What’s in a Dad?

Dannah Gresh: What comes to mind when you hear the word “father”? Do you think of a man who was loving, attentive, and wise? Or one who was distant . . . harsh . . . or critical? And I wonder, how does that impact your thoughts about God?

Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth: Our Father in heaven is not like any other man or woman that you have ever known. In fact, the kindest, wisest, most compassionate, tender, earthly father is just a pale reflection of our heavenly Father.

Dannah: Well, Father's Day weekend has arrived! It’s time to celebrate the men who bless our families, and thank our heavenly Father. 

Welcome to Revive Our Hearts Weekend, I’m Dannah Gresh. As we talk about fatherhood today, my line up includes Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth, Erin Davis, and Stephen Kendrick with a story you won’t want to miss! 

Some of my earliest memories involve my dad, Dan. (You might notice the connection to my name, Dannah). Memories like: How he always called me Dannah Banana . . . or Sally. You know, family nicknames, they never make any sense. My daddy never missed a goodnight kiss . . . even the night before my wedding. He was just, I guess, always there—provisional, secure—making me feel safe.

I also have many fond memories of watching my husband, Bob, be a father to our three kids, and now “Bobpy” to our precious grandbabies. 

Families are God’s idea. I believe one of the reasons God gives us dads is to help us understand who He is and how He sees us. But just what kind of father is God? Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth has an answer, straight from God’s Word. And there’s one thing that Nancy says you and I, as women, need to be aware of as we relate to God. Here’s Nancy. 

Nancy: Now, as women, our view of God is often shaped and strongly influenced by the men that we have known in our lives, and more so by a father or a husband or brothers—men that are closely related to us.

I am very thankful to have had a loving, involved, committed father. I will acknowledge that that has made it so much easier for me to trust my Heavenly Father and receive His love for me. But I'm also aware that for many women today their experience is just the opposite. And I know that if we could go around the room and talk about what we think when we say the word "father," there would probably be more women who would have painful thoughts than would have easy or blessed thoughts when they think about a father relationship. So when I speak of God being our Heavenly Father, for many women today, that just makes them cringe. It's a painful thought.

Now, if you've been wounded by a father or a husband or another man that you trusted, you may find it extremely difficult to trust God. In fact, you may even find yourself being afraid of God or even angry with God.

But I want to remind us that our Father in heaven is not like any other man or woman that you have ever known. In fact, the kindest, wisest, most compassionate, tender, earthly father is just a pale reflection of our Heavenly Father. At their best, every man is a flawed representation of God. That's why we can't get our view of God from other people—men or women.

If you want to know what God is really like, you need to turn to the place where He has revealed Himself, and that's in His Word. If you want to know what God's really like, you need to get to know Jesus because the Scripture says that Jesus is the radiance of God's glory and the exact representation of His being. So whatever Jesus is like, that's what God is like.

Jesus came to reveal the father heart of God to us and to make it possible for us to become adopted into the family of God. There are women in this room—and I can't tell by looking at you who you are—but there are some of you who are so afraid of God, so afraid of your Father God, afraid that He's going to abandon you, to disappoint you, to put you down or harm you as perhaps your earthly father did. Could I say that is not the Spirit of God speaking within you?

The Spirit of God within us says, "Abba, Father!" “Abba” is an Aramaic word that is a term of intimacy and endearment. First John chapter 3 tells us, "How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!"

God knows your name. He keeps track of the most minute details of your life. He has lavished His love upon you. He knows the number of cells in your body, the number of hairs on your head, and for some of us that changes rather frequently. He collects, the Scripture says, your tears in a bottle. He's intimately acquainted with you. His heart is stirred with compassion toward you. He rejoices over you with singing. He longs for an intimate relationship with you. That's the God of this Book.

Now, that doesn't mean that He gives us everything we want. No wise father would do that for his children, and it doesn't mean we can always understand His decisions. God is far too great for us to be able to plumb the depths of all of His decisions. And it doesn't mean that He never allows us to suffer pain.

In fact, Hebrews 12 tells us at times, God actually inflicts pain upon us. Why? Because He loves us. You say that's a funny way of showing love. Well, Hebrews 12:10 says that "God disciplines us for our good, so that we may share in his holiness." He's sanctifying us; He's transforming us; He's working on those rough edges and making us into the likeness of Jesus.

