Prayer-Focused Mentoring

Dannah Gresh: If you are ever tempted to think, I could never be a mentor. I’ve messed up too much,” Nancy Lindgren has this encouragement for you. 

Nancy Lindgren: God can use your story, and people need to hear your story. They’re going to be able to relate to you more than they’re going to relate to me, because you have a different story than I do. We need to share our stories with power!

Dannah: This is the Revive Our Hearts podcast with Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth, author of Adorned, for September 20, 2024. I’m Dannah Gresh.

Think for a moment about the people who influenced you. I hope you can name a few individuals, people who have helped you grow into a different, better person than you would have been had you not known them.

Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth: Wow, I could name more than a few individuals! I am so thankful for so many people who influenced me in my childhood, in my teen and young adult years, middle age . . . and even now as an older woman. Friendships are so key!

God made us social creatures, and He uses relationships with others to shape us. Scripture says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one man . . . or woman . . . sharpens another (see Proverbs 27:17). We can’t help but be formed and influenced by the people we hang out with.

Our guest today understands how important it is that we be intentional in our friendships. Nancy Lindgren is a national speaker, an author, and the founder and CEO of More Mentoring.Her desire is to inspire women to love and encourage others through what she calls “prayer-focused mentoring.” I love that! She’s going to explain more of what she means by that concept.

Nancy has authored or co-authored a series of seven books called Together: A Mentoring Guide for Mentors and Mentees. She has over thirty-five years of experience in mentoring, and she loves coaching those who want to grow in this whole area of mentoring relationships.

Nancy and her husband Mark are empty-nesters. They live in the mountains of Colorado, where she says, “Life is a little sweeter!” Not long ago Nancy sat down with Bob Lepine, who is the Chairman of the Revive Our Hearts Board of Directors, and they talked about prayer-focused mentoring.

Bob Lepine: Did you have a significant, influential mentor or mentors in your life who helped guide you spiritually?

Nancy L.: Yes, absolutely! My mentor right now is Fern Nichols, who is the founder of Moms in Prayer International.I’ve been a part of that ministry for about twenty-seven years. I remember watching her, not only on stage, but behind the scenes . . . and how she treated waitresses. 

She just was the most godly woman I had ever met. She had such an influence in my life, so I pursued her. I still remember the moment I picked up the phone to call her and ask if she would be my mentor. She didn’t answer the phone that day.

I hung up and said, “I could never ask this godly woman to be my mentor!” I waited six years to make another phone call! It just kept coming up, “Ask her to be your mentor!” And so I called her again and she answered, and she said, “Yes!”

So now we’re meeting on the phone once a month for one hour, and we pray together and I ask her questions and learn from her. I just love being around her because she loves Jesus so much. It just makes me love Jesus so much.

Bob: I remember somebody asking me once if I would mentor them. And I thought, I’m not sure what your expectation is or what my job description would be. So I think one of the reasons we’re a little intimidated—either being asked or asking—is we’re not sure exactly what we are asking for when we ask somebody to be a mentor.

Nancy L.: I know, yeah. The first time someone asked me to be a mentor, I was scared, and I thought, What are her expectations? I had those exact same thoughts. I just prayed about it and said, “Lord, do you want me to do this, and what does it look like?” And He said, “Do it!”

So I invited her over to my house and of course I brought my stack of Bible studies and books and all the things I thought she wanted to do together. But really when it came down to it, she just wanted to be with me. She wanted another mom who was a little further down the road than she was.

She was really nervous about her daughter going off to kindergarten, and she wanted to know how I handled it. I listened to her. I loved her. We just stepped into each others’ worlds, formed this relationship, and then we prayed about everything.

The more we continued to meet, the more we saw God answer our prayers! I just thought, This is so simple; it’s not that hard. Look what God is doing and the impact He is making! And that’s when the realization came to me: “I need to be sharing this with other people, like, we can do this!”

I think we think of being a mentor of this lofty thing. The definition feels really big—to give advice, to have all the answers. I just don’t see it that way. I see it as coming alongside another person and pointing them to Jesus. You show them what it looks like to love Jesus.

You live it out; you model it. They want to follow you, and they want to come alongside you, and it’s the togetherness that is what really matters.

Bob: There’s a book that came out about six or seven years ago that you’re probably familiar with. It’s called Organic Mentoring. I thought that was just helpful, because if we try to formalize it, it can really go sideways! 

