Safety of Community

Today's program came from the following episodes:

"The Safety of Godly Community"

"One Another"

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Dannah Gresh: What’s the difference between solitude and isolation? One fills us. The other empties us.

Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth: Isolation and division in the body of Christ is a tactic that Satan uses to bring believers down. If we don't have accountability, if we don't have encouragement, if we don't have our roots intertwined with each other, if we get isolated, or if we get divided; we're going to fall.

Dannah: God’s design for His children is that we live lives connected with each other. If you’ve been feeling isolated lately, sit tight. We’re coming to the rescue with truth!

Welcome to Revive Our Hearts Weekend, I’m Dannah Gresh.

Hmm, when I think of solitude, something I like a whole lot, I think of a quiet walk on my little farm—usually with a goat or a sheep following behind. That's something that fills me up and makes me eager to connect on a deeper level with God and with others. Isolation, on the other hand, leaves me depleted and it actually pushes me out of community. 

That’s why I believe that an isolated Christian is an emergency. If that sounds dramatic, let me read part of James 5:16 to you. 

Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, so that you may be healed.

What’s one of the weapons God’s Word gives us in the fight against sin? Each other.

Here’s my friend and Grounded cohost, Erin Davis.

Erin Davis: We’ve got to find ways as God’s people to stand united against our prowling enemy. We’ve got to find ways as God’s people to have regular rhythms of confessions and prayer, confession and prayer, confession and prayer. We cannot lose those. They’re essential.

If we sacrifice the safety net of the saints on the altar of convenience, we will unleash another deadly pandemic—the pandemic of sin—because sin grows in dark and lonely corners. We’ve got to drag it into the light, and we’ve got to do it together.

You know this. If you’ve ever been locked in a pattern of sin that you’ve tried and tried to get free of on our own . . . You’ve said, “Okay, this is the day. I’m not going to do that anymore.” And then you fail. You are a child of God, and you should have victory over that sin. You know the gospel. You try again and fail, and you try and fail, and you try and fail. You’re missing the piece from James: “Confess your sins to one another and pray for each other that you may be healed.”

Sin grows when we don’t tell. We’ve got to drag it into the light together. And, listen, there’s a whole lot more at stake than just whether or not we feel lonely.

Do you remember the show Lost? The premise of it was fairly simple: A group of people learned to live together on a desert island after their plane crashes. And that group of people lived by a code. It was written by screenwriters, but it’s applicable to us as we follow Christ. And here it was: Live together; die alone.

There’s safety in the pack. There’s accountability in the pack. There’s an effective strategy to fight the enemy in the pack.

• Isolation makes us vulnerable to sin. 
• And sin makes us vulnerable to shame. 
• And shame makes us vulnerable to isolation. 

It’s truly a vicious cycle.

And so, while following Jesus is deeply personal—your walk with Jesus probably doesn’t look like mine—it’s not private. It’s not private; it’s something we share.

Maybe you’ve heard the word, “Hooah!” It’s a battle cry used by soldiers. Military strategists have traced it all the way back to the Mongols. In the eighteenth century, British armies gave three “Hooahs” before every bayonet charge. Members of the United States Army and the Air Force use that battle cry today—“Huzzah.” 

“Huzzah” is a declaration of solidarity before a battle. And maybe right now you’re listening, and you think, I just need to say “Huzzah.”I just need to talk myself into freedom. I just need to pull myself up by my bootstraps.

It won’t work. Instead of “Huzzah,” could I encourage you to choose “Hallelujah.” It’s the chorus we sing together because if we want to be victorious in the battle over sin (and don’t we all?) we’ve got to fight our enemy together.

Dannah: Are any alarm bells going off in your heart? Are you seeing the connection between those sin patterns you just can’t seem to break free from, and your need to press in to your Christian community?

You know, two friends who have played a big role in my own walk with Christ are Erin, who you just heard from, and Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth. We’ve cried some tears together. We’ve served in ministry alongside each other. And sometimes, they’ve needed to be bold in pointing out areas where God needs to work in my life. I’ve done the same for them. 

That kind of friendship is necessary for us to thrive. 

Here’s Nancy sharing more on this from the book of Hebrews. 

