Valuing Purity in a Hostile World

Leslie Basham: Here's author and speaker, Mary Kassian.

Mary Kassian: Ladies, our relationship with our Lord needs to make a difference in the way that we relate to men. The behavior of women who profess to worship God is different than the behavior of women who do not. If we profess to worship God, we welcome His spotlight on our lives. We say, “Lord, shine it. Show me where I’m wrong. And in Your love and grace and mercy, correct me and give me the strength and the guts to make it right.”

Leslie: This is Revive Our Hearts with Nancy Leigh DeMoss for Wednesday, July 17.

Nancy Leigh DeMoss: In the book of Proverbs we find a contrast between two kinds of women—the wise woman and the foolish woman. This week on Revive Our Hearts we’ve been listening to a message by my good friend, author, and speaker, Mary Kassian, called, "Girls Gone Wise and a World Gone Wild."

Mary’s been talking through the characteristics of the foolish woman in Proverbs chapter 7. We’re seeing how the thinking and the lifestyle of that foolish woman is very similar to much of the thinking we find in our world today.

Mary originally delivered this message at a break-out session at the True Woman ’08 conference. When we first planned these break-out sessions, we had no idea how many women to expect attending them. We were astonished to find on that Friday afternoon that women didn’t go shopping, they didn’t go out to eat, they stayed for those sessions and packed out the break-out sessions from wall to wall. In spite of the logistical challenges that it possed, it was so encouraging to see the incredible desire that women have to know what it means to be a true woman of God.

In fact, ateach of the True Woman Conferences, there’s been an emphasis on deep, personal heart change. We’re praying for that attitude again next year at True Woman '14. The theme is: Freedom, Fullness and Fruitfulness in Christ. I hope you’ll get that date on your calendar—October 9–11, 2014. Start making plans to join our team, along with speakers such as: Mary Kassian, Janet Parshall, Joni Eareckson Tada as well as others in Indianapolis.

Today we’ll hear the final part of the message, "Girls Gone Wise in a World Gone Wild." When we left off yesterday, Mary was talking about the importance of sexual purity. Today she’s going to pick back up at that point.

Mary: We’re told that the wise woman makes coverings for her bed. Your bed is important, girls.

A few years ago I was convicted of this because I still had my . . . My dad built me some French provincial girl furniture when I was thirteen years old, and that was still my bedroom forty years later. Because I’m pragmatic, and I didn’t have a girl I could give it to, and I just never really thought that it was important. It is important. I’m a maker of my home. I create those spaces and those places. I create the message for my husband that I understand that this is a holy and a sacred thing. It is something I’m committed to, because I understand what it is all about. It’s not about me; it’s not about him. It’s about something way bigger.

Do not wrong men. First Thessalonians 4:4–6 talks about that we wrong men when we interact with them in the wrong way with regard to our sexuality. When we withhold what ought to be given or give what ought to be withheld, we wrong them.    

Values [part of the list of ways to distinguish wild women]. The wayward woman, wild woman has adopted worldly values. It says that she has colored linens from Egypt. The worldly value of, “Yes, I’m embracing a culture that God took me out of.” That's what this is a picture of. The picture isn't going down to Linen and Things and we've got to look for "Made in the USA" bed linens. The picture of Egypt is that it is what He brought us out of. Don’t go back there in terms of what you value, in terms of what you hold near and dear to your heart.

The Bible says that the wise woman values what God values, not with gold, pearls, expensive clothes. All those things, as nice as they are, are not what she truly cherishes in her heart of hearts. Dedication to Christ is what the wise woman values, and it says she cultivates the kind of personality and demeanor and interaction that is of great worth to God.

Edification. The wild woman destroys and discards men. She is a male-basher. Verse 26, she brings him down, and there’s a mighty throng that she has brought down, that she has torn down.

Women, it grieves my heart when I hear women bringing down their husbands or men in general, and it grieves the heart of God.

The Bible says a godly woman is not a male-basher. It breaks my heart when I read Proverbs, and it says a wise woman builds her house, but a foolish one tears it down—with what?—with her own hands. As Christian women, we are called to be respectful and honoring of all the men in our life and not to bash them.

A wise woman, a godly woman respects and honors men in speech and in her attitudes and in her behavior. We’re told that she brings her husband good and not harm. Ladies, when we hurt our husbands, we are hurting our own households.

It says that her husband is respected because she edifies him; she builds him up. She is the one who knows all his faults, and yet says, “Go for it, dear, you can do it. I believe in you. I’m behind you.”

Commitment. The wayward woman, the wild woman can't sustain relationships. There's a might throng. She's gone through a whole list of men. There are many; it's a highway—it's a highway to the grave.

We’re told that the godly woman, the woman of wisdom honors her commitment all the days of her life, and she doesn’t give in to fear. It’s a scary thing—submission is a scary thing, is it not? We’re afraid that if we lay down our lives and we give up our own rights, that we’re going to get trampled on, abused. Let me say that there are godly and biblical boundaries, I believe, and there are guidelines in Scripture that teach that when there is abuse occurring, that the biblical precedent is to flee and then to seek reconciliation and healing. We are not to be doormats. We are to be wise women, strong women who choose and make choices, even those hard choices, and we do not give in to fear. Commitment—a woman is committed.

