Your Thoughts Are the Boss of Your Feelings!

Claire Black: This is True Girl, a podcast for girls and their moms. Together, we’ll explore God’s truth for us one drive at a time. Buckle up! You’re about to grow closer to each other and closer to Jesus!

In this season we’re doing that by visiting the True Girl Truth Lab. 

We’ve said before, the people who spend time in a laboratory are usually trying to find out what is true about something, like the way two liquids interact in a chemistry experiment.

But the True Girl Truth Lab helps with different kinds of problems in the girl world. It mostly helps us identify lies we believe. And we’ve been learning that lots of times those lies come with sticky feelings . . . like feeling left out! 

And today, we’ll begin to learn about three steps to overcome lies. Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth first wrote about this process in the book, Lies Women Believe. (Mom, you’d love that book!) We’ll cover steps one and two in Nancy’s process.

Here’s the author of Lies Girls Believe and the Truth That Sets ThemFree, Dannah Gresh, and her good friend Staci Rudolph for Season 8, Episode 4. It is called “Your Thoughts Are the Boss of Your Feelings.”

Postman: Special delivery. I have mail for True Girl and a box for Dannah.

Staci Rudolph: Thanks, Joe. I’ll take it. Have a nice day!

Postman: Thanks, Staci. You too, and tell Dannah I said hi.

Staci: Will do! Bill . . . bill . . . bill . . . a letter! I bet it’s from a True Girl. I wonder what’s in this package?

Dannah Gresh: Hey Staci! Did you just grab the mail? 

Staci: Yup! Going through it now. A few bills, a letter from a True Girl, and hey, you got a package.

Dannah: Thanks! I’ve been waiting for this.

Staci: What is it?

Dannah: Uhhh . . . well . . . I’ll tell you later.

Staci: Okay, that’s not suspicious at all.

Dannah: Hey, about that letter you mentioned from the True Girl . . . 

Staci: Yep, I was just getting ready to bring it to the lab. You wanna head that way?

Dannah: Let’s go.

Staci: Ya know, that really is a nice box ya got there. I mean the sturdiness of that cardboard is something to write home about. And that color, unmatched! Brown is sooo in this year.

Dannah: Staci, it’s just a box . . . and apparently one that’s driving you crazy. You just have to know what’s in this package, huh?

Staci: Yes! I bonded with that package when I got it from Joe. We made a connection. I deserve to know what’s inside!

Dannah: And you will! Ya know, patience is a virtue, Staci.

Staci: I know, I know.

Dannah: Alright, let’s get down to business. Want to hand me that letter?

Staci: Here ya go. It’s from Gia. 

Dannah: What a pretty name. Let’s see what she wrote.

Viv is my best friend. We tell each other EVERYTHING! Sometimes we just hang out for hours. But . . . not anymore. She lied to me! Viv said she was the only one invited to Emma’s for a sleepover, but it turns out everyone in my class except me was invited. When I called Viv on it, she acted like it was NO BIG DEAL! She told me she lied so my feelings wouldn’t be hurt! She actually said that sometimes it’s good to lie. I’m so mad! I feel like having a sleepover and not inviting her! ~Gia

Dannah: Oh, no. Poor Gia. I know what it’s like to feel left out. It’s not fun at all.

Staci: No ma’am! It isn’t. It can make you start believing things about yourself that aren’t true and even make you treat people in ways you usually wouldn’t.

Dannah: Very true. I think it’s time to fire up the lie detection machine and sort out this confusion for Gia. 

You know what else I’ve been thinking about, Staci?

Staci: What?

Dannah: We’ve spent so much time in the lab and we’ve learned a ton, but our True Girl’s don’t have this lab, this lie detector machine, or a bedazzled lab coat at home. So, we need to make sure they feel confident in recognizing the evidence of a lie, identifying the specific lie they’re believing, and replacing it with God’s truth. 

Now, I told you girls before that the real Truth Lab isn’t here with Staci and I. You have one and you can use it, because the real lie detector is in your Bible. But I want to make sure you’re an expert at using it.