Nancy: We need each other. We need our roots to be connected to each other if we're going to stand strong and grow tall and live long.

The book of Hebrews in the early chapters is a book about drawing close to God. How can sinful human beings get close to God? That's what the first nine or so chapters of Hebrews are about. How can we draw near to God? But then when you get to chapter 10, the writer of Hebrews comes to an implication. He says, "Draw near to God," in verse 21. Then verses 24–25 he says, "Now draw near to each other." If you're going to grow up in your relationship with God, you've got to draw near to each other in the body of Christ.

Hebrews chapter 10, verses 24–25:

Let us consider how to stir up one another for love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the day drawing near. 

That's the final day, the day of judgment, the day of Christ. As you see that day drawing near, remember to draw near to each other so that you can help each other stand, so that together you can draw near to God.

Isolation and division in the body of Christ is a tactic that Satan uses to bring believers down.

Isolation and division in the body of Christ is a tactic that Satan uses to bring believers down. If we don't have accountability, if we don't have encouragement, if we don't have our roots intertwined with each other, if we get isolated or if we get divided; we're going to fall.

As you read through the New Testament, you find a lot of instructions that talk about how we're supposed to deal with one another. They're sometimes called the "one anothers" of Scripture. Among other things, we're to:

• greet one another
• comfort one another
• greet one another
• comfort one another
• forgive one another 
• build one another up
• serve one another 
• bear one another's burdens 
• encourage one another 
• meet with one another 

These are all things you'll find in the New Testament.

• Be kind, tenderhearted, and forgiving toward one another.
• We're to receive or welcome one another as Christ received us.
• We're to care for one another.
• We're to minister to one another. 
• To show hospitality to one another 
• To pray for one another.

And those are just some of the "one anothers" of Scripture.

Now as you hear that list, wouldn't you love to be a part of a group of believers that functions that way, that really lives out the "one anothers" of Scripture? I think the fact that we fall short of that in our churches is what makes some people give up and leave the church or just withdraw. They say, "It's not working." What we need to do, instead, is not wait for others to do these things to us or criticize our churches because people aren't doing these "one anothers" to the extent that they should. We need to get on the ball and do them ourselves. What you would have others do to you, do to them.

So begin praying for others, showing hospitality, caring, being kind, meeting with others, encouraging others, bearing other's burdens. You do it. Don't wait for others to do it. So many people on the church rolls today, so many people call themselves believers are reaping the consequences of a lack of this kind of community, this kind of having your roots intertwined with each other.

There was a tragic story that appeared in an article of MacLean's magazine. It took place in Winnipeg, Canada. One November day fifty-three-year-old Jim Sulkers, who was a retired municipal worker, got into bed, pulled up the covers and died.

Nearly two years later, on August 25, 2004 police who had been called by concerned relatives . . . (once you hear this, you'll wonder how concerned they were or how related they were). Police who had been called by concerned relatives entered Sulkers' apartment and found his body in a mummified state. Everything else in his tidy one-bedroom apartment was intact although the food in his fridge was spoiled (no doubt) and his wall calendar was two years out-of-date.

Mr. Sulkers' death went undiscovered for several reasons. This is what struck me as we're thinking about who needs the church. He was reclusive, the article said, estranged from family members, and he had a medical condition that prevented his body from decomposing and emitting odors. In addition, automatic banking deposited his disability pension and withdrew utilities and other expenses as they came. So no one knew the man was dead! No one knew there was a problem. No one knew there was a need.

When I read that story I thought, That reminds me of so many church members. Their names are on the church roll, but they disappear from the life of the church. They end up in a crisis, but nobody notices. Nobody knows until it's too late. Why? Because they weren't connected to the community. They were reclusive; they were estranged from the family.

Here's a situation we end up with. In some cases these people may not have physically disappeared from the church. They may be sitting in church every Sunday, but inside they're dead or nearly so.

Their marriage is dead, but nobody knows. They're not functioning spiritually, but nobody knows. Why? Because even though their body is there, they're disconnected from the community. They're estranged. They are lone rangers. It's like being virtually alive, but not really alive. Nobody comes around and says, "How are you doing? Really, how are you doing?" We're just bodies walking past each other and some of us in mummified states. What a picture of so many of our churches.

