The Memories of Mom

Dannah Gresh: Some moms want to give their kids perfection—from bedrooms to birthday parties—after all, that’s what they see on social media. But Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth says it’s okay to take a breath and be encouraged because there’s something more they need from you. 

Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth: What they most need is to see the gospel at work in the midst of a sinful place. So if your home could be perfect—which it can’t be—your children might never realize how much they need a Savior.

Dannah: Today, we’ll have some encouragement and also a reminder for moms.

Welcome to Revive Our Hearts Weekend, I’m Dannah Gresh.

I’m so glad you were able to join me today. It’s Mother’s Day weekend, so I thought it was appropriate to meet you here at the flower cart. Won’t it be nice to bless our moms with some flowers? Oooh, I like these flowers over here.

A friend of mine always gets her mother petunias on Mother’s Day, and every year those flowers would bloom all summer long. A little water, a little fertilizer, a little love. It's a little like raising kids . . . just a little.

Anyway, let’s get back to why we are here on this sunny day, other than buying flowers for our moms. I want to talk with you about moms.

Our moms play such an important part in our lives. Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth and her husband Robert and I had an encouraging conversation around the topic of our mothers and grandmothers. I loved our chat and wanted to share some of it with you. Here’s Nancy.

Nancy: Robert, you and I were talking to my mother on the phone just a few days ago, and were recalling about my dad’s grandmother. My dad grew up in a Greek family. He and his cousins all lived in the same home; there were two families that lived together. And the Greek grandmother—they called her Giagia (pronounced Yaw Yaw)—lived with them.

My dad’s cousin, Ted, shared a bedroom with Yaw Yaw. Ted is now with the Lord. I remember hearing him tell how sometimes at night, he would go to bed, and Yaw Yaw would be on her knees praying in her Turkish language—that was her native language—praying for her family, for her children, for her grandchildren.

And he said sometimes he would wake up in the morning and Yaw Yaw was still there on her knees, having prayed through the night. 

Dannah: Wow!

Nancy: Now, the part of that story that is particularly amazing to me is, my dad (who was the cousin of Ted who shared that bedroom with Yaw Yaw) was a rabble-rouser and a prodigal, a rebel, until he was in his mid-twenties. Yaw Yaw did not live to see Art DeMoss, her grandson, come to faith in Christ. But think of how those prayers of that praying Yaw Yaw were sowing seeds that produced fruit, a harvest, years later!

And now, I’m her great-granddaughter, and my nieces and nephews are the great-great-grandchildren. I mean, just the multiple generations that that woman’s prayers influenced, when she couldn’t see the fruit of her prayers!

I hope that’s an encouragement for a mom or grandmom today who is praying, and you’re not seeing the fruit of what you’re praying and longing for. Know that God is hearing and answering those prayers!

Dannah: At the beginning of the program, we each used a word; we chose one that would honor our mothers. Robert, you used your mother’s name: Grace. Tell us why.

Robert: Yes, I did. In fact, I had the joy of delivering her eulogy. She stepped into heaven in 2010. My siblings and I had the privilege of giving eulogies, and I said, “Her parents named her ‘Grace.’ How did they know?”

As a boy going through awkward years and so forth, my mother cheered for me. I knew that she was in my corner pulling for me, praying for me, believing in me. 

I remember from a very early age, when I would walk into the kitchen or wherever she was when I’d wake up, she’d stop whatever she was doing and she would welcome me into the kitchen (or wherever she was or when I’d come home from school).

When I was a little boy and I’d bring home some underwater seascape done with finger painting—remember those on crinkly paper? She would stop what she was doing, she’d get down on one knee so that she was my height, and she would look at my painting.

She would hug me. She made me believe that I was worthy of that kind of love, even when I was a little boy. So when I invited Jesus into my heart at age four, at her knee, I knew what God’s grace looked like . . . in the form of my mother! 

Dannah: Beautiful!

Nancy: Wow, I love that, Honey! And isn’t that what it should be like for all of us as, whether our own children or others that we’re investing in, that they see the love of God in us? It reminds me of what the apostle Paul said to Timothy (going back to that passage we looked at earlier). He says to Timothy, 

But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have firmly believed, knowing from whom you learned it and how from childhood you have been acquainted with the sacred writings, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus (2 Tim. 3:14–15). 

