Living Out Our Compassion

Dannah Gresh: Chizzy Anderson knows that compassion can be personally draining. She says she likes to ask this of the Lord . . .

Chizzy Anderson: “Will you refuel me for the things I have to do every day, if I’m going to pour this much out?” And He always answers!

Dannah: This is the Revive Our Hearts podcast with Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth, author of A Deeper Kind of Kindness, for July 5, 2024. I’m Dannah Gresh.

Hasn’t it been a wonderful week here on Revive Our Hearts? We’ve been listening to a variety of messages about compassion. On Monday, Kelly Needham talked about “The Shocking Compassion of God.” Tuesday, Erika VanHaitsma took us to the story of the loving father who welcomed his two lost sons. She showed us “The Humiliation of Compassion.”

Wednesday, Nicole Furno told us that compassion is more than a feeling, it’s being moved to take action. Then yesterday, Paul Hendricks Marstellar helped us distinguish between true compassion and people-centered compulsion that masquerades as compassion.

If you’ve missed any of them, the messages are available through the Revive Our Hearts app or ReviveOurHearts.com, or anywhere you like to listen to podcasts. They were recorded during a conference we held at Revive Our Hearts, called Sisters in Ministry.

Nancy hosted an open mic sharing time so people in the studio audience could respond to these messages on compassion. You might hear a voice or two you recognize. We’ve listed their names in the transcript of today’s program, so be sure to check them out. Here’s Nancy to introduce the topic.

Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth: The word “compassion” in the English the two parts—“com” = “with” and “passion” = “to suffer.” So this “feeling deeply” means that we feel something of the pain and the suffering that the other person feels. We enter into their pain.

This is the part of it that is astonishing—that we would absorb, we would enter into, the pain, the hurt, the woundedness of somebody else. And haven’t you found it true that somebody who comes alongside of you and not just cares theoretically but really empathizes, feels your pain. It’s not that they’re in your shoes, but they’re feeling that with you. Then they take action to help alleviate some of that pain. That’s where you get blessing and encouragement. 

But it’s saying there’s a price to compassion. We’ve seen that in all four of these sessions. There’s a sacrifice.

We have to leave our comfort zone and our maybe pain-free zone at that moment to take on the pain of someone else. It’s costly. I think one of the things we want to ask is, as we grapple with this whole theme of compassion, what it means to show compassion, to get out of our comfort zone, and to enter into the pain of others. Why?

We have the example of Jesus in these parables that we’ve been hearing: Matthew 25 (the sheep versus the goats), Luke 15 (the parable of the father of the prodigal son). But what is the end of this? There are nonbelievers who show compassion, at some level, to hurting people.

There are nonbelievers who feed the hungry, who visit people in prison. I’m just thinking out loud here. I want you to help me with the answer: what makes compassion distinctively Christian or gospel compassion? What distinguishes it from worldly compassion or compassion that politicians could show or do-good organizations in the community?

I’ll start us off with one verse that is maybe a piece of this, Matthew chapter 5, verse 16. It’s talking about being the salt of the earth, being the light of the world. Light penetrates darkness, and salt seasons and savors and preserves. So it’s entering into . . . light entering into the darkness, salt entering into that which needs to be preserved. It’s not standing aloof, it’s not standing apart. 

Jesus says then in verse 16: “In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works [Your compassion, your entering into their pain, they don’t just see it. What do they do?] and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.” 

Their gaze doesn’t stop on you and your good works, but it is deflected so that they see the reflected glory of God, your Father in heaven. It’s pointing them to our Father in heaven. So maybe that’s a piece of this. What are other thoughts that you may have about, “What makes compassion distinctively Christian?”

Mary Kassian: I really appreciated what Nicole pointed out, that I think is often missing. I think that there is a real emphasis in Scripture on compassion starting in ever-concentric circles. So, it begins at home first, and it begins with the family of God first.

The Bible says that if you’re not caring for the needy in your own circle, in your own family, you’re worse than an unbeliever (see 1 Tim. 5:8). So it definitely goes out, spreads out, and emanates out from there. A sign of Christian compassion is that we deeply love one another as the body of Christ, and we minister to one another, and that even attracts people to the gospel. Part of compassion is that, pointing people to Jesus.