I think of Revelation chapter 3 verse 1 where Jesus said to the church in Sardis, "You have a name that you are alive, but you are dead." Listen, when you're in a community, when you're connected at the roots to the people of God, the family of God, you can't fall over as easily. But you have to contribute to that. You can't be reclusive; you can't be estranged, and neither can you blame it on everybody else. You've got to be willing to get involved.

Dannah: Hmm, I wonder who is sitting in your church, week after week, and she’s walking around dead in some way, but nobody knows it? I wonder who is sitting near me at my church who knows how to look connected but on the inside feels totally alone?

Is that you? You’re just in a season of isolation and you don’t know how to reverse course. Erin Davis is back with a reminder that you can start by reaching out to just one friend. 

Here’s Erin, along with Laura Booz. 

Erin: We definitely need guidelines, and that doesn’t mean we tell everybody everything all the time. I don’t think that falls in line with wisdom. But it means we don’t hide the thing that we’re most afraid to tell. It definitely means we don’t hide our sin.

If you are hiding secret sin, first of all, you’ve got to know it’s not a secret. There is no such thing as secret sin because God sees all and knows all. As the psalmist said, “If I went to the depths of Sheol, You were there.” So there isn’t a dark corner dark enough for you to go to to sin that Jesus won’t see it and be aware. So it’s really not about telling the thing that nobody knows as much as it is you expressing the thing that God already knows.

In my family, we talk about this a lot, as we’re raising boys. We would never want someone to harm them or take advantage of them and tell them they couldn’t tell us. So we tell them a lot, “You cannot have secrets from Mommy and Daddy. We do not keep secrets here. That’s to keep you safe.”

And that’s true for us. But Jason and I don’t tell our boy everything all the time. I mean, there is wisdom in this. Sometimes it’s something benign. Like, right now I’m hiding a secret for my son’s thirteenth birthday. It’s not his birthday, so I can’t tell him yet, but I’m looking forward to it and planning for it. Sometimes it’s just something they’re not ready for. I think there’s some of that with us, between adults, too.

But as you are listening to this episode of the podcast about how isolation makes you vulnerable to sin, and the Holy Spirit was doing what only the Holy Spirit does, meaning, maybe your heart was racing. Maybe you just kept thinking of this thing, this behavior, this choice you’ve made over and over, and you tried to push it out of your mind.

Maybe you wanted to turn the podcast episode off, but you were compelled not to, and you’re uncomfortable.

That is a mercy. Find someone. You don’t have to tell everyone, but find someone who loves God, who absolutely believes in the authority of His Word, and who loves you, and you tell them.

Laura: That’s good. It could even be something that happened years ago, but it’s just that thing that you just can’t stop thinking about it during episodes like this. Or you wake up in the middle of the night, and it’s there.

That’s the type of thing you can bring into the light with a trusted friend.And even things like fears or invasive thoughts that you feel like you just have to keep tackling on your own and you don’t really get anywhere. I really struggle with that.

I struggle with a vivid imagination and a lot of fears and intrusive thoughts. It feels embarrassing to tell someone, but I have one or two close friends that I really can tell them anything and trust that they believe the best about me and trust that they’re going to bring me back to God’s Word.

In fact, if I look over the span of my friends, my close friends, it’s not that we have a hobby in common. We don’t even have similar personalities. It’s really that there are a few women who I know for a fact when I bear my soul, they will open the Word of God. They’ll be gracious and kind, but they’ll also be faithful friends.

It makes me think of Proverbs 27:6 that says, “Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy.” Sometimes we need it to hurt.

But even when they have to speak hard things to me, that wounding is faithfulness, and it’s good for me. So I’m keeping them around.

Erin: So if you don’t tell your secrets because you’re afraid somebody is going to say a hard thing, well they should. That’s their job. I’ve said to my inner circle, “When I am out of step with the Lord, I want you to force feed me the Word of God. Force feed it to me. If I say, ‘I don’t want it.’ If I act like a toddler, ‘No! I don’t want it. I don’t want to listen to you.’ I want you to force feed it to me, and I will force feed it to you.”

