Praying for Heart Change

This episode contains portions from the following episodes.

"God as Our Reward"

"Guard My Heart"

"When Women Pray, Day 1"

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Dannah Gresh: Stacey Salsbery realized that she didn’t have the relationship with God that she knew she should. So, she asked Him to give it to her.

Stacey Salsbery: I prayed, and I asked Him to fill me with that longing for Him. What a prayer to pray, right?! He is faithful to do that, and He did!

Dannah: Welcome to Revive Our Hearts Weekend. I’m Dannah Gresh.

I think we can all agree that there’s one spiritual discipline that Christians struggle with more than any other, and that is . . . prayer. Why is it that something that sounds so simple is so hard? I mean, you can’t read your Bible until you know how to read, but even a three-year-old can pray. But, now as a grandma—NanaDannah they call me—I still feel like I’m learning new ways to pray. And sometimes I still need staying power!

Have you been there?

For a child of God, prayer isn’t optional. There are many well-known Bible verses that command us to pray, and there are even more that show prayer as a way of life. One that’s probably less familiar to you is Psalm 55, verse 16. It says, “I call to God, and the Lord will save me.” Prayer is necessary to the Christian life.

God is omnipotent; He doesn’t need our prayers in order to work. But often He chooses not to work in certain areas until people recognize their need for Him and call out for help. 

Today we’re going to hear from some wonderful praying women. And if you’re thinking, Oh, I hope they tell me how to pray for my husband. He really needs to be changed! Just hang on! Did you know that before you can pray for God to work in other peoples’ lives, He needs to work in your life?

Until you find all you need in Christ, hoping that your family will change isn’t going to help you. If you realize that you need to change, the best thing you can do is simply to talk to God about it.

Stacey Salsbery learned this over a period of many years. She sat down with me and Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth to talk about it. She said she had everything she’d wanted since she was little—a college degree, a husband, and several children . . . yet she wasn’t completely satisfied.

Stacey: I felt depleted as a mom. It was not fulfilling me as I thought it would. I was the little girl looking for the stay-at-home mom table on career day—that’s what I had always wanted. And then, when I had it in my grasp, I thought, What’s wrong with me? Why does this not satisfy me like I thought that it would?

It’s because it’s not intended to satisfy me like a relationship with Christ is.

Dannah: When did you start to realize that? I have to say, what I hear is something I see in my own life sometimes, and what I hear from other women: you’re never really living in the here-and-now for Jesus, because you’re so consumed with what you need in the future and what you’re asking Him for in the future.

So, when did you start to really say, “This cycle isn’t working. I need to change it!” What did that look like? Take us to that room, that day, that time period when you really understood, “I have to stop this pattern!”

Stacey: I had kind of had enough. I was tired of being discontented! I had so many wonderful things, so many blessings, that God had given me . . . and yet, I still wanted more! Even with kids, it became, “Now I need my alone time. Now I need date nights. Now I need a vacation. Oh, wait! Now we need a bigger house!”

I didn’t like what was coming out of me! I knew the discontentment wasn’t right. And by the grace of God, He woke me up. He did that through Scripture. I was reading in my Bible one day . . . and I will never forget this moment. I was studying the book of Genesis. So I had been in the Word, I had been reading.

But I would say it was just a part of my life; it wasn’t where I was seeking for satisfaction. But I opened up my Bible; I had been studying in Genesis 15. And in Genesis 15:1, God said to Abraham, “Abraham, I am your very great reward.” (paraphrased) And I thought, Wow! Is God my reward?

He had been, maybe, a part of the blessing in my life, but He was not my reward. It struck me how much I wanted God to be my reward! 

Dannah: The picture I’m getting in my head is . . . Stacey, sweet middle school, high school, college, young mom Stacey really loves Jesus, but she’s waiting for the next award or reward He’s going to give her for following Him . . . right? 

Stacey: Yes!

Dannah: And suddenly now, you’re realizing, “I don’t want something in His hands, I want it to just be Him, His presence, that is the reward!”

Stacey:Yes, yes! It was a switch in thought for me. It wasn’t the blessings of God that I was seeking, well, it was, but it didn’t need to be. It needed to be Him! He needed to be the one thing above all else that I was seeking.

Nancy: And, practically, what changed at that moment? What did you do differently? Were you just thinking differently? How did that change the trajectory for you?

