Teaching Boys to Love God’s Word

Dannah Gresh: If you were to hang around with Erin Davis and her sons you might hear something like this . . .

Erin Davis: I’d say, “What’s a man without self-control?” They’d say, “A city without walls.”

Dannah: That’s from Proverbs 25:28.

Erin: I could say, “When does a friend love?” And they could say back to me, “A friend loves at all times” (Prov. 17:17). 

Dannah: Erin’s about to share about how you can incorporate Scripture into your daily conversations with your children. This is the Revive Our Hearts podcast for November 9, 2023. I’m Dannah Gresh, and our host is the author of Lies Women Believe, Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth.

Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth: In Deuteronomy chapter 6, God tells His people to treasure His commands, to make sure they are deep in their own hearts. 

And then He says, “Impress those commands on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up” (see Deut. 6:7–8). In other words, “All the time!” Erin and Jason Davis are working to live out that verse as they raise four sons.

Jason is the Marketing Manager here at Revive Our Hearts, and Erin is the Manager of Content for Revive Our Hearts and a co-host of the Grounded podcast. Erin and Jason are also the authors of a new book for eight to twelve year-old boys that we’re very excited about around here! 

It’s called Lies Boys Believe and the Epic Quest for Truth. Today Jason and Erin are talking with Dannah Gresh about incorporating Scripture into the normal rhythms of everyday life. If you’d like to watch this conversation you can see the whole thing on video by visiting ReviveOurHearts.com.

And sending a link to that video would be a great way to share this conversation with parents you know. Here’s Dannah.

Dannah: How are you, the Davises, (not that that’s the way everybody does it, but how are you) rooting your boys in the truth of God’s Word?

Erin: Well, I want to be clear to say that I am a cracked pot married to a cracked pot raising cracked pots.

Jason Davis: We’re not sitting here saying we have it a hundred percent figured out, “Do what we do,” at all! But we’re trying real hard!

Erin: Right. I think more than anything our North Star, so to speak, is that our sons would know Jesus as their Savior, that they would love His Word, and they would seek to live out His Word. So, yeah, everyone wants their kids to grow to be good kids, you know.

Everybody wants to have a strong relationship with their kid. You don’t have to be a Christian for that to be your mantra in parenting. We all have that goal. We all want our kids to be healthy. We all want to see our kids thriving.

But the difference for Christian parenting is that our litmus test for that is spiritual. Do they have a relationship with Jesus? And then once they have a relationship with Jesus because they understand the gospel and they’ve responded to the gospel, do they see God’s Word as their source of truth, and do they know how to live their lives by it?

And then that becomes not a one-time conversation, just like for the rest of us. In 2 John 4 we read, “I rejoiced greatly to find some of your children walking in the truth, just as we were commanded by the Father.” So to me that’s a picture: I want my sons to be walking in the truth, to be living it out day by day. So I think there are lots of ways that we do it.

As we said, we’ve got kids in different phases. And man, as soon as you figure out a phase, things tend to change with them! But I think we’re consistent in going to church, and as our kids have gotten older, that’s gotten harder.

Dannah: You’ve got to fight the culture!

Erin: Because then there are activities and sports. There’s a woman in my Bible study whose kids are now young adults. Just a few weeks ago she sat in Bible study and wept over what she missed by a period of years with her boys where she let other things move them out of that habit of church and the implications she now sees in her adult sons.

So I know it feels basic, but it has become countercultural that, “We are a family that goes to church.” We read the Scripture at night to our sons.

Jason: We pray with them.

Erin: We pray with them consistently.

Jason: They know we pray for them even when we are not praying with them at the moment. 

Erin: We live in an old farmhouse, and when we bought it we gutted it. There was a point in the remodel where we kind of stopped the work and I handed out Sharpies. I asked our family and friends that were helping us to write their favorite Scripture verses on the walls and on the subfloors.

You couldn’t see it if you came now, but truly on every wall and every floor and every beam of our home that was exposed during that remodel there’s Scripture. And that’s a pretty good picture of how I hope we parent. 

It’s all the time, that’s Deuteronomy 6. It’s as we go, it’s as we’re driving, it’s during hard conversations and easy conversations. It’s just an ongoing conversation with our boys.

Jason: And in conversations that aren’t necessarily about Scripture or biblical things, we tie that back in because there are biblical principles that lead to answers to questions that are not necessarily about the Bible: “How should I respond to this situation?”

