Love Is Patient

Claire Black: This is True Girl a podcast for girls and their moms. Together, we’ll explore God’s truth for us—one drive at a time!

Mom, this is your chance to stay in the driver’s seat of some of the most important conversations you need to have with your daughter. 

And today, we’re talking about one of the topics moms ask about most often: how to deal with mean girls?

True girl, have you ever been the only one on the street not invited to a birthday party? Did the girl you thought was your friend talk about you behind your back? Ever heard the words: “That seat is saved!”? If you answered yes to any of those, then you know what it feels like to experience mean girl moments.

You also might know what it’s like to boil over with jealousy, anger, or frustration to the point of being tempted to be mean yourself! Yikes! On today’s podcast, we’ve got some biblical truth to help you choose a better response. 

This season we’re discovering the seven secrets to true friendship based on 1 Corinthians 13. And today’s lesson is sure gonna be helpful for those mean girl moments in your life.

True Girl is hosted by Dannah Gresh, author of Talking withYour Daughter about Best Friends and Mean Girls. Let’s get moving for season 4, episode 3 titled “Love Is Patient.” Here’s Dannah.

Dannah Gresh: Welcome back True Girl! If you don’t know by now, cohosting with me is Staci Rudolph! She is quite literally the most amazing! In fact, I’m boiling some water to make her a cup of tea.

Staci Rudolph: Aww, Dannah, stop it. You know I love me some good tea.

Dannah: I do know that. That’s why I wanted you to have this tea, so I can say “thanks.” You, Staci, I mean this, you’re one of my hardest working friends and coworkers! I’m grateful to God for you. I know that if you weren’t on the True Girl team, we would not have our new True Girl subscription box delivering discipleship tools to girls every sixty days. I think of you as a business woman, a writer, and a great teacher all wrapped in one! It just feels so good to have you by my side.

Staci: Stop, you’ll make me blush! You are too sweet!

Dannah: It’s true speaking of sweet, here’s a sugar cube. Here ya go!

Staci: Aww, thank you, Dannah. Oh, yum! It sure is nice to have someone talk me up like that! You know, sometimes girls (and guys) can just be plain mean.

Dannah: Oh, trust me, I know. My last name was Barker before I got married. And as you can imagine, there were plenty of girls that took advantage of it. 

They would say, “Hey Dannah—the dog barker,” when I’d walk by. Or they would even bark at me as I walked by. 

Staci: That is messed up!

Dannah: I know. I can still remember a lot of the really mean things they said to me, but I don’t think I can say them here. 

Staci, can you think of one or two mean things that have been said to you?

Staci: Yeah. I actually switched schools between fourth and fifth grade. So by the time I got there, everybody had their friend groups, so I was kind of just on my own. It wasn’t that they said anything to me, it was more so that they wouldn’t welcome me in and they wouldn’t be friends with me. 

Dannah: Sometimes it’s not the words that are said.

Staci: Exactly.

Dannah: It can be the lack of words being said, I get that. 

Staci: I'm afraid that we really do live in a world where mean girl stuff and mean guy stuff happens every day. 

Dannah: I have to tell you, true girl, that if you don't intentionally practice kindness right now, you might not like what you are when you grow up, because mean girls grow up to become mean women.

Staci and I have been scouring the news for true stories of mean girls who’ve grown into mean women.

Staci: And let me tell you, true girl, it ain’t pretty! One mean-girl-grown-mean-woman was shopping in a furniture store when she tripped over an unruly toddler, breaking her ankle. She threw a woman-sized mean-girl fit and sued the store. That means she blamed the store and tried to make them pay for her pain. In court, she won three-quarters of a million dollars. Never mind the fact that the little boy she happened to trip over was her own son. 

Dannah: Oh no. 

Staci: Crazy enough for you? 

Dannah: Yes. Insane!

Here’s another one: one woman was shopping once when a blind man and his brand-new seeing eye dog were walking towards her. This woman said to her husband, and I quote, I’m reading it here in the news: “I wanted to see if the dog would go around me.” So, she didn't move. The blind man stepped on her big toe and unfortunately broke it. The woman sued the Southeastern Guide Dogs Association for not properly training the dog. I'm not even kidding you! This actually happened; it’s in the news. 

Staci: Can you even . . .?

Dannah: The court threw the case out saying it wasn't much of a case at all, but the truth remains that you and I live in a mean girl's world that's gone boiling mad. 

Staci: Boiling mad? I’m starting to think you’re obsessed with boiling today. Boiling water. Boiling mad.

Dannah: You’re going to get it in a few minutes. Hang in there. 

