The Beauty of Spiritual Motherhood

Dannah Gresh: Hey, have you ever heard of something called a “spiritual mother”? You might have one. You might be one. Susan Hunt’s gonna help us wrap our minds around it. 

Susan Hunt: Yes, women are out there doing it, but they need to understand that this is what God calls us to. They need to see the biblical foundation of it. They need to learn that. They need to understand that this is God's mandate to us. It is a gospel imperative!

Dannah: Today we’re going to find out why spiritual motherhood matters so much, why you need a spiritual mom, and why you need to be one! Stick around.

This is Revive Our Hearts Weekend. I’m your host, Dannah Gresh. I’m so glad you’re here.

It’s Mother’s Day weekend! We set this day aside to recognize the moms in our lives and honor them. I bet this weekend is important to you because you either are a mom, have a mom you want to bless, have a mother-like figure in your life, or have a friend who is a mom. 

Honestly, Mother’s Day has always been easy for me. My mom, Kay Barker, is one of the most godly women I know. She’s not just the world’s best biological mom—never missing a birthday, always making our favorite foods, nurturing our hearts through the stages of life—she’s also a spiritual mother who has prayed for me to do great things in and for the family of God. So celebrating her comes pretty naturally! She’s my greatest prayer warrior. You better believe she’s prayed over you because I’ve got this mic in front of my face! 

But, I want to acknowledge that maybe this is a difficult weekend for you—one that brings up feelings of loss or sadness. Perhaps your mom is no longer with you, or maybe because she’s estranged from you, or it could be she’s harder to celebrate because she hasn’t mothered you well. To you I want to say this: finding a spiritual mother is not more important for you than it is for me, but it could be very healing.

On this special weekend, I want us to take some time to think about being a spiritual mother and about recognizing the spiritual mothers in our own lives. I’m hoping it might encourage you to find one.

Susan Hunt is both a mom and spiritual mother, and she has a lot of wisdom when it comes to this topic. She’s even written a book about it titled Spiritual Mothering: The Titus 2 Model for Women Mentoring Women. So what is spiritual mothering exactly? Here's Susan, along with Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth to define that for us. 

Susan: It's when a woman enters into a nurturing relationship with another woman to encourage and equip her to live for God's glory. So it is life-on-life discipleship of sharing the gospel and our lives with one another.

Nancy: And the Lord had placed you in a church environment where you had older women and younger women. You were fifty-ish at the time.

Susan: I was.

Nancy: So you were seeing this lived out, and then you were seeing the impact that it made in the lives of those women.

Susan: In the lives of the women, but also in the life of our church. That was one thing that surprised me and thrilled me. As women began to really connect and live covenantally together—live in relationships that mirrored our relationship with Jesus—the impact on the church at large was so sweet and unexpected. It just spilled over into the lifeblood of the church.

Nancy: How did you see that?

Susan: Just the warmth, the openness, the friendliness, the sharing of lives across the board. We became more concerned about sharing our lives with our teen girls, about loving our church. It was in ways you could not always make a list of it, but there was an atmosphere there—an atmosphere of warmth and of welcome that was palpable.

Nancy: It's really the love of Christ, coming through those relationships.

Susan: It is the love of Christ, yes. And so then I began speaking about it as I would go out to other churches, and the response of women just startled me. I really did not know how they would respond.

I don't remember where I was when this happened. We had talked about it. We had divided the women up. They had experienced what it felt like, and then we came back together. 

One older woman stood up, and she was literally dancing around. She said, "This is what I've been doing all my life, and I did not even know what to call it!" And now she had a name for it. And that, again, was just one of those sweet moments when I realized, "Yes, women are out there doing it, but they need to understand that this is what God calls us to. They need to see the biblical foundation of it. They need to learn that. They need to understand that this is God's mandate to us. It is a gospel imperative!"

Nancy: I've been thinking about, what is it that keeps this from happening? Why isn't it more of a normal, natural rhythm of many women's lives?

I wonder if part of the issue isn't that, in so many of our churches and relationships, we've paired off into groups that are our own age, our own season of life. There are clearly some benefits to that. If you have high school-age kids and they're playing sports together, you're going to gravitate to some of those same moms who are in that season of life. If you're a young mom with toddlers, it's natural to want to have some friends who are in that season of life. But where churches have become so age-segregated and sometimes even in the worship services . . . you have the older people's service and the younger people's service. That seems to have been somewhat of a strategy in some churches today—to keep things demographically separated. And what we've lost in that has been this doing life with multiple generations.

In a lot of cases really, people's only friends are people who are maybe in the same season of life. There's something so rich about engaging with those who are in different seasons . . . as we learn together, as we rub up against each others' lives, in our conversations, we're encouraging and affirming and getting perspective that those in our own season of life may not have.

