as they casually check their phones for the conference schedule and find the location of their first session. They are heading into a week of professional development and networking, good food, stimulating ideas, and getting paid for it all. And the only thing that stands in their way is . . . me. 

Yup, I’m standing there in the middle of the conference center with my double stroller flanked by my kids and snacks and water bottles. My hair is in a messy bun. I’m wearing sweatpants and the world’s largest diaper bag backpack. I’ve got baby drool on my shoulder, and I’m just standing there, lost in thought. Watching these fabulous women sling their computer bags over their shoulders and head off to work, there are tears in my eyes, and I kind of want to run away. 

It’s me Laura Booz. You’re listening to Expect Something Beautiful. Today’s story illustrates that you can expect God to stick by you, even when it’s difficult for you to stick by Him.

I hope by the end of this ten-minute episode, you feel encouraged to keep on going and not give up in your great walk of faith; to not give up in whatever work the Lord is calling you to do today. 

For several winters in a row our whole family trekked out to Ohio for a week-long technology conference. It was just one of those rare occasions where our whole family could participate. So while my husband connected with people and ideas that helped him grow professionally, our older kids could attend classes on robotics and 3-D printing and electronics. As if that wasn’t cool enough, the conference was also held at an indoor waterpark. 

So in-between classes we bobbed in the wave pool and slid down the waterslides. Now, my role in the whole experience was to support the troops. During the day my husband attended the conference while I took care of the kids. Every year I wholeheartedly agreed to the arrangement, but I’ll tell you what, it was not easy. 

It was not easy to feed a family of seven out of a mini-microwave for a week or to keep track of five spunky kiddos in a waterpark as a ginormous water bucket dumped water from the sky every three minutes.

It wasn’t easy to dry bathing suits and help with showers and keep the peace, usher big kids to classes, and guide the little kids from snacks to meltdowns to naps and back around again—all while making sure that none of them pulled the fire alarm. Was it privileged, yes. Full of happy memories, maybe. But was it easy, no. 

Maybe that’s why as I was hauling an overstuffed diaper bag and careening a double stroller through the conference center I just stopped in my tracks. I watched the women fill their coffee mugs and head off to their next session, and I wished God had called me to do the work they were doing. 

To be honest, there was a time when I dreamed of making it big professionally. When I was in college, I thought I could really go far. But instead, here I was doling out snacks and folding pool towels. But in that moment, God made my calling very clear. I could almost hear Him saying, keep your hands on the stroller and stay the course.

The question was, Would I obey? Well, one thing was certain. If I was going to persist in this career-compromising, dream-altering, counter-cultural work, I needed help beyond myself. I needed God’s gift of self-control.

We tend to define self-control as the determination to do the ab workout or to not eat the cookie. Most of us hear the word “self-control” and immediately cringe with guilt about body image. Well sure, self-control helps us to make wise choices about how we care for our bodies, but it is so much more than the secret to weight loss. 

I mean, self-control is the game changer in our walk of faith. Without self-control, Christ-like virtues are only good ideas that never actually happen. But with self-control, every other aspect of the fruit of the Spirit—love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness—they come to life. 

We see the makings of self-control when Jesus took His disciples to Gethsemane to pray. He needed time and space to surrender His personal desires to His heavenly Father and affirm that He would do His Father’s will, no matter what the cost. But it took some time to wrestle it out. 

The Bible says that He prayed three times, “My Father if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will but as You will.” (Matt. 26:29).The spirit indeed is willing but the flesh is weak. 

And finally, Jesus got up. He turned His face towards His betrayer. He could have appealed to His Father, who would have at once sent more than twelve legions of angels to rescue Him, but He didn’t. Instead, He chose to be crucified, to fulfill the Scriptures, and to save His people from their sin. 

Although soldiers nailed Jesus’ hands and feet to the cross, the nails didn’t hold Him there; He held Himself there. He could have indulged His flesh and abandoned us, but He did not. After centuries of heart stirring promises, epic foreshadowing, show-stopping miracles, and wondrous prophecies, Jesus completed our redemption through one humble act of self-control. 

Even on our worst day, God looks at us and sees Jesus’ gritty self-determined self-control. He hears Jesus resolve, “Not as I will but as You will.” He sees Jesus weep and sweat and set His face towards the cross and stay there in love. And because of that, the Holy Spirit moves in you and in me so that we too may die to sin and live for Him. We too may set our faces toward His will . . . and do it. Self-control may feel limiting, but it actually takes us farther than we would go without it. 

One time when Jesus was talking about the cost of following Him. He said, “No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God” (Luke 9:62). This always makes me think of the farmer who plows the nearby fields. I would love to know how many miles that man puts on his tractor as he drives back and forth to plow, and then to fertilize, and plant, and finally harvest the same few acres of ground year after year. 

I sometimes wonder if he ever wants to leave the dirt and sweat and limitations of farm life and drive across the country instead, heading to the beach for a well-earned vacation. I mean, can you imagine how far he could travel if he logged those miles straight down the highway and not back and forth over the same spot of land?

