How Humility Helps

This programs contains portions from the following episodes:

"Is Your Heart at Peace?"

"An Encounter with Humility"

"Will You Lay Down Your Rights?"

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Dannah Gresh: Do you ever wonder if others see you as a humble person? Erin Davis asks some heart-searching questions to help us take inventory.

Erin Davis: Do we seek to be great through service to others? 

Do we want to be first? Or do we see the value in being last? 

Do we come into our families, our workplaces, our relationships expecting to be served or to serve?

Dannah: Um, how’d you do with that little pop quiz? Me. I’m hoping there’s a retake tomorrow! 

Have a seat friend. I promise. No more pop quizzes.

Welcome to Revive Our Hearts Weekend. I’m Dannah Gresh.

[Dramatically] “My parents never taught me to be humble. I’m just naturally incredible at it!”

Have you ever heard a joke like that?

Or how about this one? 

“Humility is one of my best qualities. I could talk about my humility for hours.”

We laugh (or groan!), but let’s be honest: we all have some challenges when it comes to walking in humility! I mean, maybe you compare yourself with people who are always putting themselves up front, and you think, I would never do that!

Well, you’re not alone. We all have those moments. I do. But, the Bible makes it clear that that’s a wrong way of thinking. 

Proverbs chapter 22, verse 4 says, “The reward for humility and fear of the Lord is riches (that’s spiritual riches) and honor and life.” What's that mean for us? It means humility isn’t optional for a child of God.

Along with Erin Davis today, Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth is going to help us foster hearts that are humble. She says that one evidence of humility is having a quiet heart. Does it surprise you that those two would go together? Well, Nancy didn’t make it up! Here she is with verse 1 of Psalm 131.

Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth: “Lord, my heart is not haughty, nor mine eyes lofty.” This psalm, this prayer, is addressed to the Lord.

It would be one thing for me to say to you, “I’m not haughty. I’m humble. My eyes aren’t lifted up. My eyes aren’t lofty.” But you don’t know my heart. I could tell you that I’m not proud, that I’m trusting in the Lord, that I’m walking with Him; but you have no way of knowing. The One who knows my heart is the One to whom David addresses this psalm.

“Lord, You know all. You see all. You know the true condition of my heart, and I’m addressing this prayer to You. I can’t fool You. I can’t pull the wool over Your eyes.”

David says in this open, transparent, outpouring of his heart to the Lord, “Lord, as You already know—and if I’m not seeing it correctly, I know that You’ll show me—Lord, my heart is not haughty nor mine eyes lofty.”

I see in there a humility that goes two directions: First, a heart that is humble toward God, and then a heart that is humble toward others. David says to God, “My heart is not haughty.” That’s my heart attitude toward God. That word haughty means “to soar; to be lofty; to mount up; to be proud; to raise up to great heights.”

David is saying:

• God, I know who I am compared to You, and I know I’m nothing compared to You.
• I don’t esteem myself more highly than I should. I have a proper estimation of my worth and my value.
• I’m not self-absorbed.
• I’m not easily offended.
• I don’t get depressed when I get overlooked or mistreated.
• I don’t get elated when others pat me on the back or approve of me.
• My happiness, my well being, is not dependent on others’ view of me.
• My heart is not haughty toward You.
• I’m not weighed down with selfish ambition or self-seeking or aspiring.
• "Lord, I have a humble heart toward You.”

And then “my eyes are not lofty.” I think that has to do with the way we see others. You know the passage in Proverbs 6:17 where it talks about six, yea seven things the Lord hates? One of those things is a proud look. It’s the same phrase used here as “lofty eyes.” A proud look—lofty eyes—it’s an abomination to the Lord.

The Psalmist is saying here, “I don’t look down on others.” What are some of the ways we do that?

• belittling
• judging
• envy
• bitterness
• anger
• a competitive spirit
• domineering
• quick to find fault and point out the mistakes of your mate or your children or your pastor

“My eyes are not lofty.” Quick to assume negatively on others? That’s lofty eyes.

