Prepare to Be Thankful

Today's program contains portions from the following episodes:

"Choosing to Be Grateful"

"Give Me a Grateful Spirit"

"Looking for Trails of Blessings"

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Dannah Gresh: Our expectations lead us to believe we’ll get the outcome we hope for. But what do you do when something doesn’t go your way? Here’s Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth.

Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth: "I thought if I did this, then God would do that. I thought if I was a good mother, my kids would all turn out to love Jesus." "I thought . . . !"

Dannah: Today, we’re going to talk about expectations, disappointments, and ingratitude.

Welcome to Revive Our Hearts Weekend, I’m Dannah Gresh. 

When was the last time something didn’t go the way you hoped? Maybe your baby didn’t sleep through the night . . . last night. Maybe your husband worked later than he was supposed to . . . again. Or perhaps that relationship you had been hoping for didn’t work out. 

I know for me, the way my friendships changed during the pandemic threw me for a loop! My expectation was that some of them were unbreakable, dependable, tried and true. They weren’t after all.

I’ve got good news for you, friend. You don’t have to let your circumstances determine your outlook. The choice to be grateful is always available to you, in any and every situation. (You don’t have to only wait until Thanksgiving!)

Mary Kassian’s perspective was transformed when she heard a unique quote about gratitude. Here’s a memory of Mary from when she was a young mom. Like many young moms, Mary was dealing with the never-ending list of changing diapers and wiping noses . . . and, she was missing her professional life.

Mary Kassian: I remember listening to the radio one morning as I was going about my household things that I was doing, and Elisabeth Elliot was on. There was a quote that stopped me dead in my tracks. And this is the quote: She said, “It is always possible to be thankful for what is given rather than to complain about what is not given. One or the other becomes a habit of life.”

That just stopped me dead in my tracks. In fact, I was so struck by that that I went running to grab a pen and a sticky note, and I wrote it down. “It is always possible to be thankful for what is given rather than to complain about what is not given. One or the other becomes a habit of life.”

I had it on that sticky note, and I kept that sticky for probably ten years until the ink faded, and I couldn’t read it anymore. That quote was on my fridge. I put that quote on my mirror. I put that quote in my office. I put that quote everywhere to remind me. I moved it around everywhere to remind me that it is possible to be thankful about what I’m given.

Dannah: You know, I’m seeing women right now grabbing sticky notes in their homes, pulling over from car pool to go grab them from their purses.

Mary: Yes! Go grab them. It’s always possible to be thankful. And you know what? Coming from Elisabeth Elliot, that had some extra bite to it because Elisabeth Elliot had some tough circumstances in her life.

I mean, her first husband was murdered, another husband died of cancer, and so when she was talking about, “It’s always possible to be thankful,” she had some life circumstances that were really tough that really could have caused her to be grumbly and to be resentful, and yet she chose gratitude.

Dannah: So, Mary, how did that impact you as a young, stay-at-home mom? What was the difference?

Mary: It made a difference because as soon as I got my eyes off myself and started thinking that, “Yes, it is possible to be thankful for what is given . . .” And, of course, Elisabeth Elliot came at gratitude from a Christian perspective. She said, “You’re not necessarily grateful for the circumstance you’re in, but you’re grateful for the God who helps you get through that circumstance. You’re grateful for the God who gives you joy. You’re grateful for the God who enables you to endure every storm.”

I think of 1 Thessalonians 5:18. We’ve mentioned this verse a couple of times over the last few days. “Give thanks in everything, in all circumstances, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.”

That’s so counterintuitive. I think the Bible gives us that instruction because we have a tendency to complain and grumble when life gets hard

Dannah: I have been soaking myself in Psalm 131 this past few weeks and months because it’s a three-verse chapter about being content in God’s presence. David either wrote it (I mean, scholars don’t really know), but they think he wrote it either when his was marriage was strained because his wife was mocking him for the way he worshipped the Lord publicly, or during a time when Saul was seeking to destroy him and cancel him—that’s what we call it.

Mary: Cancel culture.

Dannah: Cancel culture, but this was a little more deadly of a cancel culture.

Mary: Yes, an extreme cancel.

Dannah: And yet, he finds contentment. How? By getting his eyes off himself.

Mary: Exactly.

Dannah: That’s just what you just said a moment ago. That is the key. In our selfie culture, I think our discontent and our lack of gratitude is fueled and fed by a self-focus.

Mary: Absolutely. We see the bigness of the problem. We see the bigness of the challenge facing us, or the bigness of the unhappiness or discontentment, or the issue becomes so big in our eyes. And because we have a self-focus, if we were to get our eyes off of self and off of the bigness of the problem and on to the bigness of God, our hearts would swell with gratitude.

