Episode 12: Build Your House upon the Rock

Katie Laitkep: Here’s Erin Davis.

Erin Davis: Here’s what decides if your family caves in or if you weather the storm well: what foundation have you built it on?

Katie: It’s the final episode in the series “Dysfunction.” Erin has been giving us so much insight into the biblical story of Jacob and Joseph and the swirl of dysfunctional relationships around them. In this episode she’s going to help us prepare for the long term.

Erin: We’re in the last episode of this series, and we find ourselves back where we began—at the death of Joseph. It’s described in Genesis chapter 50, verses 22–26: 

So Joseph remained in Egypt, he and his father's house. Joseph lived 110 years. And Joseph saw Ephraim's children of the third generation. The children also of Machir the son of Manasseh were counted as Joseph's own. And Joseph said to his brothers, “I am about to die, but God will visit you and bring you up out of this land to the land that he swore to Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob.” 

You could put Joseph’s deathbed speech on top of his dad’s deathbed speech, and you would find a lot of similarities; that’s legacy. Verse 25: 

Then Joseph made the sons of Israel swear, saying, “God will surely visit you, and you shall carry up my bones from here.” So Joseph died, being 110 years old. They embalmed him, and he was put in a coffin in Egypt.

Joseph’s request doesn’t reveal that he had some strange superstition or that he believed the location of his bones mattered somehow after he died. That’s important, because he was buried in Egypt—a place where there were a lot of death superstitions. We could easily infer here that maybe Joseph had ascribed to some of that. I don’t think he did.

But this request was, in many ways, the final sermon of Joseph’s life. Remember who Joseph’s great-grandpa was: Abraham. Remember that in Genesis 12:1–3, God promised this to Abraham: “Now the Lord said to Abram, [He hadn’t yet changed his name] “Go from your country and your kindred and your father's house to the land that I will show you. And I will make of you a great nation, and I will bless you and make your name great, so that you will be a blessing. I will bless those who bless you, and him who dishonors you I will curse, and in you all the families of the earth shall be blessed.”

God did show Abraham that land, the land of Canaan. It’s the place where Isaac married Rebekah and they had those twin boys, Esau and Jacob. So Joseph knew what it was like to live in the land of God’s promise. That’s where he grew up!

Even though he had seen his dad take his last breath in Egypt—just as he [Joseph] was about to—Joseph had faith in God. He believed that God would not reverse the promise! Joseph’s faith in God did not waver. He had lived this.

No human hatred could separate him from God.
No pit could keep him from God’s promises.
No famine could cut him off from God’s blessings.

Joseph believed—his whole life, it seemed—that what Paul later wrote in Romans 8:35–39 was true: 

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? As it is written, “For your sake we are being killed all the day long; we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.” No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.

Joseph could have said this next verse! 

For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers,nor height nor depth, [nor brothers, nor pits, nor prisons, nor famine . . . that was me ad libbing there some of Joseph’s experiences] nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. 

And Joseph believed, it seemed, that God was going to keep the promise—the promise He made to bring nations and kings and families from his family, no matter how dysfunctional they were.

Hebrews 11:22 puts Joseph in what we call the Hall of Faith. I hope you see that verse with new eyes now. (That’s what The Deep Well is all about!) And the reason that the writer of Hebrews put Joseph in the Hall of Faith is because he made a request that they take his bones back to Canaan.

Hebrews 11:22 says: 

By faith Joseph, at the end of his life, made mention of the exodus of the Israelites . . .

How could he have known there was going to be an exodus of the Israelites? Because God had made a promise!

. . . and gave directions concerning his bones.

Now, Joseph didn't need his bones where he was going, he knew that. Remember how wise he was? But he did need the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, the God of Jacob. And even with his final breath he was proclaiming, “I believe in Yahweh! And I believe that God will do something of lasting significance through my family. I want to be a part of it, even if it’s just my bones!” 

As we read the final verses of Genesis and turn the page to Exodus, we see Joseph’s name again. In Exodus 1, verse 8, we read: 

Now there arose a new king over Egypt, who did not know Joseph. 

What distinguished this Pharaoh from the other Pharaoh was not his foreign policy. It was not how well he managed the Egyptian economy. It was not if his political party was in power or not. What distinguished the new Pharaoh from the other one is that this one didn’t know Joseph. There was “a new sheriff in town.” If you know the story, he was the one who would enslave the descendants of Joseph. Hard times were ahead for Joseph’s family. But just like He did for Joseph, God would redeem it! 

If I was the one writing Joseph’s story, I would end it at Exodus 13, verse 19: “Moses took the bones of Joseph with him, for Joseph had made the sons of Israel solemnly swear, saying, ‘God will surely visit you, and you shall carry up my bones with you from here.’”

It’s interesting, part of the legacy of this family was the bones of Joseph. Somewhere along the lines someone said, “These are Joseph’s bones, you’ve got to keep them. And when we run from this place, you’ve got to take them with you!”

