Love’s Perfect Recipe

Episode Notes:

This programs was made from the following episodes:

"A Date Night with God"

"How to Make Your Love Overflow"

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Dannah Gresh: I’ve got the perfect love story for you . . . and one you might not expect. Here’s Erika VanHaitsma.

Erika VanHaitsma: In the Passover story, God is the hero bounding over the mountains! Israel is the damsel in distress, and the villain who’s trying to keep them apart? Pharaoh!

Dannah: We’ll take a look at God’s true love for His children on this episode of Revive Our Hearts Weekend.

Welcome to Revive Our Hearts Weekend, I’m Dannah Gresh.

It’s the season of red and pink and hearts and sparkles. Well, just look at the calendar. It’s the middle of February.

Remember passing out valentines in grade school? And oh . . . remember the conversation hearts? I love them—the yellow ones are my favorite. Well, I always hoped when I passed them out at school that the boys didn’t get the ones that said "luv ya," or "cutie pie," or "kiss me." You too? Then you grew up, and you wanted to give those conversation hearts and receive them! 

We all want to love and be loved, don’t we. There is just something that God planted deep inside of us and knowing God’s love and expressing it is essential for all of us. But are we looking for it in the wrong places?

Today, as we sit just hours away from the love holiday, let’s talk about God’s perfect love. We’ll hear from Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth and Erika VanHaitsma.

If we’re gonna talk about love, let’s look at the full meaning of the word. Nancy says that love is more than just a feeling. In fact, she wants us to find our definition for love in the Bible. 

Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth: To find the meaning of true love, we have to go back to the Word of God because God Himself is love. He defines love, and in His Word we discover the meaning of real love. The word agape is one of the rarest words in the ancient Greek language and literature, but it’s a word that’s commonly used in the New Testament because only the Christian faith has a real comprehension of and appreciation for the meaning of true agape love.

Now, what does that word mean? Well, unlike our English word love for the way we often use the word love, the Greek word agape never refers to romantic feelings. It never refers to sexual love. It doesn’t refer to just having warm feelings about someone or something. It’s not a word that speaks of just close friendship or brotherly love. There are other words that communicate those needs. It has nothing to do with that slushy, sentimental approach that many take for love today.

So what is agape love? What is genuine godly love?

As we look at the Scripture, and we see the way that God communicates about love, we see that real love, agape love, is a God-quality. That means it’s something that we don’t have naturally. We have to have God in our lives to have this kind of love. It’s a God quality that always acts in self-sacrifice.

So really, to talk about self-love, self-seeking is not love at all because genuine love, God’s agape love, always acts in self-giving, self-sacrifice, laying down of my life, not seeking to be pleased myself.

I heard a definition of love, godly love, years ago that has really stuck in my heart and something that I keep coming back to. It becomes a measuring tool for my own love. This person said that genuine love is totally giving of myself to meet the needs of another person without expecting anything in return. Did you get that? Totally giving of myself to meet the needs of another person without expecting anything in return.

Now, it’s easy sometimes to give to meet the needs of another person, but I find that often I have this subtle, secret, hidden desire for that love to be reciprocated. I’m doing something to serve so that person will love me in return, but genuine love is giving myself, totally, laying down my life if need be for the benefit and the good of another person without expecting to get anything in return.

God’s agape love, that love that starts in the heart of God and that He wants to put into our hearts, is not ultimately a feeling. Now, there can be some loving feelings that God puts in our hearts, but ultimately, true love is not a feeling. Rather, it is a determined act of my will. That kind of love always results in determined acts of self-giving. The supreme measure, the example of agape love is God’s love for us.

Romans chapter 5 tells us that, “When we were powerless, Christ died for the ungodly,” and it says, “God demonstrates His own love for us in this way: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. . . . When we were God’s enemies, we were reconciled to Him through the death of His Son” (vv. 6, 8, 10).

So we have a God who loved us, not because we deserved it; not because He found anything beautiful or attractive or desirable in us, but just because He is love.