You mentioned David, and you mentioned the Psalms. David actually had a lot of hard things in his life—a lot of difficulties in his marriage, a lot of difficulties in his family, a lot of difficulties with persecution and people. Saul was seeking his life. He wanted to kill him. And then, just with being king, there were a lot of pressures.

There were so many different things going on in David’s life, so many reasons where he could have grumbled and complained. And sometimes he did take his heartaches to the Lord and poured out his heart to the Lord. And yet, he made a habit of counseling his soul to be grateful during tough times.

Psalm 103:2 says, “My soul . . .” So he’s talking to himself—he’s saying, “Self/soul, my soul.” “. . . praise the Lord and do not forget all his benefits.”

So he’s giving himself some advice there, and he’s saying . . .

Dannah: Yes, I love that! That is biblical self-talk right there. In a world where we’re always talking about self-talk, self-care, self-this, self-that; I think, just like gratitude can be directed to an improper source not correctly attributed to the source of everything we have, I think that our self-talk can often be misdirected.

And here we see David saying, “Soul, praise the Lord!”

Mary: Yes, exactly. He’s giving himself a pep talk, and he’s just going, “Come on!” Like, “Come on! Snap out of it! Praise the Lord. Do not forget all His benefits.” Because we tend to forget the benefits when we’re facing times of crisis, and when we’re facing hard times.

Dannah: Yes, it’s so easy to get spiritual amnesia when we go through disappointment! But when we remember all the Lord’s benefits, we really have a lot to be thankful for.

I'm a girl prone to spiritual amnesia, so this month with my True Girl ministry, I've invited moms and daughters from all over the globe to take the No Grumble November Challenge. We are challenging each other to just do everything without grumbling or complaining based on Philippians 2:14:

Do everything without grumbing or arguing so that you may be blameless and pure children of God who are faultless in a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you shine like stars in the universe.

I don't shine that way sometimes. But the no grumble challenge is is going to equip me to speak words of gratitude. All you do is: don't grumble, and then use our True Girl November No Grumble Calendar (a downloadable gift to you), to say one positibe thing you are grateful for each and every day.

It's that simple. It's one way we can push reset

Here’s Nancy, to take us to a parable in Matthew chapter 20.

Nancy: Do you remember, it's the parable of the laborers in the vineyard? And here's how the story goes, essentially: At 6:00 in the morning, a man goes out to the marketplace and hires a group of day laborers to work in his vineyard. The workday would have been twelve hours—six o'clock in the morning to six o'clock at night.

He tells them he will pay them a denarius if they'll come work in his vineyard for twelve hours. A denarius was a fair wage for a day's work. So they were going, "Yes, that's what we want. We need a job, we need money, we need to feed our families. That's fair. We'll come to work for you."

So they say "yes." They leave the marketplace, and they go and start working in his vineyard. Well, three hours later, the owner hires some more workers who are still hanging around the marketplace and still need work.

Three hours later, he does the same thing. At noon and at three o'clock in the afternoon, he says, "You don't have a job? Come on and work in my vineyard, and I'll pay you something that's fair." Finally, at five o'clock in the afternoon, with just an hour left in the work day—just before quitting time—he hires yet more workers who have been waiting all day for work.

So now the closing bell rings, it's six o'clock in the evening and everybody lines up to get their pay. He calls in first those who have been hired last—the ones who have been there for just an hour. And he pays them how much? A full denarius. A full day's wage for how much work? One hour.

Now, pick up the story in verse 10: "Now when those hired first came [what time did they start? Six o'clock in the morning], they thought they would receive more [is that an expectation?], but each of them also received a denarius. And on receiving it they grumbled at the master of the house, saying, 'These last worked only one hour, and you have made them equal to us [comparison?] who have borne the burden of the day and the scorching heat.'"

So unfulfilled expectations, comparison, leads them not to be grateful that they've received a full day's wage for a full day's work as they'd been promised. but to be disgruntled, resentful, and ungrateful and to begrudge the master's generosity—not only to them, but to others.

Verse 13, "But he replied to one of them, 'Friend, I am doing you no wrong. Did you not agree with me for a denarius? Take what belongs to you and go. I choose to give to this last worker as I give to you. Am I not allowed to do what I choose with what belongs to me? Or do you begrudge my generosity?"

Who does the denarius belong to? "It belongs to me," he says. It's the master's. "Do I not have the freedom to take what is mine and give it to whomever I choose?" And are you going to get bent out of shape—that's not the literal translation there. The literal is, "Is your eye evil [do you begrudge, does it upset you] that I am generous?" Have I done you any wrong? I told you if you came and worked for me I'd give you this denarius. Have I failed to come through? Did I not keep My word to you?