Susan: And again, I think we've got to go back and root this in Scripture and teach our people—not just women. It's not just Titus 2, but Titus 2 is attached to the larger idea of one generation telling the next generation. If you go through, particularly the psalms, you will see that over and over and over. Of course, Psalm 78, says it so clearly. 

Nancy: Let's just read that here. I've got my Bible open to it. I'm glad you brought that up. The whole passage is wonderful, but the psalmist talks about in verses 4–7,

We will not hide from our children the things our fathers have told us, but will tell them to the coming generation, the glorious deeds of the Lord, and his might, and the wonders that he has done. For He established a testimony in Jacob . . . He appointed a law in Israel, which He commanded our fathers to teach to their children, that the next generation might know them [the children yet unborn] and arise and tell them to their children . . . So that they should set their hope in God and not forget the works of God, but keep His commandments.

Susan: Yes, and that has to be taught. Because, by nature, we are inclined to gather with those who are like us: same age, same interests. We need to understand that God calls us to something so much richer, and He has provided those for us who are farther down the path so that they can tell us the glories of the Lord through experiences that we haven't experienced yet.

This needs to be a church-wide effort. It is part of the discipleship of a church, to teach the people this principle and to encourage them to take advantage of it; to look for older men and women who can invest in them, and to be willing to invest in the lives of those younger than them.

Nancy: And, of course, we know this is supposed to happen in the family—one generation to the next. But one of the things I appreciated in this Spiritual Mothering book is that you talk about, even with your own daughter (of course, you were investing in her life, you were pouring into her life—you're her mother, biologically) how grateful you were for people (other women) that the Lord brought into her life to be spiritual mothers. You weren't threatened by that or jealous of those relationships.

Susan: Yes, we need to long for our daughters to have older women investing in them. We just need to be careful that we're not so possessive of our daughters that we're not doing that, and that we're not encouraging them to seek out those relationships, because it is an important element of their growth in Christ. I think that's something else we have to talk about and help women to see that.

Nancy: Okay, I'm thinking about the woman you said who was eighty years old and nobody had ever asked her to talk about her relationship with Jesus. We have some older women listening today, maybe widows, and women who are in your season of life (you're in your mid-seventies). Nobody's asking them, nobody younger is connecting with them. How do they start to develop a lifestyle, a rhythm, of spiritual mothering? They're saying, "I'm not a teacher. I don't have a class to do this. I don't think I could do that."

Just give them some things to get them started. And your book is chock-full of ideas, so I hope they'll get the book and read it: Spiritual Mothering: The Titus 2 Model for Women Mentoring Women.

For that listener who is an older woman, help her get started in this.

Susan: Start right where you are, with the relationships in your own family and your own church, and begin to talk to the young women, to the girls, and ask them questions. Just ask them: 

• How can I pray for you?
• Tell me what's going on in your life right now?
• What things can I pray for you about?

It is just amazing how, once you start that, they begin to gravitate toward you, because you're interested in them. Just go up to them and hug them. Tell them how you delight in watching them. You are so grateful that they are in your church. You are so grateful for their participation in your church. Tell them the things you notice about them that thrill you, and then they will begin responding. Don't start by trying to teach them a lesson. 

Nancy: Or by saying, "Would you let me mentor you?" It doesn't have to be that formal, right?

Susan: Right. Just start with loving them and reaching out to them, and maybe even inviting them to your home for coffee. Wherever you are in life, just start with establishing those relationships and cultivating those relationships.

Dannah: That’s Susan Hunt and Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth, sharing about the importance of spiritual mothering. They’ve even given you some ideas for how to put that into practice. 

Nancy is a spiritual mother to many—not only to those in her personal life, but even to some she doesn’t know. One woman named Melissa blessed Nancy so much when she called her “Mother” at one of our studio recordings. She told Nancy how much of an impact she made on her life and how she shaped Melissa’s perspective of motherhood. Let’s listen. 

Melissa: Well hello, Mother. That’s what I will say to you. I wasn’t sure if I was going to share today because I think I’m kind of awe-struck to be here, in a really neat circumstance. But I say, “Hello, Mother,” because I’m sitting next to my biological mother here. I brought her, I wanted her to meet you.

I think as a woman who married a man who could not give me children and God gave me a peace in knowing that my quiver is full and I am a spiritual mother as a preschool teacher, a neighbor, to nieces and nephews. I have heard it said that, “You don’t have credibility. Surely you can’t have credibility, you’ve never had your own children.”

And I think about my experience with you—I’m like, “But the Lord’s Word is enough. My mother has done just fine.” I’ve sent you some Mother’s Day cards and things because you deserved that honor, but I just wanted to give you a taste of the story of what you have done.