“I was spoken badly about,” or “I saw somebody mean to someone else,” or “My friend is doing X, Y, or Z. How do I respond to that?” That’s not the way they ask the question, of course, but when we answer those questions it’s not just, “Here’s what you need to do,” or “Here’s what I think.” It goes back to scriptural principles.

Erin: And we teach our sons from little. I mean, there’s a lot of data that the best way to teach your child a second language is to start young. Well, that’s true for Spanish and German and Korean; that’s also true for the language of Scripture. They can grasp Scripture. We parent a lot with Scripture.

If I were to say to my sons—any of them—“What’s a man without self-control?” They’d say, “A city without walls” (Prov. 25:28). And that’s straight from Scripture. I could say, “When does a friend love?” They could say back to me, “A friend loves at all times” (Prov. 17:17). 

There’s a song we sing: 

Obey, I love to obey.
Obey, I love to obey.
Obey, I love to obey.

Then I could ask them, “What does it help me do?” And then they know the ending: 

I-i-t helps me pro-osper!

That’s Scripture that God’s Word—His law—is for our good!

So I hope it’s not “programmed” in our family. It’s intentional, but it is just a part of the way that we live our lives with our boys . . . down to our decorating decisions! If you did come into our home, you’d see a lot of Scripture on our walls; you’d see Scripture in their bedrooms.

That’s not an accident. It’s because we want Scripture to be as much the foundation of our home as the actual foundation!

Dannah: You know, what you’re describing I think sounds all-encompassing. It reminds me of Deuteronomy 6, which is one of my favorite parenting verses. And you’re talking about this all-encompassing sitting, walking, standing, lying down discipleship.

Erin: Yes.

Dannah: It doesn’t sound like you have Friday night family devos. 

Jason: No. 

Erin: We don’t. I think that’s admirable, those families that do. Our boys have a lot of energy, and we have a relatively complex family schedule. So we don’t have everybody sit in a circle with their Bibles open family devotions.

Jason: But again, that’s great if people do that. Our mindset is a little more all-encompassing, like you said. It’s not like, “Okay, we’re compartmentalizing, so now that part of our life is set aside and now we’re doing devotionals.”

It’s when we’re going to the grocery store, when we’re at the park, when we’re on the way to church, on the way home from church. Those are usually times where there are fights that break out near the back of the van. “In our comings and goings,” is the way we desire.

Dannah: Can you take me to a time when you took advantage of a moment in regular life-living that you as a dad said, “This is an opportunity for me to infuse them with some scriptural truth.”

Jason: So, we live on a small farm out in the boonies, and we like it that way. Part of living on a small farm is we raise a lot of our own food—whether it’s the garden or steers in the field or chickens, meat birds that we raise up.

And when I’m doing slaughtering and butchering and things like that, the boys are a part of it. So they’re more connected to the source of their food than a lot of folks probably are, which is very intentional as well.

But we talk about that as we’re slaughtering birds, as we’re butchering game that we hunted, or any of those things. Many times we’ve talked about the fact that in order for us to live, in order for us to have the sustenance for life, something else has to die. That alone is a pretty interesting concept, right?

But the fact that for us to have an abundant life, for us to have a relationship with God through Jesus Christ—which is true life—something had to die. And we can tie that back to the garden of Eden when God created coverings for Adam and Eve. How did He do that? He killed an animal and made those coverings.

Ultimately in the sacrifice of Jesus Christ for us to have abundant life, life to its fullest, something, some One had to die for that to happen, for us to have sustenance and the ability to go on. That’s one example.

Dannah: That’s beautiful! And this is an animal lover saying that.

Jason: Yes, and me, too. I love animals.

Dannah: I know,but that’s just beautiful! I love that lesson. So you’re taking every opportunity and you’re searching the database in your head and your heart for, “How do I use this as an object lesson to teach my boys to be rooted in the truth of God.”

Jason: Well, yes and no. It’s not me going, “Here’s a great Bible verse that I want to teach my kids.” It’s me knowing the Bible; it’s me being familiar with Scripture. And when those situations arise, the dots connect automatically.

So I’m not creating situations in life, necessarily, that illustrate a biblical principle. I’m doing life with my children and that’s bringing about the thought of the biblical principle because I’m familiar with Scripture. I read it myself. I’m not just picking and pulling pieces to impart to my children.

Dannah: I love that. Jason, what would you say to the dad who feels overwhelmed by what you’re saying? Maybe his wife said, “I heard this program. You have to listen to this podcast, this is great! I want you to be this man!”

Erin: Don’t do that, Wife! 

Jason: No, don’t!

