Love Protects

Claire Black: This is True Girl, a podcast for girls and their moms. Together, we’ll explore God’s truth for us—one drive at a time!

Buckle up! You’re about to grow closer to each other and closer to Jesus! 

Secrets—he juicy ones, the shocking ones, the embarrassing ones. There’s something extra thrilling about hearing a friend’s confession or getting the courage to tell your own.

But they’re called secrets for a reason. When someone tells one of yours when you don’t want them to, it hurts. 

Today, we’ll learn what God’s Word says about keeping secrets. This is the True Girl podcast, hosted by Dannah Gresh author of 8 Great Dates for Moms & Daughters. 

We’re continuing to learn seven qualities of true friendship based on 1 Corinthians 13. Let’s get moving for season 4, episode 4 titled, “Love Protects.” Here’s your cohost, Staci Rudolph.

Staci Rudolph: What’s up true girl? I’m Staci, and you know Dannah.

Dannah Gresh: Hello there!

Staci: Have I got a secret to tell you today!

Dannah: Me?

Staci: Not you. This secret is for my true girl listening in. It’s about you, Dannah.

Dannah: What?

Staci: Girl, if only you knew what I know about Dannah Gresh, I don't want to say this too loud . . .

Dannah: Okay, ya know, Staci . . .

Staci: C’mon. Lean in a little. I’ll tell you. There ya go, that’s it . . . nice and close. Gotcha! 

Dannah: Staci! Come on! What on earth is going on?

Staci: I was just thinking how hard it is to resist the temptation to tell secrets. What is it about us girls and secrets? 

Dannah: I sure don’t know, other than that it is all too easy to get wrapped up in them.

Staci: Yep! You know, it’s said that half the time when girls are talking to each other, they're talking about someone else. I hate to break it to ya, but that's called gossip. 

Dannah: Mmm. 

Staci: Dictionary.com states that “gossip is spreading intimate and private rumors or facts.” It’s telling secrets about someone else.

Dannah: Your BFF might just have an outie belly button. It might be as true as the sun is bright, but if you talk about it when she doesn't want you to, or at the expense of her feelings, that's gossip. 

Staci: And a true girl does not gossip.

Dannah: Why? Well, let’s read our power verse of the day. Of course, it’s found in 1 Corinthians chapter 13, which describes the love of Jesus and the kind of love we want to share with others.

We are going to read it in a different version than normal—the NIV, because it makes a little more sense when we start learning today.

Staci: First Corinthians 13:7 says, “[Love] always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

Dannah: Let’s focus on the first part: true love always protects.

Staci: Now, to help us understand what that means, can we take time out for a quick quiz?

Dannah: Pop quiz! I love it. Let’s do it!

Staci: Okay, on a previous episode of the True Girl podcast, we told you what language the New Testament of the Bible was originally written in. 

Dannah: Ah, yes! I remember. 

Staci: I want you to jump up and down in your seat and hoot and holler when I get to the right language. Was the New Testament written in Hebrew? Swahili? Martian? Or was it Greek? 

If you guessed Greek, you got it. 

Dannah: That’s right! It certainly wasn’t Martian. 

Well, last week we used the original Greek words to discover something really important. When the Bible says that “love is patient.” It means that love is “slow to boil.” Love doesn’t get boilin’ mad quickly! 

Staci: Yep! And for today’s verse, when it says “love always protects,” the original Greek would have sounded a little more like this: love always covers in silence. 

Dannah: Wow. Now, I’ve got to tell, you that’s not the first thing I think of when I think of protecting someone.

Staci: I know. It creates a really great word picture for us. It helps us to understand how we can protect our BFFs and other friends. 

Dannah: I’m just imagining covering my friends' big secrets in a super ginormous blanket of silence. 

Staci: Simply put, keep her secrets . . . well . . . secret. 

Dannah: Girls. Gossip isn't pretty.

Staci: Nope, it is not. It can be messy and cause a lot of hurt.

Dannah: Today’s story might teach us a good lesson on why gossiping is not good.

Staci: A man in a small village was a terrible gossip.He was always telling stories about his neighbor, and that always ended up in problems.