So regardless of what we feel or what we think, the truth is that God is a good father who dearly loves His children and can be trusted with our lives. 

To know God as your Father is to find acceptance, security, and peace. I love that verse in Psalm 27 where the Scripture says, "Though my father and my mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me." He's infinitely different than any human father or man that we may know. Do you find it hard to accept that your Heavenly Father loves you; that He accepts you? You may know it in your head, but have you ever had it connect to your heart?

Dannah: Arms that will never let you go, arms that won’t drop you. No matter what kind of relationship you've had with your dad, Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth is reminding us that God is your perfect Father. 

So, I’m curious, have you wrapped that tie for your dad? Or maybe hidden the new power tool under some boxes in the garage for a good scavenger hunt this weekend? 

There’s a couple I’ve known since they were just teenagers, kids themselves really. They are Jason and Erin Davis. It has been so fun to watch them grow into amazing parents. And now, they’re my coworkers! Erin is one of the cohosts of Grounded, a videocast from Revive Our Hearts, and she heads up our content team. And Jason serves on the marketing team here at Revive Our Hearts as well. Here’s Erin, giving a small peek into what it’s like to watch Jason be a father to their four young sons. 

Erin Davis: Jason is such a natural dad; it’s amazing. When we brought our first baby home (I’ve told people this many times) it was like falling in love all over again with my husband, because he just knew what to do. He was intuitive, and I wasn’t. Breastfeeding didn’t come naturally to me. He was so patient and encouraging, which had to be strange for him, because obviously that’s not something he had experienced before. But he just told me I could do it. He would hold that baby all night long if that’s what was needed. He didn’t seem to stress too much about the lack of sleep or figuring things out. He’s really steady in every area of life, and I can be tornadic, so I appreciate that about him. But especially in parenthood, he just was so unphased. 

Maybe it’s because we’ve had all boys, but they’ve always connected really easily with their daddy. I’ve watched that with all of our kids now. They know their daddy can be trusted; they know that he’s safe; they know that he loves them. I don’t know that that’s ever really been in question, that I’ve seen. So yes, he is a great dad and has been from the first moment that baby got put in his arms.

I have a couple of favorite memories of watching Jason become a dad. One was when one of our children was going through a season of anxiety. I think that happens with all of us at some point. There wasn’t necessarily anything that caused it, but this little buddy just was worrying a lot. As a mom, I can tend to think words and talking it out is always the best solution. We had tried that with this son of ours—a lot. Of course we were praying for him, we were trying to teach him some Scriptures that he could hold onto when he felt worried.

One day Jason said, “Hey, Buddy, let’s go out to the shop.” (My husband has a shop with all kinds of cool tools and saws and things to do.) They went out to the shop, and they came back, and that boy was walking a little taller, his shoulders were squared. What Jason had done was he had cut a quarter in half, with kind of a jagged cut. He handed one cut to our son, and he kept one cut. He gave him this little speech about the fact that they were two parts of a whole and they’d always be together. He was going to carry one piece of that quarter so he’d be thinking and praying for Eli, and Eli could carry that other piece of the quarter and so he could always know that his mom and dad loved him and weren’t going anywhere.

It worked! I was like, I would have never thought of that. All I knew to do was just to keep talking to him about it, but that worked.

Then, really the moments that impress me most are the everyday ones. I mean, my husband works really hard. He works long hours, but he always seems to have time for a game of wiffle ball in the backyard. If he is plopped on the couch watching something on TV, he inevitably has two or three kids plopped in right there on his lap, close to him. 

Our littlest one right now is three, and he always wants somebody to sit up with him while he’s falling asleep. By that time of the day, I’m so tired that I always fall asleep when it’s my turn to sit up. But Jason’s so patient. He sits up there in that rocking chair, and he says he loves the moment when he can tell that Ezra has fallen asleep because his breathing has become deep. So that’s a special time for him. So he’s just everyday faithful, which is my favorite part about watching him be a dad.

I’m often amazed by the truth that the reason God gave us families was to reveal things to us—many layers of things—about who He is and how the Kingdom works. That includes watching good, wise, God-fearing fathers parent their children. There’s all kinds of language in Scripture about God loving us like a father. And, the Lord disciplines those He loves, which a father does as well. And, “Which of you, if your son asks for bread, would give your child a stone? The Lord knows what you need, and He will give it to you.” That’s all throughout Scripture.