When we were powerless to do anything for Him; when we were enemies of God; when we were bent against God; when we were rebels running from God . . . You say, “I was never that way. I came to know Jesus as a four-year-old child.” Perhaps that’s your experience as it was mine, and you can't remember ever being an enemy of God.

According to God’s Word, I was God’s enemy. I was bent on rebellion against God even as a two-, three-, and four-year-old child. The Scripture says when I was in that condition, God loved me. He loved you, and He demonstrated that love in the supreme act of self-sacrifice.

What did He do? God so loved the world, He gave His only begotten Son—the most precious gift that He had (see John 3:16). He gave Himself. He gave His life. That is the supreme measure and example of love. When Jesus came to this earth in the form of a man, He came to help us see the love of God.

John chapter 13 tells us that “having loved His own who were in the world, He loved them to the uttermost” (verse 1, paraphrased). He loved them to the full extent of love. What does that passage go on to say? He got down and washed the feet of His creatures. Love is not just an emotional attraction. Rather, it’s selfless, humble service to meet the needs of another person, no matter how lowly or menial that service, that task may seem, and no matter how undeserving is the recipient of that love, the person that we’re serving.

Scripture tells us that kind of love ought to be the supreme mark of the people of God. Jesus said “that’s how people will know that you belong to Me.” It’s not because you’ve memorized your Bible. It’s not because your church buildings are overflowing. It’s not because you have all kinds of programs. “The way that the world will stop and take notice of your relationship with Me,” Jesus said, “is that you love each other the same way, in that selfless, sacrificing, serving way that I have loved you” (see John 13:34).

So the Scripture tells us, “pursue love” (1 Corinthians 14:1). Go hard after it. Make it your aim; make it your goal to learn how to love. We’re told that wives are to learn how to love their husbands and how to love their children. Did you know that you can learn how to love?

Paul says to the Thessalonians, “I want you to increase and abound in love” (1 Thessalonians 3:12), not just a little bit of love. I want you to always be growing in your love, to abound in love, to have overflowing love.

Peter says, “Love one another with a pure heart fervently; be earnest in your love” (see 1 Peter 4:8).

Only true Christians can have true love. It’s something that we don’t have naturally, something that we can’t manufacture or engineer. So if you’re not a Christian, you cannot really love other people in the way that God has commanded us to love. God is love, and true love comes from Him.

Paul is writing 1 Corinthians to a group of people who claim to be believers. He’s saying, “You have access to the love of God. In fact, the love of God,” he tells us in Romans, “has been shed abroad in your hearts by the Holy Spirit. The love is there. There’s access to it, but you’ve got to be willing to appropriate that love and live it out in your daily relationships, in the nitty-gritty of everyday life.”

Now as you read through the book of 1 Corinthians, you see so many evidences of what would be true if there really were love.

Some time ago I read through the book of 1 Corinthians and just tried to make a list of, “What are the expressions of genuine love? What is the way of love?” Paul says we’re to pursue love; we’re to walk in the way of love. What is that way look like? In the book of 1 Corinthians, Paul says that if we really love each other:

We will respect each other and each other’s gifts and strengths.

We will be joined together in the same mind, working toward a common goal instead of working against each other.

We will think of each other as family. He says, “Brothers and Sisters.” There’s relationship that’s possible.

If we’re walking in the way of love, Paul says, we will nurture other believers spiritually. We will be feeding the Word of God to those in spiritual need.

The way of love is the way of humility, esteeming others as better than ourselves, lifting them up rather than lifting ourselves up.

If there’s love, Paul says, we will mourn over sin in the body of Christ, and, when necessary, we will exercise discipline for the possibility of restoration with the goal of the person who has sinned being restored.

If we’re walking in the way of love, we’re going to speak well of other servants of God. We’re not going to be critical with our tongues. We’re going to speak words of commendation and affirmation about God’s servants.

Paul says, “I want you to walk in the way of love. Let love be the rule. Let it be the law of your life." The love of Christ:

• Let it govern everything that you do.
• Let it govern the way that you do church.
• Let it govern the way that you do marriage and parenting.
• Let it govern your relationships when you leave church and go out into the world.