Stacey: First, I confessed my sin. I realized that I had been chasing all of these other things. Not that they were bad things, but just spending years of begging God for this or that. But what if we beg God for Him? And so, I started doing that: “Lord, I don’t know how to do this well, but give me more of You. That’s what I need in my life. I want You to be my reward!” 

I prayed, and I asked Him to fill me with that longing for Him. What a prayer to pray, right?! He is faithful to do that. And He did!

Dannah: Did it change overnight? You read that Bible verse, you prayed that prayer, and suddenly your mind was in alignment with that truth. Or did you still find yourself slipping into the desire for things or other rewards?

Stacey: I definitely still found myself slipping back into it. You know, my eyes had been awakened to the truth, but it is still a constant fight for God to be my reward, and not this or that or success in this area or even for certain successes with my children. It’s a constant fight and reminder. I have to be in God’s Word daily if I’m going to be able to fight against that, but there was also a joy that had been missing. That was a gift!

I don’t think that contentment is something that we can conjure up. I can’t tell myself, “Okay, Stacy, now you need to be content with this. You can do this. You can do this!” Contentment was really a gift I found that God gave me as I spent time with Him. It was a blessing that I received from Him!

Dannah: Don’t you love it when God answers your prayers in a really obvious way? That’s what happened for Stacey Salsbery. 

Maybe you’ve never tried it. But you can be sure that if you humbly ask God to be made more like Him, to have a greater longing for Him, He will give it to you. Now, as Stacey said, it doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a lifelong battle—I can testify to that! But God will remain faithful to His promise.

Now, you may be wondering, Isn’t it selfish to pray for myself? I asked Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth that question, and here’s what she said. 

Nancy: Yes, I can feel that I'm selfish praying things for myself. And yet, there are qualities that we know that God wants us to have; there are things we know He wants us to do in our lives that we need to pray for. We don't have those things. We need Him to give them to us.

Dannah: We sure do! Well, Nancy talked about some of the things that she prays for herself—she calls them “personal petitions.” An important one is to pray, “Lord, guard my heart.” If you aren’t sure what to ask God for, that’s a good request to start with. Here’s Nancy with more details.

Nancy: Because the heart is so important is why it's so important that our redeemed hearts be protected, guarded, kept for God.

But you and I will never ever get to the point where we don't need God's power to keep and protect and guard our hearts. If He let my heart go for one day, I'd be back acting like a pagan—at least from the inside.

I will never get to the point where I don't need God's power to keep, protect, and guard my heart.

God knows the heart, right? We need Him, we need His keeping power.

When I pray, "Lord, guard my heart," I'm asking God to give me a whole heart, and undivided heart, a heart that is totally devoted to Him. Not half a heart, not a divided heart. I'm praying what the Psalmist prayed in Psalm 86:11: "Unite my heart to fear your Name." That's part of what I'm praying.

I'm praying, "Lord, keep me from things that would distract my heart, that would take my focus away from You." Keep me from trivial pursuits, things that are not worthy of You." So I'm praying, "Lord, give me a whole heart."

I'm also praying, "Lord, guard my affections—what I love, what I value. I want to love You with my whole heart. I want to love what You love, so keep me from things that would steal my affections. Keep me from idols; keep me from lesser loves. Keep me from loving anything or anyone more than I love You." When I pray, "Lord, guard my heart," that's what I'm praying—"guard my affections."

I'm also praying, "Lord, would You guard my mind—guard my thoughts. Would You keep me from deception? From believing things that aren't true about You or about myself or about others? Would You help me to bring every thought captive to the obedience of Christ? (see 2 Cor. 10) Would You guard my mind?"

And then I'm praying, "Would You protect me from the evil one?" Jesus prayed this for His disciples and for us in John 17:15. He said, "Oh, God, keep them from the evil one." That's part of what we're praying when we pray, "Lord, guard our hearts." If Jesus prayed that for us, do you not think we should pray it for ourselves? "Keep us from the evil one. Keep us from his subtle schemes, the wiles of the devil. Keep us from his overt attacks, protect us. Keep us. Keep us from temptation. Keep us from sin." When I pray, "God, guard my heart," I'm praying,"Lord, keep me from sinning. I don't want to sin." But I'm prone at times to sin, so, "Guard my heart."

Psalm 19 talks about two kinds of sin that the Psalmist wanted to be protected from. He prayed for protection from "hidden faults," those things that maybe we can't even see in our own hearts, and he prayed to be kept from "presumptuous sins," from willful sin.

"Lord, keep me from every kind of sin. Keep me from worry, from anxiety, from fear, from pride, from selfishness." Put your sin in that list.