Staci: Well, thankfully, true girl, you and I aren't without a plan of action when we’re tempted to be the mean girl. 

Let’s read our power verse. You heard part of this in the last episode. It’s found in 1 Corinthians chapter 13, which we hope you’re memorizing along with us during this season of the True Girl podcast. If you haven’t started, it’s not too late. You can easily catch up with us. Okay, here’s your power verse. 1 Corinthians 13:4–5 says,

“Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.”

Dannah: Okay, let’s go back to the original language of the New Testament Bible. It was originally written in . . . do you remember?

Yes, Greek! I knew you would remember. Looking at this language is going to help us understand what does it really mean to be patient?

In Greek, the word for patient was used to talk about something (here it is) boiling slowly rather than quickly. Are you ready for this? If we read it in its original form, maybe it would sound something like this:

“Love is slow to boil.” 

Staci: Ah, so the opposite of “boiling mad”! And those people in those news articles were “quick to boil.” I get it now.

Dannah: Yep! Now picture that you're that woman who gets stepped on by the blind man. First, you focus on how much your big toe hurts. Suddenly, you feel a little bit like everything inside of you is starting to boil. If you keep fuming, you'll find that before long you're screaming like a steaming kettle of boiling water.

Staci: But the Bible says that true love isn't like that. True love is slow to boil. 

Dannah: Yeah, to learn what that means, let’s read the rest of these verses again. They say “Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.”

So, to be slow to boil includes not demanding things go your way. It means when they don’t go your way, you do not get irritated. And when someone really does something that could irritate you, even then, you forgive rather than keeping a record of the wrong or making a big deal out of what they did to offend you.

Staci: I actually found a news story of a boy named Joshua. Now that you’re describing this Dannah, I’m starting to think Joshua was “slow to boil.” For the record, this also really happened. True story.

Joshua had one of his best days ever. When he got a brand-new bike for Christmas, he loved it so much that he rode it every single day. But then this awful thing happened. He actually saw an older man steal his bike! 

Joshua cried out for that man to stop, but the man just turned and looked at him. Then, he stuffed Joshua's bike into his truck, jumped into the driver's seat and drove off. 

Joshua was heartbroken. His bike was gone; he loved that bike. But he was a slow boiler. He asked his mom to help him send a message to the thief. Together, they wrote these words on a poster board and put it at the end of his driveway.

“To the person who stole my bike,

You really hurt my feelings when you took it, but I'm a Christian. And because Jesus forgave me, I forgive you.” 

Dannah: Wow! Now, that's what it's like to be slow to boil. Joshua forgave his enemy. He demonstrated Christ's love by being patient. 

Let’s be honest, I think we would all be “boiling mad” if it were not for Jesus’ love in us helping us to be “slow to boil.” Without Him, it’s not possible.

Staci: But let me tell you this, the story isn’t over. 

Dannah: Oh?

Staci: Guess what? When Josh's father left for work the next day, the sign was face down in the yard. And at the end of the driveway, believe it or not, was the bike!

Dannah: Wow!

Staci: Right? They brought it back. 

True girl, you can choose to react like the rest of this world with mean words and by defending your rights or you can react to mean girls like Jesus suggests, by being patient and forgiving. Be slow to boil.

Dannah: A true girl knows that true love is patient. 

Staci: Today, your challenge, if you choose to accept it, is to have a conversation with your mom. You’ll discuss this question. 

Am I slow to boil? 

Remember, that’s another way to ask, “Am I patient?”

And then, take the rest of this week to practice the slow boil way of responding to problems in relationships. If you have trouble, ask Jesus to help you. He will. You cannot do this without Him.

Dannah: Okay, true girl, see you next time. Until then, take these code words with you: true love is patient. 

Claire: Hmm, I wonder what my mom will say when I ask her if I’m slow to boil? 

If you find out you have a problem with being slow to boil, I hope you’ll get a copy of Dannah Gresh’s book. It’s called Talking with Your Daughter about Best Friends and Mean Girls. It will help you go more deeply into 1 Corinthians 13:4–5 with your mom. You’ll learn about four types of mean girls and how to respond to each of them. Go to MyTrueGirl.com to learn more about.

Today, Dannah and Staci told you about the True Girl subscription. It provides daily devos for tween girls. You will also get monthly mom+daughter conversations on the theme of the month. You can get the True Girl subscription box delivered right to your door. For more information, go to MyTrueGirl.com.

Our next episode is called “Love Protects.” I hope you’ll be back next time for the True Girl podcast!

True Girl is a production of Revive Our Hearts, calling women of all ages to freedom, fullness and fruitfulness in Christ.

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