I love this quote by Charles Spurgeon that I found while I was studying this passage. He said,

After all, Brothers and Sisters, we are nobodies and we have come from a long line of nobodies! . . . We all trace our line [up] to a gardener who lost his place through stealing his Master’s fruit—and that is the farthest we can possibly go.

So what do we have to be proud of? Look where we’ve come from! Look who we are compared to God. We are nothing. So for us to esteem ourselves better than others is so foolish. You’ll never have a quiet heart if you don’t have a humble heart. We need our pride, which comes naturally to all of us, to be subdued and conquered by Christ.

But a humble spirit is the basis for a peaceful spirit. If your heart is humble, then you can be quiet and composed within, even as the Psalmist was. You can have a peaceful spirit. You won’t be easily disturbed.

But if your heart is proud toward God or your eyes are lofty toward others, if you have an exalted, elevated opinion of yourself, then you’re going to be devastated by the storms. You’re going to live in turmoil within.

You’re going to get wounded when someone violates your rights or doesn’t treat you as they should. When someone gets in your space, you’re not going to have a quiet heart. You’re going to rush to defend yourself or rush to retaliate because your heart is proud and your eyes are lifted up.

So David starts by saying, “Lord, I’m approaching You from a position of humility. My heart is not haughty. My eyes are not lofty: neither do I exercise myself in great matters, or in things too high for me.”

This is one phrase that has become like a mantra to me. I find myself in so many situations of life now where I just have to step back and say, “This is too high for me. This is too great for me, so I am not going to let my heart get exercised over this thing that is too high for me.”

There are a lot of things like that. You see, we want to be able to manage everything. We want to be able to control everything. We want to be able to figure everything out. We want to know why everything is happening. We want to be able to put all the puzzle pieces together. But because God is God and we are not, there are “bajillions” of puzzle pieces that you and I will never, ever be able to put together this side of heaven.

• Don’t try to be lifted up.
• Don’t try to be exalted yourself.
• Don’t strive.
• Don’t be ambitious for great position or prominence, for great accomplishments.

“If only I could do something really valuable for the Lord. If only I could really have a lot of wealth or possessions. If only I could have lots of human approval or recognition.”

Those are things that are higher than what we should be grasping for. Charles Spurgeon, if I can quote him again, said,

Fill your sphere, Brother, and be content with it. If God shall move you to another, be glad to be moved. If He moves you to a smaller, be as willing to go to a less prominent place as to one that is more so. Have no will about it. Be a weaned child that has given up fretting, crying, worrying and leaves its mother to do just what seems good in her sight. When we are thoroughly weaned it is well with us—pride is gone and ambition is gone, too.

So you say, “This company just doesn’t value me the way they should. I have no place on this organizational chart. There’s a glass ceiling here, and they’re not letting me accomplish what I could in this organization.” Maybe you feel that way in your home. “I’m just not being allowed to use my gifts.”

Are you seeking great things for yourself? You’ll never have a quiet heart as long as you are. Don’t seek them. Let God be God. Let God place you where He wants to use you and have you serving in a way that’s pleasing to Him and doing what would be His will for your life.

Dannah: Amen! You can’t have a quiet heart unless you’re humble and submitted to God. Have you thought about that before?

That was Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth, teaching from Psalm 131.

You know, that talk reminds me of a time years ago when the rubber met the road for me in terms of walking in humility and choosing to have a quiet heart. And in this case, it meant quieting my tongue. You see, an individual in authority above me had blocked me from using my gifts. I was so disappointed. Devastated, if I'm honest. I had every reason to make some noise to defend myself. But when I sought godly counsel, well, my mentor reminded me to be humble. She told me that the evidence of true humility is often a quiet heart that trusts in God rather than fighting for itself.

So, even though it wasn’t very natural for me, I didn’t speak up. I just prayed. I chose to hold my tongue and foster a quiet heart while I asked Jesus to open doors for me to serve Him in ways that were fulfilling for me. Was I giving up? Being a doormat? Well, you decide. A few weeks later, without saying a word, I was invited to use the very gifts I’d hoped and prayed about.