So he says to Timothy, “You had a mother, you had a grandmother, who modeled to you faith in Jesus Christ, and who made sure that you knew the Scripture. They acquainted you with the sacred writings, which then are what pointed you to faith in Jesus Christ.” 

And, Honey, your mother really loved the Scripture. She was faithful in passing it on—not only to you and your siblings, but to her grandchildren as well!

Dannah: That’s true, Nancy. You used the word “persevering” to describe your mother, to honor her. Tell us a little bit about why that word came to your mind.

Nancy: Well, lots of words came to mind! But I think of my mother as persevering. You know, she was widowed unexpectedly at the age of forty. My dad dropped dead of a heart attack, September 1, 1979. My dad was fifty-three; he was thirteen years older than my mother.

She was widowed with no notice. He was gone just instantly! She had at that time seven children ages eight to twenty-one—so very much still in formative life stages, making decisions. This was just no warning. This was a huge blow!

But I’ve watched my mother persevere through that season, now more than forty years as a widow—and now as a grandmother and a great-grandmother. She’s in her eighties now, still alive, still praying for us. Robert and I talk to her every Sunday—and often more frequently than that. But at least we’re her “Sunday caller,” and we pray for her, but she also prays for us. 

I watched her through suffering, through loss. I watched her persevere through hard times, through hard places.

Dannah: Nancy, Robert and I remembering our moms and the sacrifices they made to help us live!

I love to be outside and looking through all these plants with you. Did you see these marigolds over here? I think they tend to be a hardier plant. Well, they bloom all season, they’re bright and happy and I’ve heard that if you plant them in your garden they keep the bugs and bunnies away . . . maybe that’s an old wives tale. But it’s a happy thought.

You know, I know of many moms that have a hard time feeling their worth. And some even feel like they've failed their children. It seems that the responsibility for this child is just so great.

Emily Jensen and Laura Wifler from the Risen Motherhood podcast talked with Nancy about the struggles and feelings that moms face. I appreciate how these two young moms face life with a practical approach of knowing that God is their strength and shield.

Here’s Emily sharing the weighty issue of raising the next generation.

Emily Jensen: I think there was this sense that motherhood is such a huge responsibility. You see that, “Okay, I’m supposed to be caring for their hearts and their bodies and helping them make wise choices, and all these different things. It’s like if I fail at this, does this mean I’m a failure as a person at the deepest level? Like, if I can’t do motherhood right, what does that say about me?”

So I think that there’s this real need to grapple with that at a deep level and say, “My identity is not found in how I mother and the way that I carry out all these different things. It’s rooted in Christ.”

Motherhood is one important calling that He’s given me, but I need to keep my eyes fixated on Him and be anchored to Him because that is going to allow me to keep walking it, because I am going to fail, and I’m not going to be good enough. But God can work in and through even my failure, even my sin, Lord willing, to show my children Jesus day in and day out, even as I confess that and say that to them. “Mommy didn’t say that right,” or “I’m sorry,” or whatever those different things look.

I can just be hopeful when that’s where my eyes are fixed, to say, “Yes, Lord. You can use a sinner like me. Thank goodness I don’t have to have it all together, but You do.”

Nancy: You’re talking, again, in the young-children season of life, but we have some women listening right now to this conversation whose children are teens or young adults or older and are far from the Lord—prodigals.

These are moms, grandmoms who cry themselves to sleep at night with heavy hearts over the waywardness of their children. And the enemy does a number on so many of these moms, overwhelming them with guilt, with recriminations, with, “If only you had been a different mother, a better mother.”

Any mother—or dad—or person for that matter . . . We are sinful. Right? But there are some moms who just need to get set free, that your identity as a woman isn’t now in how your kids have turned out. If you could be the best mom, baking the bread, having the chickens, doing the Pinterest-perfect home, that doesn’t guarantee your children are going to have a heart for Christ.

Laura Wifler: We always say, “Look at the garden.” Adam and Eve had a perfect Father that was there with them.

Nancy: And a picture-perfect home.

Laura: Yes. They had a picture-perfect home, and they took and ate and disobeyed their Father. So I think that can help us take heart. We are in no way going to be like the Lord, and His children were wayward. I think that’s where we put our hope in Him. He knows the story, and He is sovereign over the story, and we can trust Him with the outcome.