The final point, a point of contrast, is a heart for God, and this is what I find very interesting in this passage. This woman, she acts like a prostitute; she dresses like a prostitute; she’s wayward, but this is a woman who is part of the religious community. This is a woman who has fellowship offerings. She’s just given her offering. She’s just gone to church. This woman has fulfilled her vows; she’s fulfilled her obligation in terms of going to church and her religious behavior. So we’re not talking about a pagan woman here. We’re talking about a religious woman who has gone wayward and wild—not only a religious woman, but a married, religious woman.

Ladies, our relationship with our Lord needs to make a difference in the way that we relate to men. The behavior of women who profess to worship God is different than the behavior of women who do not. If we profess to worship God, we welcome His spotlight on our lives, and we say, “Lord, shine it. Show me where I’m wrong, and in Your love and grace and mercy, correct me and give me the strength and the guts to make it right.”

It’s not always easy, particularly in this culture. Some of these things go against the very grain of everything we have ever been taught by the world. But let me tell you this, there is great joy in righteousness—even if it’s tough slugging, and the Lord wants to challenge you as women.

I’ve put together twenty-one questions. Here are the twenty-one beauty questions, and to each of these questions, I want you to consider in your heart, is the answer never, seldom, occasionally, often, or habitually. So, never to oh yeah, tons and tons. 

Number 1: Are you preoccupied with your appearance, outward appearance? Are you more concerned with what’s on the outside, the way you look on the outside, than the way you look on the inside?

Number 2: Do you wear revealing, tight, and I say “spray painted,” or skimpy clothes? Low necklines or waistbands? Do you flaunt your body? Do you try to look sexy or seductive in the way that you dress? Is that your goal? 

Number 3: Do you wear sloppy, scruffy clothes? Do you fail to dress in a feminine manner? Do you neglect your appearance, your femininity? That is one that the Lord convicted me of at one point in time.

Number 4: Are you flirtatious? Do you come on to male prospects? Physically, do you sit in their laps, drape your arms and legs around them, cuddle up, use your body to entice them? I see this. I see young women just draping themselves all over the guys.

Number 5: Do you seek to be a guy magnet? Do you go to places with the goal of attracting men? Do you size up every man you see as a potential prospect? Do you spend a great deal of time hanging out instead of busying yourself with your godly mission?

Number 6: Are you aggressive in your relationship with men? Are you the aggressor in your relationship with men? Are you the pursuer? Are you the one who initiates contact, makes all the phone calls, asks them out, sets the pace. For married women you could add . . . nags?

Number 7: Do you put yourself in potentially compromising situations—secluded cars, apartments, bedrooms, dorms, hotels, sleepovers, vacations?

Number 8: Do you manipulate or scheme in your relationship with men? Do you orchestrate situations in order to manipulate things so they go your way? Do you resort to trickery or deceit?

Number 9: Do you try to verbally entice them? Are you suggestive in your speech? Do you manipulatively flatter or try to smooth talk or even shame him into doing things? Because we use our mouth both ways—when one doesn’t work, we’ll try the other.

Number 10: Do you try to monopolize his time? Do you resent the time he commits to other relationships and pursuits? Do you clamor for his attention? That’s more for singles. There’s a necessity for marriage relationships to cultivate relationship.

Number 11: Do you demand your own way? Do you pout, nag, or badger until he gives in?

Number 12: Are you rebellious? Do you have an independent, unbending spirit? Do you resist input from men? Do you dig in your heels or recoil or fight back whenever he tries to provide leadership or direction?

Ladies, a lot of the reason why our men are not providing leadership these days is because we are not letting them. When they do try to do the littlest thing, we belittle them for it because it wasn’t good enough.

Number 13: Do you denigrate the woman’s role as wife, mother, and homemaker? Do you regard homemaking activities such as cooking, cleaning, baking as lesser than ministry or paid employment?

Number 14: Do you seek, pursue, desire men more than you seek, pursue, and desire Christ?

Number 15: Are you consumed with the goal of finding that perfect boyfriend, husband, lover, whatever?

Number 16: Are you distracted with thoughts of romance? Do you play out romantic scenarios in your mind? Does the concept of forbidden romance such as adultery and affairs appeal to you? Do you look for romantic excitement in books or on television, in magazines, or movies?

Number 17: Do you physically or mentally compromise God’s standards for sexual purity? Are you involved in sexual expressions of any type outside of marriage, or thoughts of sex outside of marriage?

Number 18: Do you use sex as a weapon to seduce or to punish? Do you deny your husband, or do you wrong other men by engaging in inappropriate sexual advances or activities?

Number 19: Do you feed your mind with worldly values—the linens of Egypt. Do you read sexy women’s magazines, steamy novels, watch TV shows or movies that compromise Christian values, surf inappropriate websites?

