What Does a Loyal Girl Do When Friendships Get Difficult?

Claire Black: This is True Girl,a podcast for girls and their moms. Together, we’ll explore God’s truth for us, one drive at a time! But for this season, we need an airplane.

You’re about to grow closer to each other and closer to Jesus!

But be sure to fasten your seatbelts; we’re traveling to the United Kingdom! Big Ben, red double-decker buses, and Cadbury chocolate are just a few things this amazing destination has to offer. And while the British give us afternoon tea time, we’ll discuss the fact that sometimes friendship is no cup of tea!

Today, we’ll continue our study of loyalty by looking at chapter 1 of the book of Ruth. Dannah Gresh is the author of a Bible study written just for you. It’s called Ruth: Becoming a Girl of Loyalty. Dannah says Ruth shows us how to hang in there when friendship is difficult, and that’s what we’re going to talk about today.

This is season nine, episode two, titled, “What Does a Loyal Girl Do When Friendship Gets Difficult?” 

Here’s Dannah.

Dannah Gresh: Staci, I can’t believe we’re actually in London having afternoon tea! 

Staci Rudolph: Well, as a tea girl, you know this is gonna be the highlight of my day. Oh hey, True Girl and mom, have a seat. We’re glad you’re here.

Dannah: Okay, I’ve been practicing for this moment! [British accent] Afternoon, cuppa tea, mate? Chip chip cheerio!

Staci: Please don’t do that when there are actual people around, alright?

Dannah: Yeah, I’m pretty bad aren’t I? 

Staci: [whispers] We have the reputation of the True Girl Travel Agency to uphold, alright?

Dannah: Right. 

Staci: So True Girl, be sure to try the clotted cream with a scone. There’s lemon and white chocolate or brown sugar butter pecan! They’re to die for. The clotted cream is not quite whipped cream, and it’s not quite butter, but something in the middle. And, well, just taste it! It’s a British staple for high tea.

Dannah, speaking of the local lingo, did your friend Beccy ever get back to you about the things they say here in the U.K.?

Dannah: Yep, she sure did. Ya know, Beccy was born in Cambridge. Then she lived in London and then in Sheffield. Those are all places in the United Kingdom. Now she’s in the United States, where she’s spent time in lots of different states. She really understands what it means to be a foreigner . . . just like Ruth. I did call her to ask her “What’s a British phrase we could learn and use while we’re here?” Let me grab my phone and play what she said:

Beccy: One of the ones that people often get confused by is when I say, “I’m in the wars.” Like w-a-r-s. Wars. People think I’m saying walls.

Dannah: That would be our accent!

Beccy: Yes. And it means when you’re having one of those days when you’re like tripping over everything and are super clumsy? That’s the phrase we use for that. But people never have any idea what I’m saying!

Staci: How appropriate! “I’m in the wars!”

Dannah: Yeah, you don’t say that quite as well as she did. 

Staci: Nah, you don’t think so?

Dannah: No. 

Staci: Well, I’m having a bad day today. Like, a really, really bad day, so that saying sticks. 

Dannah: Oh no. I wanted this tea time to be so special for you. What happened?

Staci: Well, first, my bank sent an email saying they’re charging me a big fee for using my card in Nigeria. 

Dannah: Oh no. 

Staci: Then, I missed breakfast this morning at the hotel.

Dannah: Ah. 

Staci: And the biggest one of them all is that I had a fight with my best friend last night. 

Dannah: Wow, those are rough, Staci. You are “in the wars.”

Staci: Yep. 

Dannah: Here’s the thing, though. Everyone has these bad days every now and then when it feels like they’re “in the wars.” But generally, we’re able to get to the next sunny day, and life gets better. But you know what I think about when I’m having the kind of day you’re having today?

Staci: What?

Dannah: I wonder what if the bad days seem to come one after the next and turn into bad weeks or even months? 

Staci: Yeah, that would be pretty terrible!

Dannah: Exactly. And you know whose story is like that?

Staci: Ruth’s? 

Dannah: Yes. It’s no “once upon a time in a magical land” type of story, I’ll tell you. Let’s dig in and discover just what’s happening at the start of this story. Let’s summarize Ruth 1:1–6. Ready? Go!

Staci: So, this was back in the day when there were no grocery stores. It was just your basic backyard garden kind of thing going on. And, well, it wasn’t going on. There was a famine. That means nothing was growing, and people were hungry!