Abigail Dodds: I was just going to share something that my pastor ingrained in us over the years. John Piper always says, “Christians care about all suffering, especially eternal suffering.” That has just gone deep in my bones, that our acts of compassion are always accompanied with the words of life. We’re not just bringing life to bodies, but life to souls, and remembering that those two things should be part and parcel of one another. You can be motivated by the love of Christ and love someone with physical deeds. But if they don’t know Jesus or if they’re stuck in sin and those deeds aren’t accompanied with life-giving words, you’ve sort of hated them on their way to something much worse, a much longer-lasting suffering. So, that’s always stuck with me. I share his wisdom with you.

Chizzy Anderson: I feel that some of the things that separate gospel compassion from the compassion of unbelievers, one is hope—to have hope. I feel when I’m watching an unbeliever share compassion, they do it with a sort of hopelessness, like, “I better just do this because it’s right.”

So, there can be a hopelessness; whereas, we are coming from a place of hope, because we know Someone greater than us is helping them to come out of where they are. 

The other thing I’ve noticed is that it’s so draining to me at times to be compassionate, especially to the levels that I’ve felt the Lord wanted me to be. I’ve asked Him specifically, “Will you refuel me for the things I have to do every day, if I’m going to pour this much out?” And He always answers! When it’s Him, I’m always refueled miraculously to do what I have to do in my house or help a child, whatever it is, once I get off the phone or finish with this meeting, if that is the way compassion is being shown. 

And the other thing, I feel that gospel compassion shows compassion to people who are obviously undeserving by the standards of the world. I feel like the world is very good at showing compassion to people who somehow look like they have been hurt or put down, which is a beautiful thing, to lean forward and help. But if there is any sense that the person doesn’t deserve help, I feel the compassion is quick to dry up, because it’s not coming from Christ.

To those who don’t deserve it and to those who can’t pay it back, that’s another aspect of this—that you don’t have anything possible to gain from showing compassion, “There’s no way they can benefit me.”

Aylin Merck: Nicole, I think, said this in her talk: Christian compassion is through Christ and for Christ. I think maybe in the world they feel like they have to earn something, they’re doing something because, “Karma if I do this, I’ll get this back,” or “I feel like I’ve been given so much, so I need to pay it forward.”

But we know that we’re empowered by the gospel and through the life of Christ in us, who is enabling us to do things like pouring out ourselves and giving so much that is beyond what we can give. I think that maybe in the world they do things out of their strength and their wealth, but maybe often God is asking us to be compassionate out of our poverty, so we can taste His riches.

Kim Cash Tate: I just wanted to add that, in addition to distinguishing between gospel compassion (I like the way Chizzy put that) and the compassion of the world is that we also should distinguish in our own hearts. It primarily is a heart issue, so we can also show compassion that is somewhat worldly as opposed to.

I was thinking about Colossians 3:17: “Whatever you do . . . in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.” (NIV) And then I was also looking at Matthew 6:1–2: “If you do things to be seen by men, you have your reward, but if you do them in secret as unto the Father, your reward will be in heaven” (paraphrased).

We see this in the world, but we can also see it within the body, that we can show compassion in order to be seen by others. So often I’ll see posts by people about what they’re doing for the benefit of others and how they are showing compassion. 

They get all the “likes” and all the comments . . . and they’re being seen before men. Is that really in the name of the Lord Jesus?Iis it really coming from the heart as unto Him, or is to be seen by men and to get those accolades? So, I think we have to make that distinction within our own hearts, because it is primarily a heart issue.

Dannah: One of the verses that I turn to, just to keep my heart anchored in health is, “Religion that is pure and undefiled before God the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world” (James 1:27).

You know, the orphans and the widows to us, we’re easily compassionate toward them. Foster care and adoption is a big Christian “it” issue, and it wasn’t then. Children were not valued. The mortality rate was so great when James wrote this that parents didn’t attach to their children.

There are some documents from this time period where children were considered plants—which is unfathomable to us! The value of children was not significant. They would discard children in the city dump if they didn’t want them. They were very dispensable.

Children who were slaves and servants, who had no use to them, were often thrown over cliffs! We have records of the Caesars doing this during this time period. So they were really discardable—the un-lovelies. 

One Caesar fined widows if they were not married within two years because they were a drain on society! It was supposed to motivate them to get back into something of value. “If you’re a widow, you have no worth!”

We have a hard time really understanding the view that they had of orphans and widows, because we have such a different paradigm. But this is Jesus just really saying, “Look and see who is completely worthless. They have nothing to give you. Go and do that!”

At the same time (and I don’t know that I have a verse for this) but something just burning in me is sometimes caring for them and feeding them is preaching the gospel, and your mouth shouldn’t be doing it until the right time.