Erin Davis is my cohost on Grounded, a podcast and videocast we release every week. Now, my amazing friend has more gifts in her pinky finger than many people could ever dream of possessing! She and I talk often about our own battles with pride as we seek to walk in humility. Erin wrote about this challenging pursuit in a book for teen girls called True Princess. She’s always quick to remind us that Jesus modeled humility, and she sometimes says something very counter-cultural: greatness comes through humility.

Go ahead and let that sink in!

Let’s listen to Erin as she takes us into Matthew chapter 20. You remember the story. That’s where the mother of James and John, Salome, asked Jesus if her sons could sit at His right and left in His kingdom!

Here’s Erin reading Jesus’ response to that ambitious mother, from Matthew chapter 20, verses 24–27.

Erin Davis:

And when the ten heard it [which is the other disciples plus James and John], they were indignant at the two brothers. But Jesus called them to him and said, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones exercise authority over them. It shall not be so among you. But whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be your slave, even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”

Jesus lays down some strange definitions here. The definition of greatness is service. To win first place, you have to be a slave. And He isn’t talking about becoming a literal slave, but He does ask us to take on the mindset of a slave in putting others first. Greatness doesn’t come through power, through wealth, or through accomplishments. It comes through service. That’s what He’s teaching. He uses Salome’s boldness there to teach her and the disciples about humility. Of course, they had no idea what was right around the corner.

Verse 28 is an extremely powerful and life-changing verse. I would just encourage you, after listening to this, to read that passage over and over and over until you feel like it sinks in. It says,

Even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.

Jesus—who’s the King of kings and the Lord of lords, through Him all things were made, who’s Emanuel, who’s the Son of God, who’s the Prince of peace.

He says, “I didn’t come here so you could serve Me. I came here so I could serve you.”

So Salome bursts on the scene, and she says, “Can my sons have power in Your kingdom?” And He says, “Power comes through service. Greatness comes from being least. I didn’t come here so you could serve Me. I came here so I could serve you.”

James and John and Salome didn’t get what He was trying to tell them because their wicked hearts can barely process humility. Certainly at this level, I can barely process what Jesus was saying there, but He modeled it, and He called us to it.

So did Salome get it? Did she learn the lesson that Jesus wanted her to learn? Did she learn humility by proximity to Jesus? And did the teachable moment He used that day matter?

Let’s fast forward to Mark 15:40–41.

There were also women looking on from a distance, among whom were Mary Magdalene, and Mary the mother of James the younger and of Joses, and Salome. When he was in Galilee, they followed him and ministered to him, and there were also many other women who came up with him to Jerusalem.

Throughout the crucifixion process, Salome ministered to Jesus. I don’t know where her thoughts were or if hopes of her children sitting at His right and left hand were dashed at that moment. In fact, I doubt if she thought about that much at all that day. But she stuck with Him. She stayed by Him. The Bible says she ministered to Him during the crucifixion process. That’s humility.

She’s living out humility. She’s ministering to Jesus as He’s dying. And the last time we read about her in Scripture, she’s totally devoted to Him, and she’s serving Him in such humble, unassuming ways.

Jesus modeled humility at every turn, culminating in His death on the cross. His encounter with Salome forces questions about our own hearts.

• Do we seek to be great through service to others? Or do we seek to be great by being great? Which doesn’t work—that’s what Jesus was telling us. 
• Do we want to be first? Or do we see the value in being last? 
• Do we come into our families, our work places, our relationships expecting to be served or to serve?

Now, you guys know what answers you’re supposed to give. You know you’re supposed to say, “I expect to serve.” And maybe you do.

But is your heart keeping an account of all that you do for others? Because that’s not humility. That’s just behavior modification. 

Do you feel resentment when people don’t give to you like you give to them? Because that’s not humility either. 

I suppose it’s possible for us to do humble things without being humble.