I have known you for eight years now. I got saved at twenty-two; I’m thirty this year. I came from a background, it was a very dark life. My mom comes from a generational sin of neglect, abuse, you name it, addiction. And there was nothing to bridge the gap. We speak of this all the time, my mother and I, and she’s currently living with me. She’s getting fed and we’ve got some role-reversal, but God’s doing magnificent things with that. And I’m learning from my mother as she walks out of darkness and lies.

But it was first because God used this ministry to speak into the lies that were entangled into my heart and mind. I plan on writing you to let you know the full story one day. I’m writing a book one day about all that God has done. My mother will be in it, and that’s you, Nancy, and I just want to thank you,

Nancy: Wow. Thank you, Melissa. And thank you for those Mother’s Day cards. I have wept over some of those cards that I’ve received from a few women over the years who’ve said, “Happy Mother’s Day!” Not having children of my own, that’s been a really . . . Well I do have children, and you can, too: single, married, biological children or not, and sometimes even your mom can become part of that heritage that the Lord allows you to have. I'm so glad you’re here.

Dannah: Wasn’t that such a sweet story? Melissa never met Nancy, yet Nancy had a profound impact as a spiritual mother all because of her obedience to Christ and following his leading.

You know, it’s easy to think about this topic of spiritual mothering as the daughter. But someone needs to step up and be the spiritual mother, as Susan and Nancy discussed earlier. Maybe today you’re feeling that nudge. Not going to lie, it’s time-consuming, and it takes patience.

I’m thinking of one of my spiritual daughters, Aubrey. We spent hours, weeks, months, years together before God really began to birth something new in her heart. I got to talk to her about it on Grounded, our weekly video cast. Here’s my conversation with my spiritual daughter, Aubrey Brush.

Aubrey Brush: Hello, Dannah.

Dannah: Hi. I love you. 

Aubrey: I love you, too. 

Dannah: Hey, Aubrey, go ahead and describe your faith walk until recently. What words would you choose? 

Aubrey: Yeah, I think up until recently, I was trying really hard. I think that's what I would say about it. I was trying really hard. I was trying to do all the right things. I was a little bit desperate because I didn't feel like it was working. Whatever "it" was, I just could tell that I didn't have it. And it wasn't just wasn't happening to me, why? I saw it was for other people.

Dannah: So then something happened on February 3. Tell us about that.

Aubrey: Yeah, so February 3, the day before that, our ministry had our annual day of prayer. We usually go and we pray for everyone on our team in different ways. It's really beautiful and amazing. And for some reason, we actually ran out of time before we got to pray for me that day. And usually, I wouldn't really care too much about that. But I went home that night, and I was really upset because I felt like there was just something that God wanted to do for me and in me. 

So, I actually texted to my close friends. I said, “Hey, can we meet tomorrow? We are already planning to hang out and watch a movie, but I would love to pray before we do that, if that’s okay.” And that's kind of weird. That's not really something that I would do normally. But they said, “Yes, of course, we'd love to.” 

And that night, we just came together. We ended up praying for, like, four hours. It was incredible. There are some things in my life that I had been struggling with. And actually, something that you had said the day before . . . You were talking, and you said that stubbornness is building your life to protect the one thing that you don't want to give to God. 

That was something that kind of came up when we were praying, and I realized what the thing was that had come between God and I. I had injustice holding me back from experiencing total freedom and relationship with Him. And we prayed through that. Then I apologized that we didn't get to watch a movie because our girls might turn into something different.

Dannah: I'm so glad you never got to watch that movie. You prayed right until what? 12:30–1 o'clock in the morning. 

Aubrey: Yeah.

Dannah: What would you describe your faith like walk today?

Aubrey: It feels fresh and new and exciting and beautiful, and a little bit scary sometimes, because it just feels like I'm seeing the world through different eyes. I think when you see the world through different eyes, you're just so much more aware of what God is doing. 

And also, aware of where people are hurting, and who needs help and how to step into situations. So that's been really cool, but also challenging, because it wasn't like, oh, I prayed and got some time to relax and just sit in the fun of a new relationship situation. Like pretty immediately after like, “Okay, now this person, this person, this person.”

Dannah: Yeah. What it reminds me of, if I could describe your faith walk now, I think you described it right accurately. Before it was like trying. Now it's like a river of living water, which the Bible says that when Jesus enters into us, when His Spirit is in us, what flows out of us is like a river of living waters freeing up with life. And that's what you are like now, Aubrey. It is unbelievable to see. And everywhere I go, I hear you prayed with someone, you ministered to someone, you took someone to lunch and counseled their heart. You are a completely different creation. 

Tell me about somebody that you've been praying for recently, or counseling recently, how has what has happened in your heart, the Spirit descending on your life impacted somebody else?

