Practical Considerations for Hospitality

Dannah Gresh: Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth says paying attention to the little details can help smooth the way for real relationships to happen.

Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth: Some of the most important things that we do in an atmosphere of hospitality are the things you can’t see. It’s the unseen, the invisible, the spiritual dimension of heart connecting to heart.

Dannah: This is the Revive Our Hearts podcast with Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth, author of Surrender: The Heart God Controls, for April 24, 2024. I’m Dannah Gresh.

Inviting guests into your home can be an important act of worship to the Lord. Nancy’s been explaining that over the last several programs. If you’ve missed any, you can visit ReviveOurHearts.com to catch up.

We’ve focused so far on the heart attitude of hospitality. Today, Nancy will get practical. How do you actually make a guest feel welcomed? This was recorded before Nancy had married Robert Wolgemuth, but I can assure you that she and Robert are super-hospitable. So the habits and attitudes she set in place before she was married have carried over to now. Here’s Nancy, discussing the practical aspects of hospitality.

For example, the first time I stayed at Nancy’s home, almost twenty years ago, she kneeled at my bedside with me at night to tuck me in and pray over me.

Just a few months ago I stayed at her home with Robert. We gathered in the living room, we made a prayer circle, and they prayed a good night prayer over me. See what I mean? What she learned then, she does now. 

Here’s Nancy discussing the practical aspects of hospitality.

Nancy: We can't talk about hospitality as we have been the last few weeks without talking about the atmosphere of hospitality and how to create an environment where people can be encouraged and nurtured and cared for.

I debated about whether to start with the physical or the spiritual first. And definitely the spiritual environment and atmosphere is more important, but you know, the first thing your guests see is the physical. The first thing they see is what your home looks like. So, let's talk about that first.

Remember that the physical atmosphere in our home does communicate something. Think about your home. Think about how you left your home this morning.

Does the atmosphere of your home communicate chaos and disorder? Or does it communicate peace, simplicity, beauty, sensitivity, joy, and honor to your guests?

Now, that doesn't mean that your home or mine—it certainly isn't true of mine—is always perfectly presentable for guests. But I do try and keep some areas of the house so that I can have guests stop in and I won't feel like I have to be scrambling quickly to make, at least, a pathway for them to walk and a place for them to sit down.

You say, "Why is this important?" Well, I was just thinking, even last night, about the Scripture and how much it has to say about the physical atmosphere. Go back and study the tabernacle in the Old Testament and see there was beauty and order involved in this because it was a place where people could meet with God. And you want your home to be a sanctuary.

I remember a woman who came to a Bible study I was having in my home over a period of time. And she said, "I just love to come to your home because I feel like God is here."

It wasn't just the Bible study. I’ll tell you that my home isn’t fancy. I try to keep it simple so that it can be kept up simply, but there was something that she had picked up in my home. Part of it had to do with the physical environment. For example, around my home, I have lots of framed pieces that are Scripture.

I figure that you're going to hang something on the walls. Why not have something meaningful? Something that makes people be drawn to the message of Christ and His gospel and His ways?

There are so many things in the book of Revelation that talk about the sights and sounds of heaven. I think there is purpose to that. God wants to make us long for His home. There are colors in heaven. There is beauty in heaven. There is singing in heaven.

The goal of our homes need to be to create a hunger and an appetite in people’s hearts for their heavenly home, to make them want to be in the presence of the Lord.

Now, the tendency is to go to one of two extremes with our homes. One is to be obsessed with the material things, the physical things, the cleanliness, the orderliness, to where we can't really enjoy people.

The other is to pay no attention to the physical. I have to tell you I have been in a couple of homes over the years where what was communicated did not make you feel comfortable because the home was so disorderly.

I realize that if you have children, there are going to be times when that's just the way your home is. Don't make apologies for that. But if that's the consistent state of your home, if there's not some basic cleaning going on in your home from time to time, then know that guests may not feel as comfortable as they could be if you were dealing with some of those matters.

As it relates to a physical atmosphere in our homes, creating an environment where people can be encouraged, one of the things I try to do in my home is to think how can I minister to the five physical senses that God has given to people. He gave them to us for a reason, and it’s a way to connect to people’s hearts and souls, which is the ultimate goal.

So I think, for example, about the gift of sight, the sense of sight. I’m going to list some things, and let me tell you I don’t have all these things all the time, but these are some of the things that have been helpful in my own home. 

I like having flowers in my home. I have some that are not real. I have one that looks so real that one time I saw a guest with their nose in it saying "I know this is real. It smells so great." Well, it wasn't real. But those are nice if you have them, that look real. But I like having real flowers, too.