So today I’m gonna show you something super awesome about the lie detection machine. And, of course, we’ll help Gia with her problem using this lean, mean detecting machine.

Staci: You’re gonna show us the inner workings of this thing?! Let’s be honest, this is like your baby. 

True Girl, we should feel honored. 

Hey, uhhh, while we’re at it, you wanna show us what’s in that secret package you got earlier?

Dannah: Nice try. Maybe later. Alright, let’s get started.

Welcome to the Truth Lab. I shall be your professor. You’ll need enthusiasm, optimism, and a number 2 pencil to begin this course. Let’s dive in!

Staci: Do you have to talk like that to do it?

Dannah: I guess not. Just makes it more fun.

Now, you’ll be familiar with each of these parts since we’ve had lots of practice using the lie detection machine, but what I want to do is show you that God has put a version of each piece of the lie detection machine in your hands. He did this so that we can live lives of freedom found in His truth alone. 

So, let’s put Gia’s letter through, and I’ll show you the first step in overcoming a lie. Let’s watch.

Dannah: [Shouting.] Okay! So, the letter is in. The first piece we’ll look at is the Lie-o-meter 100. You’ve seen this part in action before.

Staci: [Shouting.] Oh, yeah. It’s the purple bulb that signals someone is believing a lie, right?

Dannah: [Shouting.] That’s the second part. The first part is the silver piece. You see that over there spinning around. Pretty soon it’ll spin so fast and wild that it’ll hit that circle and cue the purple light and alarm we’re used to hearing. 

Staci: There it goes! 

Dannah: Yup! And here comes our report

I love that Lie-o-meter. I can’t wait to install the new one they’re releasing! It’s even better than this one!

Staci: [giggles] So, a while back you said we can each build a Truth Lab. You’re not telling me we need a purple, shiny bulb like that one are ya?

Dannah: [giggles] No, not an actual bulb but something that alerts you like it does. 

The first job of the Lie-o-meter 100 is to recognize the evidence of lies. And you can do that, too! You don’t need this machine.

Staci: Exactly! There are a couple of signs or evidences that you’re believing a lie: sin and sticky feelings. They’re kind of like that silver piece, huh? They spin round and round before finally signaling the purple bulb and letting us know we’re believing a lie.

Dannah: Exactly! Yes, anytime you sin or have a sticky feeling, you’ve believed a lie. You just have to figure out what lie. More on that coming up. 

Let me tell you what could be causing those bad behaviors and feelings that won’t go away: our thoughts. They’re powerful. And thinking about the wrong thing all the time, every day is what usually leads us to sticky feelings and sin. Our thoughts can control how we feel and make quite a mess if they spin wildly.

Now, no one is really sure of the exact number, but it’s estimated that you think 2,000 to 3,000 thoughts every single hour. Well, what we do know, just like I mentioned before, is that these thoughts have the power to control how we feel. Cool, huh!? 

Staci: Yeah, unless you’ve been thinking about sticky feelings or temptation! 

Dannah: Very true! Thinking about those things can lead to believing lies. And that always makes you feel bad. Do you remember the last time you felt really down, Staci? I’d bet you were thinking negative thoughts about yourself. 

Staci: Yeah, I was. Last time I felt really down, I got caught up in thoughts like: no one understands me or my life stinks. Probably things Gia was thinking about herself after not being invited to that party.

Dannah: Yep. If you’re not careful, your brain starts to believe what you think about even if it’s not true! This is something God has been trying to teach us for a long, long time. Even before Jesus was born, the Bible communicated this truth in Proverbs 23:7.

As he thinks in his heart, so is he. 

In other words, what’s rolling around in your heart—stuff you think about all the time—that’s going to end up defining you. But here’s the good news: you can actually change the way you feel and what you do and how you act by changing what you think about. 

I want you to remember this: your thoughts are the boss of your feelings. 

That’s why I want to explain the lie detection machine over our next few visits to the lab. I want to make sure the Truth Lab in your heart is open for business and that you have the tools to help you control your feelings by controlling your thoughts. You do that by believing the truth.

