What Hospitality Means

Dannah Gresh: Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth says one way to see what’s really going on in our hearts is to look at how we use our homes.

Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth: Hospitality is a test of whether we really have genuine faith, whether we’re true believers. It’s an evidence of true conversion.

Dannah: This is the Revive Our Hearts podcast with Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth, co-author of True Woman 101, for April 9, 2024. I’m Dannah Gresh. 

Yesterday we began a series called “You’re Welcome Here ”about how crucial hospitality is in the body of Christ. Nancy’s back with part two of that series.

Nancy: As you read the book of Romans, you realize that the first several chapters are Paul talking about some pretty heavy doctrinal matters. He's talking about the gospel of Christ.

Then as he comes to the second half of the book of Romans, he starts saying, "How does this affect the way that we live?"When we come to chapter 12 of Romans, Paul gives many practical exhortations about what it means to live out the gospel of Christ. 

In verse 10 of Romans 12, Paul says: "Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love.” Having received what you have in Christ, now love one another. Then he goes on to say, “. . . pursuing hospitality" (v. 13 paraphrased).

We are talking about the ministry of hospitality and how as we open our homes and hearts to other people, we manifest, we express the gospel of Christ to them. We want to talk today about, “What is Christian hospitality?”

What does it mean to be hospitable? Some of us grew up in homes where we never had company, we never had people into our homes. I’m thankful that our home was an open home, and we had lots of hospitality going on. But I know many women today have never really seen hospitality modeled. So let’s talk about what it is.

The word “hospitality” in the New Testament comes from two Greek words. The first word means “love” and the second word means “strangers.” It's a word that means “love of strangers.”

The dictionary talks about hospitality as giving a friendly welcome and kind or generous treatment offered to guests or strangers. It’s something we offer guests or strangers. You hear the word “friendly, open, welcome, kind, and generous.” Those are words that relate to hospitality. 

Another dictionary defines hospitality this way, “The act of receiving and entertaining strangers or guests without reward and with kind and generous liberality; to be friendly, welcoming, kind, and generous to guests or strangers."

Now, when I think of the word “hospitality,” there are some other similar words that come to mind, words like “hospital.” I wonder, “Did these words have anything in common?”

As I went back and studied them, I discovered that they did. For example, the word “hospital” in its original meaning was a place of shelter and rest for travelers, a charitable institution for providing and caring for the aged, the infirmed, and the orphaned; a place where people are cared for.

I've experienced that kind of ministry as a guest in people's homes numbers of times over the years as they have brought me into their home at times when my spirit just desperately needed to be refreshed or strengthened or encouraged. I've found in other people's homes a hospital, a place where their hospitality was ministering to my wounded spirit.

I received a note from a friend, a couple, who had been in my home numbers of times. And they said, “Many times you and your home have ministered to and brought refreshment to our weary bodies and spirits.” My home has been for some people a hospital, as some of your homes have been for me and others.

I think of the word “hospice.” That's another similar word. In the dictionary it says that a hospice is “a place of shelter for travelers, a home for the sick or poor, a home-like facility to provide supportive care for terminally ill patients.”

It's a place where care is provided for people who are desperately needy. As we have come to use the term today, a hospice is care for those who are terminally ill. Hospital, hospitality, hospice is a way of caring for those who are needy.

Karen Maines has written a book on hospitality and she’s called it, Open Heart, Open Home. That’s what hospitality is all about—opening our hearts and opening our homes.

Someone else has said, “Hospitality is eagerly sharing the resources of my home to benefit others.” Doing it eagerly and for the benefit of others. You can see why hospitality runs into selfishness, because I’m having to think of others and not just myself.

I can remember as we were growing up that we had a nice home. We had a large family and a large home; but my dad said to us, "This home is not primarily for us. God has given us this home so that as a family we can reach out to and minister to others." Hospitality is using what God has given us to demonstrate His love to others.

Emilie Barnes has a book called the Spirit of Loveliness. She's written many wonderful things about this subject. Let me just quote what she has to say about hospitality.

Hospitality is so much more than entertaining, so much more than menus and decorating and putting on a show. To me it means organizing my life in such a way that there is always room for one more, an extra place at the table or an extra pillow and blanket, always a welcome for those who need a listening ear. It means setting aside time for planned fellowship and setting aside lesser priorities for impromptu gatherings. Now, that open model of hospitality is not always easy to follow. 

Anyone who opens her home for hospitality, you know that it involves a lot of work and effort and sacrifice. 

But [she says], it's not really optional for those of us who call ourselves Christians. The Bible tells us specifically to cheerfully share your home with those who need a meal or a place to stay for the night.