I literally wrote the book on humility, and I still struggle with it, probably most at home. I said I’m the only woman in a house full of men, and they don’t care about dirty houses at all. They don’t even see it. They don’t care if we eat easy-mac every single day. And so I can get into this mode where I have the sense of entitlement that my kids and husband will serve me because don’t they see all that I do for them.

I’m afraid Jesus would have sat me down, or would like to sit me down and have a conversation with me like He had with Salome, herein: “You get to be first by being last. Look at My life. I didn’t come so that people would serve Me. I came so that I could serve them.”

It’s essentially the same clawing for power that Salome was doing when I do that. I want to be noticed. I want to be in charge. I want to have authority. I want people to pay attention to what I’m doing. And Jesus would encourage us to model humility.

So my question for you is: What is God using to teach you the beauty and power of humility?

Dannah: That’s a good question. That's my Erin Davis, showing us how Jesus taught His disciples—and you and I—to live humbly. Would your family say you’re humble? (Ouch!) Remember, greatness comes through humility and service.

Can you think of someone in your life who models this truth?

Now, how about this . . . who is the greatest example of humility? Let me hear that good ol’ Sunday school answer! But it’s really true! No one lived out these truths better than Jesus.

I want to read you a few verses that point us to Jesus as an example of humility. You’re probably familiar with them. Philippians chapter 2, verses 3–8, reads:

Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.

Here’s Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth to talk about that passage.

Nancy: Paul is saying this humility of mind, this humble mindset, counting others more significant than yourselves, will result in your being more concerned about the interests of others than about your own interests, more concerned about their needs than about your own needs. This is the outworking of a humble heart, and it affects everything about how we view ourselves and our interests and how we view others and their interests. It affects how we treat others when their interests collide with ours.

If you have that kind of heart, you will be one of a very few, one of a minority. That’s what makes us as believers stand out from the rest of this world, from the rest of the culture. That’s what reflects the heart of Christ, when we have a humble heart, when we put Christ’s interests and others’ welfare ahead of our own. Ultimately, that’s how we can point people to Christ.

And he goes on to say this is what Christ’s life and heart were all about. Back to verse 5, “Have this mind among yourselves which is yours in Christ Jesus.” The New American Standard there, I think, is helpful. It says, “Have this attitude in yourselves, which was also in Christ Jesus.” That’s the pattern. That’s where we see what this is like.

We wouldn’t have any idea what it looks like to be others-centered if we didn’t have a picture of Christ. If we didn’t know Christ and just knew ourselves and the way we’re born and the way we naturally think and respond and react, it would be all about us. We would be number one.

So Paul says, “Look at Christ. Look at Him. Consider Him. Gaze upon Him. Meditate upon Him. Get to know Him, and then let His mindset, His attitude, let it become your attitude. Become like Him. Let this attitude be in you which was also in Christ Jesus.”

Now, what kind of mindset, what kind of attitude did Jesus have? Well, verse 6 tells us: “Who, though He was in the form of God, did not count equality of God a thing to be grasped.” Another translation there says, “Though He was God, He did not demand and cling to His rights as God.”

There’s no doubt about it. He was God. He is God. But He didn’t cling to His rights. He did not demand His rights.

Verse 7 goes one: “He made Himself nothing.” Some of your translations say,

He made himself [of no reputation], taking the form of a servant [this is God we’re talking about] taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of man, and being found in human form, He humbled Himself [you’re to humble yourself because He humbled Himself] by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross (vv. 7–9). 

You see, humility ultimately takes us to a cross. It took Christ to the cross. It means laying down my life, giving up my life, saying “no” to my flesh, saying “yes” to God, saying “no” to self, saying “yes” to the interests and the needs of others.

Jesus was God, but He did not demand or expect others to treat Him like God, and that’s just the problem with us. We want others to treat us as if we were God because we make ourselves into our own gods—little "g." Jesus didn’t do that. He was God, but He didn’t demand others treat Him as God. He relinquished His rights as God.