Aubrey: So, it's actually so crazy, because there's so many different stories that I could share right now from just the past few weeks. But I think one of the biggest ones was just praying with someone else that I knew had kind of been struggling a little bit with some of the same feelings, like there was just something in the way of her living in the way that God wanted her to. 

And so, she asked me to pray and one of our other team members, and I ended up praying with her. And it turned out that she actually had a misunderstanding of who Jesus actually was for her in her life. She told about how she walked out on that relationship. I just felt like I was supposed to ask her, “Hey, what version of Jesus do you think you actually have been living for?” Her eyes just kind of got really wide, and she started crying a little bit. She just said, “The Jesus that just tells me what to do.” 

And so, from there, we were able to just talk through and work through who Jesus actually is and what He does for us, and it was really beautiful. She actually prayed and accepted the Lord to her life for real. And she's actually taken that and prayed with other people since, so. 

Dannah: Exactly. And this is I can say this is another member of our ministry team whom I thought was saved as the sun rises every day. But she would tell you that she received Christ through that because you were revived in the beginning of February. She received Christ, and now she's passing it on. I am telling you revival is contagious when it's real. I'm watching it happen with my own two eyes. 

Aubrey, what advice do you have for someone who would define their faith the way you just did a moment ago? They're trying, but it's a lot of hard work. It's like climbing up hill. What advice do you have for them?

Aubrey: I think first I would just say, like, keep trying a little bit. Maybe that doesn’t sound like the right advice, but I know that I'm still kind of young. But I would say this is something that I've been praying for and wanting to have in my life since I started working here, so like five years. I know that all our journeys look really different. It's been a really long time that you've been trying and, and working towards this and just trying to stay close to Jesus. And I think that staying close to Jesus, even when you don't really feel like it, is probably the safest place to be until whatever God needs to happen in your life happens. 

So, keep holding on, keep trying, and get in community, and be open with the people around you that love Jesus, too. Let them know what's going on in your life and be honest about the areas that you're holding back from God. Because often we think that it's what God is holding back from us. But for me, at least, I kind of realized that it was what I was holding and being stubborn and protecting from God.

Dannah: That’s my spiritual daughter, Aubrey. What a joy to have a front row seat to see God work in her life. You only get that privilege by entering into the task of mothering another heart spiritually! Is there someone younger in your life that God may be calling you to mother? Go ahead, send the text. Like Susan and Nancy said just invite them to lunch or for coffee. But take the initiative today to reach out to someone who might be your spiritual daughter.

So on this day of celebrating mothers, who are you celebrating? Do you have a spiritual mother to celebrate? Maybe reach out and say “thank you” to her for speaking truth into your life, encouraging you, praying for you, pointing you to Jesus.

My mom, of course, has been a spiritual mother. But I also have one named Tippy. I met her as my counselor, oh, about thirty years ago. I can count on her to pray for me, provide biblical advice, and direct me to the power of God’s presence. She has nurtured my faith for nearly three decades. Tippy, happy Mother’s Day! I think I’ll text that to her in case she’s not listening.

Maybe you could text your spiritual mother! Don’t have one? Today’s program could be your nudge to identify the one you do have but didn’t see before. Or, to begin to ask God to provide one for you.

Spiritual mothers make a difference because of their ordinary, faithful obedience to Christ. None of us are remarkable people, but we serve a remarkable God; He uses us to make an extraordinary difference when we step into the life He has called us to. 

If this ministry has blessed you in any way, could it be that God is asking you to take an ordinary step by financially supporting Revive Our Hearts as we reach women with the hope of Christ? We cannot help women experience freedom, fullness, and fruitfulness in Jesus without the support of friends like you. 

We will complete our ministry year at the end of May, and we’re asking the Lord to provide $828,000 to finish strong and prepare for the projects that lie ahead. Would you consider making a gift by May 31 to help us reach our goal? 

Thank you so much for your support. In appreciation for your gift of any amount, we’d like to send you volume 1 of (Un)remarkable: Ten Women Who Impacted Their World for Christ. Plus, you’ll also get a digital copy of the new volume 2! 

Just request those resources when you give by calling 1-800-569-5959, or go to ReviveOurHearts.com/weekend and click on today’s episode. 

Well we’ve seen the difference unremarkable women can make when they serve a remarkable God. Next time, we’re going to hear about some of those women—including one name you might recognize: Sabina Wurmbrand—and how they made a big difference through one step of ordinary faith at a time. I hope you can join us next weekend. 

Thanks for listening, and I hope you have a wonderful Mother’s Day celebration. 

I’m Dannah Gresh. We’ll see you next time for Revive Our Hearts Weekend.

Revive Our Hearts Weekend is calling you to freedom, fullness and fruitfulness in Christ.

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