The man felt he could not control his urge to gossip. But he really didn't like the consequences of it either. He wanted to change, so he visited the village chief for advice.

The chief had very specific instructions. He promised he could help the man overcome his gossip. Here’s what the chief said:“Go to the market. There you must buy a fresh plump chicken. Bring it back to me as quickly as possible. Plucking off every single feather as you run, not one feather is to remain by the time you return to my hut.”

The man did as he was told. He went to the market and picked up a big plump chicken. Then he ran as fast as he could back to the chief, plucking feathers as fast and as furiously as he possibly could. 

When he arrived at the chief's hut, he was out of breath and out of feathers. He handed the bare chicken over to the chief.

The chief looked down at the naked chicken. Then he looked at the gossiper. And said:“Go back. Gather all the feathers, and bring them to me.”

“What? Are you crazy?” said the gossiping man. “That's impossible. The wind must've carried those feathers in every direction. I could never find them all.” 

The chief said, “That's true. And that's how it is with gossip. One rumor can fly to many corners. And how could you ever retrieve them all. It’s better not to speak gossip in the first place.” 

Then, the chief sent the man home to apologize to his neighbors and to repent. 

Dannah: Wow, that man learned a lesson and got a workout in at the same time! 

Staci: It’s true though. Once you say something, you cannot get it back. And it’s really easy to regret what you might let slip out.

Dannah: Yeah. Our tongues can be the hardest thing to keep from boiling over with anger.

Staci: Friend, know this: a true girl believes that real love doesn't gossip. 

Dannah: The Bible says that gossip separates close friends. And that’s true. I’ve seen it time and time again.

Staci: Me, too. I’ve experienced it. I lost a friend because of my gossiping before. We had a disagreement and instead of working it out between the two of us, I went to another friend and talked about my friend and all the trouble she was causing me. When word got back to my friend and she heard that, she was just super hurt and upset that I didn’t just come to her. 

Dannah: Aww. You know I have experienced a lot of sadness recently when a friend believed something about me that was untrue. Another person told her a lie, and she believed it. Sadly, my friend decided I could not come visit her anymore. I cried. I literally cried.

Listen, if someone tells you something about someone else, you should ask them this question: “Did you talk to that person about what you are going to tell me?” If the answer is “no.” You should tell them, “I think you should talk to them, not about them. If after that you need help approaching that person about something that is true, I will help you talk to them, but I don’t want to talk about them.” 

Staci: That is good advice. 

Dannah: If this sounds really hard, I’m going to tell you, it is! It takes incredible self-control to keep your lips zipped when you know a secret. Which is a good reminder that we cannot “cover a friend’s secret in silence” without the help of Jesus. His Spirit gives us self-control. So, if you’re feeling a little convicted—like I am—ask Jesus to forgive you, and then ask Him to give you self-control to keep your friend’s secrets.

Staci: Dannah, I’ve got a letter here from a true girl. Some good old “snail mail” delivered by the faithful and true U.S. Postal Service. It reads:

Dear Dannah & Staci:

I need help. My best friend and I were is hanging out, and she told me something really private. I think she is in trouble. But I don’t know how to help. Here’s the thing. Before she told me this secret. She asked me to promise not to tell anyone. I did. What should I do?

Sincerely,

Jackie

Dannah: Oh Staci, I’m you checked the mail today. We actually get emails or letters like that quite a lot. The big question is, are there any times you should not keep a secret? And the answer to that is yes. 

Staci: Here are three times you should not keep a secret. Number one.

Number 1: When Your Friend Tells You a Secret You Don’t Know How to Help Them With

Of course, this goes back to the letter! 

Let’s say it’s 2 a.m. and everyone at your sleepover party has long passed out. Only your bestie is hanging in with you. Suddenly, she whispers: “I want to tell you a secret but you have to promise not to tell anyone.”

She tells you this is the first time in a week she hasn’t spent the night all alone because her parents have been leaving her home alone overnight! Or maybe that she’s been using social media and has discovered some really bad stuff. Or that her parents are getting a divorce, and she wants your advice on how to stop it.

Should you keep a secret like that?