Dannah: Yep, so a Jewish guy named Elimelech heard there was food in Moab. So he took his wife, Naomi, and their two little boys there to live. And everyone lived happily ever after?

Staci: For a while. The boys grew up and married two Moabite women—Ruth and Orpah. But then . . . Elimelech died.

And his first son died.

And then his second son died.

Dannah: Wow . . . there were a lot of bad days in there!

Staci: I know, right?! And not small bad days like when we get a papercut doing our homework or miss breakfast at the hotel! It kind of makes that not seem so bad.

Dannah: Yep. It makes sense that Naomi would decide that it was too sad to keep living in Moab. She had heard that her hometown of Bethlehem had a lot of food now, and she still had some family there. And she was an old woman by now. So, she decided to move back. And here in Ruth chapter 1, verse 7 we start to see loyalty on the pages of the Bible! Staci, can you read it?

Staci: Yep!

With her two daughters-in-law she set out from the place where she had been living, and they took the road that would lead them back to Judah.

But on the way, Naomi said to her two daughters-in-law, “Go back to your mothers’ homes. And may the Lord reward you for your kindness to your husbands and to me. May the Lord bless you with the security of another marriage.” Then she kissed them good-bye, and they all broke down and wept.

“No,” they said. “We want to go with you to your people.”

 But Naomi replied, “Why should you go on with me? Can I still give birth to other sons who could grow up to be your husbands? No, my daughters, return to your parents’ homes, for I am too old to marry again. And even if it were possible, and I were to get married tonight and bear sons, then what? Would you wait for them to grow up and refuse to marry someone else? No, of course not, my daughters! Things are far more bitter for me than for you, because the Lord himself has raised his fist against me.” (vv. 7–13)

Okay, it’s kind of weird that Naomi would stop in the middle of their road trip to tell them to go back home. I mean, I’ve never been on my way somewhere and told the person traveling with me, “You know what, go back to your mom’s house, and may the Lord bless ya there.”

Dannah: Well, me either. But let me shed some light on that.

Back in Ruth’s time, people were not welcome in places that were not their homelands.

Staci: That’s not too nice.

Dannah: I know, and I agree, but that’s how it was. Everyone was supposed to stay in the place where they came from, and everyone was supposed to marry people from their same hometown. Otherwise, you were a “foreigner.” And if you didn’t stick to this tradition, people were not nice to you.

Staci: Yikes. That’s rough. 

Dannah: And another thing: women were not as important as men. Society had so many rules so that women couldn’t do certain things without a man—like own property or make money.

For this reason, as a woman, the family you were a part of was really important. A father would provide for his daughter until she was old enough to get married, and then the daughter would get married as a way to make sure her family was taken care of when her father got too old to work. Then the husband would provide for her, and in return, she would have babies and continue the family line.

Staci: So, Naomi knew it was going to be hard for her daughters-in-law in Bethlehem. That’s why she told them to go back?

Dannah: Yep, exactly. Not only would some people be unkind to them, but it would be hard to find men who were willing to marry them. And remember, they couldn’t make money or own land since they were girls! You know what I think?

Staci: What?

Dannah: I think Naomi knew what it was like to be treated like a foreigner . . . and it wasn’t good. She was leaving Moab, which was not her land. I bet sometimes people were unkind to her. 

Naomi loved her daughters-in-law enough to know she didn’t want people to be mean to them or for life to be hard for them. So she told Orpah and Ruth to go back to their homeland where they would be much more likely to find a man to marry and provide for their family in those tough times, or they could stay with their father in their father’s house. 

Now, I know how Naomi felt when she told her daughters-in-law to leave her. When we face really hard times, sometimes we don’t want to put other people through those hard times with us. 

Instead of wanting to talk about it or let other people see us cry, it’s easy for us to say, “Just leave me alone in my room where I can hide under the covers forever!” 

Ever been there?

Staci: Yes.

Dannah: Yeah, me too. 

Maybe we think it’s just not worth bothering someone else with how we’re feeling. But, when we do this, we aren’t letting other people into our hard times.

Have you ever felt like doing that, Staci?

Staci: Yeah, that’s kind of what's happening now. Something’s going on back home and my friend wants to help me and walk with me through it, but I don’t wanna make her do that. The situation just feels sad, and I don’t want her to feel that way too. We kind of had a disagreement about it.

