Help! I’m Kind to Everyone . . . Except My Mom!

Amelia Kern: Welcome to True Girl, a podcast for girls and their moms. Together, we’ll explore God’s truth for us, one drive at a time. Buckle up!You’re about to grow closer to each other and closer to Jesus!

Season 17 of the True Girl podcast is set in the Kindness Cafe, where Dannah Gresh and Staci Rudolph are meeting to catch up on True Girl fan mail. One girl writes in to confess that . . . well, she’s not being very nice to . . . her mom! Youch!

Now, hold yer horses if that’s not a problem for you. The issue of kindness is a problem for lots of girls! You see, one study revealed that about 50 percent of girls experience “relational aggression” every month. We’re talking mocking and teasing, often about how they look. That’s gotta stop!

So, let’s lean in and listen to episode one of this super short season. It’s just two episodes. We’re gonna receive a Mom+Daughter Kindness Challenge from Dannah and Staci. This episode is called, “Help! I’m Kind to Everyone . . . Except My Mom!”

Here’s Dannah Gresh in the Kindness Cafe!

Dannah Gresh: Oh Staci, there is nothing better than an almond milk latte and a soft, handmade pretzel. Seriously, Staci, these are my favorites.

Staci Rudolph: And I’m over here with my ginger garlic tea—which I know you think is gross.

Dannah: Oh, do I ever! But let’s not forget the time you had all the True Girls on our online Bible study trying that tea. Do you remember all of the letters we got about it?

Staci: Hey, don’t knock it! Ginger and garlic are powerful!

Dannah: So is a proper hand-washing after you make that ginger and garlic tea, my friend. 

Staci: Okay, okay. Look, enough about my amazing tea. Speaking of True Girl mail, let’s get to it.

Dannah: Yes, please let’s do it! I love hearing from these True Girls! Let’s read a few quick notes.

Staci: Here’s one from Emma in Texas. 

Dear Miss Dannah and Miss Staci,

I finally finished memorizing all of Psalm 92, and I can’t stop saying it out loud! It really does make me feel FREE!

Love, Emma

Dannah: Ah, I love that! That’s why we call our letters, freedom stories. We get to hear how being in God’s Word sets girls free!

Staci, put that one in my pile. I wanna write back to Emma myself. I’m so proud of her for taking on our Scripture memory challenge.

Staci: Me, too!Here’s another one. This one’s from Ava in Florida. Oh, and she included a good old printed out photograph. Would ya look at that? That thing’s practically an antique! 

Dannah: Just read the letter. You’re making me feel like an antique!

Staci: Hey, if the shoe fits.

Dannah: Hey!

Staci: I’m just playin’ with ya. Here’s Ava’s letter:

I just had my first sleepover, and we did the banana bread recipe from the True Girl podcast. It turned out kind of burnt, but we still ate it.

Dannah: I love the dedication, Ava. Burnt banana bread? That’s some next-level commitment. Can you write back to her, Staci?

Staci: Hey, True Girl, if you want to write to us and share your Freedom Story—maybe about how God is working in your life, how He’s helped you stand strong in truth, or even how you’re learning to show kindness—you can send us a letter too. We’ll tell you our address at the end. 

Alright, it’s time for the letter of the day. I already peeked at this one. Ann printed it off. It was an email. and It’s a humdinger. Here, you read it, Dannah.

Dannah: Okay here we go.Subject line? "Help! I’m kind to everyone . . . except my mom!"

Staci: Ooooh, this is real.

Dannah: I think a lot of us can relate. Let’s see what she has to say…

Dear Miss Dannah and Miss Staci,

I have a problem. Not with my friends or even my little brother. My problem is with my mom.

It’s weird because I love her, but sometimes I talk to her in a way I would never talk to anyone else. If she tells me to do my chores when I’m busy, I snap back. If she says no to something I really want, I roll my eyes or mumble under my breath. And when she asks me a simple question like, “How was your day?” I just say, “Fine,” in a voice that’s not so fine.

I don’t want to be mean to my mom. She does so much for me! But even when I try to be kind, my words come out with an attitude. Is there something wrong with me? Why is it so hard to be nice to the person who loves me the most?

I really want to change. Can you help me? This is really hurting my relationship with my mom. And like I said, I love her.

Sincerely,

A True Girl who is ruining her relationship with her mom!

Staci: Wow, that is real.

Dannah: It really is. And I get it. Sometimes the people we love the most get the worst of our words. But what do we do about it?