Jason models that so well in so many areas. But I think the one that most impresses me is he is very quick to offer forgiveness and then pull that child who has sinned into him for a hug, and then it’s gone. I don’t do that as naturally, especially as I have teenagers, because their sin can hurt me, so I can want to go in my shell. He doesn’t. He is just always ready for them to say they’re sorry. Then he welcomes them back in, and it’s as if it’s gone.

God does that for us. God doesn’t hold out for a period of twenty-four hours so that I think about what I’ve done. When I am ready to repent, Jesus is ready to forgive, and Jason does that so beautifully, over and over and over. 

I say this a lot, but we don’t model the gospel by being perfect families, because no such thing exists. We model the gospel by being broken families full of sinners and saying, “I really messed up there, and I need you to forgive me. That was a sin, the way I acted just then, and I need you to forgive me. Let’s pray together for God to forgive us.” Jason just seems to do that as naturally as breathing, which I really admire about him.

Dannah: I love hearing what Erin shared. I can affirm what Erin said—Jason models God’s love so beautifully with His sons. 

Erin also hosts The Deep Well, a podcast in the Revive Our Hearts podcast family. She has a new season coming out next month! We are excited about that. You can get caught up on the other seasons of Erin’s podcast before those comes out. Just go to reviveourhearts.com/weekend and click on today’s episode. We’ll have a link to The Deep Well there.

Well, we couldn’t have a Father’s Day episode without hearing from an actual dad! Am I right? Stephen Kendrick is a filmwriter and producer. You probably have watched some of his movies with your family. He’s the force behind Facing the Giants, Fireproof, and most recently an amazing documentary called Show Me the Father. 

Stephen and his wife, Jill, have six children. I got to sit down with him recently, and he shared the most unbelievable story. Well, it would be unbelievable . . . except God the Father has a way of leading His family oh so well! Here is Stephen Kendrick, sharing the amazing way that God called him to be an adoptive father.

Stephen Kendrick: A few years ago, after my brothers and I released a movie called Courageous, we were on an airplane ride. My wife was sitting next to me. I began to open up my Bible and spend some time early that morning reading the Scriptures. God unexpectedly spoke to me through His Word. I was reading in John 10 about Jesus being a Shepherd, and I was thinking about my role as a dad. I had these four precious children at home, and I want to learn how to shepherd them and be a better father.

I came upon this verse in John 10, verse 16. It talks about how Jesus says, “I have other sheep that are not of this fold that I must bring to be a part of this fold.” God spoke to me through His Word. It was unexpected. I did not see this coming.

This verse is about the Gentiles being included in the gospel, but it was a rhema word for me that day, where the Lord said, “This is for you right now. I want you to be open to adoption.”

Well, I was not thinking about adoption. We had four biological children; we were very happy. I turned to my wife, Jill, and I said, “I think God wants us to be open to adoption.”

What I didn’t realize was that Jill for years had been praying for me that God would turn my heart towards adoption. She just had a burden and felt like the Lord was in this. I marked that verse in my Bible and dated it as this moment where the Lord had spoken to me.

Fast forward two years. We had filled out all the adoption paperwork, and we began to get referrals. We knew it was going to be a baby girl. We knew she was going to be from China, and we knew she was going to have a special need. So this picture pops up on my phone, “Do you want to adopt this girl? You have forty-eight hours to decide.”

She was a precious little girl. She had a cleft palate, I think. I was overwhelmed, though, with this heaviness, this dark weight, like, Something is not right in this situation, and I don’t know why. I thought, Am I just insecure? Am I afraid of adoption? What’s going on here? This is part of the plan; this is part of the process.

Anyway, I started calling some friends to pray for us, and I just had no peace. I called someone who helps people with adoptions, and she said, “Stephen, this is too big of a decision. If it is not a clear yes, then it’s a no.” So I turned down this referral. My wife cried; it was horrid, because I felt like I was seeing a needy orphan on the front door saying, “Take me in and love me and be my forever family and win me to Jesus,” and I’m just closing the door on her. So I was praying, “Lord, put this precious girl in the right home that will help her in the days ahead.”

Well, they kept sending referrals, and one after another this same thing kept happening. I was burdened, something wasn’t right, I had no peace about it. I ended up turning down four referrals that came and went, and the next month the adoption agency quit sending referrals I really needed the break, I think, emotionally, because instead of being exciting and fun, it became this emotional rollercoaster. I’m researching and praying and trying to figure what God wants me to do.