Staci: Step 1 in activating our inner Lie-o-meter is recognizing the evidence of a lie, right?

Dannah: Yup! That’s step one. When you see those sins or sticky feelings cropping up, pay attention.

Staci: True Girl, remember, lies always make us feel controlled, unhappy, and trapped. Those are the kinds of emotions that we should be looking for. Gia’s situation shows that she’s experiencing some of those feelings. She’s very unhappy with how things went with Viv.

Dannah: Yeah. We also see that she’s on the verge of sin. She’s so upset with Vivian that she wants to throw her own party and not invite her just to be mean. Being unkind to others is sinful. Sticky feelings and sin are evidence that there's something much deeper below. Sometimes you see only one of those, but often we can see both.

Staci: And at the root of those things is the lie. You’ve gotta do some diggin’ to get it out. It’s like needing a shovel to dig in the dirt and get to the root of a weed. We have to dig it up so it can’t grow any longer. 

Dannah: Exactly. Have you ever ripped up a weed by the roots? It’s easy if the seed has just begun to grow and the root is tender. But sometimes I have to take shovels and axes to weeds that have grown for a long, long time in my garden. Roots can be deep and strong. The roots of all lies have to be dug up! Let’s do some digging for Gia!

Staci, what lies did the lie detection machine discover in her letter?

Staci: Our report found a lie in Gia’s letter that her friend, Viv, is actually believing, and if she isn’t careful, Gia could believe it too. 

The lie is: my sin isn’t that big of a deal.

Her friend Viv even said that it’s okay to lie if you’re trying not to hurt someone’s feelings. Oh boy!

Dannah: Oh boy is right, because that is wrong!

The truth is that sin, any kind of sin, separates us from God. It says so in Isaiah 59:2,

But your sins have separated you from your God. (Isa. 59:2a NIV)

See? Clear as day. If you like being in a happy relationship with God and others, it’s a good idea to do your best to avoid sinning. But we all sin sometimes, and it’s exactly why we need Jesus. Here’s another important scripture for you.

But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins. (1 John 1:9)

True Girl, God loves you and wants you to come to Him and confess your sins because He doesn’t want anything in the way when it comes to Your connection with Him. He wants your relationship with Him and others to thrive. 

Staci: Good truth. I can dig that. Get it? Dig that?

Dannah: I know we’re diggin’ out lies here, but can we bury the puns for just a bit, Staci.

Staci: I guess so. 

Another lie Gia is potentially believing is: I don’t fit in.

Being left out can send your mind spinning and thinking about all the reasons you weren’t invited. You can begin to feel like there must be something wrong with you or you’re missing something special that others have. But the truth is, God has created you fearfully and wonderfully and that truth is found in Psalm 139:13–14:

You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
and knit me together in my mother’s womb.
Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex
Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.

Dannah: I love that verse! We use it lots here at True Girl. Unfortunately, at some point most of us will experience what Gia is feeling after not being invited to that party. But we have to stop the negative, spinning thoughts, take them to Jesus, and ask Him to help us hold tightly to the truth that we are not flawed, and we belong to Him. You are wonderfully made.

Staci: Absolutely!

Dannah: So, once your Lie-o-meter does its job and discovers the lies you’re believing, you have to stop feeding them! That’s step #2. 

And the True Girl Lie-o-meter doesn’t do that for you. You have to do it yourself. Most people end up thinking about our sins or sticky feelings all the time, every day. I’m telling you, don’t do that! If you’re seeing sin or sticky feelings in your life, stop and consider: what am I thinking about all the time, every day? Is it that temptation? Is it those bad feelings? You get to control them if you keep thinking about those things or not. And if you want to stop believing lies, you have to stop!

It’s like this: thoughts are like fertilizer and water for the roots growing inside our hearts and minds. They feed them. 

Staci, let’s say I plant two seeds in the ground, but I only fertilize and water one of them. Which one will grow faster? 