You just think about that. It’s a mind-boggling thing to think about: The One who is the center of unbroken praise and adoration in heaven, and had been for all of eternity and will be for all of eternity future, that One made Himself of no reputation. The One who holds all the bodies of the water in the world in the palm of His hand was thirsty. The all-powerful God clothed Himself in human weakness. The Creator of life laid down His life so that we could live.

It’s topsy-turvy from the way the world thinks. It’s topsy-turvy from the way we naturally think, but it’s right-side up in God’s economy, in God’s kingdom. This is the way that God thinks, and this is the way as true women that we need to learn to think.

Now, the rubber meets the road as we flesh this out in the context of everyday life, the people we live with, the people we work with, our closest relationships in the home, in the work place, in our communities. Sometimes it’s in the little things, in the little ways that we’re called upon to put others’ interests ahead of our own, to esteem others as better than ourselves.

I read on the blog a comment a woman wrote. She said,

It’s taken me a long time and some hard roads to understand the importance of this truth in my marriage. A practical way that I’ve begun to live this out is to surrender my morning schedule and fix my husband’s breakfast and be mindful of his needs before he leaves for work.

I struggled with this for a long time because I wanted my time with the Lord to be uninterrupted and concentrated. While that’s a good goal, it isn’t a good thing if I ignore my husband in the morning. God has so blessed since I decided to "esteem others (my husband) better than myself" in this way.

Now, does that mean you have to get up and fix your husband breakfast in the morning? I can’t tell you what time to get up in the morning. I don’t know what’s required of you. But I do know that in the practical, everyday ways of life, God calls us to look at the interests of others and put them ahead of our own and become servant-hearted followers of Christ.

Now, I know this point raises a lot of questions by way of application. Let me just say quickly that we are not saying, and the Scripture doesn’t say that in every circumstance you are to just meekly stand there and take whatever abuse others may heap on you. There are other principles in Scripture that provide a means of recourse, appeal, and help when that is needed.

So we have to take this principle in balance with other principles of God’s Word, but I think many of us need to be pulled back to this principle. It’s the heart of the gospel that Christ humbled Himself; He took on Him the form of a servant, and He laid down His life for us.

To live out the gospel as a true woman, or a true man for that matter, is to have the mind of Christ. It’s to lay down our rights, to esteem others as better than ourselves, to consider their interests before our own—to pick up a towel and serve. 

Dannah: That’s Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth, with a convicting reminder that you and I are called to be like Jesus. And that means being humble like Him, too. It’s not easy, but as true children of God, by His grace and in His strength we grow in humility, little by little. And it’s worth it for Him!

Still, I have to keep reminding myself of passages like the ones we’ve heard about today. Otherwise, I just insert myself way too quickly into everything without remembering the incredible value of others in my presence. One way I remind myself to walk in humility and have a quiet heart is to ask myself three questions before I even open my mouth. These are three things I heard Queen Elisabeth asked herself to keep her from inserting herself too often. I think if a queen can use them, we can. Ready? Before you speak ask yourself: 

• Does it need saying?
• Does it need saying by me?
• Does it need saying by me right now?

You might find these questions are like a bridle for your prideful tongue!

Another word for “humility” is “brokenness.” We use that term a lot here at Revive Our Hearts. And Nancy’s written a booklet that you might like to use as your reminder to live in humility. It’s called Beauty in the Broken: How Humility Changes Everything. It includes a list of qualities of proud people and broken people, lots of Scripture verses about humility, and other helpful content.

And, that booklet is our gift to you this month when you make a donation of any amount to Revive Our Hearts. You can do that at ReviveOurHearts.com, or call 1-800-569-5959. When you contact us, make sure to request your copy of Beauty in the Broken.

One thing that happens when you serve in humility is that you are an encouragement to others. And next week we’re going to talk about how you can do that . . . specifically, how you can encourage your husband. I hope you’ll join us for that.

Thanks for listening today. I’m Dannah Gresh. We’ll see you next time, for Revive Our Hearts Weekend.

Revive Our Hearts Weekend is calling you to freedom, fullness and fruitfulness in Christ.

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