Dannah: That’s Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth, talking to us about true love. You know, as I sit here and look at these conversation hearts, I still think they are kinda fun. Listen to these sayings “I’m Yours,” “Sweet Heart,” “Love You,” “True Love.” These somewhat pale in comparison to God’s true love for us, don’t they.

God’s true love wasn’t always shown in pinks and reds and lacy hearts.

Do you remember the plagues? You know, it was in the time of Moses. The Israelites were enslaved to the Egyptians. Moses and Aaron told Pharaoh that God wanted His people to go free. Pharaoh wouldn’t let them go, so God sent the plagues. Water was turned to blood, then the frogs, and gnats and flies, livestock died, boils, hail, locusts everywhere, total darkness for three days and then the death of every firstborn, but God asked something of His children. He asked them to kill a lamb. Here, let me read it for you from God’s Word, Exodus 12:5–11:

Your lamb shall be without blemish, a male a year old. You may take it from the sheep or from the goats, and you shall keep it until the fourteenth day of this month, when the whole assembly of the congregation of Israel shall kill their lambs at twilight.

Then they shall take some of the blood and put it on the two doorposts and the lintel of the houses in which they eat it. They shall eat the flesh that night, roasted on the fire; with unleavened bread and bitter herbs they shall eat it. Do not eat any of it raw or boiled in water, but roasted, its head with its legs and its inner parts. And you shall let none of it remain until the morning; anything that remains until the morning you shall burn. In this manner you shall eat it: with your belt fastened, your sandals on your feet, and your staff in your hand. And you shall eat it in haste. It is the Lord's Passover. 

Now, I realize that the Passover doesn’t seem very Valentine's Day related, but bear with me here, or rather, bare with Erika VanHaitsma as she explains the significance of the Passover story and why God’s children were asked to celebrate it and remember what God did. There’s love, there’s a date, and there’s a hero. Here’s Erika telling us what the Israelites did to remember what God did.

Erika: Every year they’re to reenact that initial Passover. The Jewish people still celebrate Passover to this day.

Do you know what book they read through during the Passover season? We would assume the book of Exodus—which makes sense. But actually, during this season, they read through the book, The Song of Solomon, because they see it as intimately connected to the Passover story.

Song of Solomon is a collection of love poems between a lover and his beloved, and chapter 2 specifically mentions the lover as bounding over the mountain and leaping over the hills, coming to be with the one He loves to take her hand and walk with her, to enter into an intimate relationship.

So what’s the connection between a book of love poems and the Passover story? Passover is a love story! There are many levels to Scripture. On one level, Israel is seen as God’s firstborn son, but on another level in Scripture, Israel is seen as God’s bride, God’s beloved.

Think of it like the love story that we talked about yesterday. In the Passover story, God is the hero bounding over the mountains! Israel is the damsel in distress, and the villain who’s trying to keep them apart? Pharaoh!

We need to understand. Passover is a story of God’s passionate and intense love for His people! It is first in the Passover story that we see God as the lover, bounding over the mountains, leaping over the hills, moving heaven and earth to get to the one He loves.

So God commands Israel, “Remember this night—the night your God did what no one else could do, because I love you!” And so they have. For the last several thousand years, the Jewish people have remembered the night they were set free by an amazing act of a gracious God who loves them.

And they remind themselves of that love by reading through the Song of Solomon. Passover is a love story because our God is a Lover. But actually, the story is just bigger than Passover.

So often, when we read the Old Testament, we think, Wow, God is mad. He’s angry. He’s mean. I’ve heard it from people: “I don’t like the Old Testament. God is mean and angry and always killing everyone.” And that breaks my heart, because you know what I’ve come to see in the Old Testament is not a God who’s mean and angry and killing everyone, but a God who is so passionately in love with His people He will destroy anything that stands between Him and the one He loves!

The creator God of Genesis 1 becomes the covenant-making God of Genesis 15 so He can be the lover God in Exodus who rescues His people. Then He spends the rest of Scripture pursuing His beloved.