I’ve seen a lot of Christians clumsily go into compassion mode and think, “First, I have to tell them the gospel. First I have to have them conform their behavior differently.” In fact, I think we’re more effective with that message in the right time . . . if we wait. 

I had a time in my own life where a friend lived that out for me. I had a few days where I just couldn’t get out of bed because I was depressed and just knocked down by life and really grieving some things. 

My friend Janet called and said, “What can I do for you?” 

I was like, “No-othing.” I was having a pity party: “There’s nothing in the face of the world anyone could ever do. My life’s awful!” I was really under a cloud of depression.

She said, “There must be something!” 

I said, “No-o, I can’t even get out of bed.” 

And she said, “Okay.” And she hung up! And I thought [she gives a little snort], “We-ell, I thought you wanted to do something!” (laughter)

The next thing I know, she’s in my bedroom. She crawls in my bed, gets under the covers with me, and first, she just cries with me. Then she starts laughing with me and making me laugh. And then she says, “You don’t have to put on makeup or brush your hair—although you might want to!—but let’s do the day.”

She just got me downstairs, and then when I was downstairs with tea at my kitchen table, that’s when she said, “Don’t you think we should pray?” I don’t think I would have entered into the power of what Christ did for me at that kitchen table if she first hadn’t just been practical with me—hadn’t cried with me, hadn’t laughed with me, hadn’t helped me wipe the running mascara off my face. You know, she did that first, and then she brought Jesus into the conversation.

Paula Hendricks Marsteller: Something I’ve been learning is that motive matters a lot. For example, I think that some women could do acts of compassion to try to earn God’s favor. I also have seen in my own life how I can do acts of compassion motivated by fear, not by love. 

An example would be: I can tend to act like the Savior. One example: I used to greet at church, and there was a guy alone at the back, and so I went up and started talking to him. He had just lost everything in his life! 

He later told me, after my husband and I built a very deep friendship with him, that he was planning to commit suicide that evening . . . and then I went up to him, and we invited him to lunch.

But, fast forward in the story. We’ve walked with him through a lot over the years. More recently, he shared with me that, “You’re the only person who has been able to pull me out of difficult spots”—something along those lines. That’s been a big red flag in my mind!

Then, fast forward just a little bit later, he’d just been in a really bad place, and there was one evening where I was just freaking out. I was like, “I fear that he will commit suicide tonight!” So often I think that we can take too much responsibility for people, and that can be unhealthy.

Another example would be, I have thought, “Oh no, if I don’t greet all these people, if I don’t invite all these people into my house, then they’re going to leave the church. Their faith is going to go down the rails. So, I definitely think motive matters.

Erin Davis: Y’all know in my teaching I often use the contrast of two categories. I think the difference is kind of “others” versus “same.” I think worldly compassion is motivated by, “Those in need are ‘other’ than me. They have needs that I don’t have, so I’m going to show compassion.” But that’s not really compassion, that’s pity.

Christian compassion is motivated by sameness. We’re all made in the image of God, and we all have deep need. I think we’re motivated to compassion by the fact that we see ourselves in them, not that, “Oh, they’re different than us, so we’ll throw some money their way.”

Dannah: We’re listening to comments from women, comments around the theme of compassion. Let me take you back to something Paula Hendricks Marstellar said on yesterday’s edition of Revive Our Hearts. She was talking about “Compassion Gone Awry.” She said this:

Paula: Have you forgotten your “creature-liness?” Psalm 103:13–14 says, “As a father shows compassion to his children, so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him [why?] for he knows our frame; he remembers that we are dust.”

God has compassion for you and for me because He knows that we are made out of dust, but we are returning to dust, and that it is only His breath in us that gives us life!

Dannah: Hunter Beless says she appreciated Paula’s message in general and that thought in particular 

Hunter Beless: Paula, thank you so much! I love the invitation to remember our limitations, and the reality that embracing our limitations is, in and of itself, an act of worship and acknowledging that God is working, even when we aren’t. That’s always so refreshing for me to hear!

Kristen Clark: Something you said early on that just was so convicting was something along the lines of, “Are you so busy caring for everybody else’s needs out there that you’re not taking care of the needs right in front of you?” 

I instantly thought about the state that I left my home in to come here, running past the piles of laundry and the piles of dishes and apologizing to my husband because I had to go; we had to catch an early flight. So, just a fresh conviction in my heart: am I so busy caring for Girl Defined, caring for the women in my small group, caring for my church—wonderful, good things! . . . But am I so busy doing that, that I’m running past the laundry, running past the dishes, running past the things right in front of me in my home like caring for my husband? I think often I am. I need to get my priorities back in order, so thank you so much for that!