Dannah: No, you should not. But you should tell her that you want to help her tell someone older. Because, sometimes secrets are too big and heavy for you to carry alone. When that happens, you have a responsibility to tell your mom or dad or another safe adult you trust a whole lot. And if your friend is in danger, you need to do it really fast! They’ll be able to help you carry those bigger secrets and help your friend.

Staci: Number 2 reason you shouldn’t keep a secret:

Number 2: When You’re Hiding Something and Constantly Fearful Someone Will Find Out

If you worry all the time and even plan your life around a secret, it’s time to spill the beans. If you won’t accept your BFF’s sleepover invites because you still sleep with a nightlight, just get it out there! Say something like, “Okay, but you should know I’m bringing my Llama Nightlight. I never leave home without it.” Your friend will laugh, and you’ll take your nightlight to her house, and the secret will die, but you will not!

Dannah: That’s right, you will not die. Or maybe the secret is something you did and you don’t want anyone to know. If you’re the one who spilled a juice box all over your dad’s white carpet, it’s time to ‘fess up! There could be consequences, but it’ll be over eventually, and the pain of hiding something will be, too. Now, I have to say that this secret may or may not be one that I kept from my dad. True confession. 

Staci: Okay.

Number 3: When Someone Does Something to You and Makes You Promise Not to Tell

“This will be our little secret,” or “No one needs to ever know about this.” If an older person tells you something like that before they do something with you or to you or before they show you something that makes you uncomfortable, that is a green light to run as fast as you can to the nearest safe adult. It’s a very brave and courageous thing to tell a secret like this. 

Dannah: I’m so proud when I hear when one of my true girls has done that. Stopping someone like that doesn’t just keep you safe, but it can keep other girls—and boys— safe, too! We’ve got to stick together.

Secrets are always going to be around. There’s no end to them, but you can be wise about knowing which ones to keep and which ones not to!

Staci: Exactly! Well, I think it’s time for our True Girl challenge!

This week it is so super easy. It’s simply to spend some time with your best friend! Some good quality friend time, you know just hanging out. 

Dannah: You could do a Zoom call (ask your mom first) or have some real live hang out time, whatever works. But before we release the next episode of the True Girl podcast in one week, get some time in with your bestie or a super good friend.

Staci: Hey, Dannah! 

Dannah: What? 

Staci: You could invite that friend to join us in memorizing 1 Corinthians chapter 13, right?

Dannah: Yeah. 

Staci: That’s our season-long challenge. It’s only thirteen verses, and it’s super easy to memorize.

Dannah: And, of course, it teaches you all about how to love a friend . . . or your mom . . . or your little brother . . . or anyone! Because it teaches us how to love like Jesus.

Staci: One more thing: maybe you could invite that friend to join you and your mom at one of our live True Girl events! Head on over to MyTrueGirl.com/events to see if we are coming to a city near you. 

Dannah: Live worship. Good Bible teaching. Mom+daughter conversation time. I like to say it’s the most fun a mom and daughter will ever have digging in to God’s Word together! Find out more at MyTrueGirl.com/events!

Staci: Yup! And you might even see my face or Dannah’s face at one of them.

Dannah: I would love to meet you there. 

Staci: Oh, and by the way, I really don't have any gossip to scoop about Dannah. In fact, she is one of the ladies I just adore!

Dannah: I adore you too, Stace.

Claire: Well, I’m off to spend some time with my bestie! Hope you are, too. And hey, if you don’t have a best friend, this is really a great opportunity to reach out to someone who might need one, too. Sometimes to have a friend, you need to be a friend!

And for some great ideas about how you can spend time together, check out mom+daughter date #4 in Dannah Gresh’s Talking with Your Daughter about Best Friends and Mean Girls. You’ll read a plan to scrapbook some of your favorite friendship memories together. That’s a much better way to spend your time than gossiping, don’t you think? Get a copy of that book and learn more about the other mom+daughter discipleship tools we offer at MyTrueGirl.com

In the next episode we’ll learn about trust. Please be back for the True Girl podcast.

The True Girl podcast is produced by Revive Our Hearts calling women of all ages to freedom, fullness, and fruitfulness in Christ.

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