Dannah: But he’s feeling intimidated by what you’re saying. I know this happens all the time. He thinks, “How do you start to be that kind of father?!” What would you say to him, how would you encourage him?

Jason: I would say there’s actually an easier way to impart those truths to your child. What you have to do, you don’t have to think of this elaborate teaching strategy or object lessons or anything like that. You just have to read your Bible and soak in it and be familiar with it. And then simply be aware when those situations arise.

So the great thing is, the preparation is not just preparing something to teach your children, but it’s growing in your own faith, it’s becoming deeper, it’s becoming more aware of scriptural teaching. It’s reading the Bible and just meditating on it and being familiar with it and then being willing to share those insights with your children when the opportunities arise, because the opportunities are there.

If you’re familiar with Scripture, those opportunities to bring up biblical principles as you’re going through life are nearly constant! So it’s an easier way to do it. So what I’d say to him is, “This is not a comparison situation. If you, Sir, and I compared our lives, you would win in a great many ways, I am certain!”

“But if you want to teach your children biblical principles and have them live those out, the best way to go about it is to be deeply familiar with Scripture yourself and then just be aware of opportunities as they come up and talk about those with your children.”

Erin: And the name of this book is Lies Boys Believe, but it’s from a family of books. And everybody of every age and gender is susceptible to lies, which have a source—the deceiver. And so we have to learn in our own lives first as parents that there is a liar, and that his native language is lies. He tells us lies and we can identify those lies by knowing the truth. When we know the truth, we can combat the lies and stand in the truth. 

Every parent probably has heard the phrase, “There’s more caught than taught,” and it’s true. So they need to see us walking in freedom. And they need to see, as Jason has said so many times, “You’re not going to teach your kids the Bible if you’re not in the Bible. It has to be an outflow of your own walk with the Lord.” I don’t think there’s a shortcut to that.

 

Dannah: No, I don’t either. Erin, in the book Lies Boys Believe you’ve identified ten lies that boys sometimes are prone to believe. They’re different lies than women believe or men believe or girls believe—some of the other books that are in the lineup. Tell us one of them.

Erin: Mmm, one that comes to mind is, “I don’t need Jesus. I’m a good boy!” I think we can think the lies are these big scary things, like these obvious things. Well, lies are often more subtle than that. If they werent, we wouldn’t fall for them!

But I think there are a lot of kids who are like, “Well, I make good grades. I haven’t been grounded in awhile. Yeah, I go to church, but what’s the big deal?” And so it goes back to that gospel again, which is, that you can be a good boy. Of course! Our boys are good boys. But that doesn’t erase their need for Jesus! So at some level they have to understand depravity, they have to understand that they have a sin nature. And that can be hard for a very good boy to understand.

You know some boys, some of our boys even, kind of naturally gravitate towards making the wrong choices. And some of our boys would just toe the line every time. And so, how do we explain to them the gospel? 

How do we teach them that, “Yeah, you are a good boy, but you have a deep need for a Savior! Your goodness cannot ultimately secure you a relationship with God, because Jesus is the Standard.” And so, that’s one of the lies. I think that came out of our own family.

Jason: Yeah. I mean, it’s great to be a good boy. An interesting turn of phrase: the best lie has a strong element of truth—maybe 90 percent of the lie being truth. “Is it good to be a good boy?” Of course! “Does God want us to do right?” Of course He does!

But, “Is anyone good enough that they don’t need a Savior?” And the answer to that is absolutely not! Because we all fall short.

Erin: And then on the other side of the spectrum, maybe a kid who’s wired a little differently, another lie in the book is, “I can’t control my anger!” I think there are probably some boys who are not that boy that always makes the right choice. They’re not that boy that always gets the good grades. They’re not that boy that never gets in trouble.

They are that boy that maybe wants to be good but has this explosive temper or this chronic struggle with self-control, or whatever, and “That’s just who I am! I can’t control myself!” Well, Scripture talks about self-control, which is really Spirit control. God is not going to call us to something that is impossible.

So what does the Bible teach about . . . Listen, kids aren’t the only ones with tempers! But we don’t want them to excuse it, “That’s just who I am. I can’t control that!” That’s one of the lies we look at in the book.

Dannah: Yeah, I remember when my son, Robby . . . I think we believe that girls go through this very strong physiological change when they become women.

Erin: Well, they do.

Dannah: They become very emotional; they can cry more. My son, with the download of testosterone that started happening in his body became . . . Robby is not anywhere close to anything but gentle, but I got body slams all the time, or he was more reactive. 