Yes, there is discipline in the Old Testament . . . and in the New Testament. There is some harsh discipline, but you need to see it as coming from a broken heart, from a broken relationship.

When you read through the Old Testament, if it helps, picture God as the husband outside begging His wife to leave her adulterous relationship and come back to Him. Or maybe picture Him as the parent of a stubborn and rebellious child.

And He finally says, “Enough! I will let My child hit rock bottom, because maybe then My child will look up; maybe then My child will learn and choose life!” The discipline comes because a relationship has been broken—because His heart has been torn in two. God loves His people so much!

God is a passionate God. He is passionate for His own glory, and He is passionate for His people! He’s a passionate lover. Read through the book of Hosea or Jeremiah and you will see God weeping through those prophets, longing to reconcile, to be intimate. Like any lover, He wants to dwell with His beloved.

So God commands Israel, “Remember this night what I did for you, how I came to save you, and celebrate Passover every year.”

Life is crazy at my household! Every day is flying by just dealing with the day-to-day of life and homeschooling and babies and children . . . not to mention when anything out of the ordinary or unexpected comes.

There are so many nights when I finally get the kids into bed and it’s like, “Oh, yeah! I have a husband—a man I’m supposed to spend time with, a man who’s supposed to be a greater priority than my kids.” 

There are so many days when the kids are done, I’m done! I feel empty; I feel exhausted, and I’m tired! Date nights have become incredibly important in this season of our lives as we try to remind ourselves why we chose to love each other and keep that connection in the midst of life.

God is no different. He wants to be with His beloved and enjoy her company, so He set aside a date night for the children of Israel—times of the year for them to remember how He came to their rescue, and then celebrate and simply be in His presence.

God knows what life is like. He knows how busy . . . Whether you have children or not, whether you’re married or not, life can get incredibly busy. It can be hard pursuing a relationship with a God you can’t even see. God knows this.

With the season I am in right now, five minutes sometimes seems like too much time to give anything. It is hard to spend time with God, so God has created date nights. Passover is a yearly date night that is set up with the Lord of the universe as a way for God to continue calling His people back to Him. It's a way for Him to continue wooing them and reminding them, “Here’s how much I love you, and here’s why you can choose to love Me.”

What about us? What about you? Do you have a date night with God? Do you have any time set aside specifically just for you and the lover of your soul?

Dannah: Oh, wow, some great questions from Erika VanHaitsma. Are you showing God how much you love Him by spending time with Him? He is the God who pursues His beloved. He rescues His own. He loves us with a perfect love. And it’s that love I want you to understand and receive from Him.

So . . . when are you going to plan a special evening, just to remember God’s love in your life? Maybe take some time to listen to Erika VanHaitsma’s entire teaching on "A Date Night with God." You can find that on our website ReviveOurHearts.com/weekend and look for today’s episode, "Love’s Perfect Recipe."

You know, God also calls us to love each other well, in all our relationships. It takes work; it takes time. We need to be intentional in how we love. Whether you live with roommates, your kids, parents, your spouse, or your dog and cat.

If you’re married, can I suggest something to help you love your spouse well? Revive Our Hearts developed a resource called The 30-Day Husband Encouragement Challenge. This booklet has helped thousands of women spend a month deliberately, purposely, loving their husbands. And this month we are offering this book as a thank you when you give a gift of any amount to support Revive Our Hearts. 

You can do so by calling 1–800–569–5959, or go to ReviveOurHearts.com/weekend, and click on today’s episode. It’s called "Love’s Perfect Recipe." And make sure you request your copy of The 30-Day Husband Encouragement Challenge.

Thanks for listening today. Thanks to our team: Phil Krause, Blake Bratton, Rebekah Krause, Justin Converse, Michelle Hill, and for Revive Our Hearts Weekend, I’m Dannah Gresh

Revive Our Hearts, calling women to freedom, fullness, and fruitfulness in Christ.

*Offers available only during the broadcast of the podcast season.