Nancy: Well, I think you’ve come to realize, too, as I’ve read what you’ve written and heard you talk, you realize that what your children most need is not the things that maybe were all a part of that picture you had before you had children. In order to become who God wants them to be, in order for them to experience the gospel and to love Christ, they may not need all those things, all those experiences that you hoped to provide for them, all the things that moms can guilt each other about—whether you do it this way or that way on some of the types of issues that you’ve brought up. Having this quiet, peaceful home isn’t necessarily what your children most need.

What they most need is to see the gospel at work in the midst of a sinful place. So if your home could be perfect—which it can’t be—your children might never realize how much they need a Savior.

Emily: That’s right. I think that that is, for me, personally . . . I have often pursued that perfection, that outward facade. I tend to be a fairly Type-A person. I’m very driven. I think I shared in a previous episode, I struggle with being self-reliant. I struggle with thinking, Well, I’ll just pull up my boot straps and figure it out and go.

That was something that I realized: What do my kids need most from me? Do they need the amazing first birthday party—which I could possibly pull off at a time or two? Or do they need a mom that loves them well and who’s willing to say, “I’m sorry.” A mom who’s willing to say, “You know what? We’re not going to do this part of the birthday party because it’s just too stressful. I’m not able to pull it off. Maybe we’ll do something small and simple,” and then do affirmation around the table because that means so much more than this big, elaborate party at a pool.

I think, for me, it comes down to sometimes weighing some of those decisions: Could I pull this off? Maybe, but would I be a mom that shows the gospel to my kids in the midst of it? Probably not.

Nancy: And would that thing—you might pull off, even if you could be Superwoman in that moment—is that what your child really needs?

Emily: And would it even matter?

I feel that’s helped me weigh some decisions of what really matters. Is this touching their hearts and their souls, or is this just kind of creating a little child that gets everything they want and everything does look like Pinterest around them? And what is it doing for my own soul? Am I being dependent on the Lord in this situation, or am I depending on myself?

I have appreciated that the Lord has allowed me to fall many times in motherhood where stuff didn’t go well, things got ruined. I thought I could do something, and in the end, it just didn’t work out. Those moments have really shown me my limitations, that I’m not a deity, I’m not god. And I’m so grateful that I serve a bigger God that catches me when I fall and provides everything I need.

And that helps me to turn and repent and change and be able to show my children the mercies that God has shown me.

And I don’t want to say that having an amazing birthday party for your children is wrong at all. I think that those are good gifts we can give our children, and they can be huge blessings for our families and those around us and those that we invite. But I think what we have to look back to is the heart motivations in doing them and what’s fueling the desire to want to do that. Is that faithfulness to the gospel, or is it that fear of failure, of not being the perfect mom?

Dannah: The Risen Motherhood women, Laura Wifler and Emily Jensen, reminding us that there are no perfect moms

Mothering is hard, and I know you want to do this right. It’s a daunting task at times, there are the sleepless nights with a crying baby or waiting for your sixteen-year-old to come home, maybe the heartbreak when the prodigal doesn’t return.

God sees you, Momma.

I want to tell you something: you are incredible; you are a treasure to behold. Never forget that God created you for this role in life, and He’s equipping you. There are days it’s hard, but don’t grow weary in doing good.

Laura and Emily spent three days with Nancy talking about and encouraging moms in all stages with gospel hope for everyday moments. We have a link on our website ReviveOurHearts.com/weekend, and look for today’s episode.

There is a type of mother that doesn’t get much notice and that is the spiritual mother. You know, there are many who think of Nancy as their spiritual mother. She’s an encourager, a teacher, empathizer, listener, advisor. She does what mother’s do. Here’s Nancy reading a letter from a young man in prison. He’s looking to Nancy as a spiritual mother. 

Nancy: He said,

I’m writing to thank you for you have given me two very important things that I have never possessed as far back as I can remember. I’m 26 years-old. I have come to the Lord in the last couple of years. I’m taking a program to get an Associate’s Degree in Theology right now and hope to someday have a Master’s of Divinity. The Lord is doing some wonderful things in my life, and I hope to someday serve Him full-time.