And then someone else said, “These are Joseph’s bones, we’ve got to keep them in the family. And someday a day is coming, and we’re going to take the bones with us, and we’re going to go back to the Land of Promise!”

Finally after so much turmoil, Joseph got to go home! We’ve spent twelve episodes asking, “What does the Bible say about our families?” Let’s ask another layer of that same question. 

What did Jesus say when He was on the earth? As was so often the case with Jesus, rather than a straightforward “to-do” list, he gives us a dichotomy. Jesus’s words in Matthew 7 come to mind. These were part of the greatest sermon ever told—aka “The Sermon on the Mount.” 

In Matthew 7:24–27, Jesus said, 

“Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock.

“And everyone who hears these words of mine and does not do them will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell, and great was the fall of it.”

Either way there’s going to be rain, either way there are storms. Your family has faced them already, and your family will face more of them. Here’s what decides if your family caves in or if you weather the storm well: what foundation have you built it on?

And the Rock that Jesus was telling us to build our families, our homes, our lives on was Himself. Have you built your family on the Rock of Jesus? He was telling us, “There is bedrock, and you can build your families on it.” No, it’s not a promise everything is going to go perfectly.

It’s not a promise that every child, every grandchild, every family member is going to walk out their faith like we want them to. But the Word of God reveals the character of God, which cannot be separated from the redemptive plan of God.

And here we see, “If you build your lives on Me, I will redeem all the dysfunction!” I’d like to just end it there. What a happy thought! But I’m here to help you know and love your whole Bible. And Jesus said something else about family that’s a much harder pill to swallow.

In Luke chapter 14:26, Jesus said: 

“If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple.” 

This is why we need good hermeneutics. This is why we read the whole Bible, and this is why we let Scripture interpret Scripture.

Because if we didn't, it would seem like Jesus was contradicting the Ten Commandments here. Remember? Call us to honor our father and mother. Jesus is telling us to hate our father and mother; same language, different verb.

On your own I want you to take the time to look at the context of Luke 14. Scripture tells us that those who were listening to Jesus teach in this moment were making all kinds of excuses as to why they could not follow Him. 

And many of them in that crowd used their family as an excuse. We do that, too. “I can’t take time to sit in Your Word; I have all these children to feed!” “I can’t submit to my husband; he’s a weak leader!” “I can’t go to church; it’s too hard to get these babies dressed!” “I can’t forgive my parents; they have hurt me too much!” 

And here Jesus was calling us to love Him so much, in such an eclipsing way, that our love for our human families pales in comparison, so much so that they seem like polar opposite emotions. 

• I hope this series has given you a fresh love for your family. 
• I hope there has been repentance and forgiveness exchanged in your family because of this. There has been some of that in my own family as I’ve been preparing. 
• I hope you’ve picked back up the mantle of praying for people in your family who don’t know Jesus. 

But what I want you to know most is that your human family is not your ultimate family. Our families were meant to tell the story that we were once orphans. Spiritually speaking, we were fatherless, we were separated from our spiritual siblings . . . but Jesus! He went to the cross. He made a way for us to be reconciled to the Father so that we could be adopted into the family of God.

The church that my husband and I served in when we were first married had the sweetest way that they ended every service. Everybody would grab hands across the aisles, and the pastor would say, “Now move. Move across the aisles; grab hands across the aisles,” and so everybody in the church was holding hands. 

Then we would sing: 

I'm so glad I'm a part of the Family of God,
I've been washed in the fountain, cleansed by His Blood!
Joint heirs with Jesus as we travel this sod,
For I'm part of the family, the Family of God.
(Words and music by Bill and Gloria Gaither) 

(There’s a reason I don’t always sing on the podcast! I’m a teacher, not a singer. But I love that picture!) Scripture tells us that someday we’re going to be in heaven together, and there’s going to be a feast, and there are going to be people from every tongue, tribe and nation. But we’re going to be a family . . . a forever family.

Family is God’s idea, and God can work! God is working even in the most dysfunctional parts of our families, and even in the most dysfunctional part of His family—that’s us. So that should shift the way we reach toward and respond to the ones we call family.

There’s a Puritan prayer that somebody shared with me recently that started a habit. Every week on my to-do list I write these words: “Lord, make my home a nursery for heaven.” That comes from a prayer in The Valley of Vision. I’d like to end our time together with that prayer. . .

From A Nursery for Heaven: 

Sanctify and prosper my domestic devotion,
instruction, discipline, example,
that my house may be a nursery for heaven,
my church the garden of the Lord,
enriched with trees of righteousness of thy planting,
for thy glory . . . Amen.

Katie: That’s Erin Davis wrapping up the teaching on this series Dysfunction. If you’ve missed any of the episodes in this season, you can hear them on your podcast app of choice. Just look for The Deep Well with Erin Davis, or visit ReviveOurHearts.com.

If you’ve been with us through the whole series, the next logical step is . . . to listen again! But not by yourself, listen with someone else. Who do you know who is facing challenges in their relationships and in their family? That’s got to be pretty much everyone. But if there’s someone coming to your mind right now, I hope you’ll invite her to listen with you!