I'm praying, "Lord, keep my heart from loving this world system that is anti-God. Help me to love You, guard my heart!"

I'm praying, "Lord, keep my heart tender and pliable and responsive—tender and responsive to the Holy Spirit. Give me a touch-sensitive conscience, so that when I grieve Your Holy Spirit I know it and I deal with it right away. Guard my heart."

Psalm 121 tells us that the Lord is our keeper. He's our keeper. He guards our hearts. Philippians chapter 4 talks about the peace of God that will "guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus," if . . . instead of worrying about everything, you pray about everything. "Then the peace of God will guard". . . it will be like a fortress around your heart (see v. 7).

So if you want that heart to be guarded, then stop being anxious, stop worrying, and start praying about everything. And Scripture says the peace of God will put a fortress, a guard, around your heart. Paul says in 2 Timothy chapter 1 . . . There are two interesting verses here. 

First of all, Paul says in verse 12, "I know whom I've believed, and I'm convinced that he is able to guard until that Day what has been entrusted to me." So who guards our hearts? Who did Paul say he was convinced would guard his heart? God would!

But then, look at verse 14 of 2 Timothy 1: "By the Holy Spirit who dwells within us, guard the good deposit entrusted to you." So who's supposed to guard our hearts? We are, by the power of the Holy Spirit! So who's supposed to guard our hearts? God or us? Yes!

We're responsible for choices that affect the condition of our hearts.

We need Him to guard our hearts, and we have to make choices that help us guard our hearts. He guards, we must guard. We're responsible for choices that affect the condition of our hearts.

You see this in the case of King Solomon as well as many other Old Testament kings. Here's an obvious one: 1 Kings chapter 11. Listen to this. 

King Solomon loved many foreign women, along with the daughter of Pharaoh: Moabite, Ammonite, Edomite, Sidonian, and Hittite women, from the nations concerning which the Lord had said to the people of Israel, "You shall not enter into marriage with them, neither shall they with you, for surely they will turn away your heart after their gods." 

So God said, "Don't marry these foreign women. They will turn your hearts away." So what did Solomon do? The wisest man who ever lived did something really dumb! He married women God said not to marry. "Solomon clung to these in love." In fact, he really got carried away.

Verse 3,

He had 700 wives, who were princesses, and 300 concubines. [This hardly seems possible.] And [what happened?] his wives turned away his heart. [Exactly what God said would happen.] For when Solomon was old his wives turned away his heart after other gods, and his heart was not wholly true to the Lord his God, as was the heart of David his father.

Now, David's a man who sinned greatly at a season in his life—committed immorality, adultery, treason against the nation—but he was called a man after God's own heart because, when he was confronted with his sin, he repented. God cannot bless the foolish things we have done in our past, but I'll tell you what He can bless—a broken and a repentant heart.

So when we pray, "'Lord, guard my heart, help me to guard my heart. Help me not to make foolish choices that will put me in a place that will put me in a place where my heart may be turned away from You."

Dannah: Wow, did you know there were so many verses that talk about how God guards your heart? And that’s not even all of them!

That was Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth, talking about just one of the ways that she asks God to work in her own heart.

This year, I’ve been asking God to work in my heart by praying this over and over, “Lord, every time I open your Word, do something essential in my heart.”

Once you’ve humbled yourself and asked God to change you, by all means, pray for your family. You want them to experience God’s work just like you have.

In fact, one thing that is always a great idea is recruiting prayer warriors to pray with you, too. Did you know there’s a team of folks here at Revive Our Hearts who will pray for your specific requests? So let us know how you’d like us to be praying for you. Online, just go to ReviveOurHearts.com/prayer, and get those warriors to do some battle on your behalf.

Evelyn Christenson was a prayer warrior. She’s been with the Lord now for several years, but she spoke from experience when Nancy discussed prayer with her. And she knows what it’s like to pray many, many years for a family member to come to Christ. Here’s Evelyn.

Evelyn Christenson: We prayed thirty years for my brother.

Nancy: Isn't that something? And he did come to know the Lord as well?

Evelyn: Yes, and that's a wonderful story. Do you want me to tell you that story right now? It’s such a precious thing to me.

Nancy: Sure.

Evelyn: He was my little brother, and we were playmates (two years apart). We were just so close, and he sort of seemed to come Jesus' way (or whatever he did) when he was about seven and I was nine. We really thought he had accepted Jesus but evidently it wasn't the real thing, whatever . . . maybe everybody else was doing it. I'm not sure.