Nancy L.: Yes, I know. I really have seen . . . I work with a lot of churches and help them start mentoring ministries. It’s been so interesting because as I’ve gone to those churches, it seems like about ten percent of those women that I’m working with are doing the organic mentoring. They are natural at it. 

They are pursuing each other. They’re praying together. I’m just applauding them saying, “Great job!” But I look at this ninety percent that don’t see themselves as mentors, and they don’t feel like they have something to offer. 

I want to speak into that ninety percent and say, “You can do this; it’s not hard. You can just be who you are, show up, be available.” Of course, we love organic mentoring, but sometimes they need a little bit, something more to help them take that first step. 

That’s why I’ve written mentoring guides to put into people’s hands and say, “You know what? Here are some questions you can ask each other. Here are some encouragement ideas. Here are some prayer prompts. Even looking at an attribute of God and studying His character qualities and praying specifically over every need you have.”

And just walking them through that. I think that is just a little helpful tool in their hands if it doesn’t come organically.

Bob: Now, every time you’ve answered a question about mentoring, prayer has been a part of this. 

Nancy L.: Can you tell!? (laughter)

Bob: Why is that so vital?

Nancy L.: Oh, my goodness! When I was a part of Moms in Prayer International for twenty-seven years—and that’s moms praying for their children in schools—we would pray together, we started every prayer time with praise. And so, I got to know God through that prayer time, and it’s changed my life!

So, I want to be able to be a woman who teaches other women how to pray, and how to start with praise, how to get to know God. Because, truly, when you know your God, everything else becomes pretty small. He becomes really great, and our problems really become pretty small.

 

That first mentee who asked me to be a mentor, she wanted to know how to pray. She said, “Nancy, this has changed my life! You’ve taught me how to pray!” So I just think, if that’s what we’re modeling and teaching someone, how to get to know God through prayer . . .

Now I see her teaching other people, little girls how to pray, other women how to pray. The ripple effect that goes out is an amazing thing to watch! I really just want to be pointing people to Jesus. It’s not about me giving advice. We need God—the greatest mentor we could ever have—to be a part of our lives!

Bob: What do you see about mentoring as you look at the life of Moses?

Nancy L.: You know, I love Moses. I think he is probably one of the greatest mentors in the Bible besides God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. I look at him when God called him to go and lead the people out of Egypt, to go to Pharaoh. He had several things he was wrestling with.

He had insecurity. His first words were, “Who am I?” I think, mentors, we can go right there, too. “Who am I to be doing this? I don’t have much to offer. I’m insignificant.” And then I think he just felt inadequate, he felt insignificant, he felt small. He didn’t have the words to say: “I’m not eloquent enough.” All those things went through his mind.

I think as potential mentors, we can have all those same feelings. But what I like to think of in the passage in Exodus chapters 3 and 4, when Moses said, “Who am I?” God’s response was, “I am who.”

Even in my mind, in those moments when I feel insecure, inadequate, insignificant—all those “i” words. When I’m focusing on “I,” I’m not focusing on God. And God says, “I am who! I am who has called you. I am who has chosen you. I am your defender. I will be with you!” And I just want to be that kind of a person that I’m not just focused on me, but I’m focused on this great “I AM who.”

Bob: Do you think everybody is called to be a mentor?

Nancy L.: I do. I think no matter what season in life we are . . . I started as a teenager in high school. I had a really dear friend as a sophomore, and I was a senior in high school. Her mom died that year.

I just came alongside her. I didn’t know what I was doing, and I didn’t know what to say. I sat with her on dark days. I listened to her a lot. I didn’t have a lot of advice; I'd never been through anything like that. I didn’t fix it. I just was with her. And to this day she calls me her mentor. That word wasn’t even used back then.

I think it’s a powerful vision of what it can look like to just come alongside another person. And so, for me, I always want someone who’s a little further down the road who is investing in me, but I always want to be looking back and seeing who’s a little bit behind me that I can walk alongside and point them to Jesus.

Bob: So is there a difference between having a mentor and having a girlfriend?

Nancy L.: I think so. I think a mentor, not that she’s necessarily giving you advice or passing on wisdom, but she does have wisdom. She has more experience, and she does share that through her life.