Staci: Hmm . . .

Oh, hey Dannah, pass me the honey for my tea.

Dannah: Honey, that’s it! She needs some honey!

Staci: Okay, wait. I wasn’t saying she should pour honey on her mom.

Dannah: No, no! You asking for the honey reminded me of a Bible verse, Proverbs 16:24. Here, let me grab my Bible, let me read it. 

Kind words are like honey, sweet to the soul and healthy for the body.

Staci: Ooooh, I love that.

Dannah: Now, as I look at this verse, let’s zoom out to see the context.

Proverbs 16 shows us there is a big difference between being wise and being foolish! This chapter of the Bible shows us how a righteous life reflects God's design and a godless life reflects Satan’s destruction. There’s no middle ground. We’re on the side of wisdom and God. Or the side of foolishness and Satan. And this includes the way we speak to others. Kind words are a part of living the God-designed life of wisdom. 

Staci: That’s why they matter!

Dannah: Yeah.

But I want to zoom in on one word in this verse: honey. 

Staci: Speakin’ of which, ya never did pass it.

Dannah: Oh, sorry. Here ya go.

Staci: Suh-weet!

Dannah: Yes,it is. But also, honey nourishes. It fights sickness. When I get a rumbling of a cold or a cough, I start eating the manuka honey by the spoonful! 

Our words can be like that: sweet and healthy. But I want you to see something else as we look at the word “honey” it’s something that describes our words. 

Staci: What’s that?

Dannah: Think about this: honey doesn’t just exist—it takes work. The average honey bee takes ten trips out of the hive each day. On each of those trips, it visits between fifty to one hundred flowers to collect pollen. And yet, a single bee makes only 1/12th of a teaspoon of honey in its lifetime. 

Staci: Whoa! So, I just used like a tablespoon! 

Dannah: Right! Because when a bee works with others, it creates something powerful and healing—a whole tablespoon of honey.

Staci: My thanks to the bees!

Dannah: And mine, too!

Kind words are like that, too. They do take effort on our part. That’s not to say we produce kindness. God’s Spirit is the one that makes kindness in our hearts, but we can be responsive to the Spirit’s work in us and present kind words. 

Think of it this way. The honey bee doesn’t produce the pollen that’s collected to make honey, but it does do the collecting. God’s Spirit produces the raw material of kindness, and we have to do the work of learning how to use that in our lives. Kindness does not just come out of our mouths, my friend. (Ya might have noticed!) But with the right effort, words bring sweetness and health to our relationships. 

Staci: But do you think kind words could actually change this mom+daughter relationship? I mean, one person being kind can’t fix everything, right?

Dannah: Well, according to the “Kindness Queen,” yes, it can!

Staci: The who?

Dannah: The Kindness Queen, Shaunti Feldhahn. She’s a researcher who wrote an entire book called The Kindness Challenge, all about how kindness can totally transform relationships. It’s literally one of my favorite books in the world, Staci!

Staci: Okay, tell me more!

Dannah: Well, once, I got to interview Shaunti for a podcast at Revive Our Hearts, and actually, let me just play something from that. Here we go. I’m just gonna pull this up on my phone.

Here she is: Shaunti Feldhahn. Okay, now I had just asked her how dramatic were the results in relationships where just one person practiced kindness for a short period of time?” 

Shaunti Feldhahn: Very dramatic! It is really unusual in social science to see really big impacts for something that’s just done for a few weeks, which is what this is. But we found that it didn’t matter whether it was a marriage or your colleague who is driving you crazy or your mother-in-law or whatever. Eighty-nine percent of relationships improved. You don’t see numbers like that.

Dannah: That’s mind blowing!

Shaunti: It is. And yet, once I actually thought about it, I realized that actually makes perfect sense, because what this is doing . . . It isn’t just something that’s changing the temperature of the relationship and making another person feel good. That’s a good thing. But the biggest thing this is doing is changing you! So, it makes perfect sense that most relationships would improve if that’s happening. 

Dannah: Right. Exactly. I was reading the story of David and Abigail the other day. Of course, David is coming to pretty much decimate her husband because he's a very unkind man, Nabal. And what does she do when she approaches David? She knows his armies are coming for destruction. She brings him food. That's kind. She bows before him. Which was just a sign of respect. And then she says, “What a good king you are.” She uses kindness, and she disarms what could have been a terrible battle. Such power! In fact, you call it a superpower. 

Shaunti: Yeah.

Dannah: Why did you choose that word “superpower”? 