It’s time for the last “Erin Unscripted” of this series. Our audience has some final questions, but not just related to this episode, but from the entire series. Let’s listen.

Erin Unscripted

Rebecca: So at the age of seventeen Joseph was taken away from his entire dysfunctional family to a foreign land where nobody knew the one true God. His whole life was based on what he knew by the age of seventeen. How do we equip our kids so that when they leave our homes they’re ready to face whatever God has in store for them? 

Erin: Well, that’s true, and it’s not ultimate. It absolutely matters that we train up our children in the way they should go; that’s a biblical principle. It absolutely matters that our homes are incubators for faith to grow and trust in God to grow. And it’s also true that our children’s walk with the Lord is not contingent on us. We all know families that we can look at and go, “Man, they raised their children in the Lord, they were committed churchgoers, they taught their children how to serve, they took family mission trips, they had Christian education—” and whatever thing you want to think is the outflow of being a good Christian family “—and their child (or their children) are not walking with the Lord!” 

We can also think of examples that are the reverse, where we go, “Man, that family is a mess! The parents don’t know Christ, or the parents didn’t come to know Christ until after they’d raised kids; they didn’t go to church, they didn’t seem to read the Bible; and their children are such beautiful examples of Christian faith.” 

So, our salvation is by faith alone, through grace alone, period. Our growth is empowered by the Holy Spirit and through the Word of God, period. So it’s not about checking any boxes, which we should all be very grateful for as parents.

You can’t throw the baby out with the bathwater, though; you can’t say it doesn’t matter. It does matter, but it’s not ultimately on our shoulders, which is such good news for sinners, which we all are. 

But I think the Bible gives us many, many, many principles that we want our children to know. First of all, there is a God. Second of all, His name is Jesus. Third of all, He made you. Fourth of all—I don’t know that you have to put them in a hierarchy—He loves you. He is always with you. And He’s given you a manual for life, and it’s the way that you flourish, and it’s the Bible. 

If my sons know there is a God and He is the Creator of everything their little eyes can see and that Jesus is the Son of God and that Jesus went to the Cross because He loved them so much He wanted to be in relationship with them forever, those are the main things I want them to know. Then there are a million other things that we can pull out of Scripture or our own lives that I hope they learn, too, but those are the biggies.

You’re probably right. Joseph knew who God was, he knew His name was Yahweh. Joseph knew that God worked in his family; he had the stories. They called him “the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.” Those were Joseph’s family members; he knew what that meant. And he seemed to understand that God was sovereign and God had a plan. 

Diane: Hi, I’m Diane. My question is, do you think that the fact that Joseph’s brothers didn’t fully repent to their father hindered them from accepting Joseph’s forgiveness and affected their lives later on? 

Erin: That’s a beautiful thought. I wouldn’t have thought of it until you brought it out, but there is something—when we repent and receive grace, and we know, “I didn’t burst into flames, nothing terrible happened; we’re walking this out,” then I think it is so much easier for us to receive forgiveness when it comes, because we’ve used those muscles, we’ve been forgiven, we know that we probably will be forgiven again. Grace is such a beautiful thing. Once you experience it, then you are able to accept it more and more often. So I think you’re right. I think the fact that they didn’t tell the truth for a long time—they presumably had many opportunities to ’fess up to their dad and repent, but even when things started to come to light their default was not to ask for forgiveness. Then we see them holding onto that worry that there’s going to be punishment, all the way through the end of the story. 

What we do see is that later in the story the brothers still had a guilty conscience, and they still felt that need to reconcile with their brother.

What’s the takeaway for us? I think it’s to repent, receive forgiveness, and then when people forgive you I think you’ll be more ready to receive it. 

Mary: I’m Mary, and I have a prodigal son that just left our lives abruptly twelve years ago, for whatever reason; he’s the only one that knows. It doesn’t really matter to me at this point whether he ever comes back and says he’s sorry. I just want him to come back. I’m kind of like the father with the prodigal son in the New Testament; if I saw him coming I would have my robe and ring ready for him, and a hug. I don’t need a “sorry,” I just want to start from ground zero.

Katie: Erin, do you know what we can expect next season?

Erin: Well, I recently had an epiphany that I am several seasons into The Deep Well, and I haven’t done a season on Jesus! What a mistake! I mean, we’ve talked about Him here or there, but I want to give an entire season of the podcast to Him.

So I’m calling it The Other Side of Jesus, because there are some sides of Jesus that we just don’t talk about much in Sunday school, but we’re going to talk about them on The Deep Well. And this series on Dysfunction got me thinking a lot about spiritual gifts! Find out why on our bonus episode, which is available right now!

Katie: The Deep Well with Erin Davis is part of the Revive Our Hearts podcast family, calling women to freedom, fullness and fruitfulness in Christ!

All Scriptures is taken from the ESV.

*Offers available only during the broadcast of the podcast season.