Sometimes that means in the wintertime I cut some holly and berries off the bushes outside my front door and stick it in a container of some sort. 

I was at a home a couple weeks ago for dinner where the hostess had just taken some fall leaves and arranged a simple centerpiece around some candles. She was ministering to the visual senses with those leaves. It can be wildflowers picked from outside your home or flower arrangements.

I think keeping my home neat and orderly versus cluttered and dirty—don't be obsessive about it—but this is a way you can minister to the sense of sight.

We minister to sight by lighting in our home. I like, sometimes, when I have company, lighting candles. That can be not only sight but scents as they can be fragrant candles.

I have a fireplace. It's a gas fireplace. One little click and it's on. It's not quite as wonderful as a wood fireplace, but in the winter I like having that fireplace on. It brings an atmosphere and a light into the home that can be encouraging.

I minister to sight with pictures in my home, pictures of my family. People love looking at pictures of my family that are on the wall or on tables in picture frames.

I have a refrigerator. Some of you have seen that refrigerator. And it has, probably hundreds of pictures, photos of families and friends. And one of the things people do when they come to my house, they make a beeline for that refrigerator. They want to see who's new on the refrigerator. This ministers to people in a way that is through the avenue of sight.

And then, as I've mentioned, having Scripture on the walls, hangings, pieces that have Scripture verses. I know people who have done this with stenciling and in some more creative ways, by even writing on the walls of their homes with Scripture verses and meaningful quotations.

I remember a time a couple stayed at my home when I was not there. They needed a getaway. They were worn out. I said, “Come and stay at my home.”

When they left they told me that one of the things that so ministered encouragement and refreshment to them were these Scriptures all throughout the home. They said that everywhere they went they were ministered to in their spirits because of the things they were able to see and read in my home.

Now you can minister through the sense of smell. Candles, potpourri, flowers, a little air freshener doesn't hurt, sometimes it can be the smell of a meal cooking, cookies baking, these are things that can minister encouragement to people.

And then the sense of hearing. I love having some soft relaxing background music. Personally I love playing instrumental music that's familiar hymns and choruses that just kind of provide a subtle background but create an atmosphere where people can feel refreshed, where they can be encouraged.

I have a wind chime off my back porch that on windy nights you can hear inside the house . . . just making a little, pleasant sound. It adds to the environment of the home.

Sometimes the thing that most ministers to hearing is just quiet. Sometimes just to have a quiet atmosphere in your home is exactly what your guests need.

You can minister through the sense of touch. I have a whole room in my house that is just games and things for children. Those children make a beeline for that room. They love to put their hands on those . . . They can shoot some hoops down there or they can use crayons and there are lots of different things for different ages of children. Having comfortable seating can help with the sense of touch, just so people feel comfortable.

And then, of course, there is that sense of taste. Food and drink, having some snacks on hand is a healthy thing to do.

I encourage you to just keep some things on hand that you can have there when you have guests that perhaps you weren't anticipating—things like Chex Mix and nuts and cookies.

One friend wrote and said to me, "I freeze most things so I can pull them out as soon as I see someone coming in. I usually cook more than enough for our meals, so that if someone 'pops' in, we can ask them to join us.

"It happens often," she said. "I also try to make extra to freeze so that I can pull that out for a quick meal and not make unexpected guests feel that they have inconvenienced us in any way."

So, in some practical ways we can create an atmosphere of hospitality in our homes as we look at the physical atmosphere, and say, "How can I minister to the physical senses of the guests who come into my home."

I think some of the most important things that we do to create an atmosphere of hospitality are the things you can’t see. It’s the unseen, the invisible, the spiritual dimension of heart connecting to heart.

The Third Epistle of John is a letter about hospitality. As we've said earlier in this series, John writes to a man named Gaius who is known for his hospitality. John talks about Gaius receiving itinerant servants of the Lord into his home.

And he says, "If you send them on their journey in a manner worthy of God, you will do well" (3 John 1:6). That little phrase, "in a manner worthy of God," adds something to my understanding of meaningful hospitality.

What does it mean to "receive someone in a manner worthy of God"? And what does it mean "to send them on their way in a manner worthy of God"?

As I've been meditating on that passage, two thoughts have come to mind. First of all, it says to me that I need to treat my guests as God would treat them, in a manner worthy of God.

How would God treat these people if they came to His home? How would Jesus treat these people if this were His home and these were His guests? I want to look for ways to treat people as God would treat them.