Dannah: Ah, gotcha. Well, I’ve got some advice for you, but I think if we keep reading Ruth’s story, you’ll hear it. Let’s keep going. Lots of Scripture today, but I want to make sure we understand Ruth’s story as best we can. Let’s start again at verse 14. It says, 

And again they wept together, and Orpah kissed her mother-in-law good-bye. But Ruth clung tightly to Naomi. “Look,” Naomi said to her, “your sister-in-law has gone back to her people and to her gods. You should do the same.”

But Ruth replied, “Don’t ask me to leave you and turn back. Wherever you go, I will go; wherever you live, I will live. Your people will be my people, and your God will be my God. Wherever you die, I will die, and there I will be buried. May the Lord punish me severely if I allow anything but death to separate us!” When Naomi saw that Ruth was determined to go with her, she said nothing more. (vv. 14–18)

Staci: Wow! So, Ruth knows how hard it’s going to be in this foreign land, but she still decides to stick by Naomi’s side.

Dannah: Yep! Ruth does what good friends do. She saw the need of Naomi and she made the commitment to help.

Ruth knew that no matter what, she wanted to be there for Naomi—even if it meant giving up some really big things! Ruth wanted to stay by her mother-in-law’s side while she was sad. Ruth didn’t want Naomi to go through her sadness alone . . . no matter what it cost her.

True Girl, here’s loyalty lesson #1: 

When hard times show up, a loyal girl doesn’t run away. 

Ruth certainly didn’t!

Staci: Well, I guess what I just realized is that I should be pretty grateful to have a friend that wants to be by my side during the hard times, huh?

Dannah: Absolutely! Life isn’t always sunshine and rainbows. But it’s so much better when we have a friend by our side through the storms. Your friend is wanting to show her loyalty. 

You know what? I think it’s time for our destination verse.

Staci: You’re right. I’ve got it here. Proverbs 17:17 reads:

A friend is always loyal, and a brother is born to help in time of need.

Dannah: Yep, I love that verse. It challenges me to be a good friend who sticks it out during the tough times. When things get hard for our friends, we level-up in our friendship! We stick with them and even become like siblings, like a brother or a sister. 

When your BFF sees you at your worst and decides to love you anyway, that’s when she’s like a sister to you. And when we choose to be there for our friends even in times of need, that’s when we’re showing God’s love and being a loyal friend.

Staci: You know what? As soon as tea time is over, I’m gonna call my friend and thank her for wanting to stick by my side through the tough stuff. I’ll talk about what’s going on and let her talk through it and pray through it with me.

Dannah: Way to go, Staci! I think that's a great idea. You know, we learned a lot from Ruth’s story today, and there’s lots more to come. We’ll eventually see that God blesses Ruth’s loyalty. But, there’s still some really hard stuff ahead.

Staci: True Girl, friendship doesn’t always come easily. As Ruth shows us, sometimes we have to be really selfless to be loyal. And ya know what? Naomi was humble enough to receive it. I guess I’m in that position with my friend right now.

Dannah: Absolutely. And remember that we have a perfect friend who will always walk through hardships with us: Jesus! With His help, we can show that love to others and walk through their hardships with them.

Hey Staci, pass me that clotted cream. I need a little for the last bite of my lemon and white chocolate scone.

Staci: Oh, Chocolate! True Girl, we have to stop and get some Cadbury chocolate on our way back to the hotel.

Dannah: Sounds like a plan!

Claire: Sounds yummy! I could use some chocolate and clotted cream.

Hey, you and your mom could make some scones and clotted cream and have your own tea party. Just search the Internet—with your mom’s permission, of course–to find some fun recipes! Remember to ask your mom to post a picture on Instagram and tag @truegirlofficial. We’d love to see it!

Well. Now you have Loyalty lesson #1: when hard times show up, a loyal girl doesn’t run away. You’ll find four more loyalty lessons in the Bible study Ruth: Becoming a Girl of Loyalty by Dannah Gresh. You can get a copy at MyTrueGirl.com.

When you visit the website, you’ll discover that we love leading girls like you through Bible studies. In fact, I’m so excited because right now we’re releasing a special on-demand Bible study for moms and daughters based on the book Lies Girls Believe and the Truth That Sets Them Free. You can learn about that at MyTrueGirl.com/LiesGirlsBelieve.

Well, join us next week! We’re headed to the second largest country in the world. And, boy, I hope we can find a maple donut while we’re there! 

The True Girl podcast is produced by Revive Our Hearts calling women of all ages to freedom, fullness, and fruitfulness in Christ!

All Scripture is taken from the NLT.

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