That's the Living Bible translation of 1 Peter 4:9, "Cheerfully share your home with those who need a meal or a place to stay for the night."

Did you know that in the New Testament the Scripture indicates that hospitality is a test of whether we really have genuine faith? It's an evidence of true conversion.

Remember the passage in James 2:14 where James says, 

What does it profit, my brother, if someone says he has faith but doesn't have works? Can that kind of faith save him? If a brother or sister is naked and destitute of daily food, and one of you says to them, ‘Depart in peace, be warmed and filled,’ [have a great day, be blessed] but you do not give them the things which are needed for the body, what does it profit? Thus also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead.

What is James saying? "You say that you are a child of God. You say that you have faith in Christ, but if your faith does not show itself in expressing love through the ministry of hospitality for those who have needs, how can anyone know if you have true faith?"

He's saying, "You have no basis to have assurance of salvation if you are not exercising the ministry of hospitality." We are going to see there are different ways to exercise that ministry, so don't think that you have to do it just like someone else. But the point is, if we are not doing it in some way, then we have reason to question if we have genuine faith.

The whole book of 3 John is about the ministry of hospitality. In that book the apostle John shows the contrast between a man named Gaius who showed hospitality to God's servants, and another man named Diotrephes, who was a leader in the church who refused to show hospitality.

He shows the contrast between these two men, one who was very giving and loving and hospitable, and the other was selfish and domineering and controlling. He wouldn't welcome other people. At the end of that passage John says, 

Beloved, do not imitate what is evil [that's the illustration of Diotrephes] but imitate what is good [the example of Gaius]. He who does good is of God, but he who does evil has not seen God. (3 John 11)

In the context he's talking about those who exercise the ministry of hospitality and those who don't. This is one way that we can know if someone has true faith. It's an evidence of true conversion.

We have talked about some of the meanings of the words “hospitality,” “hospital,” “hospice.” But there's another word that is at the root of all of those words. It's the word “host.” Someone who receives or entertains guests, someone who entertains another at his own house without reward.

Now there's an interesting concept when we think of the word “host” that shows us how hospitality, being a gracious host or hostess, ties us into the gospel of Christ. You see, it’s because the word “host” can also mean “a victim or a sacrifice.” It's applied to our Savior who offered Himself for the sins of men.

He is our Host. In fact, in our liturgical churches, when the Lord's Supper is served, the wafer, the piece of bread, is called the host. It speaks of representing the body of Christ that is offered and consecrated and eaten. We partake of His body symbolically during the Christian ceremony of Communion. That says to me that Christian hospitality, being a godly host or hostess, takes us back to the cross.

The cross is where Christ spread out and opened His arms wide. He opened His arms wide to the world, and He said, "I welcome you. I receive you." The cross is where Christ said, "I will die in your place so that I can be your host. Welcome to my Father's house, welcome home. You are invited to my Father's house. I want you to come home with me. I want you to live there with me."

On the cross He became our host. Now He says to us, "Open your arms, open your heart, lay down your life, give up your life, be willing to open your heart and your home to receive others as I have received you." He did it without hope of reward and He says to us, "You do it whether you ever get rewarded for it or not."

As He invites us to come and partake of Himself, even as we partake of Communion, we are reminded of the hospitality of God, of the host that Christ is to us. Then we realize that we can be His representatives here on earth, opening our hearts, our arms, and our homes to others and welcoming them to come with us into the home and heart of God.

Father, what a wonder it is that You would send Jesus Christ to host us, to lay down His life on the cross for us, to be hospitable and to invite us to come into Your home. And Lord, as we look into the eyes of the Lord Jesus there on that cross, we love Him. We’re drawn to You because of what He has done for us.

And I pray that as others look into our eyes as we open our hearts, our homes, our arms that they would see there the love, the offering, the suffering of Christ, the sacrifice that He made on their behalf, and that they would be drawn to partake of Him and would come to find a home in Him. I pray in Jesus’ name, amen.

Dannah: When you show hospitality to others, you’re offering people a picture of the gospel and pointing them to Jesus. Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth has been showing us the importance of hospitality. I want to go back to something she said. 

Nancy: “Now, when I hear the word ‘hospitality,’ there are other similar words that come to mind, like ‘hospital.’”

Dannah: Yesterday Erin Davis talked with our friend Katie Laitkep about hospitality, and they’re back today because Katie has firsthand experiences about hospitals being inhospitable and hospitals being a place where hospitality is on full display. 

Erin Davis: Take us back several years, when you were younger and struggling with chronic illness. First of all, what was the chronic illness? What was going on?