Little by little my father with his very worldly lifestyle . . . My brother when he got old enough started traveling with my father, who was a highway contractor, and that made him live away and come home on the weekends. It was a horrible lifestyle in which to bring a young boy.

So my brother finally decided that there was no God. With this godly mother and those mothers who are godly and are praying for their children—this is something that you just can't guarantee, that they are going to go right along with you. They don't.

But you keep praying. You never stop. My mother persevered. I think that some of the other family members would get real warm on it and pray on it, and then they'd forget, not mother, she never did.

And for those whole thirty years my brother said, "There is no God." Finally, my mother prayed a prayer that's a very hard one to pray. She had prayed everything possible. My brother had gone through three wives, three swimming pools, and everything else that was in the lifestyle he was in. She finally prayed, "Lord, do anything you have to do to my son to bring him to Jesus."

A very short time after that, he was in Detroit, Michigan. He was walking across a highway, and a car traveling fifty miles an hour hit him broadside. They peeled him off the car (the windshield) and put him in intensive care and put all the pumps on him. They wouldn't let us see him. We all flew in and gathered at a motel, and they said, "There is no point in seeing him. He's just dead; there is no life there. It's only the pumps working."

Nancy: And how long was this after she prayed that prayer?

Evelyn: Oh, very shortly after that. It wasn't a long time at all. I can see my little mother when we gathered in the hospital, when they wouldn't let us in to see him, she just dropped her head down in her knees and she shuddered. And she said, "Is this my fault? Is this my fault?"

Sometimes I wonder that [same thing] when I pray this for my children, "Lord, do anything that You need to do to bring them back to Jesus." That's not an easy prayer.

Then we all gathered as a family; we were a praying family. In that motel room, we all gathered around a bed. We wept and sobbed before God. We said, "Lord, give us one more time to talk to Bud." We had talked to him. We had loved him. We had done everything we knew how to do and prayed for him and everything. We had done everything, but we asked for one more chance.

The next morning they wouldn't let any of us go in to see him, but we all gathered in the hospital. Then they decided to let two of us go in to see him. One would be mother, of course, and then they chose me.

I got to go in with my mother. We had ten minutes only. And we waited, and I waited. I wanted to say something so badly. Finally I sort of leaned over Bud and I said, "Bud, God loves you." And his body stirred. There was life there.

Then I didn't dare say anything more. I thought, If I say too much, I'm going to push him right over into eternity, an eternity that I didn't want him to face. I waited until the ten minutes were almost up and then I leaned over him and I said, "Bud, can you trust Jesus today."

And my brother instantly came alive. He smiled and he grinned through all those pumps going down his throat, and he said, "Uh, huh!" And he lived. He died from cancer two years later, but he lived as a Christian for two years.

So don't give up if you're praying. Some people say, "I've been praying for a whole year and this one hasn't found Christ yet. I'm giving up on my children. I'm slamming the door. They can go out and live their own life."

Don't ever give up. We know as a family what it means to pray for someone for twenty-five years and thirty years.

Dannah: That’s Evelyn Christenson, talking about how she and her mom prayed for thirty years for her brother to come to Christ.

Maybe you know someone who needs Jesus. I hope you’re encouraged to keep praying. As Evelyn said, don’t give up!

Or maybe your loved ones do know the Lord, and you’re just praying for them to love Him more or depend on Him more. If God can save someone who rebelled against Him for years and years, don’t you think He can answer your prayers, too?

If you aren’t sure what to pray, either for yourself or for your family, there’s a book of prayers that you already have. It’s called the Bible. That’s right! It’s always a great idea to pray Scripture.

And we have something that will help you pray the Word. It’s called Finding the Words to Pray: Fifty Scriptures to Guide Your Prayers. This book is a beautiful collection of Scripture passages arranged by topic. Along with each passage is space for you to reflect on it and form your own prayer.

And this month, we want to send this book to you when you give Revive Our Hearts a gift of any amount. You can do that at ReviveOurHearts.com, or call 1-800-569-5959. When you get in touch with us, be sure to ask for your copy of the book Finding the Words to Pray.

Praying for God to change your heart—and your family’s hearts—is crucial, but it doesn’t stop there. Next week we’re going to talk about praying for God to move in your church, school, or workplace. I hope you’ll be back for that.

Thanks for listening today. I’m Dannah Gresh. We’ll see you next time for Revive Our Hearts Weekend.

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