I think a girlfriend can be a side-by-side friend, and that’s awesome. I have many girlfriends that we are just side-by-side. But it’s really sweet to have someone who has more experience, who has walked with Jesus longer than I have, and I can learn from her. I think it’s really important to have that in our lives.

Bob: Is it important for someone who is a mentor to be conscious of the fact that that’s what God has called them to, rather than just, “I have a younger friend,” but “I’m in a mentoring relationship.”

Nancy L.: Yes, and sometimes we don’t even call it that. That’s where that organic mentoring comes in. I just believe we can have an influence. I think a mentor is an influencer . . . and whatever that looks like. God has written a story over our lives that we can share with other people.

It may look messy, and it may not be pretty. I’ve had many women who feel unqualified to be a mentor, because they look at their own life, they look at their own kids who maybe are not walking with the Lord, and they feel like, “I am unworthy to pour into another woman because my life has not turned out the way they thought it would.”

And I just say, “No.” I say, “God can use your story, and people need to hear your story. They’re going to be able to relate to you more than they’re going to relate to me, because you have a different story than I do.” 

So we need to share our stories with power! Our stories go out, and they defeat the enemy by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony, so we need to be sharing our testimonies!

Bob: Yes. My experience has been that. When I’m talking about failures and weaknesses, I’m much more relatable.

Nancy L.: Exactly, it’s so true! They trust you even more if you share the hard things, and you share how God got you through. Life isn’t always perfect, and it is hard. That’s where we share each other’s burdens, and we’re not just carrying them on our own, but we come alongside and we share.

Bob: Do you ever outgrow the need for a mentor?

Nancy L.: Outgrow? That is a good question. I don’t think so. If I’m eighty years old, I want to find someone who’s a little further down the path than I am and seek her out and still learn. I think if we stay teachable, and we know that we don’t have everything figured out, no matter what age we are, then we’re going to always need a mentor in our lives.

Bob: Have you had any mentoring relationships go sour?

Nancy L.: You know, I had one that was really short, because this woman, I don’t believe, knew Jesus. I think when it came to that prayer time, even though I said, “You don’t have to pray out loud, I would just love to pray for you.” I think that was a hard thing for her. She didn’t know God, and it’s hard to pray when you don’t know God, so she went quiet on me.

But that’s about the only one I can think of. Most every one has been such a blessing in my life. They’ve impacted me as much as I probably have impacted them, and it’s a beautiful friendship that has come out of mentorship.

Bob: Have there been times when, in seeking to graciously gently offer counsel, you’ve stepped on toes?

Nancy L.: That’s good! That’s a good question. You know, my spiritual gift is encouragement, and so that comes really easy for me. The confronting or the challenging or the saying the hard things doesn’t come as easy for me. 

I think that’s where prayer-focused mentoring helps. I don’t feel like I have to be God in their lives, but I can say, “You know what? Let’s take this to the Lord.” I can let Him be the One who convicts and speaks to them about those things.

Not that I don’t speak up if they’re really going against something that is biblical and in God’s Word. I will speak up when it comes to that. But in those smaller things, I really try to let God be the Holy Spirit and speak into their lives and let Him be the One who brings that conviction.

Bob: I’m thinking of a working mom who's got three kids and is going, “When I get past the crazy season I’m in, then maybe I’ll have space or time for a mentor.” What’s your counsel there?

Nancy L.: Oh my goodness, I have such a passion for young moms! That’s where this whole ministry started. When God called me to start the ministry of More Mentoring back in 2014, I said, “I don’t know how to do that! Show me, God, what that looks like.” He put thirteen young moms in my life that first year!

And so one by one by one I stepped into their lives. They were busy. Life was crazy and chaotic! But I would show up, and we would stand around their kitchen counter, we would go to the park, we would sit in their living rooms. I’d go to them and get in their world.

I’d invite them to come to my house too. We’d sit around my kitchen table. We made time for it because I knew they needed it, and they wanted it. We had the kids right there at our feet, and it didn’t matter. We were still going to meet together, we were still going to pray together because they were desperate to have someone who could come alongside them and just encourage, pray with them, love them right where they were at. I could look them in the eyes and say, “You’re doing a great job!”

Bob: So did you initiate those, as opposed to waiting for them to pull on you?

Nancy L.: You know, I think it was twosome. There were times that they would ask me, there were times when I would go after them and pursue them. So, I don’t think it’s necessarily one pursuing the other all the time.