But when a farmer commits to feeding his family, livestock, and community, he keeps his hand to the plow—mile after mile and season after season. At harvest time when the silos, wagons, wheelbarrows, freezers, and canning jars are stocked with good wholesome food, and when a plot of God’s good earth has been lovingly tended for yet another year, the farmer sees how far he has traveled, and he’s glad he stayed the course.

Listen, if you’ve put your hand to the plow of faith, don’t look back. Don’t let anything distract you from your walk with Christ, or the work He’s called you to do. Don’t grow weary in doing good. Keep at the work God has called you to do. What you’re doing matters. You will reap a harvest—a full satisfying, beautiful, God-glorifying harvest—if you don’t give up. 

These were some of my thoughts as I stood in the middle of the conference center, torn between God’s calling to support my husband and kids for the week and my momentary desire for a different path. By God’s grace, I gripped the handle bar, leaned my weight into the stroller, and wheeled it towards the room where Ryan was actually preparing to teach one of the kids’ track sessions.

If I hadn’t stayed, if I hadn’t surrendered to the will of God for me, I wouldn’t have been standing in the back of the room with a squirmy toddler to hear my husband teach a room full of enthusiastic future techies about digital sound. I wouldn’t have encouraged our children to help their daddy with his class. I wouldn’t have seen our tween daughters eyes light up about 3-D printing, or high fived our four-year-old when she slid down her first water slide, or walked hand in hand with our toddler as he explored the baby pool. My relationship with my family grew. 

God entered in when I least expected it. It was in those moments when I wrapped warm towels around my kids shivering shoulders and served them countless bags of microwavable popcorn. To be with them, to help them to thrive was wonderful. As always, a glimpse of how God must feel about being with us. 

And surprisingly, even though I wasn’t attending any thought-provoking sessions or networking or having stimulating conversations over lunch, I grew that week. I grew in character, maturity, and commitment. Mostly, I grew in awe of Jesus, who given the choice between laying His life down for us or doing something less costly, picks us every time.

So here’s the thing, whether God calls us to build a career, a ministry, a home, or all of the above; whether He asks us to carry a diaper bag, a computer bag, or a tool bag; whether He asks us to keep our hand to the stroller or the microphone or the plow; whether He calls us to say the right thing, do the right thing, or think the right thing; we’ll all wrestle with obedience from time to time. We won’t always see the benefit of doing things His way. We’ll need His help to pray, “Not my will but Thine be done.” And we will need to remember that no matter what, He will never leave us or forsake us. 

For the record, any woman who’s committed to loving God and people is never going to go as far as she thought she could go in life. None of us will achieve self-actualization or maximize our potential, not the way we define it anyway. I say, let the tears fall, because the truth of the matter is that when we say “yes” to God, we may go half the distance but we’ll go twice as far. 

Dannah: That’s Laura Booz, from the podcast Expect Something Beautiful. It’s part of the Revive Our Hearts podcast family. To hear more stories like that one, visit Revive Our Hearts, or subscribe to Expect Something Beautiful through your favorite podcast app.

Laura is also the author of a book by the same title, Expect Something Beautiful. There’s more information linked in the transcript of this program at ReviveOurHearts.com.

Well, today and tomorrow are the last days I’ll be mentioning our June “gift of any amount” offer. It’s our attempt to respond to what some refer to as “Pride Month.” We believe that perspective represents a lot of confusion related to sexuality and gender. So instead, we’re making available the book by Dr. Juli Slattery, Rethinking Sexuality: God’s Design and Why It Matters. 

Juli does a wonderful job of helping us change the way we think about sexuality, and she helps us line up our perspective with what God actually says in His Word. 

Again, the book is Rethinking Sexuality, and we’ll send you a copy in thanks for your donation of any amount to help support Revive Our Hearts. Just visit ReviveOurHearts.com, or call us at 1-800-569-5959. Be sure you ask about Juli Slattery’s book when you make a donation. 

Would you say you've benefited from the prayers of a relative, like your grandmother? Tomorrow, Nancy will be back to encourage us to bless younger generations with our prayers, and she’ll tell us how her grandmother prayed for her.

Nancy: There's a sense in which I believe I would not be here today if it were not for the power of a praying grandmother. She actually was my great-grandmother. My father is of Greek background, and his parents were Greek immigrants. He had a grandmother that they called Yaya.

My dad and his family and the cousins grew up in the same house, and Yaya was part of that household. She came over with my dad's parents.

Though the home was not really a Christian home, Yaya was a woman who did know the Lord, and who prayed earnetly for the salvation and the spiritual life her children and grandchildren and perhaps her great-grandchildren, which I am one.

I hope you’ll be back for Revive Our Hearts.

Revive Our Hearts with Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth wants to help you keep your priorities in order and discover freedom, fullness, and fruitfulness in Christ.

*Offers available only during the broadcast of the podcast season.