And then I think it means also to treat them as I would treat God if He were the guest, to treat them in a manner worthy of God. If it were Jesus coming into my home, would I be bothered about His tracking mud onto my freshly cleaned kitchen floor?

 

Or would I be wanting to make sure that He did everything just right? Would I be uptight? Or would I just say, "Take over, I honor You, I'm pleased to have You here? What can I do to serve You?" Would I consider it an invasion of my life to fix a meal for Jesus?

Would I whine about the preparations now. Martha did, so maybe I would, too. But, if I'm conscious of thinking of my guests and treating them as I would treat God if He were the guest in my home, it affects the way I treat them.

By the way, it doesn’t hurt to think that way about your family as well, if you treat them in a manner worthy of God, you do well.

I think something that is very annoying to your children and will make them think that your faith is hypocritical is if you’re a screechy, demanding, impatient, inflexible woman in your home with your children and with your husband, but then guests come to the door and all of a sudden you get a halo on your head and you a Miss Smiley, Miss Warm, Miss Welcoming. Your children are going to say, “She doesn’t treat us like that!”

Now, that doesn’t mean that in your home you are always going to have just the perfect attitude. I know I certainly don’t. But it means that we are to watch out for our attitudes. They do affect and they do communicate. We want to treat those who live in our homes and then those who come as guests to our homes in a manner worthy of God.

So, how do we do that? We've touched on several of these things over the last few weeks, but let me mention several here in this context. I think, first, is just a welcoming spirit. “Thank you for coming.” “I’m honored that you would be my guest.”

You know, we all love to go into a place where people are glad to see us. They say that when somebody walks into a room, typically they either draw attention to themselves or they draw attention to the other people in the room.

It's true of hospitality. We want to have a spirit that makes people think, My focus is on you. I'm so glad you're here. You probably know what it is to walk into some environments where the tension is where you can cut it. You think, I don’t know that I’m really happy to be here. I think I’d like to go back to my house. So we want to have a welcoming spirit with people. A spirit that is not uptight.

And that takes practice. It takes a filling of the Holy Spirit. I know there are times when I get so uptight in my preparations because my life is busy as is yours. 

I remember the time I was having two families over for lunch after church one Sunday. When you're single and you're entertaining by yourself, sometimes you just need another set of hands or some help. I do have friends who know my kitchen and just jump in and help. But the people who got there first were the people I didn't know as well.

And I was counting on the other family who wasn't there yet to entertain the people that I didn't know while I was trying to get lunch prepared.

At that point in time I was fairly new at having a home. I didn't know how to get everything ready on time. It's amazing! I have, I don't know how many, chairs in my house, but everybody stands around in the kitchen.

This one family was hanging around in a cluster in the kitchen talking to me, but I couldn't talk and cook at the same time. So I was trying to make some nice little hints like, "Wouldn't you all like to move into the living room where you can be comfortable."

Well, they didn't take my hints. And, finally, I remember, I don't know if it came out this way; but the way it felt to me was, "Would you guys please get out of this kitchen and get into the living room?" And they did.

About that time the other family came and rescued me. But I remember times like that and I think that sometimes I am so uptight that I'm sure that company just wishes they could go home rather than feeling at home.

But, there are ways, as we're filled with the Spirit that we create a climate that really is conducive to ministry to people. I want people to experience the fruit of the Spirit—love. That means other-centeredness, rather than self-centeredness. Joy. I want people to experience joy in my home.

We've had so much laughter in my home. We have fun. We've played games. We've had great times—times around the Word, times in prayer but times just laughing and enjoying each other. I want people to experience the joy of Christ in my home.

Peace. That's a fruit of the Spirit. And I want people to come into my home, and even if there's a lot going on . . . I've had so many people in my home at times that the man who built the house, who came to know the Lord as we were building the house, I remember him being there with one group; and he was calculating what kind of wood he used on the floor and hoping the house would hold this many people on that floor.

So I've had it crowded at times, very crowded. But still there can be an atmosphere of peace, the fruit of the Spirit.

Creating an atmosphere of hospitality, I think we do that with asking questions, showing interest in people. And I find it's helpful to think through ahead of time who are the people coming and what are some topics that would be of interest to them?

And sometimes, just as I'm making final preparations or I'm getting dressed, I'm thinking through, what questions could I ask these guests that would draw them out and help the conversation? And then just having a listening ear and a caring heart.

So many times the Lord has used other people's homes to minister to me in this way. I remember one time I was visiting in a home for a meal with a woman I had just met, and I had recently experienced the death of one of my closest friends, and I still could hardly talk without weeping.