Katie Laitkep: Yes, I’ve had Lyme disease for over twenty years. The symptoms started when I was about ten. I was hospitalized and went to the emergency room throughout middle school. But it took us about ten years to get that diagnosis. I’ve been in treatment ever since.

Erin: I never thought about this, Katie, until I was thinking about this conversation. “Hospital” and “hospitable” are really similar words. Was your experience that the hospital setting hospitable?

Katie: Well, it depends. I think a hospital can be one of the loneliest places in the world, because everything is stripped away. You’re away from your people, a lot of times.

Erin: And it can be very clinical. Things that bring us comfort and warmth can be stripped away and that has a profound effect. 

Katie: Yes, and I think that’s why hospitality shines so brightly in that setting. Even if it’s a hospital setting after a baby is born, and all the sudden this really clinical, sterile, white-walled room is filled with flowers and balloons and teddy bears and, just, life!

Erin: Yeah, and soft blankets.

Katie: That really sterile space becomes almost like a home away from home.

Erin: I think of the Pharisees who were always trying to trick Jesus and always pressing on Him. He said, “I didn’t come for the well; I came for the sick” (Mark 2:17). He was really saying, “I came for everybody.”

Because while everybody might not be in a hospital room right now, we all have the sickness of sin and the brokenness of our lives. So I love that thought of our living rooms being hospitals. 

We were hospitalized recently with our oldest son. He had this big medical emergency. I know you were praying. When I started feeling sorry for myself, which was pretty often because it was awful, I would go to this area called the “parent room.” There were other hurting parents there, and I would just find a mom and say, “Tell me about your baby.” And of course, I was there with my big “baby.” He’s a teenager, but he’s my baby!

And it was that idea of like, “Let’s go into the brokenness. Let’s offer what we have.” Which, for me, was a cup of tea in a styrofoam cup and a prayer. But you modeled that so beautifully. Tell me about some of those times that you were hospitalized . . . which there were more than one. Did you experience hospitality, and if not, was there part of you that was just really longing for it?

Katie: I’ve seen it done really, really well, and I’ve seen it not done well. I don’t know if there’s a hospitality ministry of grieving hearts, but there should be. I have collected probably thousands of notes over the years from people—some of them with really long notes. But a lot of times people saying, “I’m praying for you.”

It was a way [of comfort] in those kind of lonely, isolated places where people maybe couldn’t come and extend hospitality physically with their bodies, in person.

Erin: Because you had to be separated . . .

Katie: A lot of times I was. We were traveling across the country to see different doctors, and so we were away from home a lot. Our people couldn’t come with us. So it was a small way for their words to show and extend compassion.

Erin: “I’m thinking of you. You’re on my mind. You’re on my heart.” There’s a woman in my church, her name is Nancy Yuri. She has a greeting card ministry. And I’m telling you, it is Spirit-led! 

I will go to my mailbox on the day where I feel so alone or so sad or so fed up—it could be any number of things—and there’s a card from Nancy that she clearly wrote days prior and took the time to mail. I think that’s a version of hospitality. It’s also just kindness and compassion and some other good Christian virtues, but it’s reaching toward people.

Katie: Yes, so I think hospitality, when you’re sick especially, is a way of showing someone, “You haven’t been forgotten. You’re not alone. Not only do I see you in this, but God sees you in this.” 

 

And I think those are some of your greatest fears in the midst of the worst suffering, is that you are so alone and that there’s no coming out of it. And fearing that, “This is all there is.”

Erin: And there’s no comfort. There are times when life is so challenging that comforts get stripped away. Where we might have previously taken for granted an invitation to come sit, have coffee or have lunch or to have a meal delivered to us. Suddenly that becomes such a lifeline because it’s like, “Uh, I needed comfort!”

Yes, I have the comfort of the Holy Spirit. Yes, I know the Lord is with me. But God’s people can execute that and make such a difference.

Katie: Some of those comforting moments that I always will go back to, have been in my kitchen (not in this place but in an old house that I was in with roommates). I had a night when I was in my early twenties and I was just in so much pain. The thing that would help me the most was to get a washcloth, get it wet, and then heat it in the microwave so that it was steaming hot. I would have really, really bad migraines and that just felt so good. But a washcloth will get cold within thirty seconds, so you have to keep heating it up constantly.

So, I would put an exercise mat in front of my kitchen stove, and right in front of the microwave, and just lay there on the floor. I remember the night I was just planning to spend most of the night right there on the kitchen floor.

My roommate came out of her room, found her own exercise mat, and rolled it out and sat there right beside me. She didn’t say anything. 

Erin: So sweet!