Staci: The one you feed and water.

Dannah: Right! When we keep thinking about temptation or sticky feelings all the time, we’re just fertilizing a lie. You have to stop. Now, the way you stop feeding a lie is by forcing yourself to stop thinking about it. Sometimes that means you have to stop exposing yourself to the lie. 

Like if I want to buy something really cool but I don’t have the money, I don’t print out a picture of the thing and put it on the wall next to my desk at work! That only creates more temptation.

Thinking about the temptation or bad feelings less is the key. When you stop feeding it, it’s like ripping up something bad by the roots!

Staci: So, step #2 is identifying the lie and stop feeding it. 

I gotta say. It’s easy for me to recognize the evidence of a lie. I know when I’m sinning. And I know when I have emotions that are sticking like glue.

But it’s harder for me to identify the lie.

Dannah: Me, too! Staci, by their very nature, lies are deceptive. That means it won’t be easy to figure out the lie. I often find that I need help with that. So, I ask a trusted friend or even my mom!

Staci: You still ask your mom for help?

Dannah: Oh, yeah! I’m smart like that!

Staci: True Girl, if your inner lie-o-meter has identified the evidence of a lie you’re believing—that is you have a sticky emotion or a sin cropping up—it’s a good idea to tell your mom. She can help you figure out what lie you might be believing.

And then together she can help you figure out how to stop feeding it and start diggin’. Ask your mom or a trusted adult for help with the situation and together make a plan to get to the root of that lie and rip it right out!

Dannah and I have both had to do this before, right Dannah?

Dannah: That’s so true, Staci. 

Staci: So, True Girl, back away from the can of fertilizer. I repeat: back away from the can of fertilizer!

Dannah: You got it. 

Staci: It’s time to get your shovel out, hand one to an adult you trust, and start diggin’ together. We’ve got no time to let those lies get their roots any deeper.

Dannah: Good idea, Staci. You know what else is a good idea?

Staci: What?

Dannah: If I open this package so you stop staring at it every chance you get.

Staci: Finally!

Dannah: Voila!

Staci: Hey! It’s a . . . a blanket?

Dannah: Two!

Staci: Ya cold?

Dannah: Not today, but sometimes in the True Girl tour bus I’m a little cold.

Staci: Brrrr! Me too!

Dannah: So, I got this for my bunk. Look. Read the tag.

Staci: It says, “Coziest Blanket Ever!”

Dannah: Yep! 

Staci: You got two green ones!

Dannah: Well, green’s my favorite color!

Staci: Mine, too! Is this . . . did you . . . is the reason there are two?

Dannah: Yep, yhat one’s yours, girl!

Staci: Well, Dannah Gresh, I’m gonna be the Coziest Girl Ever!

Dannah: True Girl, we hope to see you when we’re out there on tour, in our cozy blankets. Staci and I don’t usually go out together. We take turns with some other lead teachers like Kasey Pots, Janet Mylin and Shani McKenzie. 

Staci: But if you don’t see any of us, it might be because Dannah and I are each in our bunks taking the coziest nap ever!

Claire: True Girl, you are invited to come spend time exploring Lies Girls Believe and the Truth that Sets Them Free in the live stage version. Get tickets for the True Girl tour at MyTrueGirl.com.

After this episode, your Lie-o-meter should be fired up and ready to detect any lie lurking around your heart. Remember: if you see sin or sticky feelings in your life, there’s a lie lurking somewhere. That’s step one: identify the evidence of a lie.

Next step: identify the lie and stop feeding it. Get your Bible out and start figuring out what it is. You might need help. Just ask your mom.

Do you want a great tool to use alongside your Bible? Get a copy of Lies Girls Believe and the Truth That Sets Them Free. You can get the book at MyTrueGirl.com. 

Tune in next week for another round of truth from the lab and step # 3: overcoming lies. 

The True Girl podcast is produced by Revive Our Hearts calling women of all ages to freedom, fullness, and fruitfulness in Christ.

All Scripture is taken from the NLT unless otherwise noted.

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