Laborers say, "Yes, you kept your word . . . but I thought . . ." Unfulfilled expectations. "But look what you did for them." Comparison. Ladies, that sin of comparison and expectations will always get us in trouble. "But what about this woman, how you treated her?"

This is what the Psalmist says in Psalm 73: "When I looked at the wicked, it looked like they were prospering all the time. But I thought, I've lived right. I've cleaned my hands. And look what happens to me! They get the good things, and I get the trouble" (paraphrase). It's a wrestling that we've all had in our hearts. It happens when we compare with others, with how God treats others, with how He deals with them and how He's dealt with us.

And then we have expectations: "I thought if I did this, then God would do that. I thought if I was a good mother, my kids would all turn out to love Jesus." "I thought . . . !" We get resentful, and we get bitter, and we whine, and we're angry at our good and gracious Master who has only ever been kind to us.

I want to suggest that there's nothing more beautiful in a woman (do you want to be a beautiful woman?) than a humble, grateful spirit. And could I suggest on the other hand, that there's nothing more unattractive (no matter how drop-dead gorgeous other people may think that woman is on the outside) when it comes down to it, and for the people who have to live that woman, there is nothing more unattractive than a grumbling, whining, ungrateful woman!

The sin of ingratitude will make you look old before you're old. It will make you look hard. It will make you look miserable, and it will make the people around you miserable, too. This is a huge thing. I don't why, but I think we as woman show this more in our countenance, in our face. Even the condition of our bodies, physically, is affected by this whole thing of gratitude.

The sin of ingratitude will make you look old before you're old.

This thing about being an ungrateful woman, it will affect the atmosphere of your home, your workplace, your church. Whether you are a grateful or an ungrateful woman will determine whether your presence is toxic to those around you or a gracious fragrance.

Whether you are a grateful or an ungrateful woman will determine whether your presence is toxic to those around you or a gracious fragrance.

You think about the atmosphere in your home (I've said this many times, but I really believe it's true), as women we are the thermostats in our homes, in our churches, in our workplaces. We are not the thermometers. The thermometer reveals the temperature; the thermostat sets the temperature. We set the temperature.

If you don't like the temperature in your home, if you don't like the atmosphere in your home . . . I'm not saying you're the only one to blame for this, but I will say, look in the mirror and ask, "Lord, is there an ungrateful spirit in me? Is my spirit, my lack of humility, my lack of gratitude, creating a culture or a climate in this home that is not conducive to joy?"

Now, there may be other people in your home who've got issues. There probably are. We're all sinners, right? We live together, and that's why we need God's grace. But in the church, in the workplace, I've found that I can walk into a room, and without saying a word, by my spirit, if I'm not a grateful woman, I can pull down the whole climate of that room . . . and you can, too.

This ungrateful spirit can destroy a marriage; it can destroy a home. Or a grateful spirit can be used by God as an instrument to turn the hearts of your loved ones, the people you do business with, the people you live with, to desire Christ. I want to have a heart that is always tuned to see and to sense and to appreciate the mercies of God . . . who daily loads us down with benefits, as Psalm 68:19 says.

Let me remind you that that gratitude needs to be expressed—not just to God, but to others, to your mate, to your parents, to your children, to your coworkers, to your pastor—people who have impacted your walk with the Lord. Don't wait until the funeral. Say it now. Give the flowers while they can still be enjoyed.

Dannah: I am so personally challenged by this! 

How do we make this happen? Let’s break it down and get practical with Pastor Sam Crabtree. I talked with him a little while ago, and wow, was I convicted about where I was lacking in gratitude in my everyday life! Here’s Pastor Sam with some great ideas of where to start. 

Pastor Sam Crabtree: I encourage people, and I encourage myself, to thank with specificity. So rather than thanking God generally, “Thank You for this food,” be specific. “Thank You, Lord, for broccoli and for the way that You’ve positioned that sun out there 93-million miles away, that it would shine on somebody’s field of broccoli. And You sent rain, and You put that soil there. I’m thankful for all of it. And now my body gets to be nourished by this broccoli.”

Or you can take a hamburger you’re eating and say, “You nourish with the sun, the grass. Your invention of photosynthesis combined the sunlight with the water and the carbon dioxide in the air. And You formed the grass, which was eaten by a cow that has four stomachs, and they digested the stuff and turned it into hamburger for me. Thank You.”

So I see a trail of God’s blessings through this specificity of the meat on that burger rather than, “Well, thanks for the grub.” That kind of thing.

Those prayers are fine, too, in their place, but I find that specificity helps me be more thankful.

Dannah: Yes.

Pastor Sam: Have you ever thanked God for your eyelids and the work they do for you?