Well, a fifth referral landed in my inbox, and I thought, Oh no, here we go again. We opened up my phone, and it was this precious little girl from China who had a worse medical condition than any of the other kids. Half of her heart did not work. For some reason this peace came over me. I turned to my wife and I said, “I like her!”

She said, “I do, too.”

We realized, “This is who we’ve been praying for.” So we said, “Yes, Lord. We’re going to move forward by faith.” So we sent an email and said, “We’re going to adopt this little girl.”

My wife pointed on her birth certificate that she was born on 2/14/2011. My wife said, “Look, she was born on Valentine’s Day with a broken heart.” I thought, That’ll preach! What a story, that God would allow us to be a part of helping this girl and rescuing her in this situation.

A few weeks later, my wife comes to me and she says, “Hey, when did God speak to you on that airplane about adoption?” I had forgotten. I couldn’t remember. I went back and I opened up my Bible, and there, next to John 10:16 it said, “Adoption. 2/14/2011.” The same day that God was speaking to me about adoption was the day that she was being born in China.

I was overwhelmed, because I realized that the Lord was communicating, “I was in this decision. I was in you turning down those first four referrals.”

The Lord gave us the name Mia, which means “one.” It’s used in the Scriptures repeatedly, as in, “The two shall become one.” And on the first day of the week when Jesus was raised from the grave it’s the Greek word mia.

Well, when we got to China ,we found out that her birth mother had named her Yi, which in Chinese means “one”—the same name! 

Then, when we adopted her and brought her home, she was screaming, crying on the airplane. She did not know who we were, did not know what was going on. But what she did not realize was that we had this welcoming, Christian, loving home waiting for her, that she had a new identity. She was now Mia Elizabeth Kendrick. She had four siblings now. And all of her physical, medical needs were going to be met, and that she would be hearing about Jesus throughout her life. She did not know this was true. If she had known it was true, I believe she would have been dancing on the airplane and smiling and cheering rather than crying.

It really made me think about Ephesians 1–3, because it says that when we give our lives to Christ, our identity changes. We were without hope in this world, disconnected from God, slaves to sin and dead in our sins; but when we give our lives to Christ, Ephesians 1 says He adopts us. God the Father adopts us into His family, and we become His beloved children. We are blessed with every spiritual blessing. We have the same Holy Spirit that Jesus has and had when He came on the earth. We have this rich inheritance in heaven waiting for us. We have a loving Father, and we have access to His heart and to His ear in prayer. We have His presence with us throughout our lives and the power of His Spirit within us.

This whole journey of adoption was transforming for us and our family, because not only did we encounter the Lord, we learned more of what it means to be in Christ.

Dannah: I don’t think they could make a Father’s Day card big enough for me to express my gratitude for the many ways God has loved me and cared for me throughout my life. He really is a good, good Father. 

Well, I’ve got some steaks to grill and potatoes to peel. (Bob is a meat and mashed potatoes guy all the way!) And this year I’m looking forward to celebrating my own father, and my son Robby, who is dad to twin toddlers! He deserves some extra dessert, don’t you think? 

Hey, before you go, if your relationship with your dad is strained or your husband isn’t the dad you dreamed he would be, there’s a resource I’d like to recommend to you. It’s called Facing Our Fears. It’s brand new, and it’s only available from Revive Our Hearts. There’s a special section in the back with psalms you can meditate on when you’re afraid to surrender something. Maybe that’s something that’s difficult when it comes to your relationship with your dad or your dreams of watching the man you love become a dad in the first place. 

This little booklet will remind you that you can surrender every part of your life to God, because He is a Father who loves you deeply. Request your copy by calling 1-800-569-5959, or go to ReviveOurHearts.com/weekend and click on today’s episode. 

Next week, can God use prison? Don’t miss the amazing stories of lives completely transformed from behind cell bars. I think you’ll find hope for those times you hit rock bottom.

Thanks for listening today. Thanks to our team: Phil Krause, Blake Bratton, Rebekah Krause, Justin Converse, Michelle Hill, Erin Davis, and for Revive Our Hearts Weekend, I’m Dannah Gresh

Revive Our Hearts is calling women to freedom, fullness and fruitfulness in Christ.

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