Ladies, what we put in . . . We had a saying with our kids. We had this little song, it went: “GIGO, GIGO, G-I-G-O—garbage in, garbage out.” If you put garbage in your mind, then garbage is what’s going to come out of your life. You might go, “Oh, where did that come from?” But ladies, garbage in, garbage out—GIGO. 

Number 20: Have you been involved in a long string of relationships? Have you given your heart away often?

Guard your heart, ladies, guard your heart. Don’t give it away in the wrong time and in the wrong way to the wrong person. It’s the most precious thing you have. Guard it.

Number 21: Do you use and discard men, or do men use and discard you? Do you bash males? Do you mock them, scorn them, or demean them? Do you make sarcastic jokes about them? Do you cut them down? And here’s the clincher: Is the way that you regard and interact with men different than the unsaved women around you?

The Lord is calling us to be wise women, and the only way He wants us to go wild is about Him and for Him and for His glory. So ladies, we all fall short in this in many ways. The Lord is challenging you this weekend, and He’s challenging us to have a look at our lives as women and say, “Yes, Lord, I want to be Your woman, and I want to reflect Your glory.”

My heart is heavy as I look at this audience here because I know that the Lord has convicted a lot of you about some things. I know that some of you have made poor decisions, walked paths that are not good paths. There’s some brokenness and some healing, some repentance that needs to be done. I believe the Spirit of the Lord is here this weekend to give you power and strength, to convict you out of His great love, not a condemning conviction, but a conviction that challenges you to be a woman and step up and don’t be a wimp.

Heavenly Father, I pray for the women in this room who have swallowed the line of the world hook, line, and sinker. Father, I pray for those women who need to do business with You in terms of their attitudes as women, their attitudes towards their husbands, their attitudes toward men in general.

Holy Spirit, come and counsel and guide and convict. Your strength and surety is our courage. As we kneel before You, may we have courage to kneel before you and wave that white flag of surrender and say, “Yes, Lord.” In Jesus’ name, amen.

Nancy: I hope you've not been listening to this message as a spectator, but as Mary was praying this prayer, that you were praying along with her, and that it expresses the desire of your heart—to wave that white flag of surrender and say, "Yes, Lord." Whatever that looks like, whatever that means, you want to be His true, wise woman—a woman that reflects the beauty and the heart, the character and the spirit of the Lord Jesus in this wild world.

We’ve been listening today to a message by Mary Kassian talking about the characteristics of the foolish woman in Proverbs chapter 7. It’s easy to point the finger and see these characteristics in girls and women around us. I can’t help but believe that the spirit of God is speaking to many of our own hearts today, showing us that we have some of the characteristics of this wild woman within our own hearts.

Perhaps the Lord has been speaking to you about a lack of discretion, a lack of modesty, a lack of moral purity. There may be a relationship where you are playing with fire—maybe it's in the workplace, maybe on the Internet, maybe a secret relationship, a secret sin, your thought life, and the Lord has convicted you.

Let me just encourage you to take the pathway of humility and repentance—to be willing to make a total break in you life of anything not pleasing to the Lord. Then to bow the knee before the Lord and say, “Wash me; cleanse me. I want to become a true, wise woman of God."

Mary talks more about this transformation—what it means to turn from a wild woman to a wise woman—in her book, Girls Gone Wise in a World Gone Wild. This is a fabulous book. It's convicting; it's challenging; it's insightful. It's one of those books that I wish I had written myself. It's just so full of biblical wisdom and insight for women of every age, women in every season of life. It's particularly a great resource for young women, college age, twenty and thirty-something women who are grappling with how to be God's wise women in today's culture. 

We’ll be glad to send you a copy of Girls Gone Wise when you make a contribution of any amount to the ministry of Revive Our Hearts. Be sure to ask for the book Girls Gone Wise when you call 1-800-569-5959, or visit us at ReviveOurHearts.com. Make your donation of any amount, and there will be a place where you can indicate you’d like a copy of this book.

Let me just say, I know you can order this and other resources we offer through wholesale, online distributors. But when you make a contribution to Revive Our Hearts, you are enabling this message to be multiplied into the lives of other women across the United States and around the world. So thank you so much for partnering with us and making this ministry possible.

If you want to be a true, wise woman of God by the power of the Holy Spirit, I know that you are going to love True Woman '14. This conference is coming to Indianapolis next year—October 9–11. Mary Kassian and I will be speaking, along with Janet Parshall and Joni Eareckson Tada and others as well. That probably seems way off—more than a year now, but it’s not too early to start planning and asking the Lord who He might want you to bring with you.

In fact, I'd love to see busloads or planeloads of women coming from every state in the union. And we know we'll have women joining us from other countries as well. So get all the details about True Woman '14 at ReviveOurHearts.com.

Every mom wants to nurture her child’s heart. How do you make practical choices as a mom that will point your children to what matters most in life? My friend, Bobbie Wolgemuth, will be with me tomorrow to talk about. Please join us for it at Revive Our Hearts.

Revive Our Hearts with Nancy Leigh DeMoss is an outreach of Life Action Ministries.

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