And that pact has held through heartache, but also through sin.

Not that long ago I texted a small group of women and said, “These are some things I’m feeling. I keep feeling them. I can’t get them to go away. They’re ugly. Help me. Would you pray for me for thirty days?” 

And every one of them was, like, “Yes!”

It wasn’t a really brave step on my part. It was a desperate step on my part. It was me realizing that almost as soon as the words come out of my mouth, there’s always help.

Laura: That’s awesome!

What do we do when we’re on the other side of the table and someone is opening up to us with their secret?

Erin: Wow! I don’t think we do much. I think just having them say the sin is the primary action. But then James tells us, “Confess your sins to one another and pray for one another.” Don’t confess sins to one another and counsel each other—although it’s fine to do that—but pray for one another.

Listen well. Don’t let them off the hook. Let them say it and speak it and express whatever ugliness is there. 

Resist the temptation to say, “That’s okay. You’re a good person. You’re a good mom.” Those might all be true, but she might be confessing to you that she hates her middle-school daughter, or she resents her mother. It’s not a good time to say, “You’re a good mom.” It’s a good time to say, “You need Jesus. Let’s get to Him together.”

I also wouldn’t try to make them feel better by sharing all your own stuff. I think we kind of want to ease their uncomfortableness a little bit. There is a time to share your own sin. There can be mutual sharing. But I would sit in the hard. I would sit in the uncomfortable, and I’d pray together.

Laura: That’s awesome!

Years ago, I worked at a pregnancy resource clinic. As part of the training, I remember reading this pamphlet about what your first response should be when someone comes to you and says, “I’m pregnant.” Their guidelines for that were so helpful to me in regard to every occasion when someone comes with some surprise.

First of all, it was: Don’t be surprised when someone comes to you with sin, because we are all sinners in need of grace. So work towards that end, mentally, and with the Lord to remember that.

And, also, your first response to somebody when they’re sharing from their heart is really important, because that’s the impression they’re going to walk away with. That’s the impression that’s going to motivate their next move.

So I like what you said: It’s just to sit there and listen and bring it before the Lord and see what He would do.

Dannah: Just sit there and listen and bring it before the Lord. Thank you, Erin Davis and Laura Booz for that good reminder. How many times do we sit and listen when someone is sharing, it’s so easy to tell them about an example from your life or tell them what to do. But we need to listen, really hear them and pray with them or walk away from the conversation praying for them.

Friend, we are in the last quarter of the year. This year has gone so fast, hasn’t it? It seems like I keep flipping that calendar—month and after month. 

That reminds me of the calendar. The Revive Our Hearts 2022 one has been so good for my heart with many reminders of God’s faithfulness. But as we turn the corner to 2023, I need a new calendar! 

Good thing Revive Our Hearts has another calendar for the new year. And we have them in stock now. So be sure to pick one up for yourself and maybe one for  a friend or family member—they make great stocking stuffers—if you are one of those girls who start early. You can get your calendar by calling 1-800-569-5959, or go to ReviveOurHearts.com/weekend and click on today’s episode. 

This topic is so important, we’re actually going to return to it next weekend. Whether you are an introvert or an extrovert, outgoing or more reserved, we all need other Christians. Maybe invite a friend to listen with you next weekend. 

Before our time is done today, I want to tell you something. God’s been working on me in this area that we’ve been talking about today. I recently shared a prayer on social media, and I wanted to pray it over us today.

Lord, teach me the difference between solitude and isolation. Solitude always fills me up with more of You and draws me back into exhilarating community with others. Isolation leaves me depleted and pushes me out of community. You created me for sabbath and solitude. The enemy of my soul seeks to isolate me. Give me an appetite for solitude and the discipline to pursue it. Make me wise to my flesh’s clamoring for isolation, and bring people into my life to chase me should I fall prey. In Jesus’ magnificent name, amen.

Thanks for listening today, and thanks to our team. For Revive Our Hearts Weekend, I’m Dannah Gresh

Revive Our Hearts is calling women to freedom, fullness, and fruitfulness in Christ.

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