I think we all need to be looking for somebody: who is God putting in your path who can you pour into, and then you just say, “Yes, Lord, I’m available.”

Bob: And the passage that always comes to mind for me is 1 Timothy 2, where Paul says, “What’s been entrusted to you, pass on to faithful men.” Who is speaking into your life and whose life are you speaking into? That’s what we’re talking about here.

Nancy L.: Right! Yes, absolutely. I love that passage, too. I think of Titus 2 as well, for the older women to teach and train the younger women. I think for me, those words, “teach and train” were really intimidating. You know, I might not have the gift of teaching, and a lot of people maybe don’t. And to see those words is really hard, and I think that’s what can stop us in our tracks.

But when I began to think of teaching and training as being modeling and living out in front of somebody else . . . What does it sound like? What does it look like as I walk with Jesus? As I’m a wife? As I’m a mother? I just share with them what God is doing. I think it’s that modeling that comes through.

I’ve had people tell me, “Nancy, you’ve taught me how to pray.” And I’ve thought, I haven’t had a whiteboard up there and written down, “Here’s how you do it.” I’ve just prayed, and I’ve invited them to pray with me. 

They’ve heard me talk to a loving God, a loving Father, my best friend. They’ve heard how it sounds so natural and that has taught them how to pray. So if we can get over that hurdle of the teaching and training and just live out a godly life in front of them, that’s really what they want.

Bob: Is there a difference between mentoring and discipling somebody?

Nancy L.: I get asked that a lot. I see mentorship as a form of discipleship. In Matthew 28, Scripture says, “Go and make disciples.” So every one of us has that call on our lives, but it can look different. It can be a small group; it can be teaching on a stage; it can be one-on-one.

I know my passion is one-on-one prayer-focused mentoring. I feel like that is a form of discipleship. It might not be a teacher/student of, ”We’re going through a deep study” of something. But it’s coming alongside, side-by-side. “Relational discipleship” is what I like to call it.

Nancy W.: Those are some helpful thoughts on prayer-focused mentoring as a form of discipleship from Nancy Lindgren. She was talking to Bob Lepine. Her series of books on this subject is called Together: A Mentoring Guide for Mentors and Mentees. 

You’ll find more information about how you can order that resource at a link in the transcript of this program at ReviveOurHearts.com. There’s also a way for you to watch a video of their conversation.

Dannah: Again, our website is ReviveOurHearts.com, and look for this episode on “Prayer-Focused Mentoring.”

In our remaining time today, we want to hear two quick stories that touch on this mentoring theme.

Nancy W.: That’s right. First up is a listener named Sandy. She’s living out Titus 2 relationships within her own family.

Dannah: When Sandy sat down with our team to record these comments, she says this program has been instrumental.

Sandy Byrd: God has really used Revive Our Hearts and Nancy’s teaching in our family starting with me, to my daughter Lauren, to my daughter Katherine, to their children. It’s kind of an ongoing joke in our house. We are in conversation sometimes about biblical things, and our oldest particularly would say, “Well, what would Nancy have to say about that?” (laughter)

So, we know that it’s from the Lord, but we also lean heavily on Nancy’s teaching.

Dannah: She gave us an example of how her own hunger to learn and ingest sound teaching is affecting multiple generations.

Sandy: Our oldest daughter, Lauren, and her husband Neil live in rural Arkansas. They have a working cattle ranch where they raise show cattle, and all five kids work daily on the farm. 

Our oldest granddaughter, Kiersten, listens to Revive Our Hearts. She listens while she’s in the barn. A couple of years ago she asked if Bill and I for Christmas if we would get her a wireless speaker that she could use to broadcast throughout the barn while she does her work.

Nancy on a Revive Our Hearts program: “One generation shall commend your works to another and shall declare Your mighty acts” (Psalm 145:4). It’s one generation telling another, telling the next, telling the next . . .

Sandy: She has it turned up. She’s listening, and she’s working, and she’s learning, and she’s pouring out what she’s learning to her siblings. It’s just very encouraging!

Nancy on a Revive Our Hearts program: So every believer, every child of God, every Christian is to first grow up in Christ, and then we are to become fruitful ourselves.

Dannah: I love that! I need to get a speaker for my barn! Sandy shared another way she’s been able to invest in her grandchildren. She said she tried to take them to a True Woman conference.