Shaunti: It's interesting. I don't think we give enough credit to how unbelievably supernatural the impact of kindness is. We see all of these amazing impacts that happen in our heart and the hearts of other people. We just don't recognize that there is something just as supernatural that God does to work through that act of kindness or withholding unkindness, which I want to talk about at some point. That's really the big deal for a lot of us. We think we're kind; we don't realize we're unkind. And God does something really miraculous. What we found, for example, it makes you bulletproof. Right? Like every surprise superhero, you know, we want somebody who is bulletproof. 

It's funny when you think about that, when someone is being mean to you, think of it as they're firing bullets at you. They're hitting. It hurts. Like whatever they're doing is driving you nuts. And kindness in this very weird, supernatural way, when you choose to be kind to that person . . . Like the person who's cutting in line on the highway when you've been waiting to get off in an exit and somebody scoots in. I don't know about you, but I just want to pull up on the bumper of the car in front of and be like, “No, No, you don't.” But that's that person firing bullets, and they're hitting. It's making you crazy. 

But when you think about what happens when you back off. Think about what happens when you wave them in, and you smile—completely undeserved. I'm going to be kind instead. It's like this weight lifts off your shoulders. That person is still firing the bullets. They're still being just as mean and rude and unkind. But they're hitting you and bouncing off. You've just taken away the power of that person to make you crazy.

Dannah: I love that.

Shaunti: And that is an example of the supernatural, miraculous power that God has given us in this fruit of the Spirit that He asks us to evidence every day.

Staci: Okay, wow. So even if the other person doesn’t change, I can change . . . and that might actually shift things.

Dannah: Exactly! Sometimes kindness starts inside us, before it even shows up in our relationships.

Staci: You know what? I’m gonna write back to this girl and tell her to do a Kindness Challenge with her mom, just like Shaunti said. Let me just start pounding out this email right now. 

Dannah: Okay. 

Staci: “Dear True Girl who is ruining her relationship with her mom! You don’t have to! This week could be the start of a whole new relationship if you just use your words like honey! I prescribe Proverbs 16:24 for you. For one whole week, say nothing unkind to your mom and say or do something kind every single day!”

Dannah: Oh, I love that, Staci! It’s great!

Staci: She’s gotta keep doing or saying one kind thing for her mom every day—even if her mom doesn’t notice right away.

Dannah: Oh, she will, Staci. Her mom is going to notice. 

That’s the perfect challenge. But you know what? I think we should make this official. 

If you’re listening and you also struggle to be kind to someone in your life, we want you to join the mom+daughter kindness challenge too! If it’s not your mom you’re mean to, you can pick anyone you want to be kind to during our challenge.

Staci: Don’t say anything unkind to that person, and do just one act of kindness a day. Like, you could fold the laundry for your mom without her asking. Or, write her a note to tell her how great a mom she is.

Dannah: The world could use more kindness. So, we could use you in this special True Girl Mom+Daughter Kindness Challenge!

Staci: Do it for one whole week. We’ll check back with ya next week to see how it’s going!

Speaking of how it’s goin’. Dannah, what do you call a bee with messy hair?

Dannah: Hmm, I don’t know, what do you call a bee with messy hair?

Staci: A Frizz-bee. Get it?

Dannah: Oh, that’s a good one Staci! 

Amelia: True Girl, if you want to tell us how God is using His Word in your life, write to us! Our address is:

True Girl
863 Benner Pike
State College, Pennsylvania 16801

Maybe you’ll write to tell us how your week-long Mom+Daughter Kindness Challenge goes. Remember, here’s how it works:

1. Say nothing negative—to or about the person or people you’re focusing on. 

2. Share one positive thing daily—praise or affirm them to their face and tell someone else, too, if you can. 

This month, our True Girl subscribers get our printed Kindness Poster and Kindness Cards—tools to turn your home into a hub of kindness. But if you’re not a subscriber, you can get them digitally. Learn more about that at MyTrueGirl.com.

And hey, while you’re there, be sure to learn about the True Girl Pop-Up Parties happening this year in Pennsylvania, California, Texas, and Wisconsin. It’s a fun mom–daughter weekend designed to help you love your Bible! We hope you’ll join the whole True Girl team in one of those states this year!

Okay, be sure to come back next week to hear more about the True Girl Mom+Daughter Kindness Challenge!

The True Girl podcast is produced by Revive Our Hearts calling women of all ages to freedom, fullness, and fruitfulness in Christ!

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