Dannah: No, not actually. I’m probably going to end up doing it today or tomorrow. But, no, I never have.

Pastor Sam: I mean, without your eyelids, in just a matter of minutes you would experience a lot of pain. There would be copious tearing. Your vision would become increasingly blurry. And in a matter of days, you would be blind and infected. You could go crazy from not having eyelids. And yet, who of us says, “Thank You, Lord, for my eyelids”? He gave us a pair of them . . . not just one. He gave us two of them!

Dannah: Point well taken.

You’re getting very practical, very specific. That makes me . . . well, going back to the Asian woman that you said testified about the fact that it was the thankfulness of Christians that she noticed. Hopefully that was part of what drew her to Christ.

What would happen if we got our thankfulness in terms of bringing people to Jesus? Like, how would they see Him in us if we did that?

I don’t normally say it, “In your book,” but I’m going to say it. In your book, you have 100 ways to be thankful, and they are fascinating. I want to just go through a bunch of these randomly, because I want to issue a challenge to you as you’re listening today.

Pick up on just one of these things and just do it. We’re talking hundreds of thousands of women and men listening to this program. If we would just practice a little bit of thankfulness, what an army we would be testifying about the goodness of God as we direct credit to Him.

So let’s go through a few of these.

Let’s start in the checkout line. You write, “In the checkout line, when receiving my credit card from the credit card reader, I pretend the little screen says, ‘Be sure to thank helpful and intelligent (name of employee).’”

Do you actually do that? Do you actually imagine that when you’re in the checkout line?

Pastor Sam: I do it almost every time—probably 95% of the time. As they’re handing me the receipt, I’ll put my finger on the little tiny screen there where the credit card reader is, and I’ll say exactly that sentence that I put in the book. “Well, it says here, ‘Be sure and thank helpful and intelligent Robert,’” or whatever the name of the clerk is, because they’re usually wearing a name tag.

I get all kinds of reactions from that, that are all positive. There’s laughter. Sometimes the customers behind me in line chuckle at it. Sometimes the clerk leans over and says, “Really? Does it really say that?”

Dannah: I love that.

Pastor Sam: It elevates the morale in that environment right there.

Dannah: It does. I think you probably tell great dad jokes. That’s what I’ve decided based on that. Okay, so the challenge is: Thank your cashier. Just thank them.

Here’s one I really love: During holidays, thank people for decorating.

Pastor Sam: Doesn’t that sweeten the environment? Doesn’t that elevate morale? There’s corny decorations, sure, that are, like, “What? Really? Are you serious? You decorate your lawn with that?”

My wife does an amazing job. She just changed all the decorations in our house because the season just changed, and I thanked her. I said, “You just have a touch for this.” I’m so grateful because I wouldn’t think of it. I would just muddle along, but she does it. I think, “Hey! That really does brighten the atmosphere around here.”

Dannah: Pastor Sam also said another way to show gratitude is to say “amen” to the gratitude of others. When somebody appreciates something, say, “Oh yes. That’s good. I agree with that,” or “Good call.”

He also added that another way we can become more thankful is to absorb Scripture. It’s amazing how much our mindset can change toward gratitude when we get a biblical perspective of life.

This time of year, here at Thanksgiving, is a natural time to prepare your heart to be grateful. I want to encourage you to not only be preparing your heart for this holiday, but for the days and years to come. 

In fact, I think the Revive Our Hearts 2023 Ministry Calendar will help you do that. It’s filled with Scripture, inspirational quotes, and some of Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth’s own favorite Instagram photos, to remind you of the truth that Heaven rules. When you live with that perspective every day of the year—that God is in control—I think you’ll find gratitude becoming even more of a way of life. 

You can get your calendar when you give a gift of any amount to Revive Our Hearts. We’ll send it to you as our way of saying thanks for your support. Just call us at 1-800-569-5959, or go to ReviveOurHearts.com/weekend and click on today’s episode. It’s called "Prepare to Be Thankful."

With Thanksgiving approaching, I'm wondering, is your grocery list getting longer? I know mine sure is. Maybe you’re searching for a favorite recipe and you're already planning out all your meals. We know food is a big part of this holiday, so with that in mind, let me ask you: what’s your relationship like with food? Next time, we’ll be talking about what it should be like.

Thanks for listening today. Thanks to our team: Phil, Blake, Rebekah, Justin, Michelle, and we are especially thankful this week to Micayla Brickner, who loves words and working behind the scenes and gives me great ideas about what to say each weekend. For Revive Our Hearts Weekend, I’m Dannah Gresh.

Revive Our Hearts is calling women to freedom, fullness, and fruitfulness in Christ.

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