I mean, I was a "basket case." I was still really, really grieving this loss. And it turned out that the woman who was the host in this situation had been widowed but longer than the loss I had experienced.

And she began to ask questions about my loss and to give me a chance to just talk about what we had just been through. And then she began to tell me the story of how her husband had actually died the same way that my friend had died.

We sat there at her kitchen table. I can still remember, I just began to sob, to bawl, and like all this pent-up stuff inside of me came out at this kitchen table of this woman I hardly knew.

But she had a listening ear, and she had a caring heart. She was sensitive and alert to the moment and was able to minister grace just by listening and by sharing something of her story that ministered grace in that moment.

I think of the time in my own home just after a major holiday. A knock came at the door. There was a dear friend who had just been with her extended family for what had apparently been a disaster. She was really hurt. She came in wounded and sat on my couch. I said, Sit down.” I turned on the fireplace, lit some candles, turned off the lights, and turned on some music. We sat there and she shared what kind of day she had had, and how difficult this had been going back into a hurtful situation.

God used that moment. We look back on that—she does. She says that God ministered grace in a special way in that moment of hospitality.

We create an atmosphere of hospitality as we have a learning spirit, as we let people who come into our home teach us. We invite them to share with us what God has taught them of His heart and His ways.

I've learned so much sitting at the feet of some of my guests, listening to them talk about what they understand about the ways of God, having that humble spirit.

We create an atmosphere of hospitality through generosity. I love fixing more for the meal than I know we will need because I love sending home leftovers.

And especially with those who may have large families and may have a limited income. It's an opportunity to say, "I'm going to not only minister grace to you here, but I want to send you on your journey."

John said, "in a manner worthy of God." I want you to go with grace and with generosity.

And then one thing that's been so important in my home and has been such a blessing to me in some other people's homes has been this whole matter of prayer.

I try to make it a habit to pray with my guests—sometimes to pray with them, to gather together and just pray briefly before everybody goes to bed for the night, to pray with them before they leave my house.

We'll often just join hands in a circle, and I just pray a blessing on them. I pray God's covering and protection over them.

My bedroom is on the second floor. My guest room is on the first floor. So I feel like I’m over, geographically, these guests. I just picture the responsibility and privilege that it is as I go to sleep at night, to pray for those who are under my roof, to pray God’s blessing an encouragement, and peace in their lives. 

I've been so ministered to myself as I've been in other people's homes, and they've just said, "Before you leave, could we pray for you?" What a ministry of encouragement. What a gift of God's grace.

Let’s pray. Thank You Lord for the people You’ve brought into our lives who have treated us in a manner worthy of You, who have helped us to know and love You more and more because we have been in their presence.

Help us as we open our homes and our hearts to people, to send them on their way in a manner that is worthy of You, to treat guests as if it were Jesus Himself staying in our homes.

Lord, help us to minister grace, encouragement, peace, strength, and refreshing—even in these non-tangible ways. Fill us with Your Spirit that our homes may reflect the beauty of Your ways. I pray in Jesus’ name, amen.

Dannah: What kind of atmosphere do people experience when they enter your home? Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth has been helping us think that through. I hope you’ll invite someone over right away and put some of these ideas into practice.

I know that program went by fast. Would you spend some more time evaluating the atmosphere of your home? To help you do that, we’d like to send you a new Bible study from Revive Our Hearts. It’s called You’re Welcome Here: Embracing the Heart of Hospitality. It goes along with the teaching from Nancy in this series. 

One of our goals with this study is to dispel the myth that you have to have a perfect home before you can show hospitality. Regardless of where you are or your season in life, hospitality is for you. You’ll learn what God’s Word says about hospitality and how to cultivate a welcome home and heart. 

Request the You’re Welcome Here study when you make a donation of any amount to this ministry. It’s our way to thank you for your support. Either call us at 1-800-569-5959, or go to ReviveOurHearts.com. 

And while you’re on our website, don’t forget to check out the Spring Sale happening now. You’ll find meaningful gifts at a great price to celebrate the moms, dads, wedding couples, graduates, and more. Get all your shopping done in one place with inspirational, biblically-focused gifts, perfect for the people in your life and the events coming up this crazy season. That’s all at ReviveOurHearts.com. 

When you show hospitality, you’re serving others, but it’s so much more than that. Tomorrow, we’ll see how hospitality is not only for others, but for yourself, and for God. Please be back for Revive Our Hearts.

This program is a listener-supported production of Revive Our Hearts in Niles, Michigan, calling women to freedom, fullness, and fruitfulness in Christ.

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