Sandy: I was a little late getting a hotel room, so instead I decided to travel to Arkansas. Kiersten’s dad, Neil, set up a computer in the living room so that we could watch the conference online.

The night before, we went to dinner and had a special dinner, just Kiersten and Lauren, her mom, and I. And then the next day we started the conference. We sat there for two days in the living room worshiping, praying, listening, learning. It was an incredible experience!

But it was not just Kiersten and I, it was also her two younger siblings Blair and Cora. At the time Blair was eight and Cora was six. My heart was so touched. I just looked around and I thought, What a legacy!

Dannah: Sandy’s desire to reach others has overflowed beyond even her immediate family.

Sandy: Bill and I have been partners with Revive Our Hearts for several years now because we see the impact that it has on women around the world. It’s through that impact that the world is changed . . . and for generations. This is truly a generational change!

To see my kids and grandkids follow the Lord, it’s just almost unspeakable! I’m so grateful to the Lord for what He has done in our family. As a grandmother and a mom, that is my reward, and it’s just the greatest!

Nancy W.: Oh, I love that! That’s the audio from a video that you’ll find linked in the transcript of this program at ReviveOurHearts.com. Sandy is living out Psalm 145, verse 4, which says: “One generation will declare Your works to the next and proclaim Your mighty acts.” (CSB).

And for Sandy’s family, that’s happening in a barn! It’s happening in a living room, and in conversations throughout life.

Dannah: So true, and just a quick note here that Revive Our Hearts just came out with a brand-new ten-day email challenge specifically for grandparents. You can look for the Grandparenting on Purpose challenge on our website.

Nancy, you know I mentioned we were going to hear two stories. To set up the second one, let me say this: we hear from listeners all the time who tell us they think of Revive Our Hearts, you and your teaching, as their mentor.

Nancy W.: Oh, that’s so sweet! I’ve even received Mother’s Day cards from people I’ve never met! I’ve got to say that is really gratifying, and humbling, too.

Dannah: Well, not too long ago a sweet note came in through the chat function on our website. Do you want to tell us about that?

Nancy W.: I’d love to! A listener wrote to tell us she’s been listening to Revive Our Hearts for five years now. She said she listens and takes notes every day while she’s on the train going to work or when she’s cooking in the kitchen. She said, 

Recently I went through an especially tough time when I lost my younger brother who went to be with the Lord after a short illness. Then, only a year later, my nephew and my niece also died. 

Wow, can you imagine!? She went on, 

I started questioning God, until I listened to your series on Habbakuk. 

Now, as you may know, Habakkuk was a prophet who initially struggled with the Lord. He didn’t like how God was going about things, but he chose to trust the Lord who was working behind the scenes. This woman said, 

I also had to trust God, believing by faith that the Lord had allowed it [speaking of the difficult things in her family.] He continues to console me and give me peace. 

Wow! I’m so thankful that this woman shared that story. I pray that God will continue to bring her comfort in her grief.

You know, it’s a huge privilege for Revive Our Hearts to be used by God to encourage listeners like these two we’ve just heard from. We can’t take any credit for that. This is God’s Spirit applying His Word to their lives. We’re just channels. 

So, thank you for supporting Revive Our Hearts. You’re helping us deliver God’s Word to women on trains or in barns or in living rooms or kitchens—or wherever—all around the world!

Dannah: That’s right! And this month in appreciation for your donation of any amount to Revive Our Hearts, we’ll send you a copy of Nancy’s book Adorned: Living Out the Beauty of the Gospel Together. Just request it when you give at ReviveOurHearts.com/donate, or when you call 1-800-569-5959. And let me just say in advance, “Thank you!”

Nancy W.: Yes, thank you so much! Your prayers and your giving mean more than you could possibly imagine! 

Well, on Monday, Dannah, you’re going to be talking about the next phrase we find in Titus chapter 2. That’s the one that says older women should teach younger women to be pure. That concept of purity has gotten trampled on a lot these days, but it’s a great Bible word! I know our listeners will look forward to hearing what you have to say about that.

Dannah: Thanks, and hey, I hope you have a great weekend! Go to church, worship Jesus with your church family and then . . . be back for Revive Our Hearts.

This program is a listener-supported production of Revive Our Hearts in Niles, Michigan, calling women to freedom, fullness, and fruitfulness in Christ!

*Offers available only during the broadcast of the podcast season.