Judy Dunagan: This really resonated with my heart as well, Paula. When I was heading up women’s ministries at the church in the Detroit area, there was one woman who really battled depression, to the point of suicide attempts. I had tried to love on her and get references for her for care.

I came to work one day (and I was just working part time). My girls were young enough that I was committed to being home when they got home from school. This woman had been hospitalized, and I almost panicked.

It was trying to figure out how to get into the facility where she was—there was all this security. I was trying to figure out babysitters for my girls. I felt like it was my job or duty to be there. And the Holy Spirit impressed on my heart—almost in a comical way—it felt like God saying, “Judy, I’ve got this one.” 

That changed me. I have a gift of mercy; I assume you do as well. I grew up in a home where we opened our home to the hurting, and the Lord really used that. I think it was some pride, obviously. Much of what you talked about, I don’t think we talk about this enough.

I love the idea of praying for these dear ones that God brings across your path who are hurting. That’s the biggest thing we can do for them, often. We can’t rescue them. Only our Savior can.

Nancy: I am not the Christ! 

Shannon Popkin: I love the “compassion compulsion” thing. My husband is a deacon at our church. This summer we had a care case where there was a woman who needed housing. We considered having her and her children move into our house, almost compulsively, right? “She needs housing!”

And in that process, when we were making this decision, I went to a one-day retreat with Women Doing Well. Has anybody heard of that organization? It’s like a day retreat where you try to hone your passions and gifts and calling.

We did this exercise where everybody had just a moment to . . . There was a page full of different ways that you could serve. We had to circle five, and we had to narrow it to three. What was so interesting about that was, my circles didn’t match anyone else’s. We all had different things that God was putting on our hearts.

And so, caring for this woman like that, my plate was already full. But I looked around that room and I thought, “Oh, my goodness, there is someone else who, this is their thing! They would love to welcome this woman and her children. If I take it on to my plate, which is already full, something would have to be schootched off of my plate. I’m not allowing someone else to do what they’re called to do with their gifts and passions.

Portia Collins: Nancy just saying, “I am not the Christ!” reminded me of the Scripture in John, the first chapter, verses 19 and 20: “And this is the testimony of John, when the Jews sent priests and Levites from Jerusalem to ask him, ‘Who are you?’ He confessed, and did not deny, but confessed, ‘I am not the Christ.’”

It really reminds me that when people come to us as ambassadors of Christ when we’re working in ministry, it’s like that question, “Who are you?” must constantly be asked of ourselves, and even when others are asking us.

Because, really what they see sometimes is, they see the Christ in us, or they see what we can provide, and their hands are out. You have to remind yourself, and you have to remind them, “I am not the Christ!”

My professor talked about how it’s easy for us as believers, especially when you are working in any capacity of leadership, to develop a messianic complex. I have definitely dealt with it! So I thank you for saying that, because it just immediately popped in my ear. People come to me. Who am I? I have to remember, “I am not the Christ!”

Dannah: Aww, that’s my friend, Portia Collins, encouraging all of us with the same reminder God gave her: “I am not the Christ!” Portia, and all those who shared, were participating in the Sisters in Ministry Summit, held at Revive Our Hearts some years ago. 

For the full list of who we’ve heard from today, check out the transcript of this program on the Revive Our Hearts app or at ReviveOurHearts.com.

If you’re in leadership in your church or some other sphere of influence, I want to let you know about the upcoming online event from Revive Our Hearts specifically for women leaders. It’s called Overcoming Lies Leaders Believe. It’s an online training event designed to help you conquer the lies that limit your leadership.

It’s happening on Tuesday, August 6, from 7:00 to 9:00 p.m. Eastern time. Even if you can’t watch it live, you’ll be able to access it later on demand. So, go ahead and register now for Overcoming Lies Leaders Believe. All of the details are at ReviveOurHearts.com/overcoming, or you can call 1-800-569-5959.

Over the next couple of weeks on Revive Our Hearts, we’re going to continue our emphasis on compassion by turning to Psalm 126. Nancy will help us see our urgent need for revival. She’ll tell us why we need to cry “the cry of the captives.” She’ll explain why that’s the title of the series. It starts on Monday. Please be back for Revive Our Hearts.

This program is a listener supported production of Revive Our Hearts in Niles, Michigan, calling women to freedom, fullness, and fruitfulness in Christ.

*Offers available only during the broadcast of the podcast season.