Or there were times he was tussling with his sister and she would get hurt. They don’t know what to do sometimes with that testosterone download, and it becomes anger. And they don’t know that just like a girl's body changing isn’t an excuse to be sinful and mean, that that download of testosterone was created for you to use it for God’s good, for the strength of others, for doing just things. You have to teach boys that.

Erin: Right.

Nancy: Well, Dannah, I don’t think we’ve ever used that phrase before on Revive Our Hearts: “download of testosterone!” (laughter)

Dannah: Right!

Nancy: But your conversation with Jason and Erin Davis has been so important! All of us are called to be part of passing on the truth to the next generation. And that involves understanding the needs of boys in today’s world.

Dannah: That’s right.

Nancy: As we’ve been sharing with you this week, Jason and Erin have written a new book called Lies Boys Believe and the Epic Quest for Truth. Boys are going to love this fiction adventure story! 

As they read it, they’ll discover that God’s Word is a treasure and that they are called on a quest for truth, a quest to live for Him. So if you have an eight to twelve year-old boy in your home, or you know a family who does, I hope you’ll get them a copy. 

We’ll send you Lies Boys Believe and the accompanying parent’s guide as our thanks when you support Revive Our Hearts with a suggested donation.

Dannah: Just visit ReviveOurHearts.com to make your donation and request your copy of Lies Boys Believe. You’ll also receive the parent’s guide to help you know how to engage with boys about what they’re reading. Again, visit ReviveOurHearts.com, or call 1-800-569--5959.

If you enjoyed hearing from Erin on today’s program, I hope you’ll check out her teaching podcast calledThe Deep Well. In fact, let’s listen to a clip from the latest series. It’s also called “Lies Boys Believe.”

Erin: Let’s fast forward twenty years. Those who are boys now have become men. They are our pastors. They are the elders in our churches. They are our Bible teachers. They lead in business. They lead in education. They lead in government. 

They are husbands, they are fathers and as such they play an essential role in shaping future families and in passing the baton of truth to the generations to come. Let’s imagine first the collateral damage if our families, our churches, our whole societies are being influenced by men who don’t know the difference between lies and truth.

That’s not terribly hard to imagine, is it, because that’s the world we’re living in. So let’s consider the alternative: families led by men who have pledged their allegiance to the authority of the Word of God. Churches, pastors, elders ready and willing to stand at their post and fight back against the relentless attacks of the evil ones.

It’s almost impossible to imagine, but I refuse to believe that we could never have leaders in government again who will stand on truth, so let’s try to imagine it: Christian politicians who resist all deception and tell the truth and lead the people in their care to build our lives on God’s Word! It could happen; it has happened.

Business leaders who resist all deception and refuse to build companies on the lies of the enemy, instead build their companies on the plumb line of God’s Word. It’s possible, you know. When I look into the faces of my four sons—Eli, Noble, Judah, and Ezra—I believe it’s possible.

I pray that God would raise them up, even though I know the stakes, even though I know what it will cost my boys, and cost me as their momma, for them to become men who build their lives on God’s truth. I still want it for them. I still want it for us. I pray that God would raise them up as a generation of men committed to fighting lies and standing up for what’s true.

Jesus, we thank You for Your Word. We thank You that by the power of Your Holy Spirit we have each seen the lies of the enemy for what they are, we’ve seen the enemy for what he is, he’s a liar. And we’ve seen You for what You are: You are the Truth, Your Word is truth! And we pray for these boys. I will let my boys be the stand-in for boys all around the world.

Lord, I pray for Eli, I pray for Noble, I pray for Judah, I pray for Ezra, Lord. I know the enemy’s attacks on their lives aren’t going to end, so I’m not going to pray that they would. But I pray that they would stand tall and firm on Your truth, God. I pray that You would raise them up as husbands, fathers, pastors, leaders, shepherds committed to Your Word, committed to Your church, committed to the truth. We trust You for a generation of men committed to your Word. It’s in Your name I pray, amen.

Dannah: That’s Erin Davis from The Deep Well podcast. Erin just released a new series on the podcast called “Lies Boys Believe.”All eight episodes in the series were released this week, so you can binge-listen! Check out The Deep Well podcast by visiting ReviveOurHearts.com.

Tomorrow, Jason and Erin Davis will be back, and they’ll address this lie that boys sometimes believe: following Jesus is boring. I know some adults that believe that, too! We will counter that lie with the truth. Please be back for Revive Our Hearts.

Revive Our Hearts with Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth is calling you to freedom, fullness, and fruitfulness in Christ.

All Scripture is taken from the ESV.

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