Miss DeMoss, before I began listening to your program, I had little to no trust for women and very little understanding of what a true woman of God was. On both my mother and my father’s side of the family, my grandparents had all been divorced and remarried, some more than once.

My mother was a working woman. When my sister and I were children, she worked two jobs full-time to support us. I realize the great responsibility she had as a single mother. I realize how much she loved us and still loves us. But she didn’t know the Lord and because of that, it was hard on us all.

I’ve grown up since those days. I’ve learned a great deal the hard way. The relationships I’ve had since my teens with various women have never once been healthy. It was one bad relationship after another that helped me decide at an early age to forgo all non-sexual relationships with women. This attitude only brought greater mistrust and deeper pain into my life.

Even after coming to the Lord (which you remember was just a couple years ago), I made the decision not to ever be married. I would tell myself when I thought about it that I was giving that up to serve the Lord, that all I needed was Him. But in truth it was because of the great mistrust I had for women.

I began listening to your program because of a testimony you had on a couple of years ago. I don’t remember the woman’s name. But she was an orphan who was badly mistreated, but clung in her youth to the word that God loved her and overcame the trials of her life.

As I listened in the following days, I realized that your program was for women, but I decided to listen to you anyway. I try to get as much of the Word as I can, and I was curious as to what you were saying that was supposed to be just for Christian women.

Now, you have to understand that I had heard, read, and knew what the Word of God said to and about women and their roles in the church and family, but I had never heard a woman say it. To be honest, the more I listened the more astounded I became of the things you were saying in the 21st century. Does Miss DeMoss know it’s the year 2004? I’m laughing now, but let me tell you what else I heard.

Listening to you speak I began to hear the cry of a true woman who sought to glorify God with her life. As I listened to you speak on topics like holiness and righteous living, a tiny little crack began to run through that rock-solid belief that women could not be trusted and would only hurt me if I allowed myself to be taken in by one.

Today that crack is busted wide open. And now that it is exposed, I can deal with the things in my life that created those misguided notions. Since listening to you, I’ve also begun writing my mother again. Just as important as these two things, you have given me an example of what kind of woman I should be looking for when it comes my time to marry in the years ahead.

And having not only an example of what a woman of God looks like but a desire to be married to one, you have provoked me to become a better man because I know I will never be married to a woman with a godly spirit unless I have a like heart to do the will of my Father.

You have given me all these things, things that a mother should inspire in her son. Because of this I thought it an appropriate gesture to tell you these things and wish you a Happy Mother’s Day.

(I received this letter this past May, just after Mother’s Day.)

In my heart, you will always be one of my mothers in the Lord. I’m no momma’s boy, but I do enjoy hearing you speak so I will continue to listen to Revive Our Hearts now and someday in the future maybe I’ll have a wife who will listen with me.

Thanks for everything you’ve done for me and that you do for men and women all across the country.

PS: Please pray for my continued victory in the Lord and future ministry whatever that may be. I’ll be getting out in only a few more years now.

Dannah: Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth sharing an incredible letter. What God is doing over the radio airwaves and through Nancy is amazing.

You may not have children of your own, but like Nancy, you can be a spiritual mother to someone. You can build them up, encourage them through life, be their listening ear.

Did you realize that you, one woman, can make a difference. You’re making a difference around your kitchen table, your neighborhood, your church. And when you give to Revive Our Hearts this month, you are making a difference in the world. You are helping to provide women with tools to help them change their world for Christ. It’s a ripple affect, my friend.

This month when you give a gift of any amount we will give you a copy of (Un)remarkable: Ten Ordinary Women Who Impacted Their World for Christ. So give your gift today by calling 1-800-569-5959, or go to ReviveOurHearts.com/weekend, and click on today’s episode. 

Thanks for joining me at the flower cart to talk about our moms. I know she’ll enjoy a visit or a call. In fact, I think I’ll go do that now. I’ll take these snapdragons. Aren’t they pretty? I know she’ll love 'em. 

Before I go, I want to thank our team: Phil Krause, Dylan Weibel, Rebekah Krause, Justin Converse, Michelle Hill, and for Revive Our Hearts Weekend, I’m Dannah Gresh.

Revive Our Hearts is calling women to freedom, fullness and fruitfulness in Christ.

*Offers available only during the broadcast of the podcast season.