Katie: I know! I think that ministry of presence, wherever you’re at, whether it’s having someone come and be there with you in the hospital room . . . In a lot of my sickness now, I’m not having to go spend time in hospitals and clinics, which I’m really grateful for. But it means a lot of time I’m here by myself. To have people just say, “Hey, I’ve cooked dinner for you tonight. I’m dropping it off. You don’t have to come to the door, but it will be on your mat. Come down when you feel up for it. It will be there.”

Or, “I don’t know if you’re up for company, but if you need someone with you, I’m going to come in. Don’t put on makeup; I know you’re in your pajamas. I’m not going to say anything to you, but I’ll come by if you just need someone with you.”

Erin: We see all of that modeled really beautifully in Scripture, and I think sometimes we can say, “Oh, that’s an Old Testament, Middle Eastern, cultural thing that we don’t have anymore.” But Paul tells us to pursue hospitality. For me, that is an action step!

It’s not, “I hope I stumble on someone in need.” Everybody you meet is in need. It’s like, “Move toward it!” Why do you think Paul used the word “pursue”?

Katie: I think because he knew it’s not our bent. Even if it’s your personality type, or hospitality is a spiritual gift for you, I think we’re still so selfish that we get caught up in our own needs. If we’re not going after, it won’t happen. So, it means that we have to be seeking out opportunities to do it, not to just think, Oh, that would be a really good idea if I went and spent time with this friend who is sick. But to actually say, “Okay, I’m going to actually make this happen and chase it down and pursue it.”

Erin: I think we have defaulted to a less personal version. This will happen to you, I’m sure: the Lord will drop somebody on my heart. I’ll know that’s kind of a nudge to reach out to them. I’ll gravitate toward the bare minimum, like,“I’ll send them a text and let them know that I’m thinking of them and praying for them.”

That’s a good thing to do. I wouldn’t call that hospitality. I don’t know what I would call it. But hospitality is when we’re vulnerable. It requires more of us; there’s an energy cost. You talk about your life as kind of like a cell phone battery, which I think a lot of people will relate to, and the energy that hospitality requires because of your chronic illness. Tell me a little bit more about that. 

Katie: Yes. Before we do, you just talked about the vulnerability side of it. I was just thinking, hospitality is not just having someone ask how you’re doing. They want to know who you are in the midst of what you’re going through. So it’s not just like, “Are you surviving today?” We want to go so far as, “How are you as a human? How is your faith life in the midst of this?”

Erin: “What’s your home?” To have somebody in your home is a vulnerable thing. I went, “Uh!” when you said that, just because it was convicting, not because you weren’t right. But I do think that is a barrier. There is a level of knowing that is uncomfortable.

Katie: If someone is in your home seeing you at your weakest, they’re not going to just know how you’re doing based on what you say to them. A lot of times I don’t want to put that burden on someone else because I know they’re not going to know how to handle it. But I think the Lord uses us together to sanctify each other.

So, if someone is actually in your home, they don’t just know, “Oh, she’s doing okay, she’s getting through this, and she’ll be fine.” But they know who you are in the midst of it, and it changes who they are.

Erin: My home is actually kind of one of my secret weapons in that way, because my out-facing personality is very big. I’m a get-things-done person. Sometimes the dark side of that is to steamroll people, which is not my intent.

But when you’re in my living room you’re like, “Oh, she has paintings on her walls. She has flowers on her table. She has a soft blanket on her couch. She’s a three-dimensional human, not a one-dimensional human!” But that takes some vulnerability, too.

Dannah: That’s Erin Davis talking with Kaite Laitkep. That conversation is part of a video series Erin produced with the Revive Our Hearts team. You can watch the videos at ReviveOurHearts.com/hospitality. 

The video series was made to go along with a new Bible study called You’re Welcome Here. It can be easy to think that hospitality is for other people—you know, people with picture-perfect homes; people without pets or children to mess up the house. But hospitality is an assignment given to all of God’s children—including you and including me! 

This six-week Bible study helps you learn to embrace the heart of hospitality. It’s based on the teaching of Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth. The study, You’re Welcome Here, is new from Revive Our Hearts. We’ll send one copy to you as our thank-you when you make a donation of any amount to Revive Our Hearts this month. You can always order more if you want to use it for your Bible study group. 

To make a donation, just head to ReviveOurHearts.com. Be sure you request You’re Welcome Here when you give, or call us at 1-800-569-5959.

There’s nothing more unpleasant than someone who says one thing and acts in a completely different way. Tomorrow, Nancy will help us connect hospitality to living out the love we say we have. I hope you’ll be back for Revive Our Hearts.

This program is a listener-supported production of Revive Our Hearts in Niles, Michigan, calling women to freedom, fullness, and fruitfulness in Christ.

All Scripture is taken from the NKJV unless otherwise noted.

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